Buttery Commissar wrote:
theCrowe wrote:I've been looking at the test briefs for
BL submissions on the 250 word rejection heartbreak thread and considering writing my own but i just can't take the epic combat scene seriously. I might write a comedy one just for kicks...
Do it!
So that's where this one started.
I did the original test brief, 250 words, epic style, combat scene, etc. etc. but then I did the same story again from the other fighter's perspective. Again it was 250 words but this time in my own style and just had so much more fun.
Anyway, here they both are. Enjoy.
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VERSION 1 (straight up, just like the first
BL submissions brief)
Sergeant Marius turned and stood in the bridge, the roar of the Sundering Flood echoing fathoms beneath as the brute whose forces had pursued them bristled into the bridge-head in all its bestial atrocity.
Unsealing his helmet Marius let it fall to his feet. This foe, he knew would respond to flesh. He straightened to his fullest height. A massive armoured tower of a man, a super-human warrior, an Ultramarine. Eyes wide, teeth bared, weapons aloft Marius bellowed his challenge.
The scar faced murderous beast responded with all bodily force.
Marius broke into a measured advance. standing still before an ork assault is folly. He raised his power sword high, an invitation. Every thunderous stride reverberated in the plasteel structure as the bridge quaked beneath their feet.
The impact was titanic.
Marius allowed his momentum to carry through; indeed he could do little else.
He was amazed that the ork still stood, a rooted mass of knotted muscle clad in rude Snakebite leather and bone. It wasted no time in countering. Marius thrust his blade up turning each smashing blow aside. Pounding axes, blow upon blow rained down on armour, sword and body until at last his chance. Marius stepped inside the arc of an oncoming blade. Trusting his armour to ward the blow he tucked his bolt pistol under the thing’s grotesquely tusked maw and poured in fire.
Clattering axes and gurgling blood it slumped at his feet.
Marius took up his helmet and steeled himself for the horde.
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VERSION 2 (more like my kind of thing.)
The humans were falling back, BoneSplitta’s and his boys were on a roll. As they approached the bridge over the Sundering Flood a figure stood alone in the billowing mists.
BoneSplitta couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Did this man seriously think to challenge him? His teeth were so small. He’d known grots who could yell louder than that. What an insult! The ladz were in for a show today.
BoneSplitta hefted an axe in each hand and pounded onto the bridge to meet the challenge. Sheer force of brutal green-skin violence was the order of the day and BoneSplitta was serving.
Was this blue git actually running at him now?
Steel boots shattered the road surface with every step toward the inevitable shattering of this fool’s hubris.
The collision was immense.
The man and his challenge still stood! Impossible. He would learn his place.
BoneSplitta let his twin blades, Smasha and Basha do the talking. Their arguments were compelling and concise but the dumb human didn’t seem to be listening. Rage and incredulity fuelling his fire the green machine beat on and on pounding on the Ultramarine’s thick armour a cadence that he hoped would stick in the man’s head.
A sudden flash accompanied a thick green mist which was quickly swallowed in the swirling haze of the flood. The greenskin horde watched agape as their Nob slumped like a poleaxed grox.
The Ultramarine donned his helmet and signalled to the horde that the fight had only just begun.
