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I was writing up a list of rules I thought would be good to add in sixth edition, and my friend (Zero Samurai) added a silly one for fun. This quickly devolved into a "who can come up with the most ridiculous rule" competition. This is the result.

-New turn system:
Player 1 movement
Player 2 movement
Player 1 shooting <== Tau get bonus shooting phase
Player 2 shooting
Player 1 assault moves <== everyone else gets bonus assault phase
Resolve assaults
(repeat, but swap numbers)
-Last edition we gave everyone running, this edition, FLEET!
- Space Marines armies now roll a D6 at the beginning of every game, on a 4+ they automatically win. PLOT ARMOUR!
- AP1 weapons reduce invulnerable saves by 1
- In accordance with their fluff, every time an eldar model dies, all Slaanesh models on the board get +1 strength and toughness, to a maximum of 10
- Land Raiders get structure points
- If vehicles come into contact with impassable terrain at cruising speed or greater, they instantly wreck
- Eldar get toughness 2
- Marines get feel no pain. ALL OF THEM.
- Orks can interpret the rules in any way they want
- Tyranids now have a "hunger meter" like in Minecraft
- Lets just drop all pretense and give Necrons only 2 different models
- Psyker units for everyone. EVERYONE.
- New race: Movie Marines: unbeatable
- Iron Warriors get a 2+ cover save provided they dont move, to represent trenches
- New race: Fallen Dark Angels, no models since they are secret
- Ork Lootas, Monoliths. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
- To represent their difference in technology, all Eldar measurements are in centimetres
- If the model of a skimmer does not physically stand above the table surface, it may not move
- Overhaul of the melee combat systrem. You now must multiply the relative WS together and find a common factor, and divide by 6. this gives you the number of wounds to make the system simpler
- Points allowed is directly proportional to money spent building the army
- Advancement in the story: The Imperium is not falling at all, but growing.
New Chaos God: Mephiston
Emperor can shoot cross-galaxy mind bullets from the throne
Draigo is still kicking about
- New Gamemode: Negotiation. Imperial Armies gain -1 penalty to Negotiation Resolution score with non-Imperial armies. Tau gain a +2 bonus. Necrons and Tyranids may not Negotiate, the only exception being Necrons may negotiate with Blood Angels. Ork Negotiations is exactly the same as a regular kill point battle.
- New Tank shock rules:
Roll a D6 for every model and apply the results.
1: Flip the feth out. Run D6 inches in the direction indicated by the scatter dice. If this takes them into the vehicle, apply the result "2: Heroic Leap" instead.
2: Heroic Leap: Model leaps into the path of the oncoming vehicle in a vain attempt to stop it. Instantly killed.
3 or 4: Dodge. The unit leaps out of the way.
5: Hijack. You assume control of the vehicle.
6: Staredown. Vehicle reverses D6 inches. Kharn the Betrayer always causes this result.

Bear in mind THIS IS A JOKE.

Another note on the Negotiation gametype: the two enemy commanders meet eachother in the middle of the map and the rest of the army cannot move, shoot or assault. The commanders then negotiate through a series of D6 rolls (with the rare D4 sometimes!) and there can be 3 possible outcomes:
-successful negotiation, the battle is over and both sides are happy with what they received from the negotiation.
-fair battle, the battle commences but on pre-set conditions (eg. no blast weapons, no tank shock).
-negotiations break down and the commanders engage in combat, whichever commander loses causes their army to flee.

I laughed so hard there were tears in my eyes! XD

Good show ol' chap!

ZeroSamurai wrote:Another note on the Negotiation gametype: the two enemy commanders meet eachother in the middle of the map and the rest of the army cannot move, shoot or assault. The commanders then negotiate through a series of D6 rolls (with the rare D4 sometimes!) and there can be 3 possible outcomes:
-successful negotiation, the battle is over and both sides are happy with what they received from the negotiation.
-fair battle, the battle commences but on pre-set conditions (eg. no blast weapons, no tank shock).
-negotiations break down and the commanders engage in combat, whichever commander loses causes their army to flee.

You should add: In the case of duplicate commanders (e.g. two Marneus Calgars arrive to negotiate), negotiations automatically fail - one of the commanders is obviously an impostor. The two fight to the death. Whoever survives was the "real" character.

