Fresh-Faced New User
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This is the introduction to a Space Marine Chapter of my own design that I started several years ago. I'm fleshing it out into a novel but I wanted to give an introduction first. If any of you are familliar with Magic: the Gathering, you'll probably get hit in the face with Ravnica references. Please let me know if anything in here is annoyingly blatant or too over-the-top. Space Marines are by definition larger than life but I want this to be a believable chapter in the 40k universe and am willing to fix things as needed. So, without further adieu...
Origins of the Boros Legion
The Boros Legion Chapter is one of the most honoured and unique Space Marine Chapters in the Imperium. Led by the angels of Ravnica, The Emperor’s favoured daughters, the Boros Legion serves as the enforcers of His will in Progress. The Legion’s angels are the envy of the Space Marine chapters and are exalted symbols of might, justice and power throughout the Imperium. Though the chapter rivals the Blood Ravens and Ultramarines in its loyalty to The Emperor and He is all the Boros and Angles answer to, it does not rule Progress, as the Ultramarines rule Ultramar. All direct planetary affairs are dealt with by Progress’s civilian government. The Boros Legion’s soldiers are the system’s guardians and honored residents, serving to protect and advise the system against the Imperium’s enemies. The chapter’s creation is largely thanks to the angel commonly known as Feather, who was the spokesperson for the plane of Ravnica before its indoctrination into the Imperium. Feather is a powerful planeswalker, her spark awakened by the removal of the warp storm that held Ravnica for so long and was removed with the defeat of Szadack.. She was looking for other souls of purity and good in this new universe. Now that she was the last angel who survived the ravages of Szadack, she needed other people she could trust to bring back light and justice to Ravnica. As a result, she left the planet for ten years in search of anyone who shared her ideals, as well as explore her newfound powers.
During her travels, Feather encountered the Imperium of Man. For four months, she observed from afar witnessing the victories and defeats of the Imperial Guard, and awed by the zeal and power of the Space Marines. She saw the unruliness of the Orks, the devious, noble-when-convenient manipulations of the Eldar, and the pure disorder caused by the Forces of Chaos. She burned with hatred for these enemies of order and reason, enemies that reminded her of the enemies she left behind long ago: the savage Gruul, the chaotic Rakdos, the cunning and dangerous Szadak and his House Dimir. She longed to serve these champions of light; she longed to serve The Emperor.
Feather eventually made tenuous contact with the Blood Ravens. She found them fighting Chaos with their backs against the wall and was able to turn the tide. The leader of the men she saved, and the first friend she would have in the Imperium, was Captain Gabriel Angelos himself. Unsure of each other but sensing each other’s good intentions, the two made an alliance that became steadily stronger with time. Gabriel allowed Feather to travel with the Blood Ravens and she was able to carve out a name for herself within the chapter very quickly. Eager to have found noble souls again, Feather was more than eager to assist the Blood Ravens in their battles against the Forces of Chaos, assaulting them at every turn. Feather gained Gabrie’s trust and served with such zeal and distinction that she gained the attention, and respect of Azariah Kyrus, the Chapter Master at the time. With this respect came the support of the entire chapter. She became an honored ally and friend of the Chapter in a little over a year.
While serving with the Blood Ravens in the service of The Emperor, Feather had time to develop her powers as a planeswalker and was able to create new angels. Just as Razia created the angels of Ravnica long ago to protect the Guildpact, Feather created new angles to protect the Imperium. They were just as proud and diverse as she, and able to more than live up to their Ravnican predecessors. Eventually, Feather was granted her own battle barge, the Sunhome, with the Blood Raven’s blessing as a reward for all her service. It was soon after this that she felt it was finally ready to return home to Ravnica, ready to inform its people of the wider universe and of the Imperium. She returned to a system under the Emperor’s Rule and a fully integrated Ravnica as its proud ally, but her home was much darker than she left it as. It was a system under siege and in need of hope. The Forces of Chaos had found Progress and had already tainted malice forever. Seeing the danger The Emperor’s new system was in, and to honour their debt with Feather and her newfound angels, the Blood Ravens took it upon themselves to defend Progress with the angels at their point. With these holy warriors reappearance in the system, and escorted by the mighty Space Marines no less, Progress and Ravnica alike found hope. Rallying around their returned gods, the citizens of Ravnica, led by the Boros guild, united in arms against Chaos, backed by the rest of Progress. Together, with the help of the angels and Blood Ravens, they drove the Great Enemy back into the warp, surpassing any other battle in strength and power. So impressive was Ravnica’s performance that it was rewarded with a place in Progress’s senate, and Feather and her angels were called to Holy Terra and went before the Golden Throne itself. None can say for certain what events transpired that day, but by the end of it, she was His champion and daughter. It was then that the angels swore everlasting loyalty to His service and to the Imperium. As a reward, Ravnica was officially recognized as part of The Emperor’s domain, and Feather was rewarded with the privilege of creating a geenseed for a new Space Marine chapter to aid in Jackland!’s defense. This new chapter would be named the Boros Legion Chapter, in honour of the guild that had served Ravnica and given Feather purpose so long ago. She was appointed its Chapter Mistress and she worked with the Blood Ravens and eleven other chapters to create the finest Geenseed of the Imperium. Thus, the Boros Legion was created, the protectors of Progress and among the most loyal of The Emperor’s servants. Led by the mighty Holiest, as Feather and her angels have been called, the Boros Legion has guarded Progress against Chaos for over four hundred years, and has assisted the Blood Ravens in everything from the salvation of Sun’s Haven to the purge of Redcap. Be proud brother, for you serve the Emperor’s finest, and are lead by His favoured Daughters of Justice.
