I have to do a Personal Statement

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**liquidjoshi**

I was just wondering if anyone here had any tips for writing one of these damn things, what it's good to put in and what will just get it shot down, and generally just other things that my teachers won't tell me.

Thanks in advance.

**Goliath**

I'm assuming this is targetted towards a uni application, in which case make sure that it's targetted towards the course you want to apply for, so saying that you play the violin at grade 8 standard is good if you're applying for medicine, because it implies a degree of manual dexterity, but it isn't particularly relevant if you're planning on applying for a degree in medieval history (unless it was some wierd medieval music history course)

**liquidjoshi**

Ah, yes, it is a Uni one. Thanks for that.

**Albatross**

Could you be a little bit more specific please? What sort of personal statement is it? Is it supposed to be your motivations for applying, an overview of your character, a biog? If you could link to something similar to what it is you have to fill in, I'll help in any way I can. Applying for uni can be a pain in the arse - it's a piece of piss once you get there, though. That is, provided you pick a subject you're passionate about.

**Frazzled**

liquidjoshi wrote:
I was just wondering if anyone here had any tips for writing one of these damn things, what it's good to put in and what will just get it shot down, and generally just other things that my teachers won't tell me.

Thanks in advance.

Be sure to include a statement that you have never tased a blind man with a walking stick in the last three months that anyone can prove. Also, a pragmatic guide to building a still is always a winner.

**liquidjoshi**

Albatross wrote:
Could you be a little bit more specific please? What sort of personal statement is it? Is it supposed to be your motivations for applying, an overview of your character, a biog? If you could link to something similar to what it is you have to fill in, I'll help in any way I can. Applying for uni can be a pain in the arse - it's a piece of piss once you get there, though. That is, provided you pick a subject you're passionate about.

It would include all of that I think. Here's an example of one:
http://www.studential.com/bio/getps.asp?ps=71&view=subject

Extract here:

UCAS wrote:I have always been fascinated by the way writers can influence, and even manipulate readers emotions by their expression of thoughts, and by their ability to encourage the expansion of our imaginations and understanding. My favourite authors include Phillip Pullman, Caroline B. Cooney and also Ian McEwan, whose novels are inspiring because of their enviable lucidity and innovative character development. It is my love of literature that has stimulated me to write creatively for pleasure. I therefore want to study English further as a catalyst for my own writing and to extend my knowledge of a subject for which I have developed a passion.

If that's at all useful...

@Frazzled: Can't prove anything without pics

**dogma**

liquidjoshi wrote:

Extract here:

UCAS wrote:I have always been fascinated by the way writers can influence, and even manipulate readers emotions by their expression of thoughts, and by their ability to encourage the expansion of our imaginations and understanding.

Probably not the best way to begin a piece designed to manipulate people. But then I've never applied to a fine arts program, so your mileage may vary.

UCAS wrote:By participating in a debate as part of the University Access Programme I have become more articulate in expressing my views.

Don't do this either. Don't tell me you're articulate, show me that you are.

**liquidjoshi**

Thanks Dogma, just to clarify though, that isn't mine, it's just an example, albeit one that was graded highly.

**dogma**

Here's me edited version:

My love of drama compelled me, at a young age, to compete for parts against more than 100 girls; eventually earning the privilege of selection by the Greenwich Theatre for their production of Othello. As a result I have continued my education with four A Levels. These courses have enabled me to develop many skills. English Literature has furthered my knowledge of the stylistic devices employed by a variety of writers. Biology and Psychology have helped me to interpret complex factual information. And History has allowed me to pursue my passion for investigating the past by retracing the steps that have led to our present circumstances. I feel honored to have been chosen as a Millennium Volunteer, and to have been selected as mentor for a younger student.

I would be similarly honored if you were to select me for you prestigious program.

**liquidjoshi**

So "Show, don't tell" is the order of the day then?

**Albatross**

Yeah, my advice would be basically identical to dogma's so I don't really have anything to add to it. Just find ways to demonstrate the core competencies that the university is looking for in undergraduate students, whilst giving them a picture of the type of person you are and making it abundantly clear that you are extremely motivated to take up a place at their institution.

**sourclams**

Show don't tell is a good way to put it. Recruitment officers are generally looking for something novel to set you apart, and something relevant to make you a good candidate.

To that end you want to include anything, to a point, that will separate you from the herd. For example, if you actively practice martial arts, lived overseas, have any awards, or participate in competitive or club hobbies. Then try to show how that experience is relevant to their needs.