If it was not gay I was gonna kiss your hand out of respect

the only exception being Necrons may negotiate with Blood Angels.

Best bit!

Xca|iber wrote:

ZeroSamurai wrote:Another note on the Negotiation gametype: the two enemy commanders meet eachother in the middle of the map and the rest of the army cannot move, shoot or assault. The commanders then negotiate through a series of D6 rolls (with the rare D4 sometimes!) and there can be 3 possible outcomes:
-successful negotiation, the battle is over and both sides are happy with what they received from the negotiation.
-fair battle, the battle commences but on pre-set conditions (eg. no blast weapons, no tank shock).
-negotiations break down and the commanders engage in combat, whichever commander loses causes their army to flee.

You should add: In the case of duplicate commanders (e.g. two Marneus Calgars arrive to negotiate), negotiations automatically fail - one of the commanders is obviously an impostor. The two fight to the death. Whoever survives was the "real" character.

+1

HAHAH
- Orks can interpret the rules in any way they want

Ork Negotiations is exactly the same as a regular kill point battle.

Those two MMD

Player 1 shooting <== Tau get bonus shooting phase
Player 2 shooting
Player 1 assault moves <== everyone else gets bonus assault phase

I lol'd

very nice

If GKs and Sisters of Battle are on the same table, then all sisters immediately die and give the GK 2++ saves, due to their totally awesomesauce new hats.

CthuluIsSpy wrote:If GKs and Sisters of Battle are on the same table, then all sisters immediately die and give the GK 2++ saves, due to their totally awesomesauce new hats.

Haha! Brilliant!

Should we also add Khornate Sorcerers?

This is a pretty funny thread. I thought of some stupid stuff to add to it.

• “And They Shall Know no Fear” changed to: units automatically pass all moral, leadership and psychic tests and may consolidate up to 48” at the end of an assault.
• Marinus Calgar now gets 3d6 extra attacks against all Avatars.
• Sisters of Battle must now make a dice roll at the start of battle. On a roll of 6, the entire army is removed from play.
• We’ll be Back changed to:
1-4 - Unsuccessful
5 - Successful
6 - I’ll be Back. Replace model with a necron riding a motorcycle. Necrons on motorcycles get +1 to any governor election rolls. Necrons on motorcycles are equipped with a shotgun and a 9mm Uzi.

• Successful Red thirst rolls now replaces units with Bloodletters to emphasise Mephiston’s new status as a Daemon Prince.
• Mephiston now must enter a battle using the Greater Demon Possession rules from Codex: Chaos Space Marines.
• Blood Angels player may now select any unit from Codex: Blood Angels and Codex: Chaos Space Marines.
• A result of 6 on the deep strike mishap table has been replaced with the following:
Quantum Leap: Oh no! Warp storm interference has resulted in the model making a quantum leap through time. Now he must assume the identity of others in a terrible SciFi drama! Replace enemy commander with one of the deep striking miniature (the rest of the unit it destroyed).

• As all Space Marines secretly want to be Ultramarines, all non Ultramarine Space Marine units (including Chaos Space Marines) must now make an Ultramarine check at the start of a battle. On roll of 4+, the unit successfully becomes Ultramarines. Replace the unit with an Ultramarine equivalent, following all the rules in Codex: Space Marines.
• Kaldor Draigo now has the following rule:
Roundhouse Kick: At the start of an assault involving Kaldor Draigo, roll a dice. On a roll of 2+, all enemy units involved in the assault are removed from the table.

• All IG armies including Creed must make a dice roll at the start of battle. On a roll of 4+, Creed successfully outflanks a Baneblade into enemy forces. Replace enemy commander with a Baneblade model.

New Chaos Sorceror Rule

* Just as Planned: When force that includes a unit with "Just as Planned" loses the game, roll a D6, but hide the die from your opponent; make sure to write down the number. After X more games of Warhammer 40,000, where X is the result of the roll, you may say "Just as Planned", reveal the written number, and turn the loss of the original game into a win.

This rule does not apply to tournaments, or any other avenue where a win would actually mean something.

Molten Butter wrote:New Chaos Sorceror Rule

* Just as Planned: When force that includes a unit with "Just as Planned" loses the game, roll a D6, but hide the die from your opponent; make sure to write down the number. After X more games of Warhammer 40,000, where X is the result of the roll, you may say "Just as Planned", reveal the written number, and turn the loss of the original game into a win.

