Guard Heavy Weapon Crewman
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Just wondering what you guys think about my fluff regarding my homebrew chapter.
Guardians of Terra
During the Dark Age of Technology, the Fabricator General of Mars, Kaloth, had a vision, one that foretold of a dark time of strife and war, where man would be pushed to the brink of extinction, and only the mightiest of weapons wielded by the bravest of soldiers could save mankind. Because of this vision, he sought to construct a weapon that would be instrumental in mankind's salvation.
Gathering the ten finest Artisans of the Mechanicum and the Fabricator Locum, Mutran, they began to plan the Invictus Project. In the deepest vaults buried beneath Mars' surface, they toiled ceaselessly for 10 years. Decades spent of work within the finest forges by the most skilled Tech-Priests were needed for the Invictus to be completed. When the ten years had passed, it was completed.
However, Kaloth feared of potential traitors in the Mechanicum, and so, in secret, he hid the completed weapon by himself in a hidden facility that only he would ever know of. To prevent anyone from being able to construct their own, he then deleted all data pertaining to the Invictus, and made sure that there would be no traces to ever reveal the existence of the Invictus, save those that he deliberately placed.
However, he then wrote the Tome of the Machine, an ancient text that recorded all of his memories, and at the end of the book, he then wrote; "As the Invictus sleeps, only one shall wield it. Only when he approaches Invictus shall it awaken."
And with those being the only mention of the Invictus, the weapon that Kaloth had crafted became an enigmatic legend, one that endured for millennia. For countless centuries, many of the Tech-Priests had searched for the Invictus, the Emperor of Mankind himself even ordered for the Invictus to be found, but every search was a failure. At least, until only a short few years ago...
Founded by a mix of veteran volunteers from various Chapters and the best Aspirants from the orbiting cities of the Neptunian moons, The Guardians of Terra Chapter Master, Fulgrath formerly from the Ultramarines chapter, was then tasked to find a suitable location to establish his Chapter's Fortress-Monastery. He pondered on the task an decided that his chapter would remain fleet bound, as he found the idea of Fortress Monastery too static for the necessary deployments the Guardians would require. So over several years Fulgrath acquired several battle barges and strike cruisers, either commissioned from the Mechanicus or as gifts from generous chapters especially the Ultramarines, which was due in no small part to Fulgrath's connections in his former chapter.
However when the newly acquired fleet came into dock over Neptune...
However, the source of the interference was still unknown. Over the years though, the best Techmarines had calculated the most likely source, and after 3 years, they finally located it on the moon of Triton. Scouring the moon, the Captain of the 3rd Company, Captain Nicholas, had found a long-forgotten facility hidden underground. Burrowed underneath several miles of bedrock, the facility had clearly been originally used by mankind, but its technological wonders were from the Dark Age of Technology.
At the back of the facility, stood an ancient technological wonder. Built from the finest metals and ceramite, stood an empty suit of ancient artificer armor. In its hands, was a Thunder Hammer, but one that was masterfully crafted, it's every detail forged with perfection. Engraved ever-so lightly on the inside of the armor's helm, was Invictus.
Gathering the armor and hammer, Fulgrath himself personally ordered it to be sent to Mars so that the Tech-Priests could test it for any signs of being tainted by Chaos. With the armor and hammer undergoing extensive and vigorous tests of its purity, the Guardians of Terra was still under-strength, but volunteer recruits from the 1st Companies of various Chapters were flowing at a steady rate.
When the Chapter had reached 1,250 Astartes, the Tech-Priests of Mars had submitted their verdict; the Invictus Armor and Hammer were confirmed to have no trace of Chaos whatsoever. Deciding that the Invictus belonged to the one who discovered it, Fulgrath then gave Captain Nicholas the Invictus. Not long after this, the Guardians of Terra received their first objective.
The Forge World of Canor had been invaded by the Traitor Legion of the Death Guard, and Canor was host to many Reaver-class Titans. With the threat of the servants of Nurgle seizing control over 60 of the mighty war machines, the full force of the Guardians of Terra were dispatched to at destroy the invasion.
