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Here's some issues that I've seen lately...

And I was wondering what the best options are for the following situations.

01. Playing Against Obi-Wan
You are quickly starting to understand why Anakin Skywalker went on a murder spree as your opponent is constantly pointing out mistakes you are making, and how you should be playing, and how you can still save your game.

My urge to force choke my opponent notwithstanding. Is there a clear non passive-aggressive aggressive way to say: "Thanks, do you want to roll my dice for me too?" Without, you know, being an a-hole...

02. Distracted by Pretty Wargamer

Imagine that you are playing a game against someone that checks all the boxes in your "I'm attracted to this profile."

Unfortunately, you realize far too late that you have spaced out for a while and you have somehow missed your opponent's entire turn (probably because your mind was living down past the gutter and was hanging out in the sewer with 4 mutant turtles).

There are many options from asking: "What did you do? I wasn't paying attention," to simply continuing to gape and drool on yourself.

03. Possible Emergency during a Timed Event
You are playing in a Tournament and doing quite well for yourself, you are on a winning streak when you get a text from a family member and they say, "Call Me, it's important."

It could be anything from the House burned down to picking up some more Oranges from the store... but you don't know exactly what it is.

Do you quit the game? Say, "excuse me," and step away from the table and hope to return?

04. You are Godzilla and your Opponent is Tokyo

You are not looking to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women, but by Crom, that's what's happening!

You are curb stomping your opponent. They have zero chance to win, and while winning is fun, you understand that losing poorly is not as fun.

Do you say to your opponent, "Hey, want to try a different scenario?" Or do you continue down the Dark Path an continue to use your mad lightsaber skills on the younglings, Anakin?

1) I'd probably finish the game, and then rather pointedly never play that person again. "Sorry, but it's just not fun listening to you critique my every move DURING THE GAME."

2) First off, apologize. "I'm sorry, I'm quite distracted at the moment." From there, what you say depends on whether you're more interested in salvaging the game, or asking her out. Although I will say the middle of a game is usually NOT the opportune moment...

3) "Excuse me, I'm being told this is an emergency, I have to take this. Be right back." Then find out what's going on.

If it is, indeed, an emergency that needs you to prematurely end the game, you can communicate that after the call. If it turns out to NOT be that important, you can communicate that after the call as well.

4) "Okay, wow, this is almost going TOO well for me. Do you want to finish it here and do a post-mortem, restart fresh, or play it out even though we both know how this is going to end?"

More than once I've been getting ROFLstomped, and I set my own little victory condition of "at least I'm going to kill THAT THING before I go down!" and that's the goal I'm playing for. Other times, it was clear that there wasn't even going to be that level of victory (for example, some joker keeps issuing by Bretonian Knights rubber lances so they do little to no damage on the big combo-charge...) and it's best just to end it here as the rest of the game is going to be a rather boring exercise in rolling dice and removing models.

Treat it like a work situation.

When Dad died, I’d just come out of a Teams meeting with my manager, and was elbows deep in a case. Then I get a call from my largely estranged brother giving me the news.

Once I’d had time to process? Sent my manager an email that on account I’d just found out my Dad has died, I’d be taking the rest of the day off, on account grief isn’t conducive to attention to detail.

On the first? “So, are you willing to let me retake that move? No? Kindly shut up”.

There is of course space for feedback. In my shop playing days, particularly as I was a staffer, if my opponent was new and/or receptive, I’d point out where they nearly had me, what I’d done to get out of it, and any outright blunders they made. Feedback, when invited, is a wonderful thing.

1) Playing against obi-wan: you know, I would really appreciate this conversation after the game...

2) You lucky person! Buy a lottery ticket.

3) What Vulcan said.

4) Also what Vulcan said.