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CHAPTER 1





The forest came alive with sounds and whispers. The cool night breeze seem to be the forest itself breathing on him. Smells of summer and pollen filled his nostrols. It wasn't dark, at least this part of the forest wasn't. Huge organic bulbs filled with light hung from trees, showing the man a clear path through the dense thickets and over protruding roots. He clutched his smoothbore in one hand and a lantern in another. He didn't trust the forest. Not one bit.

He spit tobacco on the ground as he worked his way, moving through the lights. He knew where he was going...The more he walked the more familiar things became. His compass was broken, his ankle sprained, and he was out of water. But what he sought was just up ahead and once he'd get it, he'd be laughing about the injuries.


"Ol' Jack thinks he can swindle me out of that loot, he's got another thing comin," he smiled as he climbed over a 5 foot root, "I got all night to find that tomb, and I'd bet I beat you there."

He heard something that made him stop. He squated behind a trunk, putting his lantern down and cocking the hammer of his double barrel smoothbore making a quiet "click".

I bet that's Jack

He peeked out trying to see whatever made those footsteps. But there was nothing. It was a pretty well lit glave, particularly an open one, he should be able to see whatever made that noise. It should be there. A chill of fear crawled up his spine. It couldn't be Jack, Jack and his boys are louder.

God damn huey probably

He was picking up his latern when he heard a scream. He shuddered and looked towards the direction where it came from. Behind him, the way he came. It was Jack and the boys. They were right behind him the whole time.

Gunshots now, probably two revolvers and a few shotguns going off from what he could here.

"Serve's ya'll right," he said with a hint of melancholy on his lips, "Ain't no goin' back now," he spit.

Time to pick up the pace

He moved faster now, not running, but hurrying in a controlled manner. He climbed over roots and moved through pricker bushes. He was scraped and cut up, but he continued to move.

Finally he found hope. A pathway. Stones that cut through the earth under his feet and ahead, the tomb of Narzul.

He smiled. as he ran towards the stone opening that went into the earth below. Whoever made this, did it a long time ago.

As he reached the tomb a bullet whizzed by him.

"Hold it right there Jesse! that treasure ain't for you."

Jesse turned around, a bright grin on his face, "I don't see your name on it Jack, looks like you lost a couple of your boys too, by the sound of things," he chuckled.

"Yeah you're gonna be laughin' when I put a bullet in your face," he said pointing the pistol at him, "Any last words?"

"How bout' a smoke before I go? I do the same for you," Jesse replied.

"Fair's fair... but don't do nothing quick like," he said aiming the .44 at Jesse.

Jesse reached into his pocket, slowly just like he said and pulled out a ciggerette. then he reached into his front pocket of his vest for his lighter.

"So you just gonna keep all that treasure for yourself ey jack? Or you gonna give your two boys a cut too?"

"Why don't you ju-

BANG

Jack hit the ground as quickly as the bullet went through him. The other two were slower to react. Jesse dove to the ground and snagged his smoothbore. He rolled then aimed it at the closest man who was just now bringing up his revolver.

BANG

His face was no more as he tumbled over himself limp like a ragdoll.

The other one dove for cover and blind fired a revolver. Bullets pinged and ricocheted around Jesse.

"SHEEIT!"

Jesse dove and rolled behind a trunk as he pulled out his revolver.

"God damn Jesse, god damn," It was Jack, he was bleeding pretty bad and breathing hard.

"You had to be greedy Jack, see where greed gets ya?" he spit.

"You alright boss?" said his goon.

"What do you think?" Jack said holding the hole in his stomach as blood continued to pour out, "Why you such a good shot Jesse?"

"Cause' I'm the best there ever was," he said, "Now come out goon, with your hands up and I won't shoot your boss!"

The goon croutched behind the trunk, unsure what to do. He was scared, that guy was the best there ever was and he was just a thug. He kinda wanted to go home now and forget about it all.

He could just walk away, and he wondered what his boss would do if he were in his shoes.

"Ey' you really the best there ever was??" he said concerned.

"Dang right!" He said spitting.

"Alright, I'll make you my own deal, I'll go on your side, and that way we have a better chance at getting outta here!" he said.

"That's a good point, what do you think Jack?" chuckled Jesse.

"EY' YOU WORK FOR ME YOU SORRY SACK OF-"


BANG!!!

Not bad bu I would prefer more of a build up, and a chance to learn about the characters. Also is this fantasy or something else?

Its going to be steampunk fantasy. And yeah i need to go over it a few times before its ready.
But going to what you said. I was thinking that it would take away the initial action if there wasn't that fight scene in the beginning, i kind of want the reader to wonder who they are and i'll reveal that as the story progresses.

Well in my experience it pays to build up towards the action, and thus making more suspense. But the tastes may vary on this.

Short sudden bursts of violence are more effective than drawn out conflicts. Hence why I love Tarantino films.

 Arcsquad12 wrote:
Short sudden bursts of violence are more effective than drawn out conflicts. Hence why I love Tarantino films.

Yeah but the way he does it is a huge build up to insane amounts of violence.
Long conflict has its place but barring something of WW1 proportions it's not really worth it IMO.