Arriving in Canor's orbit, the Guardians were able to get the full idea of what sort of invasion this was. Nearly 4,000 Plague Marines led by the dreaded Typhus himself were on the planet, and the Librarians of the Chapter felt that the Daemons of Nurgle were trying to breach the fine border between the Warp and Real space.
While outnumbered 4 to 1, Fulgrath planned to use a systematic combat method, as each blow would be carefully struck to set off a chain reaction of events. After giving his orders, the Guardians then struck the Death Guard in their right flank. While Typhus was able to counter the attack, the Guardians then attacked the Plague Marines in between, and thus the counterattack Plague Marines were surrounded by the Guardians of Terra, and they were trapped in an area that provided the Guardians with the high ground. With the enemy out of reach, the Plague Marines were destroyed.
With his losses numbering 580, Typhus was busy trying to re-coordinate his forces, when another surprise attack was launched on the Death Guard's left flank. Still too busy to realize his mistake, Typhus then repeated what had befallen his right flank, as over 600 Plague Marines were killed in the same method.
With a quarter of his forces destroyed, Typhus then mustered his full force into a massive mob, and they then charged directly to the Guardians of Terra. During the raids on the enemy's flanks, Fulgrath had not sat idle, as he had his remaining forces entrench themselves in front of the docking areas for half of the Reaver Titans, and additional support from the Imperial Guard had arrived. When the Death Guard arrived, they were gunned down by a thousand bolters.
While their allegiance to Nurgle had made them incredibly resilient to damage, the Death Guard was losing troops fast against the Guardians of Terra. However, Typhus had personally led them to the battle, and with his feared scythe and the power of the Destroyer Hive, the Death Guard slowly gained ground.
However, with the full force of his army gathered into a single battlefield, Fulgrath then ordered the surprise attack. The Death Guard was then hit hard by many barrages of Thunderfire cannons, and soon they had no choice but to fall back. This was when they discovered the Guardians of Terra's ace in the hole, for entrenched at the Death Guard's rear, was the entire 3rd Company, and they then unleashed a flurry of bolter fire and flames.
With the Plague Marines tied down against Captain Nicholas and his company, Fulgrath then issued the call to charge the enemy. With hundreds of Astartes and many more Guardsmen, the Death Guard was caught between the anvil of the 3rd Company, and the hammer of the rest of the Chapter.
Caught in battle on all sides, the Death Guard took heavy casualties, and only a handful managed to escape, Typhus amongst their numbers. With the enemy greatly weakened, Fulgrath ordered to refortify, for he predicted that Typhus had a counterattack of his own planned.
With their defenses improved, the Chapter Master of the Guardians of Terra was proven correct. The next day, many of Nurgle's Daemons had successfully entered Real space. With many Plaguebearers and Nurglings on approach, the Guardians braced themselves for the attack.
The decaying horde then crashed against the Guardians as a wave crashes upon a rock cliff, as many of them were banished to the Warp by Bolter and Thunderfire. However, the toughest of Nurgle's army strode forth, as Soul Grinders, plagued Dreadnoughts, and 3 Great Unclean Ones descended upon them.
With their Boltguns barely even harming the advancing army, Thunderhawks and Storm Eagles then began to unleash powerful bombardments. With the Thunderfires increasing their damage output, the plague horde was slowed by the constant barrages.
Seeking to test his new wargear, Nicholas then took to the battlefield, supported by 10 Terminators. Armed only with the Invictus Hammer, Nicholas then took his first swing with the mighty hammer against a Great Unclean One, and the result was jaw-dropping, even to the Space Marines.
With only one swing, the Greater Daemon of Nurgle's body was broken in every single area, and it was sent hurtling through the air. Soaring for 10 meters, the Great Unclean One then crashed into the ground, too heavily wounded to continue fighting. The action suddenly stopped in most areas, as everyone was awe-struck by the sheer strength of the Invictus Hammer.
