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Imrik Dakon is the Captain of a Nomad Predation Fleet, similar to the fleet that would become the Carcharodon SM chapter in 40k. For a campaign I'm joining at my FLGS, I was supposed to come up with a character for Traitor Raven Guard. The fluff is, this guy was sent to spend the rest of his life fighting in the Outer Void. When the Heresy broke out, he decided to heed Horus's call. In his eyes, Corax exiled him and his men for not fitting his vision of what the Raven Guard should be. He's not fighting for Chaos, but he does have a massive bone to pick with Loyalist Forces.

Here's his rules:
Imrik Dakon, the Greyfin, Captain of the 5th Nomad Predation Fleet, He Who Stalks the Outer Darkness - 255 pts
WS6/BS5/S4/T4/W3/I5/A5/LD10
Special Rules:
Legiones Astartes (Raven Guard)
Independent Character
Master of the Legion
Bearer of the Sable Brand - All models in the same detachment as Imrik Dakon must attempt to Sweeping Advance. Whenever an enemy unit is destroyed in close combat by a unit in the same detachment as Imrik Dakon, it gains the Crusader USR, but must consolidate towards the nearest enemy unit.
Wargear:
Artificer Armor
Iron Halo
Frag and Krak Grenades
Jump Pack
Archeotech Pistol
Teeth of Lemuria-
A master-crafted chainsword edged with teeth pried from the corpse of the Lemurian beast than gave Dakon the name Greyfin.
S(User + 2) / AP3 / Master-Crafted / Rending / Power Surge

Power Surge = +2 Attacks, Blind, rending on to wound of 4+, after reduces to S(User + 1)

Be sure to remember that due to the RG legion tactics he gets Furious Charge. I decided to change his weapons yet again, basing the weapon off of the Teeth of Terra from the main codex. The Power Surge rule is there to give him a chance vs other Praetors running the Paragon Blade. As a trade off, if he survives he's useless vs anything better than Flak Armor, as he nearly burns out the motors by over-revving them to achieve the better cutting power. He can still get some good wounds through rending, though.

Thoughts? Is he overvalued? Undervalued? On point? Is there any changes I should make?

Personally the character looks pretty awesome the wargear of 30k and forgeworld beat the crap out of normal GW games. I like the fact also that you choose some loyalist forces going traitor since during the heresy many traitor forces remained loyalist (mostly the original space marines from terra). Seems a little pricey though depending on how many points your fighting against I usually try to keep my HQ at about 10% of my overall points. But like I said he looks like he's gonna have a lot of options and strong wargear good luck with the campaign!

Bump for an update.

His special rule now gives FNP when a unit destroys an enemy unit in CC, but forces them to consolidate towards the nearest enemy unit.

His weapons lost the option for AP2, which weakens his power as a duelist. However, he now has Raven's Talons that trade Rending for Concussive while keeping S+1/AP3. If he's alone and dueling a praetor level model, I've done something wrong, and I think the special rule makes up for the power deficit.

Bump For another update.

He basically has the Teeth of Terra without Rampage. Rampage was replaced with gaining AP2 for the duration of a challenge once per game.

Didn't like the Lightning Claws, eh?

I ended up thinking that claws were too mainstream for RG.

My guy is supposed to be from before they became the Raven Guard, and proud of it, so why would he change his weapon to Corax's signature tool?

What about something like Korvydae? Nothing says subtle like a thunder hammer to the face if you ask me.

Make it a special hammer that lets you use its profile for hammer of wrath attacks, and allows a one-time use during challenges at initiative 10 or something.

I don't like thunder hammers because there isn't a bit that looks good, IMO. I'd rather get a special power fist with concussive. Either way, I think of Dakon as less "smash you in the face" as making someone die the death of a thousand cuts. He'd rather use a sword because it becomes a test of skill, not just who hits first.

I was talking with the organizer for the campaign, and the profile for his sword got changed to this:

S(User + 2) / AP3 / Master-Crafted / Rending / Power Surge

Power Surge = +2 Attacks, Blind, rending on to wound of 4+, after reduces to S(User + 1)