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Intro:
Outside the sun casts arrows of warmth to the citizens of Holis as they make their way about the markets and shops. Yet far above in the Lords keep Alaestur and Grand Maester Pythyrm sit with each other hard at work.

Grand Maester Pythyrm sits at his desk, thumbing an 'Empire History&Records.' His hand shakes softly as he turns the page. Alaesur knight of Ancardia, sits nervously in a seat. His resplendent silver armour, with a mural of the great wars smithed into it, rustles against the chair as he shifts uncomfortably. Pythyrm stops on a page and exhales loudly.

"Ah.. Here." The air all around tenses "Yes Alaesur it is as I believed."

Sweat beads on the side of Alaesurs' face, under his armour a cold sweat burns his peach skin.

"What would this mean.." He swallows surely. "For me..?"

Pythyrm looks up as Aerchaos and Falaernx, his dragon whelps, hiss from their roosts, a rare sight, but not mythical. Owning dragons meant great wealth or status, as there existed thousands all over the world. Pythyrm stopped speaking calmly to Alaestur.

"You can run, but you will be hunted for your blood. Might I suggest spending your inheritance on a warband to protect you."

The young knight moved his sword arm to his blade. Looking slowly at Grand Maester Pythyrm Alaestur nodded and stood, the chair screeching a dull roar as it slided back, and turned to the sanctum door pausing before he opens, and speaks two words.

"Thanks... Father.."

Pythyrm huffs as his reply comes out.

"My sons are dead.'

Chapter one: Blood is Water

The day was bright overhead in Holis, capital city of Ancardia, and Alaestur walked about the common way looking shop to shop. His cart behind him comprised of a wagon with a horse, and his servant Thogvold, pulled along after him. Alaestur took to heart the words of his dear father.

"Might I suggest spending your inheritance on a warband"

The words seemed to gnaw at him. Yes he had come from one of the richest families in all of Ancardia but no, he did not recieve the true inheritance.,Dragonsbay Roost, his family castle and lands. He was the first in line to recieve it, but when he went to war against the Gshed Empire his younger brother expertly, and conivenly stole away his titles. He did this by sitting on the false tale that Alaestur had died on the front lines. Slowly Alaestur stroked his black goatee as the sun hugged his armour plates like a warm blanket. The bustle of the city around him was intoxicating, from a vendors stall a man shouted the great deal

"Buy a slave! One for 100 silver, two for 200, or better yet! Three for 225 silver!" He pointed at large brawny men, volptuous women, and children so dirty that the whites of their eyes glistened like the moon. The slavemaster looked at Alaestur and called out

"Fair knight surely you need a bedwarmer" as he grabbed a women whose only clothing was a small waist skirt. The woman looked defeated and broken. She didnt even pull away as the slave master grabbed her breasts and motioned them at Alaestur.

Ignorant goddamned fool Alaestur spoke under his breath The bitch has a blade. Sure enough the woman kicked the slavemaster in the balls and drove down hard with her shank aiming to end the slave master.
Moving forward with a quick lightning speed Alaestur grabbed the shank clutching the womans hand and forcing it out of her grasp.

"Not today girl" Alaestur whispered "Next time be better at concealing"

The slavemaster stood after a few moments, wheezing and yelling obscene curses at the girl. He raised his fist and brought it skidding across the girls face. She hit the ground hard into mud and began crying as the slavemaster picked up a lash and lifting up his arm he brought it down in violent arcs. After a few lashes the beautiful girl's back dripped with sanguine blood. Alaestur had seen enough.

"Thats enough slavemaster, how much for her and the those two men on the far right?" Said the fair skinned knight, as he pointed to two huge men nearly twice the size of him their arms were the size of his horses' head. "The slavemaster took a moment and thought "Err.... The girl is 30 silver after I've damaged her the men are 100 silver each. But if you get a child or two, you can have the whole group for lets see 400 even." The devilish grin behind the slavemasters eyes showed something malevolent. Something cold and calculating.

