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The plot thickens, nice chapter. Setting out some characters I see, lets hope we don't learn to love them too much as they are in a war zone after all

Another nice entry.

Its a shame that all of those characters are prob'ly gonna die.

Why is the speech in italics?

 purplefood wrote:
Why is the speech in italics?

Why not?

 Trondheim wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Why is the speech in italics?

Why not?

That's not really an answer...
I just wanted to know if there was a specific reason you put them in italics. It's usually used for thoughts or for emphasising something.

 purplefood wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Why is the speech in italics?

Why not?

That's not really an answer...
I just wanted to know if there was a specific reason you put them in italics. It's usually used for thoughts or for emphasizing something.

Well when I have always done this when telling a story in text form it is.

Dawn found the men and women of the still standing imperial guard regiments on the offensive, they had been tasked with punching a hole straight trough the rebel lines, to achieve this they had assembled what forces could be spared from the other ongoing operations in the city.

As they advanced along the ruined high way and past broken remains of homes and once vast and thriving mark places the one thing that stuck the men was the eerie silence. Beside the shuffling of feet and other sounds it was quiet, too quiet in fact as one trooper pointed out while the regiment paused to gain a better sense of their surroundings and bearings.
It was then that the ambush was sprung, without knowing it they had stumbled onto a major rebel force who had dug in and awaited the arrival of the imperial forces. Now caught between the two lines the 227th Anaheim regiment would be hard pressed to survive let alone advance.
It began with a single sniper shot taking down a man standing on the top of a burnt out chimera. The man fell down and lay there drowning in his own blood as his comrades rushed to cover and looked for the gunner.
The sniper shot was followed by a torrent of bolter fire and auto guns being unleashed upon them alongside mortars and the odd missile who left a streak of white smoke as they whizzed past and detonated in a shower of shrapnel and heat.
Many died in those first few and chaotic moments but many more survived and managed somehow to scramble for cover. Amongst the ruins they could see the camo clad figures of the rebels close in to make their assault upon the way layed regiment.

“Get your bloody head down!” Erik barked and yanked the trooper down on the ground beside him in the shallow trench they where laying in. over their heads a hailstorm of enemy fire chewed up the ground and the burnt out buildings, the rebels had managed to drag a pair of heavy bolters to the rubble strewn staircases in a building as was using the flat roof as a elevated position to lay down a steady stream of fire. And such buying their comrades time and room to manoeuvre and fight back with a chance for victory.

“Anyone care to kill those gunners?” he asked over the vox in a rather stressed tone. He could hear the chatter of other troopers asking for back up or reinforcements while the vox operators attempted to sort all of this madness into a somewhat coherent list of requests and demands from the troops in the field. As he wondered if anyone had heard his request and was about to tell his marksman to try and get a shot of at the gunner. A familiar sound could be heard over the din of battle.
The sound of tank tracks creeping over the rubble and shots pinging of the armour was something any guardsman could learn to love and pray for.

“Try not to get your pants in a twist each time someone tosses a few pieces of lead your way eh sergeant” the tank commander said as he issued a series of commands to his crew.
Stopping and traversing its turret the massive leman russ tank took aim and fired its massive cannon. The sound was like that of a immense explosions to the troops who covered nearby. Dust flew everywhere and a smell of cordite filled the air. The shot was followed by a long rattling salvo from the two sponson mounted bolters and the hiss of the hull mounted las cannon. Th rooftop gunners was hit by the full force of the detonation as the shell detonated just above their heads and turned them into a fine red mist mixed with the flames and smoke of the explosion. While the other shots fired by the tank slammed into the building and drove anyone still left alive into cover.
Not satisfied with their initial volley the tank crew reloaded and let another shot slam into the building. As a result of this a section of it collapsed and the rest tilted at a hazardous angle while dust and smoke rose from it.

