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alright, made up some fluff about one of my iron knight hqs to explain why he uses vulkan's rules and stuff:
Isaiah Atellus of the 5th company during one battle after becoming a capain, Isaiah fought with a detachment of Salamanders against the Greentide. He watched in awe as the sons of Nocturne destroyed heavy tanks his own melta guns could not touch. He beheld their mighty flamers as they burned out the entrenched Orks artillery couldn't touch. Inspired by such mastery of fire, the young Captain, with the permission of the Forgefather, Adapted his flamers and melta-guns to be as near to the salamander’s weapons as they could be. Soon their combined strengths cornered the Ork’s war boss, and an epic battle ensured. The Battle had some of the fiercest fighting in the campaign, each force putting out it’s best fighters. in the final moments of the battle, the Forgefather and his terminators became cornered by the Warboss and his Meganobs. As much of a legendary fighter as he was, the relic-bearer fell before the Warboss, about to be smitten by it’s powerklaw. As the Klaw came down on Vulkan to strike the final blow, Atellus came to his aid, holding up his storm shield in front of the downed Salamander. Although the force of the blow shattered the shield, The two marines where able to slay the warboss bringing a quick close to the bloody campaign. Thankful of the Iron knight’s help, the Forgefather gifted him with the Drakeshield, A neigh unbreakable shield that can spew flame in front of him. With his newfound tactics and wargear, Strom soon became a hellish force to be reckoned with.
Does it make sense?
(happy 50th post to me!)
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/08/18 01:28:20
"Do you really think 7th edition was the best edition?"
While a typical marine could probably disassemble and rebuild his bolt gun drunken and blindfolded, modifying weapons beyond their normal bounds would be almost exclusively the duty of a tech marine. Even if his modifications were specifically requested, a tech marine would have to directly perform them.
Creating new weapons would be adventurous, if not almost heretical, even for a tech marine (who would otherwise get quite a bit of leeway to begin with.) Remember that experimentation is a sin to the machine cult. That said, there are generally a few unusual items in any chapter's armory, forged and maintained by high-ranking techpriests of generations past; allowing one to slip out to a fitting and deserving captain might be a bit more reasonable.
I dunno... I imagined the sept guarding the Perdus rift would wear the same black armour as Ulthwe eldar. Maybe being in close proximity to the warp makes you emo.
Tenth Speed Writer wrote:Only two things stand out:
While a typical marine could probably disassemble and rebuild his bolt gun drunken and blindfolded, modifying weapons beyond their normal bounds would be almost exclusively the duty of a tech marine. Even if his modifications were specifically requested, a tech marine would have to directly perform them.
Creating new weapons would be adventurous, if not almost heretical, even for a tech marine (who would otherwise get quite a bit of leeway to begin with.) Remember that experimentation is a sin to the machine cult. That said, there are generally a few unusual items in any chapter's armory, forged and maintained by high-ranking techpriests of generations past; allowing one to slip out to a fitting and deserving captain might be a bit more reasonable.
ohhh I see what your saying. I ment for the drakeshield to be a relic from the salamanders or something like you mentioned. Also I tried to mention that their weapons where modified with the help of the salamanders. could you give me examples of the places where it doesn't make sense (copy paste) and maybe suggest how to make it better?
"Do you really think 7th edition was the best edition?"
The story needs a little filling out - more details of the conflict for example - but is basically relatively sound. Such things as modifying the weapons needs a little work, perhaps detailing the mods as slight re-boring of flow regulator valves for example, so the concept can be "seen" as viable without running counter to existing fluff regarding the sanctity of a weapon's "spirit".
The Drakeshield would probably be best explained as a gift from the Salamander's armoury. Again, a working fluff concept here would need a little more detail - perhaps having a Hand Flamer (or similar level weapon like an Infernus Pistol) built into a shield covered with the scales of some beastie from Nocturne.
Only a couple of quick thoughts, hope it helps.