Chapter donors responsible for the Boros geenseed:
Blood Ravens
Blood Angels
Ultramarines
Salamanders
Space Wolves
Black Templars
White Scars
Raven Guard
Dark Angels
Imperial Fists
Crimson Fists
Silver Skulls
Notable Boros:
Captain Agamemnon Orestes: Commander of the Chapter Honour Guard and the oldest human member of the Boros. He has served Feather and The Emperor since the beginning and was the first to receive the Boros geneseed. He is a Ravnican by birth and though he was but twelve when he received his first taste of battle and armed only with a lead pipe, he fought without mercy the hordes of chaos alongside Boros solders and volunteers. Feather was inspired by this and has since moulded him into the finest embodiment of what the Boros are capable of.
Captain Cato Spurgius: Captain Spurgius has led the Boros 2nd company for two hundred years and has fought with honour and skill all the way through. Of all the chapter’s warriors, Spurgius is the most skilled rider and swordsmen and has done much to establish the 2nd company as a feared fast attack unit. Though the Codex Astartes is a distilled volume of pure wisdom, there is no substitute for practical experience and until Spurgius, the Boros had little experience with bikes or land speeders.
Senior Librarian James Cullen: Senior Librarian Cullen was the first Boros Librarian to exist and was exclusively trained by the Blood Ravens. This was necessary considering the Boros had no system for training psykers and the Blood Ravens had many. Cullen has proven invaluable over the young chapter’s lifetime, dispensing fury and unmatched strength on the battlefield while being wise and insightful off of it. He has worked tirelessly to forge the Boros into a force for hope and good, an ever-vigilant light in the darkness of the universe. He believes that Space Marines in general can become much more than mere Angels of Death and that they must continue The Emperor’s work of spreading unity and hope through the universe.
Librarian Simus Psyrakon: One of the youngest and most powerful psykers in the Boros, Simus has accomplished a great amount of deeds in a short time. Learning all he can from Librarian Cullen (always ‘master Cullen’) Simus seeks to emulate his master in every way. He is a kind and generous young man who believes that only by helping each other can the imperium endure. He seeks to instill compassion and love into his brothers and is a friend to everyone he meets. On the battlefield however, such sentiments are put aside and Simus lets loose his full fury against the enemy, sporting incredible psychic powers for a marine of a mere 120 years. Simus has seen much of the galaxy and has forged bonds of trust and friendship with many of the Boros’ parent chapters, especially the Blood Ravens and Ultramarines. He served a twenty year tour with the former chapter and provided instrumental insight and advice on several campaigns including Tartarus, Kronus and Karuva. When Captain Devian Thule fell during the First War for Aurelia, Simus took command and held the sector until Captain Angelos arrived. He led his Heroes of Aurelia (as his unit was called) to further exploits during the second and third wars to control that system. When he eventually returned home to Progress, Chapter Master Angelos allowed him to take a personal guard with him to serve in the future. Sergeants Tarkus, Avitus, Thaddius and Cyrus as well as Techmarine Martellus composed of this guard and serve as Simus’ command squad in the Boros Legion 4th company to this day.
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Lord of the Fleet
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Alright, before I begin, I'd like to give a disclaimer. You may choose to ignore everything I say, as you can do whatever is you want. If you're posting it here, you're looking for some kind of feedback, and now I will give it as it fits in the established fluff of the 40k universe.
Is Feather a female space marine? Is she even a space marine at all, and what is a planeswalker? None of that fits into the 40k universe, as female space marines are considered a big no when creating a chapter.
Featuring your chapter heavily with another chapter just feels weird, awkward and not a little lazy. It would be better to make the chapter have a looser association with the Blood Ravens and make your chapter forge its own path.
Was Feather alone when she found the Blood Ravens? What was she travelling in and with who? Also, incorporating your fluff into established fluff/battles/etc. is also normally frowned upon. Did she singlehandedly save the entire chapter, because if so, its a little far-fetched and comes across as over the top.
Why would the Blood Ravens gift an entire Battle-Barge to a single person? Let alone a non-astartes. Battle-barges are very important, massive war machines that each chapter prizes. They do not hand them out to other people.
Having your character/chapter called to Terra to be honoured for what is a relatively normal victory for any astartes is also over the top. Chapters everywhere purge entire systems of xenos and heretics, and don't get called to Terra. Why your chapter?
Chapters don't donate gene-seed and gene-seed is not mixed. Chapters are given a stock of gene-seed when founded from the Ad-mech selected from a parent chapter. It is never mixed (bar the 21st founding, where anything goes).
So those are my thoughts. Do as you wish, but if you want your chapter to fit in the universe, there needs to be a lot changed. If you don't care, then carry on, but as is, it makes little sense in the context of the 40k universe.
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Mordian Iron Guard - Major Overhaul in Progress 
" -KingCracker