I mentioned being an officer in a 200 person World of Warcraft guild in an interview. I showed how that experience of managing diverse personalities for 1-2 hours a night in a task-driven environment was relevant to the workplace. That connection back to a valid real-world skill is what makes the anecdote useful and relevant to an employer/uni board. Saying 'I am a high warlord playing videogames 2-3 hours a day' is not the same thing.

**Azza007**

Lie through your teeth, tell them what they want to hear. Its what I know others have done. Mention any experiences and why your suited. Treat it like a job application in that respect, just don't go OTT.

**liquidjoshi**

Cheers guys, lots to work with here

Anymore for anymore?

**A Town Called Malus**

Don't waste too much space on standard academic achievements (A levels etc.) The university knows what you're studying or studied in the past, how these subjects connect to their course and how well you're expecting to do or have done in those subjects.

You have to convince them that you are someone they want on their course. Show an interest in the subject outside the classroom, be it through reading journals and books or something else. Tell them why you want to study it, was there something you did or saw which made you realise that this was the subject you wanted to do?

Tell them about your hobbies and how the skills you developed thanks to them can be applied to their course. Level 8 in Violin shows dedication and practice, assembling and painting models shows attention to detail etc.

Opening it with a quote relevant to the field is a good eye-catcher, especially if you pick a quote which is pretty unique. I opened my personal statement for a (successful) Physics application with this one from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: "There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable" then linked back to it at the end when I said that if it were true then there was a comforting thought that scientists would always be needed to make sense of the increasingly complex and bizarre universe in which we live.

**liquidjoshi**

Ok, so got to work on it, here it is (well, the first draft anyway) with some annotations embedded. C+C would be greatly appreciated

Spoiler:

I would like to study creative writing because I find it is an interesting subject that I feel I can work at a strong level in. I am always interested in improving my own skill in writing, and this course will hopefully lead to a career in novel writing. I have some experience with creative writing, having submitted several pieces for both English Literature and Language coursework, of which all has been marked in the top band – I even felt confident enough in of one of these pieces to send it to Games Workshop as a submission. My main interest is in writing prose, although poetry is not anathema to me.

I would be a good student for this course for several reasons; my work is my main priority, and it often crosses over with my leisure activities; creative writing is a good example of this. My studies are currently in A2 levels in ICT and in English, both language and literature. My hobbies include Warhammer, which involves precise building and painting, as well as the application of tactical acumen during games and running my own website which requires a strong level of responsibility and commitment to ensure it is up to date and fulfils the needs of those that use it. I also participate in a team-based gaming community, which requires you to work alongside other members as part of a team to achieve a goal. [expand?] I also have an interest in Russia, particularly its history and in learning the language. To this end, I have attempted to learn some of the fundamentals of the language, such as basic numbers, while the television show Soviet Storm: WWII in the East has sparked and expanded my knowledge about Russia’s history, involvement in World War Two, and the attitudes of important individuals at that time, in regards to Russia, and from its perspective. Another activity, though I feel the term duty is more appropriate, I partake in is that of serving in my parish church. This, perhaps above all else, demands dedication, steadfastness of will, responsibility to an obligation, and – something I feel is lacking in most of my peers, if not the world today – faith.

I feel that I have, at least to some degree, been personally impressive to others during my education as well as during outside activities, by performing works and feats which have earned me several accolades in the past; I was chosen to attend the Villiers Park Creative Writing course during my AS levels, and was also been admitted to the (now debunked) NAGTY – The National Academy For Gifted and Talented Youth. Outside of school, despite only recently joining my team, or “chapter”, I was picked by the Chapter master from a list of fifty members, as part of a team of eight, to participate in a game against another chapter, an engagement which we handily won. The game involved working together to hold points on a map for a designated amount of time, and prevent the enemy from taking them. Alongside these, I have served an extended period in church as part of a voluntary duty. I hold these achievements as proof of my dedication to a cause, my reliability, and of my ability academically and skilfully, either alone or as part of a team.

**rubiksnoob**

liquidjoshi wrote:
Ok, so got to work on it, here it is (well, the first draft anyway) with some annotations embedded. C+C would be greatly appreciated

Spoiler:

I would like to study creative writing because I find it is an interesting subject that I feel I can work at a strong level in. I am always interested in improving my own skill in writing, and this course will hopefully lead to a career in novel writing. I have some experience with creative writing, having submitted several pieces for both English Literature and Language coursework, of which all has been marked in the top band – I even felt confident enough in of one of these pieces to send it to Games Workshop as a submission. My main interest is in writing prose, although poetry is not anathema to me.

