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here a link to a short story 40k fanfiction I wrote. Hope you enjoy

http://www.dakkadakka.com/wiki/en/Fear%20the%20Psyker

It's about a Guardsman coming to grips with being a psyker, the inquisitor who's sniffed him out, and whole hell of a lot of orks

enjoy!

I like this very much. It's creepy but fun to read from this dude of things. I wonder if the RT can be trusted. Will there be a sequel?

I've written from the other side of the desk, but never tried to imagine being a psyker character, very well done.

Edit: Chapter two ends mid-sentence btw

Interesting story, from a different View point, can you trust the trader, and his xeno race if it does exist. Is he chaos?

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
I like this very much. It's creepy but fun to read from this dude of things. I wonder if the RT can be trusted. Will there be a sequel?

I've written from the other side of the desk, but never tried to imagine being a psyker character, very well done.

Edit: Chapter two ends mid-sentence btw

damn, copy and paste. Thanks. A whole paragraph was missing. Fixed now.

 jhe90 wrote:
Interesting story, from a different View point, can you trust the trader, and his xeno race if it does exist. Is he chaos?

I hadn't given thought about a sequel too much. I imagine our hero (if you want to call him that) falling to chaos. There's a war of conscience going on within him. His will to live vs. someone else's death. I think that in the end he would want to live at all costs, and that final cost would be falling into the hands of Chaos.

Having read some of the Ravenor series and a few other books and stories, it's often been the inquisitor is the good guy when compared to the psyker. The psyker is dangerous, and the inquisitor is doing what's best. I wanted to keep that theme put flip it around. Of course the Inquisitor knows the real danger of an untrained psyker, and understands the real cost of war and life and death. Our hero just can't see past his own needs and I wanted to keep that thread through the story.

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
I like this very much. It's creepy but fun to read from this dude of things. I wonder if the RT can be trusted. Will there be a sequel?

I've written from the other side of the desk, but never tried to imagine being a psyker character, very well done.

Edit: Chapter two ends mid-sentence btw

Lol, well now that I'm looking through my old short story list I've actually found a sequel of sorts and low and behold our hero has fallen to Chaos.

Wow I wrote this a while ago and completely forgot about it. Let me edit this and I'll post it up

That paragraph actually adds a great deal of weight to the story, grim stuff!

I agree about inquisition being either good guys or faceless villains. It's rare we get to see what it feels like being on the receiving end. I'm glad someone else is interested too. I think there's a character in Gaunt's Ghosts who is taken away and you see a little of how rough it is.

I've done a third take (which is in my to-clean-up list), which is someone stuck exactly in between the two. Having to watch as it happens to a friend, and justify supporting both sides to yourself.

Just read this one, and what a piece! It's great! Totaly compulsive reading.

It could use a little editing. Not in content at all just shape, or spacing of paragraphs. Mostly where there's dialogue, a new paragraph for each speaker to help the reader grasp more quickly who's speaking. And maybe to highlight little moments of great significance. Like "I slipped away." Could be a stand alone paragraph. Just to mark the break, the turning point, the significance and weight of that otherwise passive action.

Anyway, its a great story and I'm glad to bump it right back up on top of the Dakka Fiction slush pile. It's a worthy read for another run down the front page.

Great work, liked the pacing and build up. And the ending was something too, grim indeed.

I'm just starting to read this. The title grabbed me, and the opening paragraph is probably the most gripping intro to any GW story I've ever read.

I will say that there are tons of mistakes throughout which detract from an otherwise extremely good and totally compelling tale.

happy you found the story compelling.