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2013/12/25 01:17:46
Subject: Index Astartes: The Unfettered (second draft!)
"My men endured five days upon deployment outside the hive spire gate. They accounted for four thousand two hundred and eighty one enemy casualties. I alone remain to bear witness." - Veteran Sergeant Achava, of the Strike Cruiser Ourang Medan
The Unfettered have reported several conflicting stories of their origin. The most accepted by Imperial scholars is that they are a successor to the Salamanders. Other stories lay claim to the Iron Hands or Raven Guard as primogenitors. A small but vocal minority of the Unfettered maintain that they are descended from more than one genetic source. Others claim to be a splinter of a Black Templar crusade fleet. All agree that their actions now are far more important than their lineage. The date of the chapter's founding is currently unknown.
The current commander of the fleet, Sven the Hanged Man, has called for a cessation of investigations into the origin of the chapter, decrying such action as a pointless waste of the Emperor's precious time. Sven has been criticized for his willingness to negotiate with Tau septs, Eldar craftworlds, and other groups of the Imperium's enemies to buy time to evacuate civilians from imminent combat zones. His detractors in other Astartes chapters and the regimental command of the Imperial Guard have described this tendency as a "dangerous precedent" and "ultimately pointless."
Sven the Hanged Man
"No bread did they give me nor a drink from a horn,
downwards I peered;
I took up the blade, screaming I took it,
then I fell back from there." - Sven the Hanged Man, Fleetmaster
The Hanged Man earned his name and rose to lead the chapter's fleet after avenging the capture, torture, and death of the previous holder of that office - the venerable Fleetmaster Olanrewaju, who had successfully lead the Unfettered for many centuries - at the hands of a coterie of Tzeentchian daemons on the outskirts of the Maelstrom. Olanrewaju had mysteriously vanished several weeks prior, and his location had only just been uncovered by the chapter's Librarius. Then-Chief Librarian Sven quietly took a small flotilla and detachment of the Librarius to mount a surgical rescue operation, both to recover the Fleetmaster and to retrieve the massive relic weapon Tyrving - the chapter's highest badge of office.
Some weeks later, Sven returned, missing a leg and an eye, and carrying with him only two chapter Sternguard, a single Apothecary with a cryo-sealed crate of recovered progenoid glands, and Tyrving. He briefly related his tale: His strike team navigated a terrifying fleshmaze within the Maelstrom upon making planetfall, Sven incinerating scores of lesser daemonic pests along the way with psychic baelfire, with his men doing the same with coordinated bolterfire. At the center of that place, Olanrewaju lay dead and vivisected, obviously slain some time ago - right next to the heirloom blade Tyrving.
Sven and his small rescue team were suddenly ambushed by hordes of daemons that emerged from the fleshy walls of that place. Most of the Astartes were immediately slain by the talons and warpfire of Tzeentch's daemonic servants, and the small remainder were imprisoned in the very walls themselves, held in place by great fleshy tentacles and disembodied claws, before even a single bolter shot was fired.
Sven had been hung, upside-down from the ceiling, by a great tentacle wrapped around his left leg, and he had suffered a grievous wound through his ossified ribcage from the daemon-wielded Tyrving, which continued to bleed despite the efforts of the Larraman's organ implanted within him. Barely within reach below him, impaled into the fibrous floor, was the massive blade he had come to reclaim in lieu of the slain Olanrewaju. After what his armor's internal sensors measured as nine standard days and nine standard nights of ceaseless torment, including the slow and agonizing loss of his right eye at the sadistic pleasure of a Lord of Change who wore a necklace of glowing blue eyes, all of the daemons, suddenly and without warning, vanished into the fleshy and squishy floor of the chamber.
Seeing and sensing none watching, but yet knowing this must be a lie, he seized the opportunity so carelessly offered to him and took hold of the blade Tyrving, which had been driven into the flesh-floor beneath him. The blade refused to cut the daemonic tendril which secured his leg to the ceiling. Seeing no viable alternative, Sven used his recently acquired blade to sever his own left leg above the knee and dropped to the floor. He dragged himself over to the nearest marine with detectable lifesigns - fortunately, an Apothecary - and cut him free of the disgusting wall.
The Apothecary was able to stabilize the lifesigns of two Sternguard and administered the Emperor's mercy and a terse Last Rite to the remaining Battle-Brothers present, carefully extracting and preserving their progenoid glands in the process, including the progenoid of the late Fleetmaster Olanrewaju. The two Sternguard retrieved what little of their fellows' wargear they could, giving priority to functioning equipment, and the four Astartes departed that place with very little resistance.
