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Right, below will be a short story Set in the 40K universe, thats all i'm gonna say, the rest is for you to read about ^^












The colonel opened his eyes slowly, his head still echoing with the noise of what seemed to be the world splitting asunder. Suddenly he remembered where he was and dived behind the nearest piece of viable cover, pulling his laspistol to him, holding on for dear life.
All at once the world around him seemed to explode as shells rained hell upon his position, splattering him with mud and what was left of his command. Within seconds it had stopped, and for the briefest of moments, all was silent. Then, as though the volume was slowly being turned up, the voices of the wounded and the dying filled the night air.



This is as far as i have got atm, was just wondering what everyone here on dakka thought
Hope you it enjoyed it so far, you never know, there might be more to come ^^

LazzurusMan

This should be in Dakka Fiction.

Sorry, i had no idea there was a specific area :/

I flagged it so a MOD should be along to move it shortly...
As it is there isn't really enough to C&C so other than "Go write some more" I can't say much...

Okay, should have time to work on it, or re-write it XD

I think it should say what the cover is that he dives behind in the first paragraph. Having just recovered his wits, he'd probably need to take his bearings first rather than jumping into cover without even taking note of what the cover is.

Personally, I'd make it a smoking crater - it would tie in neatly with his situation.

Its extremely short but well written and from what I can tell you have a very good writing style. Keep on writin'.

Right, i have completely re-written the story and completed it, it is 617 words long and i hope you enjoy it, C&C welcome ^^





Colonel Eibenhorn opened his eyes slowly, his head still echoing with the sound of what seemed like the world splitting asunder. Suddenly he remembered where he was and scanned his surrounding, franticly trying to find some sort of cover. He noticed a deep shell crater and dived, grabbing his laspistol as he did. He landed with a splash, covering his face with what seemed to be water, wiping his face he took in his surroundings properly. His men were being slaughtered left right and centre, their screams audible over the pounding of enemy artillery and the low thumping of bolter fire.
Suddenly a body landed beside the colonel causing him to roll away and aim his pistol, straight into the face of a young soldier. The boy lay staring straight at the colonel, fear alight in the boy’s eyes. The colonel slowly holstered his pistol and looked towards the sky. “A boy” He said quietly, “only a boy, and sent across the galaxy to fight in wars he’s never even heard of!” the colonel continued, closing his eyes as he remembered his own son. Suddenly their brief moment of peace was destroyed as shells rained in around them. The colonel heard an ear splitting scream from beside him as he took cover from the shells. He looked over to his right to see the young guardsman clutching at what was his leg, screaming in agony as he began to bleed to death from his missing leg. The colonel looked on in horror at what he saw, he had been in many warzones across many solar systems, but not once had he ever been as close to the frontlines as he was today, and never had he seen anything like this.
The colonel closed his eyes and grit his teeth, he knew what he should do, but it would be dangerous. He had to save the young guardsman, something about him reminded him of his boy at home, and he couldn’t just lay there and watch him die, he had to do something. With a roar the colonel grabbed the guardsman by his collar and began dragging him back towards the inner defensive lines. “Medic!” he screamed at the top of his voice, stumbling but defiantly carrying on, until finally he reached the Imperial forces inner defensive line.
“Colonel!” he heard an all too familiar voice shout, “Colonel, why are you here and not fighting with your men? And why do you bring us this body with you?” Commissar Dowl Shouted as he strode toward both the colonel and the young guardsman. “The first and second defensive lines are lost, I retreated back here to inform the General, i brought this injured guardsman with me, he saved my life and I wished to repay the favour” he lied, hoping the commissar would believe him. “I do not care if the planet was lost you coward, you are an officer of the Imperial guard and should not retreat in the face of any foe!” Dowl replied, scowling at the colonel as he spoke. “What i do now i do for the good of the Imperium!” The commissar said loudly as he drew his laspistol and fired at the colonel.
As he lay dying he smiled and thought of home, of his family. He had done what was right, he had saved the young guardsman, he had saved the boy who had so reminded him of his own son, he looked over where the guardsman lay, and saw that he was dead. He laughed to himself for a moment, a quiet, painful laugh, and with his last breath he spoke, “it is all for nothing, and we shall give everything”

LazzurusMan