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first part of a "short" story I have been working on. Expect this to turn a little "gory".

=part 1=

It was silent on the bridge of the False Prophet, an Infidel class raider. The sound of footsteps broke the quiet.An servant came in gibbering and grinning, painfull atrocities carved in his skin.

"Lo-o-rr-d Magg-Maggaradi-i-i, L-o-o-rdd Akk-e-Cchi isz h-e-re." was what the servant whispered out in broken language, pain clear in his voice. "Leave him in." Said a booming voice, appearing out of nowhere. The servant merely nodded, and scattered away, to let in Lord Maggaradi's leuitenant, Akechi.

A form three heads bigger then a normal men stepped in, clad in black power armour. He was unarmed, but Akechi had little to fearof his master. Human skin was draped over his shoulderpads, and formed a cape draping down to the floor, leering faces displayed how his victims had felt before he had skinned them. His armoured fingertips formed jagged claws, and he carried his hemet on his arm,a verbant pink crest the only sign of his patronarch, Slaanesh. His visage holded a terrefying palebeauty, and his long silver hared hung over his shoulders. In front of him, a mass of metal and flesh moved.

Akechi had always been amongst the more influent of Maggaradi's luietenants, being more cunning then ferocious. That, and his forces compromised over 80 traitor marines, a force in the warband only second to Maggaradi's own troops.

Out of the shadow, the being that had once being the great lord Maggaradi, the Blooded Fang, came forward. His power armour had fused with his skin, and small limbs, clawed and jagged, had manifistated between the gaping spaces of flesh. Horn sprouted from several points and grasping tentacles searched for something to hold on, and strangle. They had a will of their own, and Akechi wisely took a step backwards.

"Already scared Akechi?" said the same booming voice as before. "This could be your destiny..."

Lord Maggaredi lingered somewhere between chosen and spawn, sanity and madness. The gods having granted him too many "gifts" after the particulary bloody Scavvayo campaign. "I fear, my lord, this fate is not... suitable for me." he replied with a honey sweet voice, that carried a crank of madness in it. "Well, if that's what you think." Maggaradi snarled. "But that's not what I let you came for. Tomorrow we will arrive at Hersia, I want you to take your Reapers, and infiltrate ahead. I want to know everything about the defensive capabilities this planet may have."

Akechi objected. "It's just a drafting world, it won't have proper defences." "That doesn't matters, I want you there." spoke Maggaradi, with a voice that forbade any further objections. "I will, my Lord." And with a bow, Akechi left the bridge of the False Prophet, and headed for the Talon that would bring him back to his own ship, Scarnight.

"Infilltration my as.s, he just wants me of my ship." He was seeing trough the Lord's plans, and wondered if it wasn't time someone else took over. No. Not yet. If he challenged Maggaridi now, he would win, but the warband would be plunged in dissorder. Akachi had to establish a more "secure" foothold in the warband. Not that a warband was ever secure or stable...

That was the first part, next up against tomorrow (I hope). Commentary is apreciated.

Entertaining start, cant wait for part 2.

=part 2=

The Talon docked in the main hangar bay of the Scarnight, landing gear screaming when they extended. Akechi's black-steel boots struck the floor with a clang as he jumped out of his seat. His first lieutenant, Hacross, appeared from out of the shadows, and kneeled for his lord. "What are your orders, sir?" he asked while looking up to Akechi. "Maggaradi wants us on the planet, or to be more precisely, off the ship. Tell the captain to move out of firing range, round up 30 men, and head for the thunderhawk. I'll join you when I finshed some bussiness." "Yes Lord."

His footsteps echoed trough the long hallway, as Akechi was making his way to the armoury. He wasn't caring who Hacross was selecting for the mission, he trusted the warrior's experience to pick out the best, and loyal warriors. Half the his warband was worshipping him, the other half would put a blade in his ribs when they would get away with it. Sadly it was amongst the less loyal men that the truly experienced where, those ambitious enough to stay alive to become lord themselves. A mix of worshippers and backstabbers was the best mix, providing him with resourcesfull warriors, and devouted zealots to protect his own persona. Hacross would know who to pick

The door opened, revealing the dimmed rooms behind. A ragged form rose up from behind his workbench, and stepped forward. Mechanical limbs rose at his backs, and the renegade techpriest stepped into the ligh of the hallway. "Have you finshed what I tasked you?" The figure mumbled something, and a metal talon pointed out to a long box-like object in the corner of the room. "Ill take that as a yes." AKechi walked towards the box, and the priest continued his vile work, adding sharp claw-tips to a gauntlet.

His hand touched the gleamingly black metal, and it opened up in the middle with a hiss, showing it's sinster insides. It had been forged from things unspeakable, deep beneath the ashes of a death world, it had been broken, mended and a soul imbued with it, before final administrations had been made by the fallen techpriest. Before Akechi lay a black scythe, it's black blade rippling with blood-red fangs. Akechi reached out for it, and when he grabbed the grip, he felt the hungry spirit inside. He focussed his will, and overcame the being. It now knew his master. Akechi left the room, The scythe resting on his shoulder.