"Deal..." sighed the knight as he counted out four gold and handed it over to the slavemaster. "Where are they from?"

"All are from Qhor, but they speak Ancardian fluently." Came the cold reply.

"Fine put the children in the wagon and bring me the men."

"Yes good sirr."

The two men walked up slowly as they were unchained by their previous master and turned over to Alaestur. They looked strong yet not defiant, humbled but not broken. Men.

"What are your names?" Asked the tall knight as he held out his hand in friendship. He recieved no hand, but rather a very stern reply.

"Orin, this is my brother Rajhal, what do you command of us,master." the bite of the last word stung more than it should've as the knight recoiled.

"My name is Alaestur, you are not slaves any longer and if you wish you may leave." Rajhal turned abruptly and walked away. Orin began to sweat nervously.

"Ha ha.. Rajhal is a joker, please let me go speak to him, My lord."

"Fair enough." Replied Alaestur, as Orin ran after his brother. "Thogvold, pick up the lady and bind her."

"Yes my lord." Thogvold ran over and fell into the mud on his knees picking up the naked woman with enthusiasm.

"Don't worry mi'lady. We'll take care of you." Said the ratty servant. Thogvold was overweight and bald. His high pitched voice was an annoyance to all within earshot. As opposed to Alaestur Orin and Rajhal who were all long haired beautifully sculpted angels with resoundant voices. The woman spat at Thogvold, her blonde hair muddied and tears streamed down her ice blues eyes.

"Monsters...!" She cried "I was a woman... I was proud and had a name..." She ran at Alaestur and hit her hands on his silver breastplate, mudding it up.

"What is your name dear lady?" Spoke the reassuring voice of Alaestur.

"....Lai." She whispered, as her blood rolled around her aides to her stomach side.

"Well, Lai, I'm going to take you to the hospitaller for a few days, and when you're well, we shall go purchase you some fitting clothing of a lady in your positions, okay?" Lai stopped her sobbing as she wiped her tears away and looked at Alaestur. Those ice blue eyes peircing his armour like a diamound arrow and striking home at his heart.
"Really...? For Throki and Herris too?"

"Who?" Asked Alaestur in a quizzical manner.

"The children, Throki, is the boy, and Herris is the girl" said Lai, as she pointed to each child individually.

"Err.. Yes, yes, they'll be provided for as well."

"Okay my lord, I accept."

Alaestur turned around as thogvold lead her off to the hospitaller with Throki and Herris close on Thogvold's heels. Orin was shouting at Rajhal and had been for some time. For ten minutes back and forth they went shouting. After awhile they both walked back.
"My brother and I will come with you, my lord..." Said Orin pompously "but as soldiers, not slaves, we ask for good armours, weapons and food. All this and our lives are yours." Alaestur was marvelled that a slave not even free for one day, had convinced another slave to join with him and follow along for such a little price.

"I agree to your demands, let us check the smiths district, Rajhal jump on the wagon and follow me, Orin.." Said the kind knight "Walk with me we may speak more on your contract" Rajhal jumped onto the wagon and pulled the reins of the horse following after Alaestur. Orin walked alongside Alaestur and pointed to the different stalls as they walked. The district was very cramped people all around pushing and shoving trying to get the best deals. The loud ring of a hammer against an Anvil struck repeatedly and Alaestur followed it all the way there when he arrived he walked up to the blacksmith and ask to try on some armor for his companions. The Blacksmith could not hear over the sound of his hammer and Alaestur had to walk up and grab him.

"I'd like to try on some armor for my friends here could you help us out?"

"What are you looking for leather steel I have a nice steel selection out back? I could get that for you also have some Iron."

"Do you have two sets of steel armor if you do I'd be willing to pay good money for that?"