I would be a good student for this course for several reasons; my work is my main priority, and it often crosses over with my leisure activities; creative writing is a good example of this. My studies are currently in A2 levels in ICT and in English, both language and literature. My hobbies include Warhammer, which involves precise building and painting, as well as the application of tactical acumen during games and running my own website which requires a strong level of responsibility and commitment to ensure it is up to date and fulfils the needs of those that use it. I also participate in a team-based gaming community, which requires you to work alongside other members as part of a team to achieve a goal. [expand?] I also have an interest in Russia, particularly its history and in learning the language. To this end, I have attempted to learn some of the fundamentals of the language, such as basic numbers, while the television show Soviet Storm: WWII in the East has sparked and expanded my knowledge about Russia’s history, involvement in World War Two, and the attitudes of important individuals at that time, in regards to Russia, and from its perspective. Another activity, though I feel the term duty is more appropriate, I partake in is that of serving in my parish church. This, perhaps above all else, demands dedication, steadfastness of will, responsibility to an obligation, and – something I feel is lacking in most of my peers, if not the world today – faith.

I feel that I have, at least to some degree, been personally impressive to others during my education as well as during outside activities, by performing works and feats which have earned me several accolades in the past; I was chosen to attend the Villiers Park Creative Writing course during my AS levels, and was also been admitted to the (now debunked) NAGTY – The National Academy For Gifted and Talented Youth. Outside of school, despite only recently joining my team, or “chapter”, I was picked by the Chapter master from a list of fifty members, as part of a team of eight, to participate in a game against another chapter, an engagement which we handily won. The game involved working together to hold points on a map for a designated amount of time, and prevent the enemy from taking them. Alongside these, I have served an extended period in church as part of a voluntary duty. I hold these achievements as proof of my dedication to a cause, my reliability, and of my ability academically and skilfully, either alone or as part of a team.

I just read the first paragraph, but I picked up on a few things. First, you use the word "writing" too many times. I feel like I am saying it over and over as I read it. Second, the use of the word anathema in the last sentence sounds incredibly awkward. It isn't used incorrectly, but it just sounds like you are dropping vocab words from English class to try and impress the reader.

I read the rest of it. I'm not going to nit-pick everything, but it sounds less like a personal statement, and more like a summary of your schoolwork and extracurriculars. Listing courses and programs that you've participated in isn't going to convey a sense of competency in writing. Demonstrating competency in writing will. There's also various grammar issues and whatnot, but I will point out that you probably misused the word "debunked" in the last paragraph.

I hate to say it, but it probably needs to be done over. YMMV, however. That's just my opinion.

**liquidjoshi**

Thanks for the input rubiksnoob, I guessed I'd misused debunked. I should also point out that it's not finished, and is going to see a lot of revision. Definitely see your point about "writing", didn't realise I'd used it that much. With regards to the comment about using vocab to impress the reader, was that based solely on the word anathema, or were there more examples of that?

**Gitzbitah**

Specificity, brevity, and confidence are other watch words for personal statements. For instance, drop that first sentence- instead, lead off with something like 'I am studying creative writing independently utilizing what I have gleaned from other authors, but feel my work would improve from the focused, expert instruction your institution offers.' Giving them the impression that you recognize their value, but are pursuing your goals yourself, and would seek instruction elsewhere speaks very strongly of your passion for your work. Especially when speaking about yourself, you are the expert, and should discourse as one.

If you're going for a literature and creative writing focus, play up those strengths. Drop the television reference, and cite some of your favorite Russian authors. Bonus points are available if you can speak about which features of the genre you aspire to emulate in your own writing.

Do you write content for your website? How often? Include that- it is wonderful proof of how well you can meet deadlines, write and keep a schedule.

The inclusion of religion is gutsy, and you make no apologies in its presentation- this is the perfect tone for an attention grabbing personal statement.

You can put a much cooler spin on the 'now debunked' group by calling yourself one of the last members of NAGTY- it certainly makes you distinctive.

It is a good start. You definitely have the raw material to refine into something that will get you admitted.

**rubiksnoob**

liquidjoshi wrote:
Thanks for the input rubiksnoob, I guessed I'd misused debunked. I should also point out that it's not finished, and is going to see a lot of revision. Definitely see your point about "writing", didn't realise I'd used it that much. With regards to the comment about using vocab to impress the reader, was that based solely on the word anathema, or were there more examples of that?

Always happy to help another CW major!

And no, anathema was the only one that really stood out.

**liquidjoshi**

Thanks guys, got a lot to think about with this already