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Hey everyone. ITs been a while. So I will start off by saying the following.

I have been told all my life that I always wrote extremely creative science fiction. I decided to make my own universe completely. Using characters that I have made in 40k and just scrubbing everything and making them new and improved.

My first work will be about a squad called Jackals or better known as Praetors (Still figuring out what to call them.) Think of Spartans - minus armor, and weapons make them super advanced and give them the backgrounds of Modern day special forces members. The Squad is Called Alpha Rescue team they are sent off to the Ship The Nighten Gale, a Heavy Cruiser found drifting in space around Amissus,

The year is 3981. Humanity rules the stars, most alien races have been destroyed or have been forced into an alliance with Humanity. Humanity has began to expand itself. But like in most human history, Humans wish for power, and human history repeats itself. Humanity now finds itself at war with itself, in a Galaxy hostile all to them.

It would be a great help if some could help me write this. This has started because of a science fiction class I have recently started. I recently drew up a plot for one of my short stories.

Humanity is extremely advanced, unlike in most science fictions where it is digressing or is stagnant. Instead it is advancing ever forward. Of course there is moral diliemia. My infamous Storm Crusaders are instead becoming part of this and are now a Jackal Battalion.

Anyway tell me what you guys think more updates will follow...

So you just want to make a universe or you want to write a story set in that universe?

I want to create a new universe. Competely different setting. New everything.

There are stories to be told, and I am working with a team of people to make it.

The Jackals (Still not satasified with the name) Are basically Space Marines and Spartans... But a little bit more human, they are just genetically engineered in an extremely dark way.

This will have hard science fiction and soft science fiction.
Cybernetics, Explanation of Warp Drives, and alot more. There are aliens. But they aren't humans that look different. They will what aliens should be.... Alien to our biology and makeup. Like the Jerois which are hyper violent creatures that are basically bats combined with raptors.

More to come.

I am quite tired of the grim dark setting. I love 40k but its just I am more into humanity not being a giant cluster feth.

That and I also am writing a series of short stories from different perspectives.

I'm actually quite busy with writing all these different settings.

I am not going to connect them. But this new universe is slightly inspired by several science fictions but not a carbon copy at all. I twist them to my liking and made characters from random dice rolls

Heres a little something I wrote

Not from this universe. But it set me in the mood..

Roger Houston looked at his new prey as if he was some new challenge. It was his job to assume that the culprit in front of him was a terror on society. Roger was a White, and Scottish descendant, Earth wasn’t like it once was, the entire solar system had been settled and many more systems had been terra-formed and settled, but still warring nations had taken different planets as their own. Though, Roger himself was not affiliated with any specific planet. But the United Corporations he did represent which represented most of the planets and countries, and other systems that humanity owned.

“So Mr. I actually never got your name laddie. What was it again.”
“Mr. Williams.” Replied the man sitting across from Roger. He looked stunningly pale, and sweat pores began upon his face.
“How, unoriginal,” Roger looked down at his watch, it immediately lightened up with the William’s record. “Ah it says here you are a Professor. What studies did you teach?”
“Cybernetics and Psychology.” Replied Williams, he scratched his hands, and fixed his glasses immediately upon looking at Roger in the face.
Roger decided to ignore William’s fear “Cybernetics and psychology quite a hefty load. Now about these experiments that my boys at downtown say they found, a fully functional AI, you know that’s against Corporation Laws right? Laddie, that’s some hefty bull right there, that’s enough for an execution.”
“Its not right to make a living organism that feels? What and birth isn’t the same thing?” Williams retorted.
“No its not, you’re a pitiful human being and that’s not part of the subject, do you deny or accept that you created with knowledge a fully functional AI?” Roger asked. His teeth barred.
“Yes I did I have knowledge, I built the dang thing.” His sweat started to pour down his face like a waterfall.
“Professor, it is still illegal!” Roger boomed.
“Is it legal to do this? To detain me away from home? To destroy all of my creations?”
“You let that robot murder, and the you started experimenting on your students! I find it hilarious that you are experimenting on AI and you’re now clinically insane.” Roger slammed the table. It seemed to crack, as he pushed down on the metal table.
“Do you have any idea that your men murdered my students as well! I did no such experiments! Lies only created by your superiors!” The Professor retorted, he’s spectacles glaring at Roger.
“Lies you say? Professor Williams, your hypocrisy is thick isn’t it? You lied to your superiors as well. You told them you were teaching a valuable lesson.” Roger looked straight back into the professors eyes. He’s face flickered as if a computer screen.

The Professor in fear fell back. His hands immedately grasped his chair and threw at Rogers face. Roger didn't avoid it. Fragments of metal seemed to fall off of Roger’s face. Shiny objects lay on the ground, all reflecting the light of the interrogation room.

The Professor squealed. He looked in terror at Roger in terror.
“What the hell are you?”

The broken mirrored face of Roger looked down at the professor. His broken mirror face looked as if death had walked into the room.
“I’m a creation that is the testament of horrible ideas.”

Rogers metal hands reached out to silence the doctor.

Then it fell to the silence of a graveyard.

You know it might be a good idea to lay out your universe then do the stories within it.
That way you can have an element of consistency...
That's how I'd do it anyway...

 purplefood wrote:
You know it might be a good idea to lay out your universe then do the stories within it.
That way you can have an element of consistency...
That's how I'd do it anyway...

Understood. But that story actually has nothing to with the universe I am creating its just a story to show my writing ability XD
Currently I am getting the Gaxaly set-up and the Aliens and Architecture and Cultures, and tons of history.

