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Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

Here's how I made my IG regiments, the Verviedyn (I named my forum account after them, do not judge) 1st, 5th, and 2cd Umbrire Storm-Corp.

Verviedi is a wasteland world, ruined by strip-mining and over-industrialization. It is a planet of radioactive sand and sharp, desolate mountains. Even in the rad-shielded hives, the weak often do not live long. Under the hellish surface, Verviedi has many deposits of rare metals such as Adamantium and a strange, naturally occuring alloy used in plasma focusing coils. The abundance of rare alloys in the lower crust of Verviedi allows the planet to produce massive quantities of plasma weapons and Leman Russ Battle Tanks. However, these rare elements come at a cost. In the non-shielded mines, workers collect massive quantities of radiation in their bodies. Eventually, even the most skilled worker is destined to be thrown out into the wastelands as soon as mutations appear. These discarded workers almost always die, but occasionally they join the roving bands of mutants that constantly seek revenge against the Imperium.

Approximately half of Verviedi's hives are controlled by the Adeptus Mechanicus, giving Verviedi the honourable title of Industrial/Hive world.

The Hives require constant vigilance to defend, as mutated monstrosities often attack from outside the Hive walls. In addition, the Orks nearly constantly mount raids on the proud Hives. This raises a grizzled, well-trained PDF, from which the proud Verviedyn regiments are formed.

The Verviedian soldier is as adept with exotic plasma weapon as Lasgun, and must master hostile environments. Almost 3/4 of all the regiments raised from Verviedi are Armoured or Mechanized Infantry regiments. Rarely, a Super-Heavy regiment is founded. When the order comes, the greatest tankers of the PDF will line up to apply for these prestigous positions. It is said that whenever Verviedi produces a Baneblade variant, the huge bells on the spire of Verviedi Prime Hive will ring once.

Verviedi's moons are small, rocky planetoids with thin atmospheres and low gravity. Umbrire, the further moon, is an arsenal world that churns out plasma weapons, lasguns, and aircraft. The vaunted Umbrire Storm-Corps are also raised on this moon.

One other world in the Verviedi system is habitable. Cyothax is an agri-world, and it produces food for the teeming hives of Verviedi. Unlike many other Agri-Worlds, Cyothax is controlled by the Adeptus Mechanicus. Strangely, while the wealthy of the forge-hives and the military are prohibited from consuming Cyothician food products. There are no such restrictions on workers and the lower class.

Veryon has advanced Adeptus Mechanicus facilities that maintain and repair Imperial Navy ships in orbit around it. It also serves as a research outpost for Adeptus Mechanicus deep science projects on it's moons.
For a forge-world of it's size, it has a strangely high rate of ships that go missing while transitioning to Warp travel or exiting the Warp near any of it's moons.

Thoughts? Is this plausable?

This message was edited 4 times. Last update was at 2015/01/20 04:11:44




Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in gb
Committed Chaos Cult Marine






I'd suggest not specifying what alloy is mined - Pakinium. Steer clear of specifying things like that, just say rare metals used in plasma focusing coils.

I'd maybe change Phobius' name; Phobos is one of Mars' moons, so it's very similar.

Also, I'm not sure if you can build facilities on a gas giant. The pressure turns hydrogen into liquid, so I doubt that would ever be possible. Alternatively, make it a Chthonian planet.

Other than those minor quibbles, it's solid

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/10/12 04:14:52


 
   
Made in us
Fresh-Faced New User




I think its cool; I'm pretty laid back, and not an expert, but here's what I would like to point out...
Mechanicum and Millitarum calling one planet home is rare, and I'll be there has to be some interesting collisions of authority. on the other hand, combining the tech of the Mechanicum's Skatarii with the rediculous manpower of the IG could make a planet a tough nut to crack.

   
Made in gb
Hallowed Canoness





Between

I think it's implied that the 'settlements' on Veryon are actually orbital stations, since they're responsible for repairing starships. 40k starships do not land.

Otherwise, agree on the rare minerals thing. We don't need another made-up rock!

Bonus points for the names.



"That time I only loaded the cannon with powder. Next time, I will fill it with jewels and diamonds and they will cut you to shrebbons!" - Nogbad the Bad. 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

Changed.



Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in gb
Hurr! Ogryn Bone 'Ead!




United Kingdom

Only the weak live? Think that's a typo right there

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/10/17 16:14:09


 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

 Dannyrulx wrote:
Only the weak live? Think that's a typo right there

Hurrrrrrrr. Fixed.



Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in no
Committed Chaos Cult Marine






Just popping back in to say it's looking good!
   
Made in gb
Pragmatic Collabirator




Corpse filled trench somewhere.

Verviedi sounds like some sort of Gaulish/celtic barbarian name.

Is your regiment based on anything? what do they look like as in terms of uniform?.

Please come and look at my new 40k project blog!, following/subscribing helps a lot, along with advice and thoughts!
http://ordogrimdarkium.blogspot.co.uk







 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

 Archie The Death Rider wrote:
Verviedi sounds like some sort of Gaulish/celtic barbarian name.