With morale high, the Guardians of Terra then pressed their advantage, with the 3rd Captain smiting the mightiest of foes. Dreadnoughts were crushed beyond repair, the Daemons mounted on Soul Grinders were ripped from their mechanical legs, and any lesser foe that dared to cross Nicholas' path was quickly killed.
With the Guardians of Terra advancing, Typhus himself then challenged Nicholas. With the Manreaper against the Invictus Hammer, the battle was one of epic proportions. While the hammer was still incredibly powerful, Nicholas felt it's power waning. To provide a weapon with enough power to utterly destroy Nurgle's Greater Daemons in a single blow requires massive amounts of power, and the Invictus Hammer was slowly weakening, until the Scythe of Typhus matched the Hammer of Nicholas.
With Nicholas weakened, Typhus then finally found an opening, and delivered a lethal blow to Nicholas' side. Miraculously, the Invictus Armor proved to be near-indestructible, as the Manreaper didn't even so much as chip the paint on it.
With his enemy's weapon incapacitated, Nicholas then struck Typhus in the head with the full weight of the Invictus Hammer. Reeling from the shock of the attack, Typhus then fell to one knee. With his death imminent, Typhus then unleashed the Destroyer Hive.
With hundreds of thousands of Plague Drones flying towards him, Nicholas then wisely retreated, the devil-flies at his tail. Taking advantage of the chaos, Typhus then summoned the full extent of his bubonic might, and soon he unleashed the Destroyer Plague.
With the toxic cloud slowly spreading, Fulgrath then ordered the retreat, as the Guardians of Terra safely boarded their Thunderhawks, and they took to the sky. With the Destroyer Plague rendering half of the Titans on Canor useless, Fulgrath then ordered an orbital bombardment on the last known location of Typhus.
With the Death Guard destroyed, the Guardians of Terra returned to their Fortress-Monastery, where great celebrations were held. Sustaining only 31 casualties, the Guardians of Terra had proven themselves an able Chapter, able to handle situations that other Chapters couldn't.
During the wait for their next assignment, Captain Nicholas then had the Invictus further studied by the Master of the Forge, Fhalcon. After several months of study, Fhalcon had reported that the Invictus Hammer continuously produces the necessary energy needed to power it, but using it in combat slowly drained that power, until it was as strong as the standard Thunder Hammer. While its energy would eventually regenerate, it would take several days for the Invictus Hammer to fully restore its lost power.
The Invictus Armor though, was something of the greatest technology combined. Its armor was incredibly durable, the energy field that shielded its wearer was powerful, and to further improve it, the Invictus Armor did not suffer from the usual cumbersome effects of normal power armor. In fact, it was just as easily maneuverable as Scout armor.
Not long after their victory on Canor, the Guardians of Terra received another assignment, this time against the Orks. The Third War of Armageddon was slowly tipping into the favor of the greenskins, and a precise attack at their weakest point was needed. Intelligence located that the southern edge of the Armageddon jungles was being used by the Orks as a staging area.
With the 2nd, 3rd, 5th Companies, several batteries of Thunderfires, and a Predator spearhead, the attack force departed for Armageddon. Led by Captain Nicholas, the Astartes made planet-fall on the world's southern desert, establishing a garrison in No-Man's Land.
The location of their base was carefully chosen, for it was situated atop a rocky plateau, one that had only 3 thin pathways up. With such a defensive advantage, the Guardians began to fortify, constructing bunkers and digging trenches along the top of the plateau. Placing his Thunderfire artillery along the ridges, Nicholas anticipated an Ork attack from the nearby jungles to the north.
He was proven right during the 4th day since landing on Armageddon, but the attack was not what he expected. Instead of a massive mob of Ork boyz, Deffkoptas and Ork Bommas flew in, unleashing large bombardments. Lacking anti-air, the Guardians of Terra were decimated, but the majority of them survived the attack. However, the Orks then launched their second wave, as Warkoptas began landing Boyz and Nobz in the midst of the base.
