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For the "does this make me look fat?" question there's always the reply of "no your ass is what makes you look fat" which proceeds directly to you're screwed.
To get out of the 3 way question you can simply say I'm down, what's your mom's number again? That'll likely kill things there, but always has a remote chance of going horribly wrong (or right ) depending on relative hotness of said mom.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/06/13 18:08:10
-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
Like this:
The Sarcastic Answer “Oh yes, you’re huge. So fething round. I’ve seen beach balls with more sex appeal.” *rolls eyes*
The Coy Answer “Hmm, lemmee see, turn around. Hm, you know, it’s weird… maybe it’s the lighting in here.” *with a smirk and twinkle in the eye*
The Scornful Answer “Are you on drugs or are you blind? Give me a break, you know you aren’t fat.”
Or my favorite...
Silence *walks slowly to her, puts his hands on her cheeks, brushes aside her hair, looks in her eyes, leans in, runs his lips softly up her neck to her ear. sits back down.*
The Girlfriend Paradox: A Brief And Completely Factual History
The first known precursor of the Girlfriend Paradox occurred circa 250 BC, when Archimedes pondered the question "Does this toga make my feet look large?" The solution proposed by Archimedes was, from a modern viewpoint, laughably simplistic: he answered "You look just fine." Unsurprisingly, he was nagged mercilessly. Eventually, he completely lost it and ran stark naked out of his bathtub and into the streets, screaming "Okay! I get it! I get it!" (or, in Greek, "Eureka! Eureka!") Thankfully, togas and the Greek obsession with feet size are both archaic now.
The next major attempt at solving the Girlfriend Paradox was made by Isaac Newton, who was trying to solve an updated version of Archimedes' problem that involved hat size and nose length. His solution, which he had to create calculus to formulate, was the groundbreaking equation you = integralexy. Sadly, this too would prove incorrect, as all the women found Newton "creepy."
The Girlfriend Paradox was finally formalized into the version we know today by Pierre de Fermat ("Operor illa induviae planto mihi vultus pinguis?" or "Do these clothes make me look fat?") Fermat famously wrote that he "had discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, but there is not enough space left on this page for me to write it out." While this led men for centuries to believe that there was a relatively simple solution to the Girlfriend Paradox, modern mathematicians now believe that Fermat was "just being a dick." This has led to the alternate name for the Paradox: Fermat's Douche Theorem.
357 years later, the Paradox was finally cracked by British mathematician Andrew Wiles who, in a proof that was more than a hundred pages long, shockingly showed that the Paradox is irresolvable for all values of n, where n is the response given. He concluded that, should the Girlfriend Paradox be invoked, the invokee was "basically screwed."
Recently, a bold new solution was proposed by a team of mathematicians from Stanford University: Never ever have contact with a female, thus circumventing the Paradox altogether. Interestingly enough, the only sure-fire way to accomplish this proof is to be a mathematician at Stanford University.
The Boyfriend Paradox: An Even Briefer And More Factual History
The Boyfriend Paradox was both postulated and proven to be a zero-sum problem by Pythagoras, who in his famous Love Triangle Theorem stated that "If Amorous girlfriend 'A' (A2) is boning Boyfriend 'B' (B2) who is also boning Co-worker 'C' (C2), then B2 better keep A2 and C2 on opposite sides of the equation." As a side note, a version of this theorem with lower-case letters was later used for something entirely different.
Curiously, though Pythagoras's explanation has been proven time and time again to be without flaw, many amateurs keep trying to find alternate solutions. Of course, none of these have ever stood up to repeated trial.
"How do I look in X?"
"You look great but you should ask GC, she's the expert."
In contrast GC will be short and brutally honest either way.
Moral of the story: use linguistic jiu jitsu until they are faced with a more worthy opponent!
-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
For the "does this make me look fat?" question there's always the reply of "no your ass is what makes you look fat" which proceeds directly to you're screwed.
To get out of the 3 way question you can simply say I'm down, what's your mom's number again? That'll likely kill things there, but always has a remote chance of going horribly wrong (or right ) depending on relative hotness of said mom.
Whemly has the right of it. The best approach is to in some way turn it into seduction. A simple technique is to gaze thoughtfully at your SO, then point to a nearby garment.
Try that one.
No, try the first one.
That one one more time-
And on each iteration, get closer and closer. Then after your last request, embrace them mid change.
Or, if you are pressed for time, simply twirl your finger, indicating they should rotate, then grab them while they are off balance and show them how attracted you are to them. Bonus points if you can turn this into a dip, or a bruise-less tumble to the floor.
Either you will stop getting thrown that particular bombshell, or you'll both get turned on by that question after this happens a few times. Either way, you win.
I have no idea how to handle the threesome question- I really didn't think that came up often enough for it to be a thing.
Klawz-Ramming is a subset of citrus fruit?
Gwar- "And everyone wants a bigger Spleen!"
Mercurial wrote:
I admire your aplomb and instate you as Baron of the Seas and Lord Marshall of Privateers.
Orkeosaurus wrote:Star Trek also said we'd have X-Wings by now. We all see how that prediction turned out.
Orkeosaurus, on homophobia, the nature of homosexuality, and the greatness of George Takei.
English doesn't borrow from other languages. It follows them down dark alleyways and mugs them for loose grammar.
I have to admit, you're good, you're real good.
Unless she's talking about shoes of course, then all that goes out the window.
-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
Frazzled wrote: I have to admit, you're good, you're real good.
Unless she's talking about shoes of course, then all that goes out the window.
Wow- I've never run into the shoe avenue. I must admit, it also loses something with necklaces.
Klawz-Ramming is a subset of citrus fruit?
Gwar- "And everyone wants a bigger Spleen!"
Mercurial wrote:
I admire your aplomb and instate you as Baron of the Seas and Lord Marshall of Privateers.
Orkeosaurus wrote:Star Trek also said we'd have X-Wings by now. We all see how that prediction turned out.
Orkeosaurus, on homophobia, the nature of homosexuality, and the greatness of George Takei.
English doesn't borrow from other languages. It follows them down dark alleyways and mugs them for loose grammar.
Sigvatr wrote: Sadly, that doesn't really work that well anymore when you're married.
And with a 4 years-old daughter at home, the fun bruise time is significantally diminished.
Also teenagers and their 10-12 friends at any time...
-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
She knows I don't want to get hit, and she doesn't want the bruises (she gets bruises simply from hitting me. Usually when I'm asleep and incapable of responding.).
I'm OVER 50 (and so far over everyone's BS, too).
Old enough to know better, young enough to not give a ****.
That is not dead which can eternal lie ...
... and yet, with strange aeons, even death may die.
And if you're drinkin' well, you know that you're my friend and I say "I think I'll have myself a beer" 