I didn't mean to say it does have anything to do with the universe you're building.
It's just that you seem to be focussing on small elements (Like the Jackals) before you have put bigger elements into place.

 purplefood wrote:
I didn't mean to say it does have anything to do with the universe you're building.
It's just that you seem to be focussing on small elements (Like the Jackals) before you have put bigger elements into place.

Yeah. Its just i had to write that for a project. He wanted to know what they were called. So I made them up on the spot. I might renovate that part when I draw up the big picture. Galaxy currently etc.

I like your idea, the Jackals sound like a nasty bunch.

Alrighty first part
lore!

Galaxy Current State
The entire Galaxy is controlled by the United Systems Collation. A human run government formed from the old governments of earth. The entire galaxy has been relatively peaceful, till the Leaders of the USC were assassinated by a cu from the members of a terrorist cell. Immediately afterwards humanity fractured into multiple states. Humanity found itself at war with itself again. The Aliens they once fought together now either allied or neutral or too dangerous to fight. Humanity being the most advanced species outside of the Jorahians. Humanity two major factions are the Old Government’s remaining leaders, and the new government manipulated by the terrorist cell. The terrorist's cells plan is to unite humanity under its rule, they believe that humanity has strayed and is enjoying the fruits of its passions. (work in progress for that part)

Humanity fights against itself and its enemies might strike while it is weak. Already Aliens have begun reconquering its worlds that were taken from humanity. Already human worlds have become active war zones. The New Government being protected from the alien creatures

The USC remnants still remains the same, the old inner planets having been taken by the terrorist cell. Its new home world and its new center is the world of Vita Domus, a world that has space orbiting docks and defense systems that rivaled the Old Earth’s defense network. Its leaders are brilliant masters of diplomacy and war. Many of its leaders have had political positions before their rise to being leaders of the USC. The USC has a large armada and a secret super soldier Program Code Named The Praetor Project. Its military is large and well equipped but are inexperienced in close quarters.

The Praetor Project has produced some of the most well equipped soldiers the galaxy has ever known. Being produced before the assassination of the old government, the Jackals the super soldiers being developed during its time are examples of human brilliance, hundreds of years of studying in the fields of genetic manipulation, muscle replication, psychosis, cloning and DNA studying. Jackals are the most well equipped soldiers and professional as humanity can get. They stand as the same size as regular humans varying in intelligence, strength, size, mass, and many other things. The Jackals are perfect warriors, if not for their drawbacks of being genetically engineered, Jackals are not recruited, they are created from the DNA of powerful soldiers, replicating them and splicing them into the perfect soldiers. They also suffer from not having much social interaction with other humans. They are Soldiers, and Warriors. An Ordinary Jackal is able to take damages that would kill an ordinary human, their bodies are able to heal themselves rapidly. As an example a Mk2 Knight Tank which payload could destroy an entire platoon of regular USC soldiers and other vehicles, can only cause a Jackal to become extremely angry that he or she is being fired upon.

(MORE TO COME)

tell me how it is. help change stuff so i am not lost when i write this stuff.

I like reading outlines like this, it's always great to see what people can come up with. Some of it seems interesting but it's altogether a bit vague. You clearly want to present some of your new ideas but haven't really shown anything yet, it comes of as something fairly generic but i get the distinct impression you intend for it to be anything but.

Here's some questions to maybe get you thinking creatively.

How do AI's fit in with the universe?

You mention warp travel.... Care to elaborate?

Has humanity evolved in any way as a result of prolonged Space travel/Alien Environments/Interbreeding etc. Is there any developing traits like psychic powers etc?

Is there any rising threat/drama to be introduced (so far it seems vague)?

How do 'Jackals' fight? Do they just use force of arms (like spartans/astartes)? Or do they have more interesting talents?

How are they modified, to what degree? (clearly a large degree if they can shrug off massive kinetic force)

Why has humanity pwned all other aliens? Tbh we seem a bit rubbish compared to intelligent bat-raptors.

 Perkustin wrote:
I like reading outlines like this, it's always great to see what people can come up with. Some of it seems interesting but it's altogether a bit vague. You clearly want to present some of your new ideas but haven't really shown anything yet, it comes of as something fairly generic but i get the distinct impression you intend for it to be anything but.

Here's some questions to maybe get you thinking creatively.

How do AI's fit in with the universe?

You mention warp travel.... Care to elaborate?

Has humanity evolved in any way as a result of prolonged Space travel/Alien Environments/Interbreeding etc. Is there any developing traits like psychic powers etc?

Is there any rising threat/drama to be introduced (so far it seems vague)?

How do 'Jackals' fight? Do they just use force of arms (like spartans/astartes)? Or do they have more interesting talents?

How are they modified, to what degree? (clearly a large degree if they can shrug off massive kinetic force)

Why has humanity pwned all other aliens? Tbh we seem a bit rubbish compared to intelligent bat-raptors.

Well I might write some stuff up. But it is still in the planning stages. (I am writing a short story, because thats how Ray bradbury did it he just wrote a story and then based his stuff off that.) And most of this may be changed over time.

AI's are outlawed because they are thought to be too dangerous.

Warp Travel in that they can jump to any other points of the gaxaly within minutes. Only problem is they have to recharge their engines because it takes alot of energy. (ships are usually above a Kilometer in length)

Some humans will be different than other humans. Some are able to Predict future outcomes in some sort of magical way, some do have the ability to read minds, but it is rarer for anything above that. Humans have evolved on some planets to the degree of looking slightly different.