Fortunately, Nicholas had called in his Stormravens, and his ground forces began to repel the landing forces. Slowly but surely, the Greenskins lost ground, and soon the Ork assault was destroyed, but at a heavy price.
With nearly an eighth of his forces slaughtered, Nicholas then decided that each Company would establish their own outpost in key locations. However, a plan formed in his mind, one that could reverse the tide of war.
Carefully placing his troops, the 2nd and 5th Companies then fortified two areas to the north-west and north-east respectively. However, they were situated in a triangular formation, with the triangle's base bordering the nearby jungles.
Captain Nicholas then ordered for 3 Tactical squads to attack the Orks directly, and to lure them out of the jungle, straight into the open. With a squad from each Company entering the thick foliage, the remaining forces readied themselves. Only 34 minutes after the Tacticals entered, did they then run back out, and hundreds of Orks were right behind them.
With the 3 squads leading the Orks into the center of the 3 bases, Nicholas then gave the order, and 30 Thunderfire Cannons began to barrage the Orks. Being bombarded from all sides, the Orks were viciously slaughtered, and when they attempted to retreat back into the jungle, Nicholas then sprung his second trap, for he had placed custom-made Melta mines when the Orks were drawn out, and when they fell back, they set off the mines.
However, the Guardians of Terra did not sit idle after their victory. Mere minutes after the Orks fell; they then began to rally into their respective Companies. With Melta and Flamer-equipped Astartes leading them, the Guardians of Terra then literally burned their way through the Armageddon jungles, their righteous fires sending hidden Orks from their cover. Supported by Predators, the Guardians of Terra easily cut through the Orks mercilessly.
With the 3rd Company taking the center, Nicholas then finally found the Ork base. With many Killa Kans and Deff Dreads present, many Krak missiles were fired, tearing through their ramshackle armor. When the Orks mustered into a single mob and charged the Guardians head-on, they were met by 30 Heavy Flamers.
And from their flanks, the 2nd and 5th Companies then began to storm the Orks from the sides. Once again surrounded, the Greenskins were completely incinerated, and the rest of their base was then bombarded.
Returning to the primary desert base, Nicholas then began to tally-up his losses. Just under a sixth of his initial attack force had been destroyed, and one of the Predators had been damaged beyond repair. With only 49 out of 310 killed or wounded in battle, Nicholas was well prepared to continue the attack, but Fulgrath then ordered that their objective was complete, and so they were to return to Neptune.
Despite this, over a hundred-thousand Orks were killed in the battle, and so the mission was an overall success. With more recruits from Neptune's moons, the Guardians of Terra were swift to restore their fallen Battle-Brothers, and those that were too heavily wounded were then encased in Dreadnought armor.
Years passed, and soon the Guardians of Terra ascended to be one of the top Chapters in the history of the Space Marines, for when a Chapter faltered, the Guardians of Terra would push the enemy back. With countless victories and surprisingly low casualties, the Guardians of Terra continued to serve the Emperor with the utmost strongest resolve. With several years worth of victory, the Chapter seemed nigh unstoppable. But the Charon Campaign then proved these beliefs wrong.
A Necron Tomb world on the dark toxic world of Charon had awoken, and their advance was so powerful and quick, that the Guardians of Terra were needed if the remaining Space Marines were to survive the onslaught. Gathering the full might of the Chapter, Chapter Master Fulgrath then personally led the battle to the fallen world.
Landing in the bombarded ruins of the hive city of Cerberus, only a handful of the initial Space Marines deployed were still alive, and the Imperial Guardsmen that defended the planet were all wiped off the face of the earth.
Not long after landing, the Necrons launched a massive assault, as hundreds of the deathly warriors strode forth from Charon's toxic fog. Hundreds of Gauss blasts flew through the air, met by a thousand Bolters. Holding the line at a trench that defended the landing site, the Guardians of Terra fought on with iron resolve, never once faltering.