Upon returning to their fleet in a single Thunderhawk, Sven added the names of those who had fallen in recovery of the mighty relic to the nano-inscribed list of names on the massive blade. He chained Tyrving to his armor as is the custom of its bearer. Sven and those who returned with him were tested and proofed against the influence of Chaos by the Ordo Malleus and fitted with bionics and augmentations. Though Sven was curiously completely unable to use any of the vast psychic ability he had been able to display prior to his capture, as the wielder of Tyrving, he was named Fleetmaster. Chapter Apothecaries confirmed his gene-sequencing and in turn his identity, but the Librarius no longer found a single trace of psyker ability within him.
Recruitment
"Some men are born great. Some men achieve greatness. Some men have greatness thrust upon them." - Brother-Apothecary Abd-al-Qadir, of the Strike Cruiser Skíðblaðnir
As the Unfettered are a fleet-based chapter, they recruit constantly and from any source available to them. Records indicate a heavy reliance on war orphans and other young victims of conflict, with the chapter occasionally inducting recruits that other chapters might deem too old, injured, or sickly. All the willing from every warzone the chapter deploys to who pass basic screenings for mutation and mental competence are enrolled.
The children are sent to the nearest Strike Cruiser and placed into the academy there. Most will become chapter serfs. Only the candidates that show promise for genetic modification and implantation are selected for further testing and mental screening by the Apothecarion and Librarius of the Strike Cruiser. Of those who have passed the first test, dozens more trials are demanded, and only the handful that meet every challenge are allowed to undergo the surgeries and therapies required to begin the path of the Astartes.
Once the recruits have accepted all implants and reached full maturation, they will be assigned to the recon teams based on their Strike Cruiser, and will be deployed into combat under the watchful eye of a seasoned Veteran Sergeant. Upon proving themselves in a reconnaissance role, each new Battle-Brother is assigned to a Tactical squad, where they learn the basics of frontline combat. Every new marine is assigned to either the path of the Vanguard or the path of the Sternguard, based on their combat aptitudes measured by their Sergeants, and are placed in either an Assault or Devastator squad when such a position becomes available, with the most able taking priority.
Each Battle-Brother, before being elevated to Veteran status, must complete a tour of duty with the Deathwatch of the Ordo Xenos. As a result of this policy, the Veterans of the Unfettered are each a wealth of knowledge on facing certain alien foes, with their voice of experience always given the ear it deserves. On the eve of battle, Veterans will tell the tales of their conflicts with the foe about to be engaged, always in a crisp and terse style with little flourish.
Doctrine and Organization
"Persons taking no active part in the hostilities ... shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, without any adverse distinction founded on race ... religion or faith, sex, birth or wealth, or any other similar criteria." - Burnt and damaged parchment of unknown Terran origin, archives of the Strike Cruiser Vladislav Volkov
The Unfettered treat the organization of other Codex Astartes compliant chapters as polite suggestion at best, preferring a more decentralized structure that permits each of their flotillas to function more or less autonomously. Each flotilla has its own favored approaches to battle and preferred combat style. Their organization in this regard is informal enough that approaches vary even at the squad level.
Where other chapters maintain veteran's companies, battle companies, reserve companies, and scout companies, the Unfettered maintain eight battle-ready flotillas, each based on their own extremely modified and heavily-armed Strike Cruiser with full command and support staff, including detachments from the Apothecarion, Reclusiam, Librarius, and Armory. Each flotilla maintains their own veterans, scouts, and vehicle pool. This decentralized organization effectively makes each flotilla a very small chapter.
Each Strike Cruiser is accompanied by a small detatchment of various Astartes frigates, each loaded with a sizable compliment of gunships, boarding vessels, and fighter craft. An Unfettered flotilla is a welcome addition to an Imperial Navy battlegroup in any engagement. As a fleet-based chapter, the Unfettered are well trained in boarding action and ship-to-ship naval combat, though their nature as Astartes necessitates that their chapter serfs fill most shipboard positions in a protracted naval battle.
The Unfettered maintain extremely close ties to the Adeptus Mechanicus, as their highly mobile nature often allows them to accompany and render aid to a nearby Magos on an exploratory journey to chase rumors of an uncorrupted STC template, forgotten archaeotech, or curious Xenos technology. As a result, the Unfettered boast a much larger-than-average stockpile of uncommon wargear, such as plasma weapons, conversion beamers, and even the extremely rare volkite weapons that predate the Great Crusade.
Beliefs and Practices
"None have greater love for the people than this, to lay down one’s life for them, though they know not even your name." - Brother-Chaplain Kaneonuskatew, of the Strike Cruiser Arabella
The Unfettered barely pay lip service to even a secularized version of the veneration of the Emperor, preferring an extremely subdued interpretation of the Emperor as the greatest man to ever live, and studying his methods and achievements. Even this is sometimes regarded as a distant priority - protecting the innocents of the Imperium takes precedence. Each and every Unfettered marine would cross any line in any sand to safeguard the innocent, for all of them were once innocents unsaved, recruited into the service of the Emperor to pay forward the righting of the wrongs visited upon them.