There is a rising threat from Alien Races, and from within the human race, but the Aliens are mostly beyond human comprehensions. There is a parastic organism race that will be coming from another gaxaly but think of them as not the flood but as a higher intelligence.

Jackals fight similarly to the Spartans but also have close combat weapons if they ever truely needed them. There are very few of them. They are expensive and are created from birth.

They are modified to beyond the point of superhuman, they have extended life spans and do not age like we do, they are also given 'other' abilities to those of them that are chosen.

Humanity has destroied other races because of the sheer unstopping power of humanity, humanity has creativity and are able to fight for generations and quickly regenerate themselves, they also have better ground troops. They also invented diseases to control their enemies populations introducing it to populations. Humanity took the weapons of their enemies redeveloped them and created better versions of them through their technology. That and luck. Mostly luck, we have been lucky to survive and to win the wars as we did.

hopefully that is good. I am still working on it, I am still not satisfied. But I still want to answer questions. And creative help does help, I still don't know what they would like. I still am thinking oh cool Jackals. To me they look like space marines if they were special forces ops and actually weren't based on knights.
I might edit it because by this time in human history I think the human Singularity might of been sent through.

I will get into more specifics about the current states of the gaxaly but I had time to write some stuff out about the technological military gear.

Please note I am still trying to brain storm it. And still trying to get ideas on paper.

also the title of this universe I finally figured out.
I Will call it Black Inked. I don't know why. It just kinda fits in with the state of the universe.

Armor and Weapons
The most common armor in humanities possession are Ignatius Armor, which, features gravity suppression, breathers, protective sunglass, self-diagnostics, auto repairing armor, retroactive armor which protects against kinetic, laser, sun, plasma and energy weapons. Though they have their breaking point in that if too much power is exerted upon them they will slowly run out of power to do the features it is installed with. Each suit is limited by its power, which it gathers from nearby natural or unnatural light, it is also powered by a generator which is located within their packs which produces energy for the suit to move.
Feron Armor is the more advanced version, but is heavier, bulkier, and more advanced. Unlike the Ignatius Armor, the Feron armor projects a shield against weaponry and can protect the user against infections and administer aid if the body of the user was compromised to toxicians, or any other unknown materials. Feron Armor is the 2nd best armor that humanity has created. It is usually used by the heavy infantry such as the elite Vermiculus Equiti. Who use it to break lines and board cramped ships. It also adds a bit of height to the average human. The only danger is that the armor sometimes will shut down if not well kept.
The Obsidia Armor is latest and up to date version of Armor. Able to resist tank shells and self-powering through unknown means, the Obsidia armor projects an even more advanced shield; the armor itself is slimmer, slicker, and stronger. The Materials used are highlighted in black ink preventing anyone from reading what materials are used. The Only users of the Obsidia armor are the Jackals. Who are the only ones apparently that can use it with the armor collapsing upon them and squishing the body out of existence.
Weapons
The Standard armament is the 31-KESG (Kinetic Energy Submachine Gun) which fires kinetic energy such as bullets, using advanced procedures there is a solid piece of metal that is used for ammunition. Within is nothing but solid metal. Immediately when the trigger of the weapon is pulled a selected amount of metal is then automatically taken from the metal grabbing only a small amount to make a single round of ammo. This all happens within Nano seconds, enabling for automatic fire. The weapons speed is then determined by the user or the weapons design itself. It fires roughly faster than 2x times’ supersonic speeds. The weapon is similar in construction to modern day weaponry.

The standard vehicle killer is the RDO-5040 (Rocket Dispersion Ordnance), which is very much similar to the weapons of the 21st century but instead the rocket implodes… Then explodes after detention, making the vehicle extremely damaged. It can also penetrate tank armor if correctly handled.
The Anti-Infantry assault weapon is the Ion DBR. Firing powerful ions that move as fast as light, is able to burn away flesh with little to no problem. It is also useful against light vehicles. It even has a heavier version of itself which is able to unleash more havoc and contains more ammo.
The next weapon is the Laser Rifle, which is used to focus energy at a single point making the object explode from the inside out.
The Anti-Infantry or Anti-Material Rifle known as The Achiles Rifle.
The jackals weaponry is known across the galaxy as being hyper lethal. Their main weapon is the MG Hammer 317-81. This weapon then pierces and stops electrical activity even a suit of Feron Armor is defeated by such ferocity by a single shell. The Hammer’s firepower is limited compared to heavier version of itself. But it is considered an Assault Rifle by many top military distributors. Though it is only used by the Jackals.

You're writing the setting for an entire galaxy.
It's probably best that you focus on something that's a bit more 'big picture' than the armour worn by a single species' military...

 purplefood wrote:
You're writing the setting for an entire galaxy.
It's probably best that you focus on something that's a bit more 'big picture' than the armour worn by a single species' military...

Well I need to first think about how the big picture and how its looks first, can't dive into the big things. Small things make differences.

But I need to finish writing a plot line for my Story Called Black Inked (short story that I have to turn in for my SCI-FI class)

And then finishing writing my short story by the end of this week.

Small things make differences when you've got something large to add them to. It's nearly always better to start building ideas inside parameters than to try and build parameters around ideas, especially if you find that the parameters don't fit and, suddenly, you're left needing a new universe, or brand new smaller ideas.

Hmm i disagree, i think it is perfectly fine to Start with a few little ideas and build a world around it.

