nomotog wrote:I think it's meant to be silly most times. Ironic back humor and things. (IG and tau are actually joke armies) Then there are people who want to play it straight. As actual drama. Those people kind of bug me.
You just gotta go with the flow, right? Here's a 'fluffy' batrep that I did a while back that is, I think, in line with what
GW is trying to convey:
*******TRANSCRIPT OF COURT MARTIAL OF ACTING CAPTAIN JULIUS MARX 114TH PRAETORIAN REGIMENT M4<REDACTED>*******
MARX: So I got bumped to Captain on a field promotion and we got dropped on
ag world <REDACTED> to assist with the harvest tax levy and improve civilian morale. We hit a few snags with quotas but compliance improved after fairly nominal morale improvement measures. We'd topped off the last of the mass graves when we received a distress call from an inbound supply freighter. They'd taken fire from an unidentified Xenos craft, dumped their cargo, and were going down in the heart of some Feral Ork-infested jungle a few hundred klicks from our location. We loaded up, headed out for retrieval, and got off-loaded in the vicinity of where they'd dumped the cargo in the north polar region (exact coordinates were unavailable as we lost radio contact with the crew about half an hour before we reached the suspected dump zone).
We rolled in with 5 Chimeras, 3 Hydras, a Punisher and an Executioner that was mistakenly assigned to our company. Dawn was breaking and things looked fairly routine until we picked up life form readings in an abandoned weather monitoring station. The Executioner lit up the building with it's searchlight and we pounded it with everything we had and then all hell broke loose. A platoon of red-armoured humanoids came boiling down our left flank, supported by some sort of heavily armoured assault flier. I radioed for pickup and swung the right side of our line up to grab most of the cargo while the Executioner rumbled out on a flank-support position on our far left and the Punisher reversed to close off our line. The Hydras poured fire into the flier and managed to down it just as it closed on the Punisher and vaped it with some sort of melta-type weapon. The Executioner succeeded in drawing their rapid-assault troops away from the bulk of our forces and was rapidly destroyed. A squad of the red-armoured humanoids crawled out of the downed flier along with an armoured assault walker, something like a giant Sentinel but emblazened with blasphemous icons to a winged god, or skulls, or something. I ordered my men to bring down the walker, which was struggling through the ice forest towards our position, but our fire proved ineffective. We were in good position to retrieve the bulk of the cargo but our airlift support continued to reply that they were having difficulty locating our exact position. Things get hazy after this; I know that a red-armoured tank appeared and our line started to crumb... strategically redeploy. Myself and the rest of the command squad (deployed at the forefront of the line, as one would expect) had to leave our Chimera due to sudden, unexpected mechanical failures and a massive fire. While attempting to restore order I found myself and my medic to be the only members of the command squad to be fully combat-capable and, in light of the rapidly approaching wall of unstoppable blood-red-armoured humanoids, decided that a redeployment to a ridge several hundred meters south of our current position would allow us to direct the rest of the battle without distraction. During our scouting of the new command location we lost contact with the rest of the company, probably due to a highly localized ionic disturbance. The last we heard the men were preparing to engage the unidentified humanoids in close quarter combat, a tactic I endorsed due to the extreme difficulty in injuring them with our, no doubt malfunctioning, ranged weapons. The medic and I burrowed into the snow to... stay warm until we could be retrieved by the fliers (during the 8 days we waited he sacrificed himself to the Emperor so that I would not starve to death). I don't know why they were unable to locate the rest of my command or the cargo; I suspect that the rest of my company may have turned renegade and respectfully request a new command so that I may assist in their location, capture, and summary execution. In fact, I was just about to set out on this mission, alone, when I was detained by your agents.
INQ. <REDACTED>: Request denied.
<GUNSHOT>
*******AUDIO ENDS*******
*******REPORT CONTINUES.
INQ. <REDACTED> SPEAKING*******
Field testing of 'Storm Raven' weapon system completed and the results are promising. While the enhanced combat troops found some difficulty in overrunning the standard troops all losses were within acceptance criteria, no geneseed was lost, and all enhanced troops engaged will return to full combat readiness after a brief stay in the regeneration chambers of their chapter. I submit that the success was due in no small part to the inclusion of the 'Storm Raven' in the operation and suggest full-scale manufacturing commence immediately. In addition, please increase the allotment of indirect-fire armoured vehicles assigned to the Praetorian regiments.
*******REPORT ENDS*******