This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2012/08/18 17:15:42
"The Emperor Protects - And having a loaded Bolter never hurt either !" - Proteus and Pythor, Ultramarines, The Movie.
Nothing in life is so exhilirating as being shot at without result - Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
There isn't anything in there that wouldn't be viable. However when writing fluff for 40k I tend not to use as many unit names like mega nobz and such as it makes the story feel like a GW sales pitch. Other than that it was interesting to read and a well written piece
Alright, reworked it a little more so i hope it makes more sense.
first the moding
Spoiler:
Inspired by such mastery of fire, the young Captain, with the permission of the Forgefather, Adapted his flamers and melta-guns to be as near to the salamander’s weapons as they could be. The Iron Knight’s techpriests worked for weeks to rebore the
flow regulators so the streams of flames could reach farther. They mixed and modified the promethium to burn hotter to the point it could melt metal. With help of the Salamanders the Knight’s meltaguns where refocused to hit harder for less energy. Finally, the Iron knights had the tools to liberate the planet.
The drakeshield:
Spoiler:
Thankful of the Iron knight’s help, the Forgefather gifted him with the Drakeshield, A neigh unbreakable shield forged with the scales of a Firedrake and melded with a heavy flamer, a relic straight
With his newfound tactics and wargear, Atellus soon became a hellish force to be reckoned with.
And now a little more background on the conflict and hero:
Spoiler:
Isaiah Atellus of the 5th company has been known to harbor a deep hatred of the Ork Warboss Rotbag Zodgrim for hundreds of years. Whenever the captain and the beast met in battle, It was always ended by some random event that allowed the ork to get away, leaving Isaiah to stew in his anger at the monster.
On soon after his last encounter with Rotbag, Isaiah Atellus was called to fight against another arm of Zodgrim’s Waaaagh! to rescue the civilians a heavily populated planet. the fighting soon became a meatgrinder for the knights as the dense masses of civilians hamstrung their use of heavy weapons and tanks, their honor preventing them from wasting valuable lives. The Greenskins became entrenched in the abandoned buildings and have spires where even their heaviest flamestorm cannon could not get them out. Evacuation of innocents seemed hopeless until a detachment of Salamanders lead by Vulkan He’stan came to their aid. finally able to get the citizens to safety, the purging began in ernest.
"Do you really think 7th edition was the best edition?"
OK, this is a good layout for a battle scene, but what else have they done? Do they have any distinguishing features? I like what you're starting with, but a little more depth wouldn't be a bad idea.
BlapBlapBlap: bringing idiocy and mischief where it should never set foot since 2011.
BlapBlapBlap wrote:What sort of idiot quotes themselves in their sigs? Who could possibly be that arrogant?
I'm sure the captain has more about them than that one battle, otherwise they wouldn't be a captain. This is a good explanation, but maybe describe his rise through the ranks, etc. What you've got is fine to explain how he got his wargear, but it isn't an entire fluff section for a character, rather a brief description of a battle.
BlapBlapBlap: bringing idiocy and mischief where it should never set foot since 2011.
BlapBlapBlap wrote:What sort of idiot quotes themselves in their sigs? Who could possibly be that arrogant?
oh thats what you mean. Well I kinda made this guy to only explain how the iron knights are using vulkan's rules, but I have a few other guys that have longer descriptions (plus i dont feel like writing anymore atm, but I may in the future.)
do you mean something like this?
Spoiler:
Constantine Novem- Captain of the 3rd company
A Grand swordsman and the old company champion of the 3rd company, Constantine Novem learned many of his deadly skills under the teaching of his former captain, Hervald Strom. He helped command the Iron knight vindicators durning one of the campaigns against the Greenskins, Destroying a Stompa with combined fire from his tanks.
When his teacher has been raised to Lord captain of the 1st company, The company champion was put up as a candidate for the new captain. After all the reasons for and against his ascension to being the new captain The Chapter-master wasnt sure if Novem was ready for command. He gave him a condition; Win the 815th Feast of Blades, and he would be given command of the 3rd company.