Is your regiment based on anything? what do they look like as in terms of uniform?.

They were originally based on Enclave soldiers from Fallout. This changed over a few years.
Heavily armored, dark grey armor, dirty brown or light grey cloth (depending on type, tankers, heavy weapons teams, HQ, and Umbrire Stormcorps are light grey cloth), Extremely pale skin (Rad-shielded, indoor living), and bright copper weapons (Locally produced)



Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in gb
Pragmatic Collabirator




Corpse filled trench somewhere.

Verviedi wrote:
 Archie The Death Rider wrote:
Verviedi sounds like some sort of Gaulish/celtic barbarian name.

Is your regiment based on anything? what do they look like as in terms of uniform?.

They were originally based on Enclave soldiers from Fallout. This changed over a few years.
Heavily armored, dark grey armor, dirty brown or light grey cloth (depending on type, tankers, heavy weapons teams, HQ, and Umbrire Stormcorps are light grey cloth), Extremely pale skin (Rad-shielded, indoor living), and bright copper weapons (Locally produced)

Sound brilliant! any pics?.

Please come and look at my new 40k project blog!, following/subscribing helps a lot, along with advice and thoughts!
http://ordogrimdarkium.blogspot.co.uk







 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

 Archie The Death Rider wrote:
Verviedi wrote:
 Archie The Death Rider wrote:
Verviedi sounds like some sort of Gaulish/celtic barbarian name.

Is your regiment based on anything? what do they look like as in terms of uniform?.

They were originally based on Enclave soldiers from Fallout. This changed over a few years.
Heavily armored, dark grey armor, dirty brown or light grey cloth (depending on type, tankers, heavy weapons teams, HQ, and Umbrire Stormcorps are light grey cloth), Extremely pale skin (Rad-shielded, indoor living), and bright copper weapons (Locally produced)

Sound brilliant! any pics?.

When I get home.



Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in ca
Stormin' Stompa






Ottawa, ON

I like it. The heavy armoured rad-waste miners is a cool image for a guard unit.

If you get models for them, I think these would fit well.

Spoiler:

Ask yourself: have you rated a gallery image today? 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

 Mr Nobody wrote:
I like it. The heavy armoured rad-waste miners is a cool image for a guard unit.

If you get models for them, I think these would fit well.

Spoiler:

Do you love ForgeWorld? Because I love ForgeWorld! But their prices....



Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in ca
Stormin' Stompa






Ottawa, ON

Verviedi wrote:
 Mr Nobody wrote:
I like it. The heavy armoured rad-waste miners is a cool image for a guard unit.

If you get models for them, I think these would fit well.

Spoiler:

Do you love ForgeWorld? Because I love ForgeWorld! But their prices....


Chirstmas is coming up.

Ask yourself: have you rated a gallery image today? 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

 Mr Nobody wrote:
Verviedi wrote:
 Mr Nobody wrote:
I like it. The heavy armoured rad-waste miners is a cool image for a guard unit.

If you get models for them, I think these would fit well.

Spoiler:

Do you love ForgeWorld? Because I love ForgeWorld! But their prices....


Chirstmas is coming up.

If it isn't on Amazon, I'm not getting it for Christmas.



Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

Happy fun conversion planning time!

I'm thinking of these legs:
http://maxmini.eu/conversion-bits/legs/greatcoat-legs-bits
These heads:
http://maxmini.eu/conversion-bits/head-swaps/neoreich-heads-bits

GW Cadian bodies and arms, and converted GW weapons.
(Have to stay 75% GW)

For Grenadiers Doctrine Vets, these legs.
http://maxmini.eu/conversion-bits/legs/combat-armour-legs-bits

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/11/24 03:45:18




Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Vallejo, CA

Yeah, the fluff is fine.

I'd only have two complaints. The first is that it's a world of inhospitable nuclear sand filled with lethal, enraged mutants, and people can only barely survive in radiation-shielded supercities in a state of constant war...

... but there's also some towns where people are just chilling out.

That doesn't really make sense. It also doesn't make sense that space marines would recruit there. Radiation doesn't weed out the weak and only leave the strong behind, it takes the strong and causes them to rot while still alive. No space marine chapter is going to want to pick up cancer-riddled half-dead radioactive zombies to turn into battle brothers, even if they do somehow survive the endless mutant onslaughts.

My second note is that it all seems a bit cluttered, like things were thrown in just to have them thrown in. Look, it's a forgeworld, and look, space marines recruit here, and look, it has a harsh environment training center, and look, it has a naval shipyard, and look, orks, and look, they make exotic weapons out of super rare materials.

It does come across as a bit much. I might consider pruning things down to make it all a little more focused. It would also open up some space to consider some sort of flaw in the planet, other than the proverbial bad weather. Perhaps the world is only radioactive because of the mining, for example, or the mutants are created as a by-product of the munitions work, throwing workers out into the wasteland the moment they start to show signs, which everyone who works in the factories eventually does. Or the planet was set up as an experiment to test ways of keeping production up during ork invasion, and there's an inquisitor behind the scenes using the harsh environment to control where and when the greenskins can attack.

