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2011/06/16 20:21:00
Subject: The cathedral.
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Ruthless Interrogator
Confused
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And suddenly, when they think they're safe....
CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!
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Coolyo294 wrote: You are a strange, strange little manchicken.
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2103/07/16 02:22:15
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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Nah, they think they are safe, get drunk and then the fun starts... 
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Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/16 20:22:56
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Ruthless Interrogator
Confused
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loner wrote:Nah, they think they are safe, get drunk and then the fun starts...
I hope you're not implying what I think you are...
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Coolyo294 wrote: You are a strange, strange little manchicken.
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2011/06/16 20:24:17
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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Chaos Deamonettes? 
Nah... Just a new parts up...
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Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/16 20:35:37
Subject: The cathedral.
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Clousseau
http://darkspenthouse.punbb-hosting.com/index.php
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for all the allure of daemonettes, you'l never guess what they have under those bikini's (shudders)
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"The young and foolish seek glory and recognition for their deeds, brother, the experienced and old know that recognition and medals are precisely the same worth as ork gak."
-Avarian Pentus--Deathwatch Apothecary |
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2011/06/16 21:05:17
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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Last part for today...
I'm going to get some sleep.
I didn't proofread, so there might be some mistakes...
Have fun!
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/06/16 21:07:21
Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/17 06:00:37
Subject: The cathedral.
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Clousseau
http://darkspenthouse.punbb-hosting.com/index.php
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sorry for not checking the story for mistakes.
I had to get to sleep.
anyhow
POST FOR THE POST GOD! MOAR FOR THE MOAR THRONE!
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"The young and foolish seek glory and recognition for their deeds, brother, the experienced and old know that recognition and medals are precisely the same worth as ork gak."
-Avarian Pentus--Deathwatch Apothecary |
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2011/06/17 13:48:37
Subject: The cathedral.
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Wight Lord with the Sword of Kings
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Samuel Linius is just.. him weapon oil, ftw!  awsome!
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/06/17 13:56:31
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2011/06/17 20:18:57
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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Trollpie requested, Loner delivers.
A new part is up.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/06/17 22:34:11
Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/17 20:52:23
Subject: The cathedral.
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Clousseau
http://darkspenthouse.punbb-hosting.com/index.php
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?
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"The young and foolish seek glory and recognition for their deeds, brother, the experienced and old know that recognition and medals are precisely the same worth as ork gak."
-Avarian Pentus--Deathwatch Apothecary |
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2011/06/17 22:33:36
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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Trollpie said I missed a part about where Morbosis killed a lot of heretics and mutants...
(I believe it's on the first page...)
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Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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20138013/06/22 08:40:09
Subject: The cathedral.
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Clousseau
http://darkspenthouse.punbb-hosting.com/index.php
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ahh
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"The young and foolish seek glory and recognition for their deeds, brother, the experienced and old know that recognition and medals are precisely the same worth as ork gak."
-Avarian Pentus--Deathwatch Apothecary |
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2011/06/18 11:16:14
Subject: The cathedral.
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Wight Lord with the Sword of Kings
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awsome
more, more, more (beer)!
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2011/06/18 16:16:23
Subject: The cathedral.
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Ruthless Interrogator
Confused
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Hurray! Faticus strikes again!
Thanks, loner
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Coolyo294 wrote: You are a strange, strange little manchicken.
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2011/06/18 21:15:15
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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New part's up!
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Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/18 21:19:37
Subject: The cathedral.
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Ruthless Interrogator
Confused
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Laurus! NOOOOOOOO!
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Coolyo294 wrote: You are a strange, strange little manchicken.
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2011/06/19 09:17:05
Subject: The cathedral.
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Wight Lord with the Sword of Kings
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Laurus!  sure I wasnt drunk and thats real? 
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2011/06/21 18:43:50
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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Am I being trolled here? 
Laurus is just a name mentioned like three times?
And a new part is up.
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Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/21 19:56:59
Subject: The cathedral.
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Clousseau
http://darkspenthouse.punbb-hosting.com/index.php
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hahaha!
larry has brought 'The Thing' onto the field of battle even though it looks more like an ork contraption than an imperial design
(it also has the name 'The Thing' painted on the side n garish red paint and is easily disassembled)
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"The young and foolish seek glory and recognition for their deeds, brother, the experienced and old know that recognition and medals are precisely the same worth as ork gak."
-Avarian Pentus--Deathwatch Apothecary |
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2011/06/21 20:08:07
Subject: The cathedral.
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Clousseau
http://darkspenthouse.punbb-hosting.com/index.php
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love the story!
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"The young and foolish seek glory and recognition for their deeds, brother, the experienced and old know that recognition and medals are precisely the same worth as ork gak."
-Avarian Pentus--Deathwatch Apothecary |
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2011/06/22 07:45:26
Subject: The cathedral.
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Wight Lord with the Sword of Kings
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Im gone!
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2011/06/23 20:21:16
Subject: Re:The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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New part!
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Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/24 06:16:12
Subject: The cathedral.
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Wight Lord with the Sword of Kings
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I see, and I like it Now, again, where am I??!
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2011/06/24 20:13:24
Subject: The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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thenoobbomb wrote:I see, and I like it Now, again, where am I??!
I don't know... You tell me...
And as for all things... All good things end, as is our story...
You like it? What's bad and what could be better? (In the next story?)
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Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/24 20:26:03
Subject: The cathedral.
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Ruthless Interrogator
Confused
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Yay! More heretics fall to my might.
For the next story, what you could improve upon is the adjectives you use and the sentence structures a bit. For example, "a lot" is useful for saying how much egg you ate this morning, but doesn't sound very dramatic when describing epic battles. And some sentences end at the wrong moment, when they could be joined to the next by a comma or colon. When you write lots of short sentences, it reads a bit wierdly, repeatedly starting and stopping and going at an awkward pace.
Aside from that, good and I look forward to hearing more on me turning the enemies of the Imperium in to piles of molten slag. And my meltagun itches for filthy xenos blood...
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Coolyo294 wrote: You are a strange, strange little manchicken.
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2011/06/24 20:32:48
Subject: The cathedral.
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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot
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TrollPie wrote:Yay! More heretics fall to my might.
For the next story, what you could improve upon is the adjectives you use and the sentence structures a bit. For example, "a lot" is useful for saying how much egg you ate this morning, but doesn't sound very dramatic when describing epic battles. And some sentences end at the wrong moment, when they could be joined to the next by a comma or colon. When you write lots of short sentences, it reads a bit wierdly, repeatedly starting and stopping and going at an awkward pace.
Aside from that, good and I look forward to hearing more on me turning the enemies of the Imperium in to piles of molten slag. And my meltagun itches for filthy xenos blood...
I'll review it tomorrow to see what I can change.
(I've read the text so many times, it comes out of my brains...)
Perhaps you can post an example?
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Overall Record W-L-D = 22-24-15
Bataviran 197th/222nd Catachan "Iron Wolves", arrogant, dedicated and ruthless!
Captain Detlev Vordon, regimental commander.
Colonel Vladimir Russki, regimental commander 222nd Catachan. |
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2011/06/25 10:31:34
Subject: The cathedral.
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Wight Lord with the Sword of Kings
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Me? Running away!  How did he dare to think that!
I liked it very much anyways
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