Look at the Hobbit to Lord of the Rings. Also to use Tolkein's Example again Lord of the Rings is formed around Tolkein's love of Epic Poems and Language. Hence all the songs and the Elvish etc. Btw i dont even really rate Lord of the Rings.

Another Example is the video Games Industry. You start with game mechanics/some Concept art and Build a story around them. You do it the wrong way round the game sucks, all straight up movie tie-ins are rubbish.

The idea of 'World Building' is fairly recent, authors like George RR Martin and Iain M Banks are good Examples of this.

EDIT: Of course movies are probably the best example, Take 'Aliens' for example: James Cameron Wanted to put Vietnam Marines into a space setting, Out of that you get the Colonial Marines. The movie is built around them and the Ripley Character from Alien, the rest was come up with afterwards.

Well writers block you have to come during the worst times don't ya?

Ugh I need to brain storm this more.

Brainstorm (For story which is due in five days.)
It is named

Black Inked
Main Characters Jackal Alpha Rescue Team.
Protagonists
Alpha 195 Katie Lockett "Kat"- Newest member, Main protagonist, Balanced, recently augmented with robotic eye.
Alpha 256 Jason "Neibs" Williams- Explosive Expert, Pilot, known for being almost unwavering when showed to high compact explosives
Alpha 124 "Hawk" - Close Quarters expert, name is marked with ink, Eldest Jackal in the squad, helmet only removed when needed, introvert
Alpha Leader 10043 Johnathon Lex- Social, Leader, 2nd Eldest Jackal, known for pulling squads into suicidial situations and never losing a single member.
Alpha 219 Bruce Haynes 'Warder'- Squad's marksmen, known to be Hawk's friend, both are used as pointmen
Alpha 431 Tyler Marks 'Flame'- Squad's expert machine gunner, known for his almost insane use in flame weaponry, plasma and ion weaponry.

Antagonists
Vic- Parasite? Human? No one knows
The Ship- AI gone rouge?
Captain David Lico- Insane captain thats been dead for a hundred years?

Plot Synopsis
The Ship codenamed G321S, nothing is known of the ship except that it is human, And that it has been traveling for at least the last few hundred years. Its maker is unknown, Alpha Rescue team board it and are trapped aboard it. The ship seems to be alive. Can these superhumans feel fear? The ship seems to think so and has begun sending its ancient security systems after the Rescue team.
The Team then discovers more of the ships origins and what its primary use was.

Things to know
This is for a project and is due on thursday. It has to be 1,000 words or above. Which is really not hard for me. Only problem is writing about it.

(please note I will try to edit this over time)
Black Inked
Katie saw the entrance to hanger bay peered at her. It was calling her name furiously. She sat in the drop ships troop compartment; her armor had lights and plated enough to cover all of her body. Her head was the only thing exposed, if anything it looked like medieval armor with upgrades. Her helmet had a large golden visor a triangle in shape, the rest of the helmet was multiple metals combined together, giving it a shining green, it was shaped in the form of a dragon.

The Dropship which was shaped like a dove, held her, it drifted through space, and the ship began its careful descent into the hanger bay of a mammoth of a ship. The doors of the hanger bay slowly opened letting in the Black Dropship in, it had delivered its precious cargo. It drifted slowly to the ground of the hanger bay.
The Ship in orbit, orbited a gas giant, it was a swirling purple, a great place to hide due to its electrical storms and magnetic storms. They would remain undetected.

“Door opening.” Came a computer voice. Katie looked at the face that appeared on the screen.

“Welcome Praetorian Project Aspriant, Katie-Alpha-195. To, the Helios Class, Cruiser, it is named the Storm Guard. Praetor Project Captain John, is you CO of your operation.” The computer voice began. Katie largely ignored the computer’s sentiments and enquerries. It
Katie looked towards the entrance of the Dropships entrance which had fallen to show its new arrival. Katie saw Praetors in front of the hatch of the dropship. Katie recognized the cold blue of the Captains Rank among the Praetors before her. Praetors were known to be legends, their bodies were genetically altered at inception, they are genetic clones of some of the hardiest soldiers and bravest men and women, humanity has ever seen. They were the best soldiers that humanity had to offer. This gave them a feel of superiority as many of them had been given extended life spans to serve as soldiers. All they knew was war.
Katie moved down the ramp. The Dropship left immediately as she got off the ramp. She saluted.

“Katie 195 reporting for duty sir!”

She stood in a salute.

One of them shook their head emphatically, seemingly knowing that this happened to them a lot. The Captain walked up to her, he was a foot taller than her. Which, she had never had happen before; she had never felt so small. “At ease Katie 195, or do you prefer Kat? It seems you are uneasy, so we are giving you a nick name, and we have to be leaving here very soon.”
The Captains face was scared beyond belief, his face had scars from inhuman claws, but his blue eyes seemed to stare right at her soul. He was bald like most military, and a face that was stout and brave looking. Blue lines were on his face and his armor. Which was white color, he was bulky, and immense in size, but was dwarfed by some of his men.