“bloody well done! I own you one gunner” Erik said and signalled for his men to begin advancing once more, the rebels who had now lost one of the anchor points in their ambush line begun to realize that they where about to be flanked and most likely gunned down.
The men of the Anaheim 227th had now a chance to push these bastards back and end them once and for all, at least in this part of the world. Despite being a light infantry regiment they had over the last months learned to deal with these urban surroundings. But they knew they needed to reach open land and such to use their skills to the full, victory here would allow them to do so. fuelled by this and a wish to avenge fallen comrades they pressed on. Back up by Cadian shock troops and the rolling thunder of the two armour detachments they hit like a hammer.
Having gained the upper hand the ambush was slowly starting to turn into a counter assault on the rebel lines. Dashing amongst the ruins and avoiding fire while fighting a brutal and merciless running battle the surviving.
Pausing for a second to regain their breath the spearhead made up of the men of the 227th cast their eyes upon the line of well dug and concealed trenches from where the rebels had struck, high ramparts of earth greeted their eyes while fire hammered them.

“We need to take that bloody line! First platoon with me, rest follow corporal Henderson and take the second one over there. Rest pull back and regroup with the Cadians and guide them here.” Erik said and spat blood and dust while taking a deep sip of his canteen flask.
“On my mark we lob whatever you have left of explosives, then run like the arch traitor himself was after you! Stop and you die.” he said and readied his last frag grenade while others readied satchel charges and grenades.
Towards the smoking ramparts they went, grenades and detonation satchels clearing the way. The group of some hundred men charged over the top while cursing the enemy on the other side, once over they where treated to a hellish hand to hand struggle. One man was struck with a entrenching shovel in the face and fell screaming down while clutching his cleaved and bleeding face.
The swirling fight was gory and not what they where accustomed to, but in moments like this the men of both sides fought like the heroes of old.
A shotgun blast ripped one Anaheimer down and the shooter let another blast fly but missing badly.
Erik saw the trooper go down and swore, another one dead and gone. He rammed his broad bladed combat knife into the neck of the man he was squaring of against and kicked him so hard that he hard the ribs crack.
Around his men had managed to get the upper hand, partially to the hail of grenades but also due to their training. And in his own mind their zeal and faith in the emperor. When the last rebel fell some forty of the hundred men who had assaulted the trench lay dead or dying on the blood soaked ground. While the dying where granted the emperors mercy and the dead disposed of he issued orders with a weary tone.


“okay form up and move on. This party is far from done, I want noise discipline and eyes sharp.” he finished and begun pulling his blade out of the dead rebel who had soiled her pants before dying with a plea for mercy on her filthy lips.
As he did so he saw his vox operator go pale as a bed sheet. The normally lively man signaled for hi to come over to him, the sergeant noticed that the man was shaking and beads of seat was drifting down his face.
“Umm sir I got bad news... really bad news. Orks by the shipload just begun attacking the Cadian 357th and 358th. HQ says the fighting is a bloody meat grinder. All units are to break of from their current task and reinforce the Cadians.”

“Well bugger all. Okay get the word out and inform HQ we are beginning our move, we are going to try to hit the flank of the Ork attack near the ruined high way due north east. “ Erik said and sighed before lighting a Ilho stick and sticking a fresh magazine into his lasgun.
He gathered his men and together both officers and privates begun their speedy march towards the grim battle raging in the north east. Alongside them the tanks of the 45th Vanaheim armor regiment detachment group C followed them with banners and exhausts pipes belching smoke towards he sky.

“The humans clash with both rebels and green skins my lady. What do you command us to do?” said the trio of warlocks in a unison voice while bowing before her. Each of them awaiting any instructions she might give them like a eager hound staring at the leash.
The farseerer rose from her place of rest and looked the three in the eyes with a glare that would have driven lesser creatures mad with fear for the coming storm of wrath boiling behind her eyes.