Something a little grimdarker other than just the planet being difficult to live on.


Your one-stop website for batreps, articles, and assorted goodies about the men of Folera: Foleran First Imperial Archives. Read Dakka's favorite narrative battle report series The Hand of the King. Also, check out my commission work, and my terrain.

Abstract Principles of 40k: Why game imbalance and list tailoring is good, and why tournaments are an absurd farce.

Read "The Geomides Affair", now on sale! No bolter porn. Not another inquisitor story. A book written by a dakkanought for dakkanoughts!
 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

 Ailaros wrote:
Yeah, the fluff is fine.

I'd only have two complaints. The first is that it's a world of inhospitable nuclear sand filled with lethal, enraged mutants, and people can only barely survive in radiation-shielded supercities in a state of constant war...

... but there's also some towns where people are just chilling out.

That doesn't really make sense. It also doesn't make sense that space marines would recruit there. Radiation doesn't weed out the weak and only leave the strong behind, it takes the strong and causes them to rot while still alive. No space marine chapter is going to want to pick up cancer-riddled half-dead radioactive zombies to turn into battle brothers, even if they do somehow survive the endless mutant onslaughts.

My second note is that it all seems a bit cluttered, like things were thrown in just to have them thrown in. Look, it's a forgeworld, and look, space marines recruit here, and look, it has a harsh environment training center, and look, it has a naval shipyard, and look, orks, and look, they make exotic weapons out of super rare materials.

It does come across as a bit much. I might consider pruning things down to make it all a little more focused. It would also open up some space to consider some sort of flaw in the planet, other than the proverbial bad weather. Perhaps the world is only radioactive because of the mining, for example, or the mutants are created as a by-product of the munitions work, throwing workers out into the wasteland the moment they start to show signs, which everyone who works in the factories eventually does. Or the planet was set up as an experiment to test ways of keeping production up during ork invasion, and there's an inquisitor behind the scenes using the harsh environment to control where and when the greenskins can attack.

Something a little grimdarker other than just the planet being difficult to live on.


Retcon hammered.
I like some of those ideas.



Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Vallejo, CA

There we go. That first part is a lot tighter.

If you wanted to improve the second part, I'd find a way of weaving those end few paragraphs back into the main story. For example, there's an ag-world, but so what? I'm sure there are lots of ag-worlds around. What makes this one so special relative to the main planet?

For example, that ag-world is the only place nearby that can grow special anti-radiation drugs that come from a certain local plant, but those in power have to choose between food and medicine because there's not enough farmland for both. Or perhaps there's some connection with the orks - like a naturally occuring fungicide that's the only thing keeping the main world from just being overrun. That kind of thing.

Likewise, there's a naval repair yard, but so what? There are probably hundreds of those. What makes this one special?

Does the ag-world only produce when it's given a ceaseless supply of fertilizer, or else it would decay into a lifeless rock? Are they there because of some secret techpriest scheme involving secret plasma weapons and the navy? Perhaps the forgeworld is actually incidental to the mechanicum's plans. They could, say, be dabbling in forbidden technology, and the forgeworld on the planet above is just a cover for their work, and the fleet is there to protect a much darker secret.

Anyways, keep on going integrating the little pieces. This is starting to look good.


Your one-stop website for batreps, articles, and assorted goodies about the men of Folera: Foleran First Imperial Archives. Read Dakka's favorite narrative battle report series The Hand of the King. Also, check out my commission work, and my terrain.

Abstract Principles of 40k: Why game imbalance and list tailoring is good, and why tournaments are an absurd farce.

Read "The Geomides Affair", now on sale! No bolter porn. Not another inquisitor story. A book written by a dakkanought for dakkanoughts!
 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Hyperspace

I am afraid I am making the AdMech too evil. Did I drop enough hints as to what's going on, or is it not obvious enough.



Peregrine - If you like the army buy it, and don't worry about what one random person on the internet thinks.
 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





Vallejo, CA

Sure, you can rock the mystery angle instead of something more explicit.

Ships mysteriously disappearing as they leave the system. Food produced that the locals are forced to eat, but everyone else gets clean food imported. Disease afflicting laborers in the mines deep beneath the planet's crust.

Sounds like everything is connected somehow... but how...

*cue spooky music*


Your one-stop website for batreps, articles, and assorted goodies about the men of Folera: Foleran First Imperial Archives. Read Dakka's favorite narrative battle report series The Hand of the King. Also, check out my commission work, and my terrain.

Abstract Principles of 40k: Why game imbalance and list tailoring is good, and why tournaments are an absurd farce.

Read "The Geomides Affair", now on sale! No bolter porn. Not another inquisitor story. A book written by a dakkanought for dakkanoughts!
 
   
 
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