Any from this chapter would leap onto an unexploded grenade, or stand in front of a volley of plasma bolts, or accept the oncoming swing of an enemy power weapon to safeguard an innocent in a combat zone. It is this often foolhardy selflessness that lends itself to the chapter's extensive use of bionics and augmentation - it is a rare Battle-Brother of the Unfettered who does not have at least minor bionic implants, each the result of voluntarily taking risks that other chapters might consider tactically unsound. Each blow accepted for the sake of Humanity removes each Battle-Brother further from the people they have sworn to protect, as they become ever more augmented and mechanical, ever more cold.
Each Strike Cruiser maintains within its Reclusiam shrine, in the heart of the most heavily-armored portion of the ship, a wall of great deeds - recording the sacrifices each brother Astartes has made in the service of the Emperor. Wounds and deaths suffered in the defense of the unwashed masses of the Imperium of Man are recorded on these walls of ceramite plating for all eternity, and there is no higher honor among the Unfettered to be listed among such heroes. The names on the walls are venerated with a fervor usually reserved among the citizens of the Imperium for the Emperor himself.
As an unfortunate result of the chapter's tendency toward dramatic heroic displays, the eight flotillas of the Unfettered are chronically reported as being under maximum strength, with an average of around ninety Astartes - including scouts and veterans - in each. The Unfettered's relatively loose recruiting standards lend themselves to frequent deployment of scouts, and many do not survive battle for long.
Geneseed
"For he today that binds his blood with mine shall be my brother." - Brother-Librarian Tangaroa, of the Strike Cruiser Hahnchen Maru
The geneseed of the Unfettered appears to contain a persistent minor mutation of unknown operation: every Battle-Brother's eyes glow in an electric blue color, like a plasma bolt. No explanation for this mutation is on record, but similar ocular effects are present in the Salamanders, most widely assumed to be their progenitor.
Unpredictable mutation within the chapter is more frequent than average. Such mutation is usually minor and therefore overlooked, such as bony outgrowths on the tips of fingers, or a second set of teeth. Each case is analyzed by the Apothecarion on the sufferer's Strike Cruiser, and only rarely does a mutation develop to the point that the marine's suffering must be ended. According to chapter records, more extensive mutation is more common in the higher echelons of the chapter, with the Librarius and the Unfettered command staff inheriting most of the more extreme and visible mutation, for reasons unexplained.
More than once, alarmed reports of these mutations being the result of the crawling corruption of Chaos have prompted an investigation by an Ordo Malleus inquisitor. Each incident was, according to the report, an extremely typical dance between the Adeptus Astartes and the Inquisition: a cursory surface examination by the investigating inquisitor and a stalwart denial of all corruption by the chapter command staff.
Spoiler:
The Unfettered (first draft)
Origins
"My men endured five days upon deployment outside the hive spire gate. They accounted for four thousand two hundred and eighty one enemy casualties. I alone remain to bear witness." - Veteran Sergeant Achava, of the Fortress Vessel Ourang Medan
The Unfettered have reported several conflicting stories of their origin. The most accepted by Imperial scholars is that they are a successor to the Iron Hands. Other stories lay claim to the Salamanders or Raven Guard as primogenitors. A small but vocal minority of the Unfettered maintain that they are descended from more than one genetic source. Others claim to be a splinter of a Black Templar crusade fleet. All agree that their actions now are far more important than their lineage. The date of the chapter's founding is currently unknown.
The current commander of the fleet, Sven the Hanged Man, has called for a cessation of investigations into the origin of the chapter, decrying such action as a pointless waste of the Emperor's precious time. Sven has been criticized for his willingness to negotiate with Tau septs, Eldar craftworlds, and other groups of the Imperium's enemies to buy time to evacuate civilians from imminent combat zones. His detractors in other Astartes chapters and the regimental command of the Imperial Guard have described this tendency as a "dangerous precedent" and "ultimately pointless."
Equally concerning is the Hanged Man's use of Xenos technology to accomplish his goals. More than concerning is the utter lack of attention that the Ordo Xenos gives these incidents. This deviation appears to be tolerated by the Inquisition due to the chapter's frequent tithe of Xenos technology to the more radical elements within the organization, and the above average participation of the Unfettered in the rotation of the Deathwatch. No official investigation into this matter has yet been filed.
Sven the Hanged Man
"No bread did they give me nor a drink from a horn,
downwards I peered;
I took up the blade, screaming I took it,
then I fell back from there." - Sven the Hanged Man, Fleetmaster
The Hanged Man earned his name and rose to lead the chapter's fleet after avenging the capture, torture, and death of the previous holder of that office - the venerable Fleetmaster Olanrewaju, who had successfully lead the Unfettered for many centuries - at the hands of a coterie of Tzeentchian daemons on the outskirts of the Maelstrom. Olanrewaju had mysteriously vanished several weeks prior, and his location had only just been uncovered by the chapter's Librarius. Then-Chief Librarian Sven quietly took a small flotilla and detachment of the Librarius to mount a surgical rescue operation, both to recover the Fleetmaster and to retrieve the massive relic weapon Caletvwlch - the chapter's highest badge of office.
Some weeks later, Sven returned, missing a leg and an eye, and carrying with him only two chapter Sternguard, a single Apothecary with a cryo-sealed crate of recovered progenoid glands, and Caletvwlch. He briefly related his tale: His strike team navigated a terrifying fleshmaze within the Maelstrom upon making planetfall, Sven incinerating scores of lesser daemonic pests along the way with psychic baelfire, with his men doing the same with coordinated bolterfire. At the center of that place, Olanrewaju lay dead and vivisected, obviously slain some time ago - right next to the heirloom blade Caletvwlch.
Sven and his small rescue team were suddenly ambushed by hordes of daemons that emerged from the fleshy walls of that place. Most of the Astartes were immediately slain by the talons and warpfire of Tzeentch's daemonic servants, and the small remainder were imprisoned in the very walls themselves, held in place by great fleshy tentacles and disembodied claws, before even a single bolter shot was fired.
Sven had been hung, upside-down from the ceiling, by a great tentacle wrapped around his left leg, and he had suffered a grievous wound through his ossified ribcage from the daemon-wielded Caletvwlch, which continued to bleed despite the efforts of the Larraman's organ implanted within him. Barely within reach below him, impaled into the fibrous floor, was the massive blade he had come to reclaim in lieu of the slain Olanrewaju. After what his armor's internal sensors measured as nine standard days and nine standard nights of ceaseless torment, including the slow and agonizing loss of his right eye at the sadistic pleasure of a Lord of Change who wore a necklace of eyes, all of the daemons, suddenly and without warning, vanished into the fleshy and squishy floor of the chamber.
Seeing and sensing none watching, but yet knowing this must be a lie, he seized the opportunity so carelessly offered to him and took hold of the blade Caletvwlch, which had been driven into the flesh-floor beneath him. The blade refused to cut the daemonic tendril which secured his leg to the ceiling. Seeing no viable alternative, Sven used his recently acquired blade to sever his own left leg above the knee and dropped to the floor. He dragged himself over to the nearest marine with detectable lifesigns - fortunately, an Apothecary - and cut him free of the disgusting wall.
The Apothecary was able to stabilize the lifesigns of two Sternguard and administered the Emperor's mercy and a terse Last Rite to the remaining Battle-Brothers present, carefully extracting and preserving their progenoid glands in the process, including the progenoid of the late Fleetmaster Olanrewaju. The two Sternguard retrieved what little of their fellows' wargear they could, giving priority to functioning equipment, and the four Astartes departed that place with very little resistance.
Upon returning to their fleet in a single Thunderhawk and nano-inscribing the names of those who had fallen onto the massive blade and chaining Caletvwlch to his armor as is the custom of its bearer, Sven and those who returned with him were tested and proofed against the influence of Chaos by the Ordo Malleus and fitted with bionics and augmentations. Though Sven was curiously completely unable to use any of the vast psychic ability he had been able to display prior to his capture, as the wielder of Caletvwlch, he was named Fleetmaster. Chapter Apothecaries confirmed his gene-sequencing and in turn his identity, but the Librarius no longer found a single trace of psyker ability within him.
Recruitment
"Some men are born great. Some men achieve greatness. Some men have greatness thrust upon them." - Brother-Apothecary Abd-al-Qadir, of the Fortress Vessel Skíðblaðnir
As the Unfettered are a fleet-based chapter, they recruit constantly and from any source available to them. Records indicate a heavy reliance on war orphans and other young victims of conflict, with the chapter occasionally inducting recruits that other chapters might deem too old, injured, or sickly. All the willing from every warzone the chapter deploys to who pass basic screenings for mutation and mental competence are enrolled.
The children are sent to the nearest Fortress Vessel and placed into the academy there. Most will become chapter serfs. Only the candidates that show promise for genetic modification and implantation are selected for further testing and mental screening by the Apothecarion and Librarius of the Fortress Vessel. Of those who have passed the first test, dozens more trials are demanded, and only the handful that meet every challenge are allowed to undergo the surgeries and therapies required to begin the path of the Astartes.
Once the recruits have accepted all implants and reached full maturation, they will be assigned to the recon teams based on their Fortress Vessel, and will be deployed into combat under the watchful eye of a seasoned Veteran Sergeant. Upon proving themselves in a reconnaissance role, each now Battle-Brother is assigned to a Tactical squad, where they learn the basics of frontline combat. Every new marine is assigned to either the path of the Vanguard or the path of the Sternguard, based on their combat aptitudes measured by their Sergeants, and are placed in either an Assault or Devastator squad when such a position becomes available, with the most able taking priority.
Doctrine and Organization
"Persons taking no active part in the hostilities ... shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, without any adverse distinction founded on race ... religion or faith, sex, birth or wealth, or any other similar criteria." - Burnt and damaged parchment of unknown Terran origin, archives of the Fortress Vessel Vladislav Volkov
The Unfettered treat the Codex Astartes as polite suggestion at best, preferring lightning raids, airborne assaults, and hit-and-run tactics. The Unfettered eschew the methods of the Codex, referring to its tenets as "flowchart tactics," in favor of a more fluid and reactive approach to each battle. Loose concepts of warfare are taught in their academies, not the rigid rules of Guilliman. Their organization in this regard is informal enough that approaches vary even at the squad level.
Where other chapters maintain veteran's companies, battle companies, reserve companies, and scout companies, the Unfettered maintain eight battle-ready flotillas, each based on their own Fortress Vessel with full command and support staff, including detachments from the Apothecarion, Reclusiam, Librarius, and Armory. Each flotilla maintains their own veterans, scouts, and vehicle pool. This decentralized organization effectively makes each flotilla a very small chapter.
Each Fortress Vessel is a miniature fortress monastery in its own right, and is accompanied by a small detatchment of battle barges, strike cruisers and various frigates, each loaded with a sizable compliment of gunships, boarding vessels, and fighter craft. An Unfettered flotilla is a welcome addition to an Imperial Navy battlegroup in any engagement. As a fleet-based chapter, the Unfettered are well trained in boarding action and ship-to-ship naval combat, though their nature as Astartes necessitates that their chapter serfs fill most shipboard positions in a protracted naval battle.
The Unfettered maintain extremely close ties to the Adeptus Mechanicus. Their highly mobile nature often allows them to accompany a nearby Magos on an exploratory journey to chase rumors of an uncorrupted STC template, forgotten archaeotech, or curious Xenos technology. The Unfettered boast a much larger-than-average stockpile of rare wargear, such as plasma weapons, conversion beamers, and even the extremely rare volkite weapons that predate the Great Crusade. It is assumed that the chapter's frequent service to the Adeptus Mechanicus causes Mars to overlook the risk of such an unsecured treasure.
Beliefs and Practices
"None have greater love for the people than this, to lay down one’s life for them, though they know not even your name." - Brother-Chaplain Kaneonuskatew, of the Fortress Vessel Arabella
The Unfettered barely pay lip service to even a secularized version of the veneration of the Emperor, preferring an extremely subdued interpretation of the Emperor as the greatest man to ever live, and studying his methods and achievements. Even this is sometimes regarded as a distant priority - protecting the innocents of the Imperium takes precedence. Each and every Unfettered marine would cross any line in any sand to safeguard the innocent, for all of them were once innocents unsaved, recruited into the service of the Emperor to pay forward the righting of the wrongs visited upon them.
Any from this chapter would leap onto an unexploded grenade, or stand in front of a volley of plasma bolts, or accept the oncoming swing of an enemy power weapon to safeguard an innocent in a combat zone. It is this often foolhardy selflessness that lends itself to the chapter's extensive use of bionics and augmentation - it is a rare Battle-Brother of the Unfettered who does not have at least minor bionic implants, each the result of voluntarily taking risks that other chapters might consider tactically unsound. The chapter boasts more than the usual amount of Dreadnoughts for the same reason. The chapter's predilection for mechanical self-augmentation lead many to assume descent from the primarch Ferrus Mannus. Each blow accepted for the sake of Humanity removes each Battle-Brother further from the people they have sworn to protect, as they become ever more augmented and mechanical, ever more cold.
Each Fortress Vessel maintains within its Reclusiam shrine, in the heart of the most heavily-armored portion of the ship, a wall of great deeds - recording the sacrifices each brother Astartes has made in the service of the Emperor. Wounds and deaths suffered in the defense of the unwashed masses of the Imperium of Man are recorded on these walls of ceramite plating for all eternity, and there is no higher honor among the Unfettered to be listed among such heroes. The names on the walls are venerated with a fervor usually reserved among the citizens of the Imperium for the Emperor himself. These unorthodox cult practices earn more than a few sideways glances from the Ordo Hereticus, though the office is content to leave the Unfettered alone, for now.