“Kat, would be fine sir.” Kat replied. She just wished to get a move on the mission.
The captain’s eye brow rose.
“All right…. Kat this is our squad, I am John Lex, for this mission you must refer to me as Captain or Cap, any derogatory wordings of my name will be swiftly dwelt with.” He eyed the Praetor with flame burns across his face. He began swiftly with introductions.
“This is Alpha 124, please don’t ask him his name, just call him Hawk, he is our close combat master, one of the best soldiers I have ever commanded.” Kat raised her gaze to Hawk, who had yet to remove his helmet which mimicked a Knights Helmet of medieval origin, but it seemed far more advanced than anything she possessed or knew existed. It had vents in the front, for where he could recycle incoming particles, it seemed as if it was a giant instrument. Emblazed upon his shoulder was a sword with an hour glass as its hilt a symbol painted in a deep red and green. On his arm was a sword, why he would he ever need a close combat weapon like that, was beyond Kat. His armor was a shimmering brown.
“Right next to Hawk, is Bruce Haynes Alpha 400, or ‘Warder’, he is our marksmen. Don’t anger him or else you will find a fun trip returning to gestational orbit with the planet below.” The Captain said to Kat. She inspected Bruce from a distance. Bruce lifted up his hand in acknowledgement, he seemed calm and patient. He bore military cut hair. But like most of his compatriots he had blue eyes. He was not as massive as Hawk, but he seemed the elder of the two.
The Captain Continued “This is Jason Alpha 312 or Neibs he is our specialist in all things explosive. He is also our pilot.” The man looked static, his face possessed flame burns, his eyes were as blue as the ocean. His armor was a deep blood red. He waved his hand in acknowledgement. “Then last and but not least is Tyler Marks Alpha 513, our expert machine gunner, he will handle communications.” Tyler seemed shorter than the rest. But like Neibs and the rest, he sported blue eyes. His armor was highlighted in orange. His face was considerably moderate compared to his fellows.
She soon grew accustom to the sight of the six of them.
“So what is our mission Captain?” Neibs spoke up, he held his gaze upon the Captain.
“There is a dialect ship that needs exploring and detonating, it is on collision course towards a colony world.” The captain retorted. His voice sounded like ice.
Kat looked at the captain, many questions came up in her mind. But someone beat her to the punch. Warder spoke up. “Captain, why not destroy it? We have cruisers. Why can’t they handle it.”
“Good question, but the engines are online and it is within a solar system, which means the engine will disintegrate an entire planet’s surface. It is a very old design, and probably has a deadly payload. It is in orbit around a colony world of around Four Billion people. So we need to get a fusion bomb to the engine core, detonate it and the fusion bomb will send that sucker to another dimension. To make matters worse, there might be an escapee within the ship.”
“Oh. Well, that makes it quite complicated doesn’t it?” Neibs spoke up. “When are we leaving, Cap?”
“In 10 minutes. Get your weaponry and get those fusion bombs ready.” The captain spoke up with a commanding boom in his voice.
10 minutes passed, as Kat sat in the dropship, Hawk stood at the entrance to the dropship, he seemed impatient compared to the others.
“Do you ever talk Hawk?” Kat asked. Her tone seemed impatient as well.
“Only when talked to or asked to.” Hawk answered. Hawk had turned his helmeted head towards Kat. “By the way the Captain is here.”
Kat eye brow rose, she thought to herself, he is the most weirdest individual I have ever met.
The Captain walked aboard with the rest of the squad, the squad took their seats except for neibs who walked towards the pilot seat, activating it quickly and closing the door of the ship. They began to move away from the giant of a cruiser they had been aboard.
“Looks like you treated Kat well, Hawk! Looks like we might need to break you two up.” Tyler joked, he moved to seat and sat down strapping himself into the jump seat. Warder walked in and shook his head.
“Lock it down Tyler, like you ever had a chance at beating Hawk at anything. Maybe at a who can remove their helmet first after a mission?” Warder replied to Tyler. The captain laughed swiftly, Hawk seemed unmoved by this and was ignoring the conversation all together. He seemed to be talking to himself. But at a level that none of their advanced hearing could even pick-up.
Neibs spoke up. “Sir you may want to sit down, the Testronious Light Device is activating.”
“Copy.” The Captain sat down and strapped himself into his seat. Hawk remained standing. He reached down and activated his boots which clunked to the ground.
“Four hundred years and will still can’t learn how to dampen these damn things.” Warder shook his head.
Kat eyed Warder he seemed to hate flying.
“Five, Four, three, two, one.” Neibs spoke up from the cockpit.
They instantly felt the force pass through them, but their seats protected them from the force, Hawk seemed unaffected by it. Apparently he was accustoming to it.
Kat on the other hand was shaking furiously as the energy seemed to flow through.
Neibs spoke up to the crew. And the energy stopped flowing. “We are here lady and gentlemen!”
“There it is!” Neibs spoke up.
Their ship seemed indescribably small compared to giant it was near. It was a monstrosity of steel and metal, old unused gun turrets and massive prow cannons, capable of laying waste to entire fleets.
Kat looked at the ship, it was massive, at least 2 kilometers in length. If it were to be destroyed it would destroy entire solar system. No doubt it was above cruiser class, maybe even above a carrier. But it seemed too flawed to be anything but a cruiser.
Hawk hit the lock that disengaged the torpedoes. “Unfortunately this ship has no hanger bay so we will have to board it with Ship Boarding Torpedo’s.” John Began. “Hawk has already seen that. And gone ahead of the game. Warder you guide us when we get in there. Alrighty?”
“Yes Captain.” Warder said as he slid into the circular tube, it fired instantly. The tear drop pod streamlined towards the ship that they were boarding.
Kat watched, she had only done this once before.
“Captain.” A voice came from the vox. “Area is secured from what I can see. But you may want to put on your helmet.”
Hawk immediately slid into his tube immediately shooting himself towards the cruiser.
“Neibs stay onboard this bird, least we need extraction.” John ordered to Neibs. Neibs nodded his head from the cockpit.
“Yes Captain.”
Kat walked towards her tube, it had swirling orbs of electricity signifying it was ready for transport. These small tubes were boarding craft for elite soldiers and were equipped with self-destruct frequencies if tampered with, they also had a function of returning back to its original source. Kat slid into her tube, and it instantly recognized her. It fired as she entered. She was surrounded by liquid that engulfed her as she entered. This reduced the impact that was sure to hit the tube.
A solid clunk and drilling noise came from the tubes computer. A green light appeared on the tube.
She immediately kicked down on the bottom of the tube, She exited it and kneeled. She rubbed off the liquid of her helmets visor. She looked around the circular area, it was a mess hall, metal tables and barely functioning light sources emitted a little light. Old trays rusted lay strewn on the ground. It was empty save for the five of them. She stood up.
“Thermal is useless here Captain.” Warder spoke up, he disengaged his assault rifle.
The Night vision on her visor kicked in. She looked through the visor. Hawk stood with his weapon at a ready. The chamber was infested with living organisms, it had become a haven in space, the animals kept in captivity seemed to have been released from their holding cells. Such was a usual for ships of this size, to keep an animal population to feed the crew.