“Unleash the war host upon them all! butcher anyone who is not crucial to the plans we have layed! No one lives with the exception of the Imperials! Fate has decreed that they have yet a part to play in the cosmic puzzle.” as she spoke the barely audible footsteps of someone stopped by her side.
Turning she saw the leader of the banshees, the howling warrior women standing there clad in the finest suit of armor available to her. Her hands gripped a long slender weapon while her mirror swords rested upon her hips.
The woman still bore the marks left by the lictor upon her face, but she seemed not to be bothered to any great length by these. The two veteran warriros spoke not a word between them, simply bowed to each other and shared a moment of solitude.
The Banshee left the seer standing alone in the great vault with only the age worn stone walls to witness her tears shed for a companion who went to seek out the prey she had between overcome by.

Some words need changing and completing but apart from that I thought it was rather good, a bit of action mixed with a bit of thought and mystry, nice.

What's so special about the humans I wonder?

(Random Eldar quote) The threads of fate can be spun and broken with ease, tread carefully Farseer, for you tread on my hopes and dreams.

 Trondheim wrote:

 purplefood wrote:

 Trondheim wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Why is the speech in italics?

Why not?

That's not really an answer...
I just wanted to know if there was a specific reason you put them in italics. It's usually used for thoughts or for emphasizing something.

Well when I have always done this when telling a story in text form it is.

I'd change it, you use it a lot. It's kinda off-putting... makes me think they are thinking something and not saying it... or they are singing which I guess they could be doing...

The new entry isn't bad, it's just... I dunno, I'm not sure how to put this into words. The combat doesn't feel like combat. It feels more like a list of things that happened during the fight. The fight with the Lictor felt more real. I would suggest trying to include more little details and that sort of thing in your writing. Make it vivid.

Still, it isn't bad. I liked it, but I feel like it could be improved.

Your rigth LL, it had a lot of room for said things. Will try to sort it out for the next, or do you think I should just toss it away and start over?

I think you should sort it out.

Will do, just need to figure out. But will use your adivce, thanks for the help guys. Much appriciated

Don't change it too much it just needs adding to, I think LoneLictor is saying it sounded a bit wooden (stiff, hollow) and just needs a little fluffying out and less saying with more doing instead.

There are parts which could definitely be cut down on...

Well after having read it from end to end I agree. I will attemt outfluffing and other things. Will also put some more time into the general outline of the plot from here on. Not sure where to proceed with it to be honnest

As I see it the lictor is a scout for a hive fleet and the humans and eldar are going to kick but and unite grudgingly when the nids come. the eldar are guna use them as fodder while they take out the hive tyrant or something. but i could be wrong as the eldar need the humans to fight off chaos because_____?

It's definitely better now. The little details really help. The only suggestion I can offer now is touching up the transition from combat to noncombat. It seems like the charge ends too suddenly.

I would suggest that during the fight. You add in the occasional detail about the dwindling number of rebels. Or you can talk about how they were torn to shreds by the initial volley of grenades, the rebels' formation wasn't able to recover quickly enough.

Overall, nicely written and nicely down.

I said it before and il say it again, that was epic! and a nicely touched up chapter.

LoneLictor wrote:It's definitely better now. The little details really help. The only suggestion I can offer now is touching up the transition from combat to noncombat. It seems like the charge ends too suddenly.

I would suggest that during the fight. You add in the occasional detail about the dwindling number of rebels. Or you can talk about how they were torn to shreds by the initial volley of grenades, the rebels' formation wasn't able to recover quickly enough.

Overall, nicely written and nicely down.

Oh now why did I not think of that, thanks for the advice. Expect shredded rebels and other goodies next chapter then

Themanwiththeplan wrote:I said it before and il say it again, that was epic! and a nicely touched up chapter.

Yes glad you agree, Now I am spared having to come over and impale you on my mansword

Aww

Mansword?

I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.

 LoneLictor wrote:
Mansword?

I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.

Oh don't be jealous

 Trondheim wrote:

 LoneLictor wrote:
Mansword?

I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.

Oh don't be jealous

This gif expresses my feelings towards your post well.

Well should have seen that one coming. On another and unrelated note, I expect to manage to have the next part out ina few days.

It's a joke LL, or at least I'm hopeing it was. Anyway I'd hate to make you both cry when you realise my sword is longer and broader than yours

Don't bring a dagger to a claymore fight ...

