Welcome to another one of my battle reports!
You can find all the pictures, in turn order, here!
https://imgur.com/a/xs3m5KZ
Mister
AG and I recently hosted the Beer and Pretzels Open, and both had planned to bring purposefully BAD lists to the event to give players something fun to win against in place of a BYE. We didn't get to play these, since we had an even number of players, but still wanted to see how they'd stack up. We loaded up our forces and brought them to the battlefield. Without further ado, and to the best of my memory, here's the lists!
THE ARMIES
Catachan Flamers!
Catachan Battalion
- Colonel 'Iron Hands' Straken (Warlord: 6" Consolidate)
- Lord Commissar (Relic: The Emperor's Benediction)
- Infantry Squad w/Heavy Bolter & Flamer
- Infantry Squad w/Heavy Bolter & Flamer
- Infantry Squad w/Heavy Bolter & Flamer
- Sergeant Harker
- Veteran Squad w/Heavy Flamer & 3x Meltaguns
- Ministorum Priest
- 3x Bullgryns (2 w/Slabshield, 1w/Bruteshied)
- Scout Sentinel w/Multi Laser
- Hellhound w/Flamer
- Hellhound w/Heavy Bolter
- Heavy Weapons Squad (3x Lascannons)
- Heavy Weapons Squad (3x Missile Launchers)
- Chimera w/Heavy Flamer
- Chimera w/Heavy Flamer
- Chimera w/Heavy Bolter
Catachan Supreme Command Detachment
- Primaris Psyker (Psychic Maelstrom, Psychic Barrier)
- Company Commander
- Tank Commander (Demolisher) w/Lascannon
- Baneblade w/Heavy Bolters, Lascannons, Demolish Cannon, Baneblade Cannon
Wow! That's a lot of flamers! But aside from the Baneblade, nothing there looks that intimidating, so it should be pretty easy to deal with, right?
3rd Edition Rhino Rush
Black Legion Battalion
- Abaddon the Despoiler (Warlord: First Among Traitors)
- Harkon Worldclaimer
- Obsidius Mallix
- 10-man Chaos Space Marines; Power Fist, Heavy Bolter, Flamer
- 10-man Chaos Space Marines; Power Fist, Lascannon, Meltagun
- 10-man Chaos Space Marines; Power Sword, Plasma Gun, Lascannon
- 10-man Chaos Space Marines; Power Sword, Heavy Bolter, Meltagun
- 10-man Chaos Space Marines; Combi-Plasma, Plasma Gun, Plasma Gun
- 3-man Obliterators
- Chaos Rhino w/2x Combi-Bolters
- Chaos Rhino w/2x Combi-Bolters
- Chaos Rhino w/2x Combi-Bolters
- Chaos Rhino w/2x Combi-Bolters
- Chaos Rhino w/2x Combi-Bolters
Okay, that's pretty damn bad. Aside from the Obliterators, there's nothing here that's not a Troop,
HQ, or Dedicated Transport. No Psykers. No relics (not even an option for a free one). After the battle we checked, and Obsidius Mallix actually costs 2 points more than an identically armed Chaos Lord (while having no additional abilities) - so quite bad indeed.
But which is worse? Let's find out!
THE MISSION & DEPLOYMENT
We rolled up a random mission from Chapter Approve 2018, getting the "Visions of Victory" Maelstrom Mission. For this mission, First Strike would be in effect (kill something during your first turn, achievable by both players) rather than First Blood, and the other normal two Linebreaker and Slay the Warlord. Filling up your hand to four objectives would be the order of the day for this mission, but you would draw 2 cards, reveal them, and your opponent picks which of the two you get to keep! This meant that you'd always get the worse option of the two - it was bound to be a low points scoring game for sure.
I "won" the roll to choose deployment sides, but since Mister
AG would then deploy first and deploy all of his army, he'd get the choice of whether to go first or second. Still, with the win on the roll, I was able to select the side with easier access to more objective markers. As this was a Trash Fight, we were both committed to not over-thinking anything, so if something sounds like a mistake, it probably was!
We ended up with Search and Destroy (table quarters) deployment. Mister
AG deployed his forces to have vehicles leading the way, and kept his vehicles to the roads so he could look cool doing it! A core of command units kept centrally placed, with Ogryn solidly out of sight behind a Ruin. I had deployed my Rhinos in a quarter-ring near the edge of my deployment. Rather than starting with the Obliterators in reserve, seeing how Mister
AG had placed down his Baneblade at the front lines, I put the Obliterators behind the big bunker to avoid the guns and hopefully lay the pain turn 1.
I tried to seize the initiative, but rolled the opposite side of the dice.