Geneseed
"For he today that binds his blood with mine shall be my brother." - Brother-Librarian Tangaroa, of the Fortress Vessel Hahnchen Maru
The geneseed of the Unfettered appears to contain minor mutations to the Oolitic Kidney and Melanchromic Organ, causing their functions to occasionally be imbalanced in such a way that the Battle-Brother's skin is turned an unusual colour due to it's secretions, typically either a pale white or a pure black. This characteristic is behind rumors that the chapter is descended from either the primarch Corvus Corax or Vulkan, though neither rumor offers an explanation for the opposite skin tone.
For whatever reason, unpredicted mutation within the chapter is more frequent than average. Such mutation is usually minor and therefore overlooked, such as bony outgrowths on the tips of fingers, or a second set of teeth. Each case is analyzed by the Apothecarion on the sufferer's Fortress Vessel, and only rarely does a mutation develop to the point that the marine's suffering must be ended.
According to chapter records, such mutation is more common in the higher echelons of the chapter, with the Librarius and the Unfettered command staff inheriting most of the more extreme mutation, for reasons unexplained. More than once, this has prompted an investigation by an Ordo Malleus inquisitor. Each incident was, according to the report, an extremely typical dance between the Adeptus Astartes and the Inquisition: a cursory surface examination by the investigating inquisitor and a stalwart denial of all corruption by the chapter command staff. Though each investigation has officially turned up no damning evidence, each involved inquisitor has curiously been listed as a casualty in battle shortly after their report was broadcast via Astropath.
This message was edited 28 times. Last update was at 2014/01/23 01:47:46
The above article is intended to be akin to an entry in an Imperial database somewhere about this chapter, so it's written from that in-universe perspective. That said, I'm going to use THIS post to explain some things, out-of-universe style.
The Unfettered will do anything (anything) to protect the Imperium. Using Xenos tech, temporarily allying with Orks, signing short-term treaties with Eldar, consorting with Chaos... anything. They'll damn themselves to protect the people, with a second man waiting behind the curtain to execute the first as a mercy kill when the consequences catch up to them.
In my mind, they're a plaything of Tzeentch because of this attitude, hence the Tzeentchian daemons backstory for the chapter master. The relic blade in the story is secretly (and I mean really secretly, the wielder may not even be aware of it) a daemon weapon inhabited by yet another Tzeentchian daemon. The reason Sven's psyker talent disappeared is because it's all being used to (subconciously?) fight the influence of the sword. Obviously I can't out and SAY that in the article above, as that would imply the Imperium for some reason just doesn't care about Chaos, which we all know is a big fat lie.
I'm trying to create here a truly heroic chapter that fights for the people - and not the Administratum - in a really selfless way, and to highlight the dark underbelly of what that would actually mean in the grimdark 40k universe. I'm trying to make them less like noble warrior monks and to give them a character that really cares about some poor slob living in Hive Spire B, 391st floor, hab block A, room 91, but is still fatalistically aware of the crap nature of the world they inhabit.
Sven himself, and his story, are a big fat reference to the Rúnatáls-þáttr-Óðins poem of Norse tradition:
I know that I hung on a windy tree
nine long nights,
wounded with a spear, dedicated to Odin,
myself to myself,
on that tree of which no man knows
from where its roots run.
No bread did they give me nor a drink from a horn,
downwards I peered;
I took up the runes, screaming I took them,
then I fell back from there.
His loss of an eye as the price for knowledge and power (the blade represents these things within his story) is a reference to both Odin and Magnus the Red (not to imply a genetic connection, but to cement the "plaything of Tzeentch" angle), and the stab wound to the chest referenced both Odin and the biblical story of Longinus, the Roman soldier who wounded Christ on the cross. Some pretty heavy references, yes. Ultimately pointless to the story? Probably. But I like references. So there.
This message was edited 5 times. Last update was at 2013/12/31 01:08:49
You do realize that Sternguards & Vanguards are veterns With a long service record, and not raw recruits, or relativcly fresh Tactical marines. Also I find your Marines willingness to negotaite With xenos rather distasteful.
The same goes for their somewhat poorly made realtionship With the different Inqusitorial agenceys.
Trondheim wrote: You do realize that Sternguards & Vanguards are veterns With a long service record, and not raw recruits, or relativcly fresh Tactical marines.
"On the path," not "in the squad." Trying to differentiate from the Codex Astartes here, with its nonsensical "scouts -> assault squad -> devastator squad -> tactical squad" training progression. The progression for this chapter is either "scouts -> tactical squad -> assault squad -> vanguard squad," or "scouts -> tactical squad -> devastator squad -> sternguard squad," depending on individual marine combat aptitude, i.e. whether the marine favors assault or shooty.
Trondheim wrote: Also I find your Marines willingness to negotaite With xenos rather distasteful.
Then it's working!