This tale comes across like one of those Marvel vs Capcom beat-em ups. No matter who your favourites are, you can guarantee they're going to be mixing it up with a variety of opponents.

This is always fun to read. Who's the next match-up?

To my faithful readers, more will be added to this particular new part in the days to come. Just not sure whom will be featured in said part. Until then this will have to do I suppose

Its wounds still ached and ichor dripped from them as the vengeful beast watched the green skins squabble amongst themselves. The largest of the pack was a massive brute armed with a crude but very deadly two handed chain axe. This one would be the first to die when the time came to strike, it felt hunger snarl and growl in its guts.
Yes soon the green things would be devoured for the greater mind, already it felt the approaching swarm. But all in due time, it needed to be careful, in its wounded state it could fall if the ambush was not executed carefully.
The large Ork snarled and shook its massive fist at a lesser one and seemed to be lost in the haze of blood and lust for war.
Strike, rend kill maim came the command from the ever present mind. Having received these new instructions the hunter rose from its resting place. It seemed reinvigorated and its wounds would have seemed to an observer to mend before ones eyes. Still with ichor dripping it flickered its razor sharp talons. Snarling it begun to move, yes soon feed would be gained and more knowledge gathered for the hive mind.

The first one to die never knew what struck it. Impaled upon two chitin covered talons it died as the lictor sunk its feeder tendrils into its skull, the beast had struggled but it was in vain against its killer who was many times stronger than itself. Tossing the dead Ork aside the beast activated its cloak and blended in with the shadows as it moved ever closer to the knob who stood by a roaring fire devouring a partially cooked human child. Its great maw crushed bone and chopped through meat as it washed down its gory meal with fungus beer.
The lictor was almost within striking distance when a Ork boy it had not noticed bumped into spilling its beer.
“OY wotzs this ere? Sumefing invinzibul?” the Ork said and much to its dismay realized it was one of those sneaky bugs.
Realizing its cover was broken the hunter let out a horrid roar and with one fell strike drove one of the talons right into the guts of the Ork disemboweling it, and spilling Ork fecal mater onto the ground. The nearby green skins howled as the beast dropped its camouflage and revealed itself in all its horrid glory. Coal black and red chitin illuminated by the light of the nearby camp fires.
“WAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!” they roared in unison and came at it. Choppas and other crude weapons gleamed in the light of the camp fires. But had they known what some members of the Ordo Xeno of mankind knew they would have fled and attempted to put much distance between themselves and it. Mainly an infiltrator and assassin the beast was more than capable of ripping apart most foes when cornered or forced into a fight.

A deep rumbling sound emitted from it as the scything talons snapped into position while its powerful paws flexed showing the cords of muscle running beneath its carapace. The second to die was struck down by a powerful horizontal slash followed by a upward jab with one of its paws. The the stricken Ork died while still clutching its weapon in one hand. Then suddenly the main swarm of Orks hit it, fists and cleavers sought to lay the beast low but it ducked and weaved while striking like a angry serpent. The sounds of the struggle filtered out into the night as it raged on.
Accepting a crushing blow the beast fixed its eyes upon the new attacker, all around lay dead or dying Orks, some gutted while some had been torn in two by the talons it wielded as a pair of jagged swords.
The last Ork to stand on its feet was the towering Nob, clutching its growling two handed chain axe it bellowed a challenge and came on hard.

Chain axe growling and with a fierce snarl on its face the Nob took the first swing at its foe. The massive weapon barely missed the lictor who threw itself backwards to avoid the biting teeth.
As the Nob lashed out with one fist the hunter struck , a talon buried itself in the massive chest while the other talon buried itself in neck. With its lifeblood oozing out the Ork snarled and tried to bite its foe. But as it did the hunter flexed its feeder tendrils and with one swift move it burried those gore stained tentacels in the skull of the dying Ork.

Luvin it, the lictor is now my favourate character of your story.

If that's how good a lictor is, I can't wait to see the carnifexes arrive ...

Fun read, as always. It'd be nice to see some character development among the Orks, as they're always good value when written well.