This rule does not apply to tournaments, or any other avenue where a win would actually mean something.

So close. I feel like that last clause should be This rule ESPECIALLY applies in tournaments.

When fielding abbadon, he must have a terminator behind him at all times to represent his "arms". If this terminator dies, then abbadon loses all weapons as he no longer has the means to hold them.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Everestor assassins gain a new ability called WRRRYYYY!.
Select a wall that is 6" within an enemy unit.
The assassin may charge out of that wall, but only if the controlling player shout "Oh Yeah!"
The wall is destroyed in the process.

New ultramarines unit, smurf astartes. At the start of the game any smurf astartes units must roll a D6. On the roll of a 1 or 6, they are "captured" by the enemy general disguised as Marneus Calgar. Immediately place the unit in the enemy generals bodyguard unit.

Smurf ya later!: At the beginning of the game, any ultramarines units must roll a D6. On the roll of a 1-3, they reveal their true identities, super-human smurfs. (Er, super-smurfs?)The unit is immediately replaced with a smurf astartes unit.

Papa Smurf: At the beginning of the game, any ultramarines army with marneus calgar must roll a D6. On a 1+, Marneus reveals his true identity, Smurfette! Immediately replace Marneus with a SOB model, his stats are then changed to 10 everything except for wounds, attacks and initiative (which are halved). He loses all his present rules and gains the new rule "Irresistable". He loses all his current wargear which is replaced by a flower with acts as a mastercrafted powerweapon.

Irresistable: On a 4+, any unit in in combat with Marneus or his honour guard immediately become perplexed by Marneus' supreme cutenesses. This causes them not to notice the flower of doom flying towards them. The unit is immediately removed from the board.

Roll a D6 for every slaaneshi unit on the field. On a six, the unit immediately starts having an orgy (even if it is composed of a single unit!).

Any enemy non-dark eldar on the field with line of sight to each orgy must take a T test. If failed, they will start vomiting uncontrollably from the sheer kinkiness, and are removed from play.

bombboy1252 wrote:

Player 1 shooting <== Tau get bonus shooting phase
Player 2 shooting
Player 1 assault moves <== everyone else gets bonus assault phase

I lol'd

very nice

Necrons also get the extra shooting phase.

Keep it coming, friends.

KilroyKiljoy wrote:Should we also add Khornate Sorcerers?

Yes. And Terminators may now fleet, count as jump infantry and get a 2++ dodge, for their 1337 backflipping skillz

Mephiston a chaos god is normal. LotR rules suck. Orks preteding their own way of rules is good, awsome in fact. BUT THOSE DARN HUMIES WONT UNDERSTAND.

"Ork Negotiations is exactly the same as a regular kill point battle." Wins the day.

While the Alpha Legion are in play, all non-Alpha Legion units (including those allied with the Alpha Legion) must roll a D6 at the start of the battle. On a 4+, they claim to be Alpharius and fight for the Alpha Legion player for the duration of the battle.

For +15 points, one Noise Marine may be replaced by Steven Tyler. He is treated as being equipped with a Doom Siren and Blastmaster, both of which are S8, AP1. For +15 points while Steven Tyler is in the unit, a Noise Marine can be replaced with Joe Perry. He it equipped with a Sonic Blaster which is S6, AP3 and Assault3 or Heavy4. Alternatively, the entire unit can forfeit their shots for the Tyler and Perry to make 6 range 36, S10 AP1 Heavy shots each.

candy.man wrote:
• All IG armies including Creed must make a dice roll at the start of battle. On a roll of 4+, Creed successfully outflanks a Baneblade into enemy forces. Replace enemy commander with a Baneblade model.

-Fixed: All armies opposing Creed must follow the rules for "The Sarge is acting strangely", seen in the tyranid codex. This rule operates exactly the same as the tyranid version with the exception that baneblades burst from his victims rather than ripper swarms.

My addition: 'Eadspike- A warboss may take the severed head of any IC from any army and place it on a spike over his head. If he does this, he has all of that IC's special rules. This upgrade costs half of the selected IC's points cost.

Very, very well done.

I know this was a joke thread, but I actually like the "AP1 weapons reduce invul saves by 1." That one should actually be a legit rule. My opinion, of course.

Yeah it was a legit rule I came up with before we changed it into the joke form.