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first try writing a novel length story ill try to get ATLEAST 1 chapter out a week I would ike to request though that you guys give C&C so i can improve my writing skills Also all of my comments will be in italics

THE FOX AND THE HOUND

The Hound

9143764.M41
Abroad Emperor’s Tradition
Uncharted Space

With a heavy sigh Mario di Triestine, a man of only 27 he was a rouge trader and as tall as he was thin but was covered in lean muscle his right arm a mass of clicking servos, flopped into his high backed leather seat. His recent expedition had been a disaster 60% casualties, not a single frakking life sustaining planet found and worst of all the loss of his arm up to his shoulder! He sat there for long hours staring at the old book on his desk and the blessed drop of blood, from the veins of the Emperor himself. The book had been passed down for 10 millennia and allowed him to do as he saw fit as long as it was in the Emperor’s name. It would be a few hours more before there was a knock on the large nalwood doors, “Come in.” Mario said gruffly. The doors swung outward with out a sound and the Tau fire warrior walked in his wasteland grey armor made him almost invisible in the gloom but the Imperial Aquila gleamed on his shoulder pad just over his Sept symbol. ”How’s the arm Hound!” the Tau said mockingly. This brought a grin to Mario’s face; it was an old nickname his troops had given him referring to his almost physic like ability to find who he was looking for no matter what. “Not bad how’s your leg Savon.” Savon was as best a friend that Mario could get the two commanders had first me on fi’rios on a supply run and had instantly formed a bond, so when Mario left Savon requested that he could accompany him as he seemed to be Amazingly open minded for a human. The Ethereals agreed and gave him a cadre to accompany him.

“Better, but I have some news that might make you forget your worries.” “Well what is it don’t tease a wounded dog, tell me.” Mario shot back. “The probes are back, we found a new system.” Jumping out of his seat Mario asked a bit to fast “Is it habitable?!” “Before I tell you sit down.” He sat “Over 90%” the Tau could barely hold back his amusement when Mario leapt over his desk and ran out the nalwood doors. Calling after him, Savon tried to catch up “where are you going!” “To the barrack the men need a moral boost!” skidding to a halt Savon chuckled to himself “may as well go tell the cadre.”

Hm, a bit too.....I don't know how to put it. Ask purplefood, he will know what to do

I think my brain works better tired and listening to fabri fibra this is Definitly better than the hound chapter and this is also made harder becuase I'm a native Italian and english is a second language so excuse any grammer mistakes or bad english did my best using google translate

THE FOX

Staring out into the vastness of space, Fox McCloud reflected on the past year since the defeat of the Aperoid. It had been a long year, About 6 months ago Slippy left Star fox to work with his dad since there was little work as a merc in peace time and live with his girlfriend Amanda. Fox was surprised, but not without good reason, that anyone would ever date Slippy. Taking a step back he walked to his command chair and retrieved his vest. “ROB put the ship on a course to Corneria I’m gunna get some much needed shut eye.” “Affirmative course set.” The robot replied automatically.

As he walked out of the cockpit and down the hall he entered the living quarters and passed by each room. Most were empty usually occupied by Slippy or Cornerian military personnel, but when he walked by one Falco had taken over he saw his old friend messing with one of his blasters internals “Hey bud, you should get some sleep we’ll be in Corneria tomorrow and you gotta look your best for the parade.” The parade being mentioned was the one year anniversary of the victory over the Aperoids. Falco just mumbled a reply as fox walked on, he had become distant and somewhat irritable since fox and Krystal started dating almost a year ago and things didn’t improve when Slippy left the team.

The next room he walked by was dark but he could make out the faint outline of Krystal sitting cross legged on her bed, staff on her lap, meditating eyes closed. Fox couldn’t help a little grin as he looked her up and down, but he shook his head and walked down to his own room. He and Krystal had been taking things slow not wanting to ruin their relationship over something stupid. As he entered his room he threw of his shirt a jumped on his bed asleep before he registered landing.

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Krystal body sat in her room but her mind was not, she was in a place she named the Ather it was an empty place where she could collect her thoughts and think in peace. Her she could visit all the world of Lylat but never see the people only the places. She was thinking about the krazoa spirits when she sensed a presence out beyond the limit of the system, this startled her as there was nothing in the Ather except her. She let her mind soar to the edge on the system were she felt the presence, it was very faint but from what she could tell it was millennia old and Very wise. She tried to contact it like she would read the thought of others around her. She got through but when she did, she saw creature with it back turned to her. “Hello” her voice echoing out into the Ather, when the creature turned she only caught a glimpse before here fear made here return to her body. In her minds eye she could still see the distorted beaked head. She lay there trying not to submit to fear, her attempts were made futile by a terribly old and powerful voice entering her head…

…”Hello my child….”