"Well I do but it's very expensive and I'm not sure if you'd be able to pay for even if you are a knight." The blacksmith looked at him impatiently sort of quizzically as he scratched his head and rummaged about trying to get out to the front of the shop. The blacksmith ran behind the shop quickly and then returned with a few sets of armor. He set them down on the wooden table in front of the night and show them off placing his hands on his hips "Well these are some of my best works I suppose I could let them go for maybe 800 silver I suppose each? I mean these did take me quite a while to forge and I did this all on my own. I'd imagine that you could understand that being a man of position such as yourself."

The knight sighed and looked back at Orin and Rajhal he then reached into his purse and grabbed out 16 gold coins he tossed them to blacksmith and ordered his companions to put on the armor when they had begun to do this they asked the knight to help strap them off he agreed and helped fasten the Strappings which then finished the armor the two men showed off their armor to their master and then both smiling said

"This will do." Came their synonomous reply.Alaestur looked back to the blacksmith

" I believe will need weapons now I am guessing a good sword and shield should do perhaps a great sword or battle ax what do you suggest?"

Sighing loudly blacksmith scratched his head once more

"Well I believe if you're trying to protect a caravan or something swords and shields would go well. But if you want to turn these two men into good bodyguards perhaps a great sword would do best. I guess it's really up to you what you think would go best with them. why not ask them? the Knight turned to his two men and asked them

"What would you to prefer a battle, ax a great sword, or a sword and shield?"
"I will take a sword and shield that's what I've always used." said Orin while Rajhal piped up and said "a battle ax be fine for me I like to be able to cut down big things real quickly" He said with a gleaming smile.

"Fair enough" Chuckled the knight as he turned to the blacksmith "how much will that be?" He jeered with a very sarcastic tone the blacksmith looked very closely at him and said
"Well, I guess I could give you that deal for maybe 200 silver?"
"You guess?"

"I mean of course..! that.. that's the new price go ahead take it take it!" The knight pulled out two more gold pieces and threw them to the blacksmith as they walked back to the wagon and hopped on to it the night turned to Orin and said "Take us to the black flagon we will stay there for the night while Lai is in the hospital." The two men smiled resplendently with their new armor and weapons right away sir and the wagon pulled out into the common way as people move out of the way for the oncoming knight. It was only a few short blocks to the black flagon, and when they had arrived they all jumped down from their wagon. Walking into the inn when Alaestur threw a few copper at the innkeeper and said only a few quick word

"Room and board please"

A promising start of a saga. I like it

Suffers a little from simply being so short. Has a handful of interesting ideas though.

I would thoroughly recommend editing the OP to include your next post of writing. As many people will click on the page, see the very small paragraph and simply dismiss it.

I'm not saying you shouldn't give it a bump when you do write more though.

I will. This was just an intro, perk. I have been away for too long (-.-

Look forward to it.

I like it, but as the others said, it's too short.

Write longer passages, but don't make the text too blocky, as that can be daunting to potential readers, try to break it down into paragraphs of seven to ten lines.

Castra

Pretty cool, agree with the above statements, look forward to more .

Bumped. Btw I tried to make it more of paragraphs, but for conversation I have trouble with it being that form. Lol hope you all enjoy it.

I would personally check for some mistakes and run on sentences, but aside from that, it's pretty interesting. Keep it up!

Will do tonight, thanks for the criticism!

 Mithami wrote:
I would personally check for some mistakes and run on sentences, but aside from that, it's pretty interesting. Keep it up!

This sums up my opinions really.

Chapter one cont.

