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Hi guys,

Been reading a few stories out there and started some serious reading (Horus Heresy initial trilogy)

Finally caught the writing bug.

So here goes my first story writing attempt.

***

"Please spare me! I am innocent" Orthus proclaimed as blood dripped from his battered face and scarred body.


There was no one in front of him. The only thing he saw were the cold chains wrapped around his wrists as he stood slightly suspended.


His prison was dark, the only visible light illuminating his mutilated flesh.


"Lies..." the voice came from his left, followed by the sound of metal boots clanking its way around to the front of Orthus's vision. As the voice spoke, a hand reached towards him with a pale blue flame taking form. The speaker's cybernetic red eye stared at him intently, the other eye pupil-less. "We have seen you and your kind head to the mountains of Solitude" His respirator unmoving as he spoke "and we have come to investigate Why."


The flame burning brighter, blinding Orthus and forcing him to close his eyes and attempt to look away. Alas, he could not as his neck refused to turn regardless of what his mind has ordered. So this is terror... and with that thought Orthus blacked out.


***

How was it? Any suggestions on how to improve it?

What is the best strategy to expand the story?
How long should a short story be? 4 -5 times the length of this intro sufficient?

Hoping for constructive criticism.


-Dert

There's not really enough to critique TBH. And it's only based on a few moments in time. It needs expanding upon.

I just realised how short it is after looking at it on a computer screen rather then my phone...

Writing up the second scene which should be about 3 times this length.

I think it certainly has promise.

I know the best way to write is to create a detailed list of notes that cover what you want to happen and formulate a comprehensive plan but I just start typing and see what comes out. If you've done the same and aren't sure what exactly to rite next (I often 'see' a scene in my mind but with little context of how to expand that one image into a full length story) then there are a few things that occur to me with your piece.

Firstly, you have the main character and his interrogator so you have the ability to flashback to how he came to be captured and who he is, you can also detail the interrogator and his motives. Then you can move forwards with the interrogation, perhaps with a little exposition from the interrogator to let the audience know a few details of what's going on in the Mountains of Solitude and why that is important. Once that has been completed, if that is what you wish to cover of course, you will need to move on from the interrogation, presumably with the main character either being allowed to go free or escaping and if he wasn't going into the Mountains before, he probably will have to now!

I wouldn't worry too much about length, just type as much as feels comfortable.

Okay, here's the thing. It's clear that you've got some good ideas in terms of setting a scene. But the execution needs a lot of work. You have two things that you need to work on most of all. The first is mechanics, that means grammar and punctuation. The second is length, which of course means that for every sentence you have here there should really be four or even six more sentences. If you don't know what to talk about in those sentences, just start talking about something. The floor, the walls, the ceiling, his face, his hair, the breakfast he had that morning; it all goes into setting the scene and creating something that the reader can sink their teeth into.

When he blacks out you can have him relive a memory of why he came to said place and how he was captured by (enter name) to add a bit of background to the character, as well as his motives or anything else you think needs putting in.
If he was captured with a fight, you could use the part where he's captured as a link back to the interogation as he comes round and feels the fiend at work on his flesh. Sort of like when your waking from a vivid dream and arn't quite sure if what your experiencing is real or not, with the sensation of pain being the linking factor between his capture and his on going torture, with the next slice, cut, gouge, etc bringing back his clarity and the story back to the present.