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I've been working on this for a while now, I'd like to hear some honest opinions about whether I should send it in to BL.

NO REGRETS

Kharn stomped purposefully down the road on his way to the local pub. He drank alone most of the time but tonight he was accompanied by one of his sergeants, Keith. Keith regarded his captain.

"Don't start on anyone when we get there, sir, this is the last bar that hasn't barred us."

Kharn stopped walking and turned to look at Keith. He pointed in his face.

"Are you starting?!" he hissed.

"I might be, why....did--*" CRACK!!! Keith's face crumpled catastrophically as Kharn smashed his fist into his face, dropping him instantly.

Kharn walked off down the road, leaving Keith's whimpering form next to the garbage disposal. Moments after entering the pub, a tremendously loud din of smashing glass, breaking bone and creative swearing could be heard from within, swiftly engulfing the whole pub from one end to the other.

Khard had arrived.

THE END

So is it any good then? Don't spare my feelings.

It's a bit....short.

 Themanwiththeplan wrote:
It's a bit....short.

Yeah it is a bit short. I thought I'd go for a more...edgy atmosphere, given how short it is, but I'm convinced BL will go nuts for it. I can almost taste a HH contract.

So, how would you compare this in terms of HH stuff? I reckon it's on a par with A Thousand Son's. I know it's good, like, but if you could find something to use constructively I'd appreciate it.

Cheers.

Well it's a bit short as I said so I can't really get a feeling for it TBH, but if you where to add a bit more about when he gets to the bar and all I'l get a better grasp for it.
Sorry if unhelpful.

Not trying to sound rude, but you *did* say to not spare your feelings. It's a bit of a small little script, entertaining yes, but not something to get published or mass sold. If you're saying it's on par with a BL novel, well you should probably make something that is a novel of a sort, and not a couple paragraphs. My suggestion? Make it into a novel, it has potential to be really good but right now it's just a very short story.

Also, many people are sure to be applying so make sure the work is really outstanding and unique, and don't let your hopes up a lot, as that rarely leads to a good thing. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Too short? I thought it downright verbose. Five words...

Kharn walks into a bar...

now THAT's a short story.