A very Dakka Christmas!

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**Kid_Kyoto**

Christmas is almost upon us, and besides the Santa hats, we have another tradition here at Dakka, the reading of Patrick Marstall's USENET classic "The Night Before 986996.M41". Enjoy!

The Night Before 986996.M41

by Patrick Marstall (MarstallP@bah.com)

'Twas the night before 986996.M41, and all through the station
All there was clear, there was no abomination.

My helmet was set on the desk to my right,
On the chance that I was to need it that night.

The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds,
All the tanks too were safe, secure in the sheds.

Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall,
Assured me that the bastion never would fall.

When out in the yard there arose such discord
I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword.

Away to the window, I ran to take aim
As the marines around me all did the same.

My bionic eye turned the night into day
Allowed me to see, and to seek out my prey.

When what did my loyalist ocular show,
But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow.

The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.

The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.

I gestured for other to shoot without pause,
For I was now certain this was Santa Claus.

"Fire Marines! Fire Guardsmen! Fire Ogryn and Ratlings!
Fire bolters! Fire lasguns! Fire mortars and gatlings!"

"You in the courtyard and you men on the walls!
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"

But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,
Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw!

And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof.

Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,
As down the chimney shaft it came with a bound.

I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle,
Bloated and fat, like a deamon of Nurgle.

Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -
Charged into battle with my brave space marines.

As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,
He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift.

Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,
As they arced through the air at me and my troops.

The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,
Our morale was quite strong, we did not retreat.

But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.

For each box contained a chaotic present -
The marines (damn their souls), found them quite pleasant.

A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,
The Claus gave to all, and he checked off a list.

It moved through the station and left in its wake,
The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruitcake.

The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,
For to me it gave only a small pile of coal.

The station was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.

I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,
The target escaping, quite safe in his sled.

I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

**timetowaste85**

Always a classic. Thanks for sharing again this year, KK.

**dakkajet**

Ah... Such a classic.

**Zwan1One**

Superb. Always enjoy reading this at Xmas.

**notprop**

You know Kid you don't need to increase your post count at this point mate and certainly not by punishing us with this every year.

Any way there was a Black and White Space.........

**master of ordinance**

It isnt Yule for me without a reading of this, as shared by KK.
And notprop-DONTYOUDARE!

**Medium of Death**

Another year where I choose not to read this!

Excellent!

**Kid_Kyoto**

notprop wrote:
You know Kid you don't need to increase your post count at this point mate and certainly not by punishing us with this every year.

Any way there was a Black and White Space.........

Apologies let me make it up to you with this ancient Space Wolf Battle Hymn

"Bjorn the Fell-Handed Dreadnaught"

Bjorn t'Fell-Handed Dreadnaught, had a very powerful claw
And if you ever fought him, it was the last thing you saw

All of the other Space Wolves always honored his might
They loved to join venerable Bjorn, in the thick of the fight

Then one bloody battle's eve, the Great Wolf came to say
Bjorn with your claw's might
Won't you put our foes to flight?

Then all the Xenos feared him, and they scream when they flee
Bjorn t'Fell-Handed Dreadnaught, our pants you make us pee!

**squall018**

First time I've seen this. Pretty great!

**snurl**

Awesome. Classics.

**Sparkadia**

First time reading this. Highly enjoyable.

**TheDraconicLord**

First time I read this, really damn cool. Thanks!

**avedominusnox**

Merry christmas! This is classic!

**Paradigm**

Always a laugh. Thanks for sharing.

**chaos0xomega**

notprop wrote:
You know Kid you don't need to increase your post count at this point mate and certainly not by punishing us with this every year.

Any way there was a Black and White Space.........

Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?

**Tibbsy**

chaos0xomega wrote:
notprop wrote:
You know Kid you don't need to increase your post count at this point mate and certainly not by punishing us with this every year.

Any way there was a Black and White Space.........

Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?

No.

Certainly not.