Mere minutes later, the Necrons were beaten back, and so the Guardians survived the first wave. The following night, the second wave of the Necron siege struck. Unable to advance beyond the trench, the Guardians of Terra had no choice but to hold out in their base until the Necron casualties were too high.
With Immortals at the front, they absorbed damage easily, and when they fell, they were able to get back up again. Plus, all of the dead Necrons from the first wave were arising again, and 3000 Necrons stormed the Guardians of Terra. While they had a defensive network, the Astartes were taking casualties, and by the time the Necron assault was beaten off, nearly a quarter of the Chapter was killed.
The final Necron wave though, was proved to be the most powerful through. Out of the poisonous mist, came the Necron Overlord who led the Necrons here. Armed with his Warscythe, he effortlessly cut through the Guardians of Terra, and soon the lesser Necron Lords followed their Lord, scything through the Astartes with their Warscythes.
With the finest Necrons assaulting, Fulgrath then waged battle against the Overlord, his Power Fists against the Warscythe. Mighty blows were exchanged, and deafening cracks of metal snapping ripped through the air. With his every blow mighty enough to destroy hills, Fulgrath fought on, but it was a losing battle.
With his enemy easily regenerating from the damage he sustained, the Necron Overlord struck harder, his strength unsurpassed. Being pushed back by the ferocity of his opponent, Fulgrath's might was waning, and soon the Warscythe found its mark, piercing Fulgrath's heart. Falling to one knee, the Chapter Master then uttered with his dying breath to the dead Overlord that towered over him, "What are you?"
"I am the Lost King of Eternity." replied the Overlord. With one swift cut, the Overlord then decapitated Chapter Master Fulgrath. To the horror of the entire Chapter, they bore witness to the execution, unable to express their grief. This hesitation then gave the Eternal King his chance, and from beneath his crimson mantle, he drew a Resurrection Orb, and all of the dead Necrons arose once more.
Outnumbered and outgunned, all but one of the surviving Guardians of Terra then retreated to their Thunderhawks. His anger growing, 3rd Captain Nicholas then sprinted towards the Eternal King, the Invictus Hammer at the ready. Swinging the mighty weapon, its strength had been halved, but it was still powerful nonetheless.
Blocking the blow with his Warscythe, the Eternal King then unleashed his Gauntlet of Fire, its flames obscuring Nicholas' sight. Staggering from the sudden flare of light, the Eternal King then struck Nicholas in the abdomen, the Warscythe's blade biting into his flesh.
Forcing the blade out of him, Nicholas then rammed the Eternal King with his shoulder, and he then followed up with another blow from the Invictus Hammer. For hours, their duel raged, leveling the ground around them. However, Nicholas felt his strength weaken. His enemy had unlimited might and stamina, and if Nicholas continued, he would surely die.
Drawing his last Krak grenade in secret, the Eternal King then charged the 3rd Captain, the Warscythe raised. With the last reserves of his might, Nicholas then drove the grenade into the Eternal King's chest, and soon a mighty explosion ripped half of the Overlord out of him, and tore Nicholas' right hand from his arm.
Still grasping the Invictus Hammer, Nicholas then limped through the battlefield, his surviving Battle-Brothers still putting up fierce resistance. Looking over his shoulder, Nicholas saw to his horror, the Eternal King arising, his every broken body part rapidly repairing itself. As soon as Nicholas boarded a Thunderhawk, the last of the Guardians of Terra escaped the damned world of Charon.
However, the Eternal King had anticipated this, and hundreds of Doom Scythes were deployed, their Death Rays destroying many of the Chapter's ships. With his forces thinning, Nicholas then ordered the jump into Warp space. With their Chapter Master dead, the morale of the Guardians of Terra was low, and as they entered Warp space to return to Neptune, the 10 Captains contemplated over who would take up the mantle of Chapter Master. During these talks, the last ship of the Chapter, the Emperor-Class Battleship Fist of Terra, was suddenly attacked while still in the Warp.
With the 10 Captains and their Command Squads all on the ship alongside the whole of the surviving 1st Company, they all rallied to face this new threat. The surviving 10th Company was dispatched to investigate, and what they had was ill news; Chaos Space Marines had boarded the ship.
With their Chapter Master's death still fresh in his mind, the remnants of the Guardians of Terra met the Heretics with the fiercest might. Throughout every hall in the Fist of Terra, the sounds of battle raged, as Traitor met Loyalist in ferocious close combat.
These Chaos Marines were truly fearsome though. Their black and crimson armor struck fear, and the Daemon Prince that led them was truly fearsome, having 13 ivory skulls in chains wrapped around him like a bandolier. The ferocity of the Execution Legion was then able to force the Guardians of Terra onto the ship's bridge.
With their forces routed to the bridge, the Guardians of Terra were forced to make their last stand on the bridge. Soon, the Daemon Prince approached, identifying himself as the Executioner's Herald. He then challenged anyone who would be willing to face off against him, and Captain Nicholas stepped forth.
The Invictus Hammer met the Execution Cleaver, and the two fought with the most hardened of resolve scarcely found. With his lost hand replaced with a masterfully crafted Power Fist, Nicholas was able to unleash his full fury, as the Executioner's Herald came to realize.
Astartes watched in awe, as the Daemon Prince was soon forced back, and with his last reserves of strength, Nicholas unleashed a powerful blow that blasted the Executioner's Herald to the far back of the bridge. At first, Nicholas anticipated that the Traitor Marines would be demoralized and then flee.
He was proven wrong, when the Execution Legion instead fought back, their morale high, and their souls filled with nothing but the strongest of hatred. With such anger and hate from the battle, the Executioner's Herald did the impossible, and he arose from his defeat. His armor rent and torn, the Daemon Prince then called a retreat, stating that the Loyalists had won this round. Angered and wracked with hate, the Execution Legion made an orderly withdrawal, yet every step they took back was one peppered with extreme violence and destruction.
Not long after the Traitors departed, the Guardians of Terra had returned to the Sol System. Returning to their Fortress-Monastery, the Guardians of Terra then tallied up their losses. With nearly two-thirds of the Chapter slain in battle, and their Chapter Master dead, the Guardians of Terra would be unable to enter battle for a long time.
Out of the 10 Captains, 6 of them survived, but four of them would have to survive in Dreadnought armor for the rest of their lives. This left 3rd Captain Nicholas and 8th Captain Antaeus as the ideal candidates to be the new Chapter Master. However, Nicholas also stated that the other Captains also had earned the right to be Chapter Master, and so the choice was left to a vote.
After all the votes were casted, the result was clear; 100% of the Guardians of Terra, Captains included, deemed that Nicholas was the one meant to take up Fulgrath's mantle. With the Chapter's decision final, Nicholas was then sworn in as the Chapter Master of the Guardians of Terra.
Taking command over the Guardians of Terra, Nicholas' first priority was to rebuild his Chapter's strength. When he searched the deepest parts of his Fortress-Monastery, he found that Fulgrath had stockpiled large amounts of gene-seed, enough for the Chapter to recruit 500 Aspirants.
With enough gene-seed to get his Chapter up to 800 members, Nicholas ordered a large-scale recruitment program to replenish his ranks, but he wanted each Aspirant to be vigorously trained, and those that qualified were to be slowly and precisely made to become a Space Marine.
While the process took over a decade, the Guardians of Terra was able to recover from their losses, and the Chapter reached a full-combat capacity. With his Chapter restored, Nicholas was then revered as one of the greatest of Chapter Masters, for when his Chapter was pushed to the brink, it was able to fight back impossible odds, and return to become one of the Space Marines' elite Chapters.
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Battleship Captain
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Interesting, and a nice background.
30 real comments - I'm not trying to be persnickety (but my editor's brain clicked into gear):
1 ) Terminator Armour was developed late in the Great Crusade. It didn't exist in the Dark Age of Technology. Some suitably awe-inspiring suit of artificer powered plate, maybe, because powered armour STCs existed, but not tactical dreadnought armour. Also, why was it sized for a space marine?