Trondheim wrote: The same goes for their somewhat poorly made realtionship With the different Inqusitorial agenceys.
The Blood Angels, Dark Angels and Space Wolves, among others, have poor-to-middling relations with the Inquisition due to their own deviance and secrecy, this is nothing new for an Adeptus Astartes chapter.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2013/12/25 12:52:36
No those Chapters have long and very Clear cut reasons to not see eye to eye with the different Ordos, and they do face Challenges due to it. Yours however are just plain and not at all well explained or even intresting reasons.
And as for Your Chapter master and his daemonic encounter....Dont go full Mary sue just to make him come across as special. And that encounter alone would make the Ordo Malleus look at the Chapter with rather unkind eyes.
Trondheim wrote: No those Chapters have long and very Clear cut reasons to not see eye to eye with the different Ordos, and they do face Challenges due to it. Yours however are just plain and not at all well explained or even intresting reasons.
This is a short Index Astartes article. It can't possibly rival the decades of studio fluff that the published chapters have. It's a brief treatment, and nowhere does it indicate that the chapter's relationship with various orders of the inquisition don't cause them problems. Why do you find them plain and uninteresting?
Trondheim wrote: And as for Your Chapter master and his daemonic encounter....Dont go full Mary sue just to make him come across as special. And that encounter alone would make the Ordo Malleus look at the Chapter with rather unkind eyes.
I don't want to make him Kaldor Draigo but I do want him to have an impressive event in his backstory. Would fewer daemons (perhaps a prince and a handful of lesser daemons) be less over the top?
I'm not sure how the Ordo Malleus would respond, because Lysander was welcomed back after his century (centuries?) lost with the Iron Warriors.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2013/12/25 21:36:56
The daemons bit stuck out to me when I read this through and it does seem quite a feat.
If you were to look to the Bloodquest graphic novels then there is a similar-ish reason that Leonatos went into the Eye of Terror to recover the Blade Encarmine. I might suggest that, instead of single-handedly defeating a group of daemon prince, that the recovery of the weapon is the crucial aspect here.
Perhaps Sven was sworn to be the protector of the Fleet Commander (a name for him would be good) and that his capture, torture and death of the Fleet Commander as well as the loss of the weapon was a great stain upon Sven and he went in the Maelstrom to recover the weapon and restore his honour. That alone would be a great achievement without you having to elaborate on just what he had to do in the Maelstrom. He also has a personal grudge with these daemons which you can use as a plot element in the future (not that, as daemons, they wouldn't still be able to come back anyway, but having him defeat them already does but a dampner on that).
Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!
Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
Gogsnik wrote: If you were to look to the Bloodquest graphic novels then there is a similar-ish reason that Leonatos went into the Eye of Terror to recover the Blade Encarmine. I might suggest that, instead of single-handedly defeating a group of daemon prince, that the recovery of the weapon is the crucial aspect here.
Perhaps Sven was sworn to be the protector of the Fleet Commander (a name for him would be good) and that his capture, torture and death of the Fleet Commander as well as the loss of the weapon was a great stain upon Sven and he went in the Maelstrom to recover the weapon and restore his honour. That alone would be a great achievement without you having to elaborate on just what he had to do in the Maelstrom.
This is a good idea. I'll flesh out the story more and try to allude slightly to the chapter's darker tendancies. I'm trying to keep such allusions oblique, because as an Index Astartes entry, this is meant to be an in-universe collection of data on the chapter collected by Imperial sources.
j31c3n wrote: This is a good idea. I'll flesh out the story more and try to allude slightly to the chapter's darker tendancies. I'm trying to keep such allusions oblique, because as an Index Astartes entry, this is meant to be an in-universe collection of data on the chapter collected by Imperial sources.
I fleshed out Sven's backstory, giving it its' own heading in the article. I cleaned up some sloppy references to geneseed that made no sense, and I added some small depth to the chapter's relationship to the various orders of the Inquisition.
I really liked the "Index Astartes" style you used for your first post. Very nice!
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?)
I really enjoyed reading that. Everything from the concept to the presentation was bang-on. I assume your tweaks addressed the criticisms posted earlier, as I couldn't find anything to quibble about!
Necroagogo wrote: I really enjoyed reading that. Everything from the concept to the presentation was bang-on. I assume your tweaks addressed the criticisms posted earlier, as I couldn't find anything to quibble about!
Originally, I had a few strange references linking learned behavior such as tactics to geneseed directly (such as suggesting hit-and-run tactics indicated a link to the Raven Guard), and the story of Sven was far less fleshed-out and way more unbelievable (he fought three daemon princes somehow). The "hat" of the chapter (damn yourself to save the little guy) was also less well-defined, and as a result they came off as a sort of dull Heroic Marine Chapter #1138 or whatever.