“Captain?” Kate spoke out. She read something on the ground it was a lunch tray, ‘Specimen G’ was carved all throughout it.
Warder Held his assault rifle in held postion. His helmet was curved to give him the look of a knight, a little slit of orange, where his visor was. He did not care for the droplets that fell from the ceiling. Tyler looked at the ground, he was studying it. With intensity. “Captain I am going to take some of these as specimens.”
The Captain Nodded. Tyler’s suit immediately disengaged a vial he carefully extracted spores from the ground. They were red in appearance. The Captain stood there with his rifle out, he motioned to the rest of the squad to move. They moved forward their rifles at a ready. A creature with red eyes seemed to follow them. Hawk ignored it, impartially. But Kat kept a weary on it. She had no idea what she was feeling. Fear was unknown to her. They came to the end of the hallway, in old lettering it read: ‘Ship Control’.
Warder slid to one side of the door, Hawk nodded immediately understanding. Hawk hit the door, he fell with a huge thud, a massive chunk of the steel door was missing. It seemed like his strength was greater than Kate had ever realized.
Warder Moved in first, he turned on his suits lighting systems illuminating the room. Warder stood there, while hawk immediately moved behind to take a look into the room. Hawk felt something and picked it up.
“Captain, Hawk has found something.” Warder spoke up. “Sir what the heavenly host is Specimen G?”
The captain spoke with an answer. “I have no idea.”
Kat was blinded by Warder. Tyler stood at the door. While the Captain took what Hawk had found from his hand.
“It’s a Log , a Captains Log. Good find Hawk.” The Captain turned the object in has hand. He was confused as how to use it. He fumbled around with it. “Log Activate.”
The disc did nothing. Silence was his answer.
Kat spoke up. “Sir it’s a memory log so we have to place it in, manually.”
“Really? Well, how inefficient that is then.” The Captain replied, somewhat annoyed by the manual use of an object.
He slid it into what seemed like the object’s device. It turned on immediately, a hazy image of a man shown on the screen before them. The man stood there, he looked tired, and old. His clothing was ancient compared to the clothing that was worn in their military. All of them stood silently.
“Captains Log, Year 4400.” The man in the screen breathed in slightly.
“The BattleCruiser Dawn of Light, Which I have been assigned to, it is filled with many wonders to me. Even this vid screen is brand new to me. But I will live.”
Warder spoke up. “Captain we should fast forward it.”
Kat was captivated by this man’s uniform and eye color. It was rare to see anyone with purple eyes. Kat knew better than to assume this man was once one of the praetors.
The Captain saw symbols appear below the device, he pressed one, which quickly fast forwarded through the years, 4401, 4402, 4409, and then finally 4420. The Captain stopped. He saw the same man, but he looked older, and less shaven than he did before. He pressed the play button.
The man on the screen brushed his hand across his face. His eyes were red.
“We have failed.” He began. “The symbiote we were tasked to protect, it grew out of hand, it was more intelligent than we thought. The scientists thought it an animal, how wrong they thought of it. It has killed much of the crew, including our security detail, and it has the abilities surpassing our own comprehension. It is angry at us. I do not know why, we have tried killing it, Self-destructing the ship would just anger it and it would just regenerate its wounds. We have been unable to reach our main armory but it has already destroyed them. I am all that is left of the command staff, I have put this ship into deep space travel, with me and the remaining crew, we will try to kill it. But it has reorganized the dead we had, into monstrosities. I cannot speak of the horrors I have witnessed. They are indescribable-“ The message immediately cut out.
“Captain? What did we just listen to?” Kat asked, she had lingered on every word. Tyler leaned against the wall, his hand slipped and hit something.
“I don’t know.” The Captain’s hand pressed against his helmet.
An inhuman scream sounded throughout the ship. The Captain spoke up.“Assume everything is hostile.”
They all moved out Tyler moved over an airvent. He started to speak to hawk. “Oh what a bunch of pansy stories, oh no a jelly monster. Oh, no!”
“Tyler, you should know better than to tempt fate.” Warder began. “You know how these things work! They are the hunters, and so are we.”
The squad move further down the twisting metal and organic hallways. They walked what seemed like hours, moving through the darkness, only having the light of their rifles showing the way, their armor only giving off light so that they could see themselves. “We need to find the engineering bay.” Hawk spoke aloud.
Tyler laughed. “Well this is interesting.” He stood right over the air vent. He began motioning with his hands. “There’s nothing here! Just some random bull-
Tyler stopped dead as something pulled him down through the vent. He was gone, leaving only his helmet stuck in the vent where he had been pulled through. Everyone but Hawk was shocked by this. Hawk immediately went over the vent and threw aside the helmet and started firing his shotgun down the vent. A scream of high octaves sounded throughout the ship.
“TYLER!” The Captain echoed. “Hawk, get down through those airvents! Use hell rounds.”
“Yes Captian.” Hawk ripped open a path for himself in the air vent, he set his shotgun to the round. It glowed a red. He jumped down the airvent. A Large clunk was heard. “I’ll be on radio silence-“ His vox stopped transmutting.
“Hawk? HAWK!” The Captain yelled down the vent.
“Warder get us to the engineering bay. We are setting off this damn fusion bomb.” He began to move as something wrapped around his leg. “Damn it!” He pulled out his pistol and fired it at the thing wrapped around his leg. The creature let go with a hiss.
Warder pulled a grenade from his hilt and threw it down the hallway. Its explosion rippled through the entire hallway. “That should hold those things, well for the moment anyway.”
The Captain yelled. “MOVE MOVE MOVE!” His screams carried through the hallway, all of them froze as they saw the captain fire at the creature that came at them. It was not sludge but what looked like people that were skeletal in feature but combined by organic sludges, organic leaking from its pores. It slithered towards them, an immense hulk of death.
“We have failed.” It repeated, Over and over. The Captain fired his rifle at the creature his bullets set fire to the air and lighted up the metal corridors. The creature stood aback by the fire it was taking. Pieces of the recording seemed to come from its mouth.
Warder moved his armor became camouflaged. He moved quickly, his steps were quickly dissipating. Kat turned around to see the creature again. She rapidly fired her rifle which clunked into a jam form.
“Grew out of hand.” It seemed to mock the captain, A thousand eyes and a thousand mouths open and blinked at the same time. The Captain even with his helmet on, Kat saw fear within the Captain and was shocked by what she saw. The Captain screamed as his helmet cracked in half, and he was devoured by the snake like creature.
Kat ran backward as she moved, she felt something grab her. She looked behind her and saw the Captain engulfed by a black liquid. He grabbed at her, she screamed as she saw the jaw come down on her, it was inhuman in origin. She could not marvel at. She grabbed her knife as the last bits of her strength pushed to her slice the creatures head from its shoulders. She succeeded, she groaned as she felt an arm pull at her towards the darkness of metallic hallway and she knew no more. All she heard was Warder firing his assault weapon at Kats direction.