I guess you can blame Kaloth's vision, but otherwise it makes little sense for Ivictus to be made on that scale when astartes and thunder warriors were centuries or millenia in the future.
2 ) Foundings by the High Lords tend to be of multiple chapters. The Imperium isn't big on creating things 'more powerful than any other' because a force that powerful can't be controlled if it turns against you. The Guardians might well have been part of a founding, but a solitary founding is very, very unusual and tends to involve the Inquisition.
3 ) Again, unusual method of founding. Most new chapters have a single 'progenitor' chapter (whether they know it or not), in order to ensure they have a common genetic legacy. They'll have seconded instructors from that chapter, but relatively few - no chapter wants to give up its 1st company veterans and few marines will want to leave the chapter for whose honour they've fought literally for centuries.
4 ) You really, really wouldn't draw aspirants from Terra.
Four reasons:
~ Terra is the throneworld. You don't get to take people from there
~ Theoretically, Terra is the Imperial Fists homeworld, even if they don't get to visit it very often. If anyone recruited from there, it'd be them.
~ There is an semi-formal ban on space marines visiting Terra (due to the mess they've made of the place the last two times they visited) - chapters are allowed to send delegates to terra, with an honour guard, but they're not allowed in force or to have a permenant presence. This would mess with trying to recruit from there.
~ Space marines tend to take their recruits from hell-worlds, death-worlds, barbarian planets, etc - they want recruits who've been brought up in a strong-willed warrior culture despite the childhood/early teenage recruitment period. There are wastelands and underhives on Terra, but relatively few.
5 ) If the Guardians were the first response against invasion of Sol, they wouldn't be allowed to leave it. Besides which, there is already huge military forces on Sol:
~ Battlefleet Solar based at Mars
~ The Grey Knights chapter at Titan
~ The Taghmata Mars - the biggest concentration of mechanicus military forces in the galaxy
~ The Inquisitorial fleet
6 ) Neptune is not an ocean planet. It's a gas giant and doesn't have a solid surface.
7 ) Once again, you don't recruit from other chapters. The sole exceptions - for specific reasons - are the Chambers Militant of the Inquisition; the Deathwatch of the Ordo Xenos and the Grey Knights of the Ordo Malleus
8 ) Chapters are hard-limited to 1,000 Space Marines under all but the most exotic circumstances. The Black Templars and Space Wolves have both come under Inquisitorial censure for violating this restriction - and if the Guardians are based in the Sol System itself, there's no way they can hide from the Ordo Astartes' attentions.
9 ) Canor is a sensible 'fast reaction' response - if you need a quick response to an invasion, deploying astartes makes sense. If the battle is of a sufficient scale that a full titan legion is in trouble, though, you'd probably expect to see more than a single chapter deployed. Even the Astartes aren't arrogant enough to throw themselves into 4-1 odds against an equivalent foe.
10 ) There are unlikely to have been 'a thousand bolters' in front of the plague marines - even allowing for the advantage of terrain, if the flank assaults killed nearly a thousand plague marines, there must have been several hundred astartes committed to each, in addition to the 3rd company deployed behind them.
11 ) Fulgrath arrived in system whilst the battle was going on - presumably whilst the Death Guard were advancing on the titan silos. How did the 3rd land and dig in close enough behind them (i.e. in the area the death guard have just passed through) to be an ambush force without being noticed?
12 ) Thunderhawks and Storm Ravens are fair enough. Storm Eagles would be more unusual for a newly-formed chapter to possess, as they're mostly Heresy-era relics.
13 ) If it didn't so much as chip the paint, it can't have been a 'lethal blow'.
14 ) 31 casualties is quite impressively (ridiculously) low for a full-chapter deployment. Against guardsmen, maybe, but not against other astartes.
15 ) They hadn't "proven themselves an able Chapter, able to handle situations that other Chapters couldn't". They Lost, retreated, and used orbital fire to cover that retreat, leaving the Canor forge and its titans plague-ridden and burning in their wake. You would not get a celebration for this.