Not sure i dig the centralised formatting If honest. Promising start but difficult to read due to the bizarre indents or lack therof. Sounds like a goofy criticism but hey...

I de-centralised the second part. Is it an improvement over the first?

=part 3=

The thunderhawks engines screamed as they started to warm up, the back ramp closing shut. Akechi ahd walked up to an improvised throne, sitting between the pilot and the co-pilot. Twenty men ha dbeen rounded up in the back, sitting down, powerpacks connected to the walls by holder-cables. It was not the standard equipment used for orbital drops, but a more rough and improvised manner, so more stuff could be stashed on board. Behind the black, steel-clad giants, was a pile of all sorts of weapons, rigged towards the respective right and left side of the gunship. Behind the pile, a metal shape was barely discernable. At the last minute, Akechi had chosen for 20 men instead of 30, with the last 10 being replaced by an dreadnought. He took place on his seat, and gave the final order for the descent.

The engines pitched even higher, the demon-spirit screaming out his rage, and the afterburner made burn markings on the deck's floor. The Thunderhawk launched himself forwards, propeling towards the exit, and when it had violently "freed" itself from the inner confines of the ship, it proppelered itself forwards towards the planet with neckbreaking speed. The astartes warriors all behaved like it was routine, and Akechi was reading his favourite tome, "The effect of blades on the internal Orkoid.". The thunderhawk descended through the atmosphere, as a fiery comet, not even showing signs of slowing down. The pilot, who hadn't interfered with the console before, now came in action, and grabbed the steerin device, while pulling upwards with all his might. The deamon, now seeing that his plan to spectaculay crash against the round was being tampered with, heavily trying to pull the nose back down. The co-pilot now engaged descent-control thrusters, and engaged the spirit lock, locking the deamon out of the control interface. The deamon screamed it's last rora through the axiliary engines, and the thunderhawk landed voilently, but safely nonetheless, on the woodlands of Hersia.

The ramp almost bursted open, and the ranks of marines poured out, dark metal boots trodding the grass into a dirty mess. Akechi left the bulky gunship as second last, the dreadnought behind been awaken by the co-pilot. "Spread out, dispatch sentries and scouts, no gunfire!" His lieutenat was already roaring orders, and the Reapers dissapeared into the woods. Akechi moved aside timely, when the dreadnought came stomping out furiously. It charged past him, and turned, only too stare at Akechi with it's hollow gaze. "Yes, I know Ipromised you we wouldn't drop you anymore with the Infernal Hawk, but it was the fastestway on planet." That, and it's unpredictable movements made it hard to shoot down by (friendly) interceptor fire. "Just stay calm already, and go smash a tree or something." Akechi turned and walked away, towards the spot his lieutenant had been clearing as a base of operation. It was an old ruin, and already two matines where loading over ammo and weapons from the gunship, while another positioned it's autocannon overhead. And slowly but steadenly, the other made return to basecamp, some with bloodstained blades...

phew, this was the biggest part so far, next part some gaurd massac...errr I mean action!

=part 4=
Dark metal moved in ranks trough the forest, bolters primed and blades readied. Five miles ahead was a small gaurd post, the first victim, and potentialy intresting information. One of the warriors ahead had reported a platoon of gaursmen was garrisoned there, and now Akechi and one of his squads made their aproach. For the sake of suprise the dreadnought and the other squad had been left on gaurd duty, lest anyone might find their base. The giant warriors made little to no noise while approaching trough the forest, and their dark armor blended it quite effectivly.

One of the resons they were on their way was to make it possible to land more troops, adn gain further intel. Like how far and which regiment was stationed, the weapons they had, tanks and vehicles, and so on. that, and his wrriors were wanting some bloodspilling since their three month travel trough the warp. "Located, heavy weapon, stubber." Came in trough the vox bead of Akechi's helmet. "Understood. Spread out and surround, Murron, aim bolter." "Sir." The marines ducked low and stalked around the camp, the forty or fifty troopers not aware of their present. There even seemed like some sort of party going on. Akechi could feel the faint shimmer of pleasure, and revelled shortly in it. He shrugged it back off, and saw his warriors all in position. "Fire."

A thunderstorm broke out right in front of the gaurdsmen's noses, and and many were ripped apart in the resultant explosions. The warriors came up from the crouched postion, and now marched forward, a crescendo of bolter fire heralding their march and scything down those before them, some lasfire was returned, but it didn't even left a scratch on the pitch-black power armor. Some warriors moved forward quickly blades drawn and eager for blood. the last men where dispatched, and as soon as the bolter fire stopped, all what remained where the moanings of the wounded.