Constantine rose through the challenges of the Cage, besting each of his foes with the same ease his teacher had 200 years ago. it looked as if Novem would have been able to win in the final round against his Imperial fist opponent, but the floor of the Cage changed under him, making him fall into a spiked pit. Only by chance and the Emperor’s will did the spikes didnt kill him, but they put enough of the Feast’s nuerotoxins to knock Dorn himself unconscious. Even as the Knight was poisoned, he still would never quit. to his opponent’s, and everyone else’s amazement, Novem crawled out of the pit, sword in hand and foaming from the mouth. But it wasn't enough, as his Imperial Fist opponent was declared the winner mere seconds before.
Devastated, Novem thought his chance to lead the 3rd was all but dust until he was visited by the chapter master himself to tell him of the decision. For his valor, skill and determination, Novem was named Captain of the Iron Knight’s third company.
Constantine uses a long handled powersword that can be used in either a two-handed or one-handed grip. He also uses a specially modified plasma pistol that is able to fire in either full auto or burst, Though Novem usually uses the traditional semi-automatic mode as it doesn't melt his armor too much.
"Do you really think 7th edition was the best edition?"
hmmmmm. okay, an overview could be nice, along with the full story on Isaiah.
The Iron knights chapter, Sons of Dorn and successors of the Imperial Fists, are on a seemingly endless penitent Crusade. No matter the odds of success or the hopelessness of the situation, These crusading knights will answer the plea of doomed planets, fighting and dying even for a handful of humans left alive. They are known to go after the forces of chaos with unusual zeal, one day hoping to find and end the Traitorous Iron Brethren and redeem themselves in the eyes of Dorn.
and now a revised draft:
Spoiler:
Isaiah Atellus of the 5th company has been known to harbor a deep hatred of the Ork Warboss Rotbag Zodgrim for hundreds of years. Whenever the captain and the beast met in battle, It was always ended by some random event that allowed the ork to get away, leaving Isaiah to stew in his anger at the monster. The events almost seem ludicrous, like a freak sandstorm that obstructed the last shot to kill Rotbag, or a dam bursting to flood the battlefield, makeing it impossible to lay chase. the latest one was his least favorite. Who knew those boxes could contain millions of Ultramarine action figures?
Soon after his last encounter with Rotbag, Isaiah Atellus was called to fight against another arm of Zodgrim’s Waaaagh! to rescue the civilians a heavily populated planet. the fighting soon became a meatgrinder for the knights as the dense masses of civilians hamstrung their use of heavy weapons and tanks, their honor preventing them from wasting valuable lives. The Greenskins became entrenched in the abandoned buildings and have spires where even their heaviest flamestorm cannon could not get them out. Evacuation of innocents seemed hopeless until a detachment of Salamanders lead by Vulkan He’stan came to their aid. finally able to get the citizens to safety, the purging began in ernest.
During the many months, Atellus watched in awe as the sons of Nocturne destroyed heavy tanks his own melta guns could not touch. He beheld their mighty flamers as they burned out the entrenched Orks his own artillery couldn't kill.
Inspired by such mastery of fire, the young Captain, with the permission of the Forgefather, Adapted his flamers and melta-guns to be as near to the salamander’s weapons as they could be. The Iron Knight’s techpriests worked for weeks to rebore the
flow regulators so the streams of flames could reach farther. They mixed and modified the promethium to burn hotter to the point it could melt metal. With help of the Salamanders the Knight’s meltaguns where refocused to hit harder for less energy. Finally, the Iron knights had the tools to liberate the planet.
The final Battle had some of the fiercest fighting in the campaign, each force putting out it’s best fighters. In the final moments of the battle, the Forgefather and his terminator veterans became cornered by Zodgrim and his Meganobs. As much of a legendary fighter as he was, the relic-bearer fell before the Warboss, about to be smitten by it’s powerklaw. As the Klaw came down on Vulkan to strike the final blow, Atellus came to his aid, holding up his storm shield in front of the downed Salamander. Although the force of the blow shattered the shield, The two marines where able to send the warboss running, although an extremely well timed building collapse was able to send him running again.