Hawk struggled through the air vent. He crawled through the cramped. He was crawling. Not a fast speed for him at all. He was so used to be able to bust through just about everything with advanced equipment. But he didn’t have that on hand to deal with these problems. He held his shotgun, he spun on his heel, his senses to the environment around him. He moved forward not fearing anything in his path.
“Warder? Kat? Captain?” Hawk spoke into his vox. “Anyone?”
Hawk was cramped in the darkness. He kept pushing forward, he did pay head to the silence that came from the vox.
He hit something and fell through air duct it broke apart. He rolled out of it. It seemed like it could not hold his weight. He looked around saw where he avertedly landed himself in. The lettering of Engineering Bay shined above the door in front of him. He got up brushing off the particles on him. He looked around and saw that the ruins of the ship in the upper levels had not touched this part of the ship at all.
He pulled out his fusion bomb from his back. He tossed it in his hand as he moved forward. The metal door in front of him seem to bolster a challenge to Hawk’s ego. He punched the door in front of him that was the last obstacle in front of him. He moved his arm backwards as he pulled the door back it flew and clanged against the wall behind him. His helmet immediately scanned ahead. Laying out the path he should took. “About bloody time this thing started working.”
He moved through the shifting engineering bay hallways. He had to crouch, for his immense physique was too large for the corridors.
“Generator room Reached.” Came a computer voice.
“Thank you wonderful piece of machinery.” Hawk sarcastically spoke to himself.
He placed the tightly packed fusion bomb on the ground. It poped open and spider legs planted themselves into the ground.
A time screen appeared in his helmet. A question popped into his helmet, Self-destruct now or remote denotation, or timed denotation.
“Remote of course.” Hawk spoke swiftly.
“Hawk?” Came a voice behind him. Warder stood, his armor a wreck. Warder himself was damaged beyond belief. In his arms was Kat, whose armor was in better condition but unconscious by the looks of it. He dropped kat and slammed his fist into the emergency locks. It closed the room off they were in.
Hawk saw his two comrades. Wait two…. Hawk processed it in his mind.
“Wheres the Captain?” Hawk proposed.
Warder looked down at his feet. “He’s dead, we found Tyler. Well…what was left of him anyway.”
“Well, Looks like I am team leader. Promotion it seems like.” Hawk joked.
“Hawk, Remember your not even suppose to talk-
“-I understand that, just trying to lighten the mood, I need your fusion bomb, I need to deal with that creature.” Hawk looked at Warder. “Where is it.”
Warder lowered himself down and leaned against the wall. Warder pointed to the outside of the door.
“Hawk, what should I do if you don’t come back.” Warder said aloud.
Hawk spoke. “Activate the Fusion bomb, Kill this place, escape. Not the first time I’ve faced a Genocidal Alien that thinks it is the big shot just because it killed two newbies.”
Kat opened her eyes slowly. “What is he doing?” She spoke weakly.
“Doing what no human should do… Face a creature that nothing can kill.” Warder spoke up. Warder closed his eyes, and held onto a his rifle.
Hawk opened the doors and he walked into the corridors. The smell of sulfur and dead organic matter filled his sensors. Hawk smiled and a blade came out of his arm. He grabbed and looked around.
“Oh come on. You’ve been fighting rookies all day. You afraid of a real competitior?” Hawk taunted. The air around him was growing thick.
“You are inferior.” It mimicked the captains voice, and a hundred other voices. It seemed to mock Hawk’s physique. “You are but flesh and bone. I am immortal to you. I will outlive you. I will destroy every single world, and I will be a being of legend.”
Hawk saw where the creature was finally. The creature seemed like a dragon of old myth, formed from all those it had killed. Hawk processed everything around him.
Hawk grabbed the fusion bomb behind him. “Well its funny, because Immortals have a nasty habit of you know dying… So would you like to be part of a little dance of mine?” Hawk tossed the bomb in his hand like as if it was a child’s toy. The creature roared at him. He activated the fusion bomb as he did so. The creature swiped at him and knocked him off his legs.
“Timer set to contact denotation.” The computer voice in his helmet replied to him.
“Damn!” Hawk cursed. He swiftly sliced at the creature with the sword in his hand. It drove back instinctively. It was moving away from him back into the darkness that surrounded Hawk. His helmet’s night vision was failing to work.
The creature charged at him its jaws moving and eyes looking directly at its prey. It knocked out the sword from his hand. The creature broke it with its hundreds of jaws. Hawk danced around the creature as it kept charging him. He punched the bomb into the creatures skin. The creature roared in defilement.
“This will do no harm to me, human creature.” The creature said to him.
The bomb as if automatically, dug itself into the creature’s hide of bodies. The Creature charged its final time, but roared in pain as the bomb finally clicked in the heart of the creature. The bomb exploded, immediately sending a shockwave through the corridor. Hawk crashed through one of the bulkheads. Breaking many of the
Hawk was thrown back as the explosion sucked the creature into the core of the bomb. It squealed its defiance as it died.
Hawk spoke into the vox. “Clear.”
He coughed into his helmet. He moved towards the engineering bay. He had to finish the mission.
He Saw his two comrades in the medical bays of the Storm Guard. Hawk looked into the eyes of his old friend, Warder. “I am sorry you could not live to see the day.” Hawk removed his helmet. “That you get to see me without a helmet on.”
His hand moved over Warders face as he closed warder’s eyes. He snagged Warders tag from his neck.
Neibs walked in. “Sir… How did you kill that thing?”
“It doesn’t matter, when, are the new recruits arriving.” Hawk hid his face.
Neibs nodded. He pulled out a data pad; it ran with a list of names and pictures. “The Replacements for, I mean the Recruits are arriving in a few hours. And we already have another mission.”
Hawk got up and placed his helmet back onto his helmet. “We are wasting time then. Get the squad together. We are leaving for this next mission. Greenhorns are always jumpy better to take them there quickly before we set off their tempers.”
“What about Kat sir?” Neibs asked.
Hawk spoke up. “She will be fine.”

The two of us walked out of that room. Bitter, but ready for the next mission. Another, as equally dangerous as the one before, A cycle for the Praetors, that will happen till the day we/they will no-longer be needed. Hawk thought to himself. He smiled, he held tightly to the tags in his hand that shook as he walked. Another day on the job, but he would feel remorse for everyone he had lost in that mission. He will die a legend.

Hopefully it was okay, I wrote it in a rush.

Very interesting, and I like the flood/dead space alien monster. I assume it will make a comeback?

One thing you might want to think about is whether your enemies are going to alien focused or human focused.

How many alien races and human factions will you have and how will they differ?

Once you decide these, you need to think politics. Who friends with who, which ones are enemies, why?

 Mr Nobody wrote:
Very interesting, and I like the flood/dead space alien monster. I assume it will make a comeback?

One thing you might want to think about is whether your enemies are going to alien focused or human focused.

How many alien races and human factions will you have and how will they differ?

Once you decide these, you need to think politics. Who friends with who, which ones are enemies, why?

Well its kind will. That being in particular is dead it got sucked into an implosion.

Well the story is going to be based from the humans point of view.

Undecided.

I will have to write more information about that, i am still getting used to a few things. (writing wise)

Before, you were saying that human technology advanced very quickly. You could differentiate the different human nations by there difference in technological evolution.

One nation could be extreme synthetic technology, sort of like the mechanicum, replacing themselves with machine parts. Maybe they wear powered armour at all times, while the body inside becoming atrophied and dependant.

Another nation could advance in bio technology, with genetic modification, regrowing limbs instead of replacing them. Maybe they have a form of bio armour rather than power amour, get an organic vs synthetic feel maybe.

I dunno just some ideas.

 Mr Nobody wrote:
Before, you were saying that human technology advanced very quickly. You could differentiate the different human nations by there difference in technological evolution.

One nation could be extreme synthetic technology, sort of like the mechanicum, replacing themselves with machine parts. Maybe they wear powered armour at all times, while the body inside becoming atrophied and dependant.

Another nation could advance in bio technology, with genetic modification, regrowing limbs instead of replacing them. Maybe they have a form of bio armour rather than power amour, get an organic vs synthetic feel maybe.

I dunno just some ideas.

I am going yoink those ideas because that does sound like a good idea XD

I will try to write it up by christmas time. Which also means I will have visual representations with my marines and eldar.