The pale moon crept slowly onto Holis shining over the city. Alaestur sat in a corner with his feet up on a stool, humming a tune to the bitter wind that danced around outside. His song was caught up, yet deep down in the mines men also toiled the prisoners who worked a death regime. Their only good was to mine away at the precious stones until death, and Alaestur hated this. He knew that his brother would have him dead, his father didn't give a damn, and he had two companions who could fight. His brother had dragons and armies. Yet Alaesturs' wagon was nearly filled to the brim with gold from his inheritance. He'd need to go to south, to Gshed to find an army and dragons. But they knew his name and his face. Making them just as likely to hang the outcast as to sponsor him. Mercenaries from Holis were also an option, but Alaestur knew paying leg and arm for men who may abandon you is risky to say the least. Taking his mind off of the troubles of the world he had for a moment, Alaestur stood up and walked downstairs. The floorboards were creaky, like someone who had rusty bones, and so he made his way down slowly when you reach the common ground he walked up to the bar sat down.

"Do you know of a place where I could find mercy I'm looking for 10 or so?" He'd taken off his shining silver armor when he arrived. Replacing it with his regular tunic, his long black hair flowed over his shoulder it was wet with sweat of a long day but he still hadn't had the time to wash up. The bartender, a blond haired man of fair age looked at him closely.
"Well there's always the Mercenary Guild near the gates, but if you're looking for trustworthy men I'd say go with the Sanctified."The bartender said his words nonchalantly with you know what emotion there was a cold look in his eyes as he stared back into the Knights soul, enrapturing him.
"But it's really up to you what you choose, I mean I can't choose for you."
The night sat back and put his hand up to his chin pondering finally he spoke out
"I was under the impression that the Sanctified were banished from on Ancardia for daemonmancy ?" The bar which have been lively before suddenly quieted after work I'll people spoke on hushed tones as if waiting for the conversation between the bartender and Knight to continue.
"There are only require courage to call on and they are yours. I too was once afraid of the Sanctified. But fear not little Knight they're mostly human."The bartender then smiled wolfish grin but his eyes told a different story one of malicious intent. The entire inn was still mostly silent as they all watch closely as the two men conversed. Like thieves the night Orin and his brother stole down the stairs from the room, completely armored.
"My Lord must go now." The air in the room tensed up as the two men walk over to their Lord and drug him to the room quickly. Alaestur strapped up his armor
"What is going on!?" he cried frantically, his words muddled as he tried to get them out without stumbling over them. He was nervous, he felt something in the air something malevolent that wasn't here to help it wasn't here to enslave, it was here to slaughter. Something like this only happened once before. When a rival kingdom had sent assassins into his home at Dragonsbay roost to kill him.
"Rajhal saw men from Dragonsbay but they weren't men they were...... different."
Did tried to forget the image they painted but you know exactly what they were... Soul Wardens.

Quickly he ran down the stairs with his companions. When they reached the bar on the bottom floor, the scene of carnage unfolded to their faces as six Soul Wardens stood stiff holding aloft heads of the patrons that had been severed completely. The blood that came from the heads was not sanguine but black, its foul stench choking the entire inn.
The giant figures were not really men at all. Dragon soul's which were bound to ancient suits, and harbored the power to steal souls the of men submitting them eternal torment.

"You owe us your soul, Alaestur."

"You'll get nothing you damn Soul Warden!" Screamed Rajhal as he swung his huge battle axe at the lead Soul Warden. It caught his battle axe with one hand, eyes trained on Alaestur still. Slowly it turned its head to Rajhal, ripping the battle axe out of his hands. Sending it clattering across the inn. It placed its hands ever so carefully on the sides of his face leaned in removing its mask as nothingness stared into the former slaves eyes. Alaestur saw his soul being sucked from out of Rajhal's body, and into the Soul Warden "run" was the last word the freed man cried and they ran.

Into the dark night which held nothing but the blood of our brothers.


Tried to fix up the issues you all mentioned. Here you are.

Soul sucking and bloody murder makes my weary self lighten up! Well done. Also very distinct feeling of doom in this thread

Don't worry, once i get my niche back, the blood won't stop flowing. I just have to dig up my old ideas. Haha, it's sure to please you as I expand it more so.

Brutal! I like.

Thanks haha. I need to work on it yet. I've started the cont chapter one part II