TURN 1
Immediately we saw just how difficult this mission was going to be. After pulling cards, there were precisely ZERO objectives that Mister
AG would have a reasonable chance at achieving this round. Each draw was "something easily achievable" like "destroy a unit" or "cast a psychic power" paired with something nigh impossible for the current turn like "Defend Objective 3" (on other side of board) or "Destroy a unit in close combat". Mister
AG pushed forward - all his flamers needed to start getting in range, and he'd need to claim objectives far away, so why not! The Baneblade opened fire to try and maximize possible kills, but a flurry of bad dice resulted in only 1 Rhino being destroyed, and only 1 of its 10 occupants slain while bailing out. This put them touching Objective 1, and in range of a Sentinel's charge. Mister
AG sent the Sentinel in, confidant that it could hold the Chaos Marines in place. Alas, we got to see first hand how +1 attack per Marine is a big deal (especially when you only have 1 attack to begin with), and with one wound from overwatch, along with rerolls from Abaddon being nearby, the basic Chaos Space Marine squad was able to destroy the Sentinel! First strike scored for both armies!
During my turn I had a single objective; destroy the Baneblade! As rightly pointed out by many on Facebook in the poll on Sudbury Warhammer, that Baneblade could easily start cutting swathes through my army. Immediately I put Veterans of the Long War on my Obliterators, had them close to Abaddon, and unleashed hell! I had joked with Mister
AG before the game to psyche myself up into rolling better, and it payed off - I got S8,
AP-3, and 2 damage shots! Far better than I almost ever get, and was able to knock the Baneblade down to 10 wounds. I figured that the unit could blow it up later in the turn with Endless Cacophany, so let my other forces focus elsewhere, blowing up a flamer-loaded Chimera (Flamer top, Flamer Hull, unit inside had 3 Flamers), and slaughtering the unit that came out. I was able to achieve one of my objectives this turn as well, scoring me the first Maelstrom card.
TURN 2
Mister
AG was surprised by the damage output of the Obliterators, but felt confidant that he could push back. After all, I had forces in prime range of his Bullgryns! Mister
AG threw units into the fray, annihilating my central squad and another Rhino, as well as using his Tank Commander's Demolisher Gun and Lascannon to knock the Obliterators down to 1 remaining. Mister
AG had held onto his Blood and Guts objective from last round, and so put himself on the Objective board this turn.
I set myself two objectives this turn; use Abaddon to crush the Bullgryn, clear out the infantry with them, and slay the Priest. If I could tag the Tank Commander, that'd be ideal as well. I pushed forward, and was able to push through some significant damage on the Tank Commander with shooting from a Meltagun, Plasma Guns, and bolters to bring it down to 3 wounds! A Rhino went for the Tank Commander, but "Vengeance for Cadia!" was called, and the 6-wound Rhino was blasted apart as Mister
AG hit with 4 shots and respectable damage results (though I had been able to save 2!). Harkon Worldclaimer then came in and proceeded to not kill even a lowly Priest. However, Abaddon and his friends punched apart the Bullgryns and the Infantry Squad that was also nearby. Yay! Another Maelstrom card was scored this turn (get out of my deployment zone).
TURN 3
Mister
AG's forces were starting to evaporate. He still had his
HQ's and 30-some infantry, but his heavy hitters were being dwindled, and the cards weren't helping. Mister
AG decided to keep pushing up. Power-Armored men were evaporating as if they didn't have a save at all, so if he could overpower with just a couple units, lots of objectives would open up. His Primaris Psyker was able to brain-bolt Harkon Worldclaimer (who was at 1 wound remaining), and remove that problem. Harker's Veterans jumped onto the second story of the ruins and moved above Abaddon to get a shot straight down onto him (he failed his save against the 1 shot that did damage, but Mister
AG only rolled a 2 and a 2 for damage, so that got halved to 1 - yay!), while the rest of the men and missiles blew up another Rhino and nearly killed the Marines standing on the crater. My dice had solidly caught up with me this round, and I really couldn't make armour saves, rolling 1's and 2's for every save I was called to make. Hopefully I had already dealt enough damage to get the job done! Mister
AG was forced to charge his men in, since Abaddon was within 3" of the Tank Commander and Hellhound for a heroic intervention, and Mister
AG needed to bring Abaddon away from them. However, Abaddon (rightly) slew the unit in combat, and proceeded to consolidate into the Tank Commander. Mister
AG also threw his second-last unit of infantry into the remaining 11 Chaos Space Marines on the side of the battle line, along with Straken. Straken failed to kill any Chaos Marines though, and only a couple died to the punches of the Guardsmen. In response, the Chaos Space Marines were able to kill off the Guardsmen, put a wound on Straken, and consolidated onto an objective that I needed to get as well!
