Nature clearly doesnt like Australians, and is constantly doing them over.
Over here in England we have rabbits, they hop about in fields, they have been there for centuries. Farmers shoot them, foxes and badgers hunt them, more appear as bunnies do, but we have a handle on it.
We look that bunny in the eye, and he knows who is boss. we rest assured that the bunnies will take a carrot or so, but we magnanimous English can handle that and live attuned to nature.
Now when a few British bunnies went to Oz travelling in the company of an English eccentric, they took one look at the local populace, and they saw nothing to respect. So they started tearing up the place. The Aussies slumbered too long and did not see their doom until it was too late.
In England we wouldnt put up with this behaviour, and bunny knows it.
Bunnies in Oz cause erosion, they actually stampede around enough to cause gullies, and kill woodland by ringbarking. The Aussies terrified of the lupine horde huddle in their beds in fear and call out for deliverance. This bemuses us as in England bunnies do what they are told.
"Look here chaps", we say "its not on for you to trample gullies or kill woodland. Stop that nonsense we mean it."
Bunny looks at us and, there is a mutual respect there. Twitches his nose and hops away. But the bargain is made, our forests are free our lands ungullied and yet rabbit also has his place in the demi-paradise which is the English countryside.
In England foxes and badgers kill bunnies, they do their bit and bunny keeps them well fed without complaining. Australia doesnt need foxes and badgers, they have crocodiles, and huge snakes and spiders with healthbars and other things.
But will those kill the bunnies? Not on your nellie they wont. They take the odd one or two but by and large the multitude of venomous things are happy to sit back store up venom and wait for some unprotected human ankles to walk withing striking range. Its like the entire ecosystem doesnt like those Aussies.
So meanwhile the Australians knock-kneed with fear wonder what to do and call on their government. 'Rabbit proof fence' was the answer. So humans made a series of barriers, the first barrier the bunnies bypassed as it wasn't completed in time. The Australians seeing defeat in the face surrendered whole swathes of territory to the lupine horde. The rabbits secure in their victory hopped about in the conquered territories being largely ignored by the snakes and other nasties.
Meanwhile the Australians built a second wall and made it speedily knowing their time was short. Unfortunately for them they didn't extend the wall all the way to the sea. Hadn't they learned the lesson of the Maginot line? Evidently not.
Sirens must have wailed rthat daty when twitch noses and lop eared balls of fur appeared on the wrong side of the six hundred mile fence to continue their inexorable hop of conquest.
The bunnies proved superior again outwitting the desperate Australians and continued on to the sea. As the land was now at saturation point walling off territory was no longer an option.
With their backs against the wall and the ominous sound of gentle hopping from outside the Australians resorted to
chemical weapons. While most other countries suffered outbreaks of myxomatosis due to natural spread the Australians cultivated and deliberately introduced the plague into the rabbit population. The result was that many brave bunnies lost their lives and the WMD wielding Australians started to wonder if it was safe to move back into the outback.
The trouble was rabbit breed fast, and some of them are made of sterner stuff, descendants of the proud British bunnies that they are. They lived through the plague became stronger and disease resistant and were soon hopping around again in vast numbers. Bouncy furry and out for revenge.
Your carrots have had it now Aussies!
And so it continues to this day, the local humans have tried dastardly plot after dastardly plot, even cultivating new plagues
cultivating new plagues to unleash upon the heroic battling bunnies and releasing them in dastardly attempts to turn the tide. This wickedness bears no more fruit long term than previous WMD attacks, the rabbits adapt, get stronger and forge alliances.
Mice, are another group of furries that know their place in good old Blighty but have joined in the fight against the Australian menace, in solidarity with the rabbit cause. Homes have been overrun, and the local Australians have been forced to resort to flamethrowers in some occasions. This gets rid of the mice, but also gets ride of the Australians also. They rebuild, but than so do the mice. The cycle of war continues.
I rather like field mice, I rescue the odds one or two from the cat, they are adorably cute little creatures, and make for good pets. Some have become tame to that hand, and may favourite who I called Geri liked to curl up on the palm of my hand and go to sleep.
You see its all about mutual respect. There are mice in the house (actually thanks to the cat) but there arent tens of thousands of mice in my house. Because in good old Blighty we don't stand for that sort of nonsense.
Now we see that the Aussies are being blighted by tumbleweed. Its shameful enough losing a war to rodents, its quite something else to be given the heave ho by itinerant plants. It shouldnt surprise me. Have you no shame Aussies? Perhaps we need to let you thrash us at cricket again so that you don't enter a collective fugue state in your despair.
