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YES.
I could still say that the sentience is female. That way it kinda preserves the Artaich.

Yeah, female works well.

: D
Thx for the suggestion. See people? This is what I mean.
Anyways, I think I'll add a new section today. maybe on heirarchy. Or maybe military.

Bump. Please reply, I would really like feedback on this.

What section did you add/where?

I added anatomy. I think I'll add the "Ancient Wars" section. That should clarify some things for Purplefood.

Seems allright to me

Begun work on the codex again, and will sort it out as soon as possible. It will not include any illustrations, but anyone is welcome to attempt some concept art. When I have posted it, please notify any details within that must be altered to suit the canon; I will gratefully accept. Please note I will try to negotiate a solution that involves at least part of the idea remaining, unless I think it's really good.
Thank you for your patience,
Mynameisalie
A.K.A. Will

Re: The anatomy

First things first, there are a few inconsistencies
-their super brains give them increased tissue regeneration, but they have a slower tissue regeneration because of their super muscles.
-you call the claws ebony, but then say you don't know what they are made of. If you are using ebony to mean the colour, it would be best to stick to a 'jet black' or something if thats what you were going for

Second thing, it needs some work.
-they are better than humans in every. single. respect. In no way are they worse than humans. Everyone else is worse than a human in some way (even if its in the sense that they lack the moral reasoning humans do in the case of space marines), yet your cats are just doubleplusgood on everything else.
Some changes I would recommend;
-Don't give them super memory. Give them awful memories, they have sacrificed this area for their psychic powers and all the other doubleplusgood stuff. However, if they shed the tear and keep it intact, that memory is preserved. This will allow stories to be passed through the ages and what not, they consult the tears of their ancestors. It also helps tone down the doubleplusgood stuff.
-the emotion of a few planet's worth of aliens shouldn't rival that of the Imperium. You can just say they are very emotional, you don't need that bit, it detracts from your writing more than it adds.
-research the brain more, there is no such thing as a frontal cortex, there is a frontal lobe though. But that is probably me just nitpicking because of what I'm studying at uni.
-they don't get super dense strong muscles as well as flexibility and speed, and super strong bones. Pick one. Perhaps the bones can resist compression easily (because they are used to jumping and landing) but any shearing forces and it'll snap like a twig.
-if they have doubleplusgood eyes in the night, there will likely be a drop in efficiency in bright lights, simply because of an overabundance of stimulation.

This is just a first read of it, once I do some more uni work I'll have another crack

Right, the two you said I will fix. To the other points:
1. That's kind of - in a mild respect- what I'm going for here. I'm trying to subliminally show a possible future humanity... just without the furriness. I took that from the fluff where humanity is meant to become a fully-psychic race in the future. I think. But I'll tone them back.
2. Super memory? Not really. One just very slightly better than a human's (remember this is untrained humans, not Imperial Guard). But I see your point.
3. Ok, that one I totally agree to.
4. We've been doing about the nervous system and the brain for my GCSE biology. I know my way around it pretty well, but you're the one doing the course, so...
5. You're making them look "superhuman compared to humanity". That's honestly not what I was going for. They've developed all this from past encounters and it's just how nature and evolution on their planet has forced them to become. They are almost human counterparts in a way, and referring back to the earlier point, they're a glimpse of humanity in the future. Shame there's only a few planets of Lynx. Sorry if I seem a bit aggressive.
6. The eyes work exactly like cat's. Exactly. Practically no difference. Twilight conditions in the ancient rainforests on Veridyth have made them so.
Those are just my views.

Oh, and just a question:
What information about them should I put in the codex?

4. We could well have different terms, and besides, it is a terrible quibble to have, forget I mentioned it.
5. If its what you are wanting to go with, then feel free, I was just trying to point out what others could well have a problem with, and have had an issue with in the past.
6. If they have adapted coats to go with other environments and what not, there is no reason their eyes wouldn't have adapted across the different environments as well. Particularly in those tundra areas you mention, the eyes drawing in a lot of light would be less than desirable in an environment reflecting nearly all the available light back at you. But again, thats up to you, if it is how you want them, then its how they'll be. They are yours after all, not mine.

And in regards to what info to put in? Hmm...a rough outline of everything, focusing on a timeline and the ancient battles? That'll be in line with other codex's I guess

Ah right thanks. I'll actually take the ork codex layout and alter it; it seems like a very good layout for these guys.
And for point 6:
I see what you mean now. Their eyes could adapt to certain environments faster, perhaps?

Question:
What should I rename the Artaich as? I don't want to have to put "the" in front every time I mention her.

Unless you give her a name that is a name rather than a title you are going to have to keep the the(Emperor is a title whereas Khorne is a name)
So call her Sally or something...

 purplefood wrote:
Unless you give her a name that is a name rather than a title you are going to have to keep the the(Emperor is a title whereas Khorne is a name)
So call her Sally or something...

The Emperor has a name...although apart from the old man himself, the only ones in 40k who knew were Malcador (prior to his death at the end of the Siege of Terra) and Eldrad (prior to his *ahem* consumption by Slaanesh).

 Tadashi wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Unless you give her a name that is a name rather than a title you are going to have to keep the the(Emperor is a title whereas Khorne is a name)
So call her Sally or something...

The Emperor has a name...although apart from the old man himself, the only ones in 40k who knew were Malcador (prior to his death at the end of the Siege of Terra) and Eldrad (prior to his *ahem* consumption by Slaanesh).

Nice catch there Sherlock...
The point was he is 'The Emperor' whereas Khorne and Nurgle are simply Khorne and Nugle. Not 'The' Khorne or 'The' Nurgle. Just Khorne and Nurgle...
One is a name whereas the other is a title. The Artaich is a title of some kinda whereas if she were named Sally they wouldn't be calling her The Sally...

Yes, it's more of a title.
But please, something a little more impressive than "Sally"?

I think Sally is impressive in how understated it is.

Ok, I admit, that's pretty funny.

Find something that sounds fancy, but could have sinister connotations.

A name for some animal which is a bit creepy in another language or something, spider or something, is an idea. I dunno, names are where I kind of fall down.

quark. Nobody would expect a Ferengi

LOL.
After a bit of brainstorming, I came up with these names:
Erethiel/Erethia
Eridana
Faelwen
Atria
Laucamiluiel
Verya
Melodiel (Melody)
Nervianiel

Nervianiel sounds best to me.

Names for characters of new races really isn't something you want to just think up. Naming should ideally follow some sort of convention, like how Space Wolf names are mainly Norse, Ork names are badly spelled versions of human ones or sound vaguely human when spoken, and are also jumbled (in the chaos of their names, there's actually order coming from how it holds true for nearly every Ork name), Necron names sound quite Egyptian etc. etc.

Calling one character Teksehranthanos, and then calling the next one Judy, doesn't look right, and although it's a rather extreme comparison, the message is still the same: decide on what your names are going to be based on and around before you start naming stuff.

If you change from one convention to another halfway through the story, then the characters will look inconsistent, so it's best to think about how you want the names to look and sound first; hell, if you don't want to pick something existing to base names off, make up a long-forgotten language and dialect that few people know anymore, and apply a custom convention to it; maybe it uses a lot of vowels, for example.

I'll reserve judgement for now. Too tired to really have a proper look.

But Alie, some general advice: if something isn't popular, don't keep pushing it. Not burning you (like I said, not looked at this yet), just a general tip. If people don't like it day one, odds are they won't like it day two or day thirty thousand.

I'll post something about your fluff tomorrow, although based on what others have said so far I'm thinking it's better than the first time this came around.

I actually got a couple of their names from here I'm going to be using these plus some custom ones for naming.

Need a bit of help for introducing them. Y'know how all the races have a page or so actually explaining their role and status within the Milky Way? I'm having a bit of trouble doing this. Any help?

I like Sally...

Purple, please...
Enough with the Sally thing...
Come on, don't you think that's just a little too childish for a deity/psychic collective consciousness/whatever-the-hell-I'm-gonna-call-it?