While my forces couldn't live, they were punching pretty hard. The Hateful Assault rule had meant my forces were often killing the Guardsmen that were coming into combat - something that hadn't been true for a LONG time! My only shooting was my Obliterator, but he rolled almost max stats, and brought the Hellhound down to 2 wounds remaining, while Abaddon killed the Tank Commander, my 4 remaining Chaos Marines fighting the Lord Commissar and Primaris Psyker pistoled the psyker to death, and pistols along with Obsidius Mallex killed Colonel Straken - Obsidius Mallex missed or failed to wound with almost all his attacks, but the 1 that got through took the last 3 wounds off Straken. Yay Thunder Hammers!
TURN 4
Mister
AG had pretty much nothing left, so now was the time to finish off the game. Mister
AG had his Priest go around and inspire the last wave of Guardsmen into attacking the Chaos Space Marines, and between their shooting and close combat was able to kill them, and reduced Obsidius Mallex to 3 wounds remaining (he failed both saves he had to make at no
AP). Mister
AG was also able to pop the second last Chaos Rhino with his Heavy Weapon Team. Obsidius Mallex missed or failed to wound with all but 1 attack again, and so killed another Guardsman.
Abaddon moved to fire up and killed Sergeant Harker with the Talon of Horus, before failing a charge, but that was worth it anyways. Obsidius Mallex failed to kill any Guardsmen this round, hitting with only 2 attacks, and failing to wound with either. But the Obliterator finished off the Hellhound, the last Chaos Rhino boltered the Priest into the ground, and the 3 remaining Chaos Space Marines were able to advance and use my last command dice to reroll into a high enough advance to score objective 5 and rake in some major objectives!
TURN 5
Mister
AG retreated his last Infantry Squad into the ruins as a desperate last stand, and advanced his last Chimera into my backfield for a final Maelstrom Objective. Mister
AG charged his Company Commander and Heavy Weapons Team (who were all unable to cause a wound with 3 Frag Missiles), and kill a Chaos Space Marine, but lost a Heavy Weapon Team in return.
Obsidius Mallex charged back at the Infantry Squad, but suffered 2 more wounds to Overwatch (failed both saves he had to make), bringing him down to 1 wound remaining, and in return he failed to kill even a single Guardsman, as he again failed to hit or wound with anything. At this point we were rolling in laughter with how incompetent Mallex was - he had made some 30 rolls this game, and had only successfully made a handful of 3+ rolls; everything else having been a 1 or a 2 (about 20+ rolls were a 1 or 2). And keep in mind, he rerolls 1's to hit. Still, the Obliterator knocked the Chimera down to 1 wound, and Abaddon charged in and killed the remaining Heavy Weapons teams.
TURN 6
Mister
AG just retreated his last 2 infantry from Obsidius Mallex and threw down a gauntlet of "okay, can he totally whiff this?"
Obliterator finished off the Chimera, Abaddon finished off the Company Commander, and Obsidius Mallex charged. Double 1's for the charge, but he was within 3" so it was fine anyways. Mister
AG got 3 wounds on Mallex, and he PASSED
HIS SAVES! They were literally the first saves he had passed all game (all with no
AP). He then proceeded to cave the skull in on the last Guardsmen, finally rolling "normal" and swinging with 3 bone-crushing blows.
FINAL SCORE:
Catachan Flamers: 4
3rd Ed Rhino Rush: 16
VICTORY FOR CHAOS!
POST-MORTEM
What a hilarious game. This was definitely much more like a movie-type of game. There were a lot of mistakes made for sure (targets, choices), but Mister
AG definitely made two big ones. Apparently he had forgotten to account for +1 strength on his close combat attacks. I had been rolling saves for other heftier attacks while he rolled these and was putting models in the dead pile, so I just trusted his calls to me of how many saves to make, and thought he was just rolling poorly for wounding. Considering that my men were treating their 3+ saves like 5+ saves, it still felt like I was suffering significant losses; because I was! At the end of the game, I had a Rhino, 2 Chaos Space Marines, Mallex at 1 wound, an Obliterator, and Abaddon left. The big one, however, was that Mister
AG had honestly forgotten about Vengeance for Cadia turn 1 when he had shot with the Baneblade (Vengeance For Cadia gives FULL rerolls; both hit and wound, all for 1
CP on any Astra Militarum unit against any Chaos units during shooting or Overwatch, lasting the phase. It's probably the most powerful 1CP stratagem in the game that makes Chaos dread facing the Guard).
Obsidius Mallex whiffing just about every roll he had to make was suitably hilarious. His total kill count over the game was 4 models, despite being in combat for almost half the game!
There's not much point breaking down the rest, because this really was just a movie-style game. We had both agreed to not dig too deep into our ideas, and the moment either of us started considering what to do that took longer than 10 seconds, we called out the other person for a quick answer instead. But I will say this; I'm glad I brought out the Obliterators turn 1! Thanks Mister
AG for the great match!