Thankful of the Iron knight’s help, the Forgefather gifted him with the Drakeshield, A neigh unbreakable shield forged with the scales of a Firedrake and melded with a heavy flamer, a relic straight from the armory of the Salamanders.
With his newfound tactics and wargear, Atellus soon became a hellish force to be reckoned with. He still is on a long crusade to end the warboss Rotbag, determined to never let him escape again.
better?
"Do you really think 7th edition was the best edition?"
One thing, this relic can't be a shield. The Spear of Vulkan is a mastercrafted RELIC BLADE, aka a two handed sword, therefore a shield would not be legal. Haven't played 40k in ages since 5th ed so my knowledge may be wrong :L
Blood Angels 3rd Company
Space Wolves Ragnar Blackmane's Great Company
Rynn's World Battle Force
Looking at the OP and not your edits the story sounds fine though the writing could use some fine tuning. Im not good at writing English so no advice there.
Ya I think it looks fine go with it. It answers the most important part, how does it makes sense your character rivals Vulkan, watching his skills in battle and learning from watching is a good way to do it
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/08/20 02:15:42
kanekaneo wrote: One thing, this relic can't be a shield. The Spear of Vulkan is a mastercrafted RELIC BLADE, aka a two handed sword, therefore a shield would not be legal. Haven't played 40k in ages since 5th ed so my knowledge may be wrong :L
it says so on an FAQ that the relic blade can be used with a storm shield. asides from that, how is the fluff?
also, the reason why it originally was all wonky without much character development is because I was originally going to have it be the twice champion of the Feast of blades be vulkan's clone, but I thought he should have his own identity without being tied down to vulkan. I created Isaiah atellus to fill the gap.
"Do you really think 7th edition was the best edition?"
It sounds very plausible, but generally I am opposed to people writing background pieces for established canon characters as a way to introduce their own fan characters. In short I think it would fit better if you wrote less specific background for Vulkan, a character whose background is written by GW rather than fans.
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You could change it to the previous Forgemaster...
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Oh! there an idea! actually thats what i ment it to say before x-x do you think it will fix it? and can you help me to show that it is the former forgefather (kinda reeling from wisdom teeth surgery atm)
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/08/26 02:59:42
"Do you really think 7th edition was the best edition?"
I think so yeah.
It's already fairly solid anyway.
You could say the Forgefather was actually killed by the Ork warboss and the Iron Knights killed him in revenge and now the bond between the Salamanders and the Iron Knights is even closer.
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze "You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry.
purplefood wrote: I think so yeah.
It's already fairly solid anyway.
You could say the Forgefather was actually killed by the Ork warboss and the Iron Knights killed him in revenge and now the bond between the Salamanders and the Iron Knights is even closer.
Oh! or I could say that he defended his body by himself so none of the relics would be taken.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Alright revised it a little.
The final Battle had some of the fiercest fighting in the campaign, each force putting out it’s best fighters. In the final moments of the battle, the Forgefather and his terminator veterans became cornered by Zodgrim and his Meganobs. As much of a legendary fighter as he was, the relic-bearer was slain by the Warboss, smitten by it’s powerklaw.
Rotbag was estratic about his victory, having slain such a legendary figure that had such pretty loot. But before the Warboss could even lay a finger on the relics, Atellus cleaved off the ork’s hand at the wrist, standing between his most hated enemy and the body of his best ally. For hours the iron knight defended the Forgefather’s Relics, fighting like a daemon so that thier fellow Astartes could reclaim them later and give them to the salamanders for the next Forgefather. Although he wounded his mortal enemy, Rotbag escaped to terrorize the galaxy another day.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/08/26 03:15:52
"Do you really think 7th edition was the best edition?"
That pretty good.
Maybe change them being cornered to being confronted.
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze "You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry.