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Hey all, my calculator doesn't want to recharge and if it recharges, it's randomly...and its software is a bit older than the others.

I think the machine spirit is angry or something. Please, is there an enginseer to share some prayers to calm it ?

CANTICLE OF CALCULATOR REPAIR.

Number of stages: Two (2)

Stage One (1).

Tappeth thy numerical cognicator hard against the tabletop thrice.

Stage Two (2).

Utter the holy chant "Work dammit."

Repeat if necessary.

Note: With experience the adept may combine stage one with stage two.

First, recite this prayer to the Omnissiah 88 times:


Then, you shall follow the rituals as laid out in the most holy Catechism of the Autoculus of Mars:

Toll the Great Bell Once!
Push the Plug into the socket to engage the
flow of Energy...

Toll the Great Bell Twice!
With push of Button start the Calculator
And spark Machine Spirit into life...

Toll the Great Bell Thrice!
Sing Praise to the
God of All Machines!

Do not forget to burn incense during the process to soothe your calculator's Machine Spirit. Also, all prayers must be in binary, the Sacred Language of the Omnissiah.

If you have followed all ritual properly and the Machine Spirit and Omnissiah are in a good mood today, your calculator should now be recharging properly again.

And do not forget to anoint thyself and thy calculator with copious amounts of scented holy oils.

In the solemn words of the Adeptus Mechanicus: fethed est.

 Orlanth wrote:
CANTICLE OF CALCULATOR REPAIR.

Number of stages: Two (2)

Stage One (1).

Tappeth thy numerical cognicator hard against the tabletop thrice.

Stage Two (2).

Utter the holy chant "Work dammit."

Repeat if necessary.

Note: With experience the adept may combine stage one with stage two.

Have an exalt on me, good sir!

My slide rule laughs derisively at your calculator.

Binary Cant is your friend here.

Slide rule? Pfft, a true adept of the Machine God uses only his appendages to count numbers with (the more mech-tentacles, the better).

Requisition a new one. Try turning the toaster on thrice before activating the windshield wiper module of your transportation method. If it is unequipped with this module then YOU ARE AN IGNORANT SAVAGE WHO IS NOT WORTHY OF THE OMNISSIAH!! Buy scented candles before retrying the activation rites.