Go out and buy a metal mini -- you'll need the forgiveness only acetone can provide for what I'm about to tell you.
Prime with rattle-can gloss red spraypaint (you're playing
BA, right? Oh, Dark Angels? Same deal.) Then slop the thickest acrylic paint on that you can possibly find, without thinning, and try to wet-blend everything on the model. If you're so inclined, try your hand at making your own wash with that really thick paint and just slather it over the mini like it's a dirty puppy. Then finish with a frosted varnish, 'cause that's what they had at the craft store and you didn't know any better.
Congrats, you've just ruined your first mini.

Now you can stop worrying about being awful at painting, 'cause nothing you'll ever do will be THIS bad. When you feel you're good enough to repaint the mini, soak it in acetone and brush it with a toothbrush and start over.