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Made in us
[MOD]
Solahma






RVA

This was originally written for a thread about the coolest Dakka Dakka usernames. My number one pick is "The Fragile Breath," which sobriquet inspired the scene below. I hope you enjoy it!
____________________________________________________________________________________________

Haxshizah carefully studied the expression on her former master's purpling features as the old archon impotently writhed in her venomous grip.

"Even now, as the toxins bleed searing pain throughout your withered veins, you still do not fear me?" Her question was rhetorical. The old archon's visage plainly did not betray any hint of fear; rather, there was a certain bitter satisfaction. "Ah, pedantic unto the uttermost I see? And what tedious lesson am I to learn from your death?"

She heard a petulant anger in her own voice, spiting her triumph and echoing long centuries of frustration. Her erstwhile mentor had never really taken her seriously. There had been the requisite rewards, of course: grandiloquent titles, supple and obedient slaves, treasure houses brimming with what passed for wealth among their debased people. But he had never taken a single precaution against this day, the day when the upstart Haxshizah would seize all that he had ever won.

No, he had not lifted so much as finger against her. She knew he had never been behind any of the assassination attempts, the poisonings, the long list of betrayals among her inner circle. Killing him had been insultingly easy so far. It enraged her, robbed her of her rightful delight in this masterful coup. And yet, perhaps now she might teach him a lesson even if it came fatally late.

He underestimated her iniative, Haxshizah thought and the thought calmed her somewhat. He had desperately underestimated her and as she slowly crushed his venerable windpipe with her needle-tipped fingers, impatient of the Agoniser's thousand and one exotic toxins, she felt fulfilled. She could both hear and feel the subtle snapping of cartilage, fine wraithbone augments, and Dark Muses knew what else within the rejuvenated flesh of his throat. Now she was truly the master. The sudden crook at the left corner of her mouth might have generously been called a smile.

Shockingly, her vile contentment was mirrored in the old archon's dying features and she instinctively loosened her deadly grip. What ultimate treachery did his amusement belie? What terrible trap had she sprung even as she closed her fingers around final victory? Strangely, this fear particularly thrilled her. Perhaps the master had cared, after all. Perhaps he had thought better of her ambitions and capability than she knew and now she might finally have earned his notorious wrath.

"What is it, you decepit fool?" she hissed. He was beyond speech, she knew. The Agoniser had utterly destroyed his mind by now. But, seeing the perverse light shining from his innermost core, Haxshizah the upstart finally understood. The barbarous mon'keigh, in their brutal oversimplification, might have perceived what they stupidly called "love." She knew better; her people were too far advanced for "love." She recognized the glint in his millennia-old eyes for what it was: malevolent pride.

"What is it?" she pleaded, her voice suddenly ragged and wavering. "What is it . . . master?" But she already knew. It was his last act of dominance over her, his last imperious lesson. Of course he had planned for this moment; indeed, he had engineered it. In an act that was decadently self-indulgent even for the Dark Eldar, he had intentionally left himself open to her treason to impart this crucial precept to her, his chosen successor. "I see it, master, I understand."

He exhaled and a hundred centuries and more of scheming and murdering and conquering was suddenly and absolutely over. Her mind opened like a blossoming black rose against the impossible, forever twilight horizon of Commorragh. The master taught her thusly: power, duplicity, all carefully contrived deceptions and feints -- these things count for nothing in the end. Before She Who Thirsts all are but one thing: a fragile breath.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/07/25 21:33:39


   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

, the only weakness is some of the wordage is over laboured, there is some superb language in there but lines like 'forever twilight horizon of Commorragh' are a bit cheesy, sorry. I am harsh because i thought the stories subject was excellent and on the whole, well written.

Mary Sue wrote: Perkustin is even more awesome than me!



 
   
Made in us
[MOD]
Solahma






RVA

I completely agree with your criticism. I tend to get a little too flowery when I want to really drive home a concept or emotion that I don't totally understand myself. Clear thought is the mother of good writing after all!

   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





Scotland

Dont get me wrong i was still quite haunted by the story, i was just looking for a criticism, as i know you are a skilled writer. Cant wait to read/see more of this dark eldar project

Mary Sue wrote: Perkustin is even more awesome than me!



 
   
Made in us
[MOD]
Solahma






RVA

This was pretty much a one-off, as are most of my scribblings. I posted a couple of other things:

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/265413.page

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/277847.page

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/310548.page

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/274154.page

   
Made in ca
Stone Bonkers Fabricator General






You're a pretty good writer. Have you ever entered those contest/talent searchs that Black Library has now and then?

 
   
Made in us
[MOD]
Solahma






RVA

Thanks and nope. Have wanted to for a while but a really I've been lazy about it. I'd like to get more feedback on my work but I hate to push it on people.

   
Made in us
Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus






Oh, man. The last two sentences sent chills down my spine.
That was a fantastic bit of writing. I'll definitely keep my eye on more of your stuff.

Lord Judicator Valdrakh of the Atun Dynasty (6th Ed: W:3, L:4, D:0)

 H.B.M.C. wrote:
Well GW were mostly responsible for the Berlin Wall, so it's natural for some people to harbour resentment towards them.
 
   
Made in us
[MOD]
Solahma






RVA

Thanks for your kind words! You can find some other stuff linked above.

   
Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







This was very well written. Dark Eldar are fething weird.
   
Made in no
Terrifying Doombull





Hefnaheim

Now this is the kinda stories I emjoy reading! I demand more of this... yes more
   
Made in us
Sinewy Scourge




Grand ol US of A

That was actually quite good, yeah some stuff was extra, but it didn't take away from the meaning. The ending...wow I liked that ending a lot.

d3m01iti0n wrote:
BT uses the Codex Astartes as toilet paper. They’re an Imp Fist successor, recruit from multiple planets, and are known to be the largest Chapter in the galaxy. They’re on a constant Crusade, keeping it real for the Emperor and not bumming around like the other guys. They hate psykers and can’t ally with them. They’re basically an entire chapter of Chaplains. CC lunatics. What every Space Marine should aspire to be, if not trapped in a Matt Ward nightmare.

 
   
 
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