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Made in sa
Bane Lord Tartar Sauce





Saudi Arabia

Edit: Please delete

This message was edited 6 times. Last update was at 2014/01/26 21:26:50


IMPOSSIBLE IS RELATIVE
Boss, everything you make is gold.

Dubstep Tau, let there be LIGHT.
Blind them with SCIENCE, a tutorial series for adding LEDs and effects to your models.
Powerlifting and Plasma, a Romantic Comedy 
   
Made in gb
Is 'Eavy Metal Calling?





UK

I like it. Suitably tongue-in-cheek funny, well-written and with some intriguing concepts. (tiny robots that kill you after hiding inside sausages? I want some. )

Are you perchance a fan of Terry Pratchett? As this reads very much like something out of Diskworld. All it needed was a line about pointy shoes and it would be truly Pratchetesque.

The only other thing I'd raise is that you might want to just put some more breaks in the last half. Although it's incorrect from a literary point of view to insert random paragraph breaks, it does help for reading it online. Just a line left every 5-10 lines would make it far easier to read.

 
   
Made in sa
Bane Lord Tartar Sauce





Saudi Arabia

The first chapter is definitely something out of Pratchett, as when I started the project I had been reading a lot of Discworld and it helped me to shape the overall tone. But from then on you see a little more influence from Jim Butcher and a couple others. I guess I could go back in and put in a few breaks just for online reading too. The first few paragraphs were a bit of a text wall so I broke them up already.

IMPOSSIBLE IS RELATIVE
Boss, everything you make is gold.

Dubstep Tau, let there be LIGHT.
Blind them with SCIENCE, a tutorial series for adding LEDs and effects to your models.
Powerlifting and Plasma, a Romantic Comedy 
   
 
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