16 ) The Third War for Armageddon is at the end of .M41 - that's two thousand years after the chapter was founded and it's only their second deployment?
17 ) Armageddon III is an ongoing war with massive astartes deployment from many chapters. It's perfectly reasonable that another chapter might be directed to send forces there to support, but there wouldn't be a precise objective so much as "go there and support Imperial Forces" - the journey time would be weeks anyway.
18 ) The battle is fair enough - aside from '30 heavy flamers' - if this is a codex chapter then what units are fielding heavy flamers?
19 ) Killing a hundred thousand orks in a single battle is, again, faintly ridiculous. Even assuming a third died from the mines (maybe?) and a third from the thunderfire barrage (highly, highly unlikely - that's 1,000 casualties per gun!) that's still leaving over a hundred kills per space marine involved. Astartes war-load doesn't include 100 bolt shells in the first place (three magazines of 24 shells is standard). Killing a hundred thousand orks over a few months of campaigning, maybe, but if it was really that many orks they'd have rolled right over the guardians and kept on going.
20 ) Remember Fulgrath is a space marine. He has a secondary heart!
21 ) What happened to the Invictus Armour's force shield? If it stopped one of the most powerful daemon weapons known to exist without so much as a dent, you should probably explain what had drained it such that the Eternal King's warscythe went straight through it.
22 ) As written, it's the Eternal King drawing the krak grenade, which is not what you meant. Also, marines in Terminator Plate do not generally carry grenades.
23 ) I'd stick with a last-ditch swing of the Invictus Hammer - even discharged it's supposedly as potent as a mundane thunder hammer, and if blows from that didn't stop the Eternal King, a krak grenade is barely going to annoy him.
24 ) Chapters are not permitted 'proper' fleet assets - they're only supposed to have ships designed for planetary assaults; battle barges, strike cruisers and so on. Having an Emperor-class battleship (a fleet carrier) is almost directly opposed to this. Some first founding chapters might have such a ship left over from their legion's fleet and refuse to surrender it, but a newly-formed chapter wouldn't be given what would be seen as an Imperial Navy asset.
25 ) A quarter of the chapter killed on the surface, all the fleet except the Fist of Terra destroyed in orbit, and all ten captains are still alive? Lucky guys. Or possibly not. It's feasible they might all have boarded the Fist to commence the debate as soon as they returned to orbit, rather than returning to their respective company's ships (a battleship-sized battle barge only carries 300 astartes, so the bulk of the chapter must have been on other ships) - in which case most of them got to watch their commands burn in death-ray fire in front of them.
26 ) Fitting augmetics - at least, anything other than a very quick battlefield 'patch job' like Ezekiel's bionic eye - takes days or weeks of surgery. Certainly if you're going to learn enough motive control to use it in combat. Nicholas lost his arm on the surface - he wouldn't have had time for an apothecary to do anything but staunch the bleeding and maybe clean off the wound for a subsequent implant.
27 ) Why leave? The Execution Legion were winning - having pushed the Guardians back to the Fist's bridge - and the Herald was still alive. Why not wipe them out?
28 ) Two thirds of the chapter slain means only one third left. Firstly, that wouldn't fit on a single battleship-sized vessel, and secondly, how big is the first company supposed to be?
29 ) If they could be put in dreadnought armour, all of them survived (albeit mangled). Note that dreadnought armour is very, very rare. If a chapter has half a dozen suits, it's doing well, and at any time, most will be occupied with previous heroes. The only time you get someone interred is if a great hero is slain AND a suit is empty because the previous occupant has finally died (or been killed). Again, these captains are incredibly lucky guys.
30 ) Every chapter stockpiles geneseed, but stockpiling half a chapter's worth would be highly unusual. More importantly, the time-span involved in recruiting marines is much more than a decade. After the Battle of Macragge, it took the Ultramarines two centuries to reconstitute their first company and unfurl the Banner of Macragge again.
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