I went ahead and made some revisions, so now we're officially on the second draft. Let me know what you think!
I've deliberately made the mutations the chapter suffers vague, so that the reader can draw their own conclusions. I've removed references to the chapter using xenotech freely and without outside concern. I've removed the idea that the Witchhunters would care about something as benign as a memorial wall. I've deleted references to the chapter getting away with murdering Inquisitors.
I've changed all references to "fortress vessels" to "strike cruisers," and explained in the text that each cruiser is highly modified and heavily armed for its class. The fleet has no battle barges now, which is fine, becaue I've always felt it was dumb to call a warship a "barge" purely for alliterative reasons.
I've changed the nature of their predictable chapter mutation to something more uniform and cooler, and removed references about various things fueling rumors about their genetic heritage. I've changed the "most accepted" primogenitor from Iron Hands to Salamanders, because that's now the chapter they most resemble genetically (glowing eyes - there's lots of radiation in space).
I've made a very small change to the story of the Hanged Man to imply something sinister there. Finally (I think this is the last of it), I've added a reference to the chapter being chronically understrength. Ninety marines per flotilla doesn't sound that understrength, but they only have eight flotillas. That's 720 marines in the chapter, instead of 1000. About 75% of a full strength Codex chapter.
Third paragraph of 'Recruitment' reads "now battle-brother"; it should say 'new'.
Third paragraph of 'Doctrine and Organisation' reads "various Astares"; you've missed out the second 't' in Astartes.
Seventh paragraph of 'Sven the Hanged Man' starts with quite a convoluted run-on sentence which you might like to tweak a little.
Spoiler:
Upon returning to their fleet in a single Thunderhawk, and having added the names of those who had fallen in recovery of the mighty relic to the nano-inscribed list of names on the massive blade, and chaining Caletvwlch to his armor, as is the custom of its bearer, Sven and those who returned with him were tested and proofed against the influence of Chaos by the Ordo Malleus and fitted with bionics and augmentations.
I added some punctuation which makes it easier to read for me, just as an example of what I'm getting at.
Overall, I like this quite a bit (perhaps not least because you've got some themes about Chapter Organisation which I have used for my own Chapter but then I was heavily 'inspired' by the Alpha Legion in that regard) and I really like the whole Beliefs and Practices section, especially with the Unfettered becoming less human even as they act with humanity towards ordinary people; I can see a veteran doing something incredibly heroic and noble to save some citizens and yet being so detached from humanity he barely sees them as living creatures which then totally demoralises the citizens when they realise this.
Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!
Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
2014/01/18 07:54:10
Subject: Re:Index Astartes: The Unfettered (second draft!)
Third paragraph of 'Recruitment' reads "now battle-brother"; it should say 'new'.
Third paragraph of 'Doctrine and Organisation' reads "various Astares"; you've missed out the second 't' in Astartes.
Seventh paragraph of 'Sven the Hanged Man' starts with quite a convoluted run-on sentence which you might like to tweak a little.
and I really like the whole Beliefs and Practices section, especially with the Unfettered becoming less human even as they act with humanity towards ordinary people; I can see a veteran doing something incredibly heroic and noble to save some citizens and yet being so detached from humanity he barely sees them as living creatures which then totally demoralises the citizens when they realise this.
Thank you, I was going for a flavorful tragedy there. Glad you liked it!
I always enjoy reading good IAs and I've enjoyed reading this one. I like that they are 'good guys' and try their best, perhaps more than their best, to help civilians. I wouldn't want to see every Chapter be like that but it's good to see anyway, especially when you have the tragic reality of it and these Marines are killing themselves in one way or another to help ordinary folks that, all being equal, really are utterly expendable. It's GrimDark in the best way.
Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!
Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
2014/01/20 04:31:44
Subject: Re:Index Astartes: The Unfettered (second draft!)
Hmm, well I can see that from a certain angle you could call it generic but potentially it could also be the jumping off point for, a specific Inquisitor say, gunning for the Chapter. On the surface it could just be a something or nothing, routine exercise since the Chapter does have some mutations but beneath that veneer are a few political shenanigans starting to develop.
Perhaps something might be made of the lengths to which the Unfettered aide civilians, maybe they are a little too helpful... It would be interesting to see genuine humanity and self-sacrifice twisted into something that implies certain proclivities within the Chapter.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/01/21 00:14:57
Be Pure!
Be Vigilant!
BEHAVE!
Show me your god and I'll send you a warhead because my god's bigger than your god.
2014/01/21 00:41:03
Subject: Re:Index Astartes: The Unfettered (second draft!)
Well, I want their heroism to be sincere and selfless, but reckless. I want them to not care about any consequence that might affect themselves. Each of them must be willing to die to save a single worthless human life.
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?) 
