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2014/03/19 08:30:17
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
What do you call a laser-sighted lasgun? Twin linked
A group of Space Wolves are standing around a table in a bar shouting "Thirty Days! Thirty Days!", raising toasts and cheering like the Emperor has risen again.
A Salamander comes on by and says "Brothers, I have heard your chanting and seen you cheering. Why are you chanting 'Thirty Days'?"
One of the Space Wolves turns to him and says, "Well met brother! We took on a fearsome task that challenged us all to our limits, and yet we completed it in naught but a fraction of the time. In a mere 30 days!"
"Indeed? What mighty task was this?"
"That puzzle said 3-4 years. We did it in 30 days!"
Automatically Appended Next Post: Oh and another:
The Salamanders 3rd and the Blood Angels 4th are attacking an Ork WAAAGH! During the night a blood angel starts smoking a cigarette, then realises he can't light it. He goes up to a salamander;
"Mate, have you got a light?"
This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2014/03/19 10:22:26
2014/03/19 13:13:58
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
A space marine dreadnought and a chapter master are paying tennis. The chapter master loses the coin toss so the dreadnought will start first. The dreadnought then says.
"Even in death. I still serve."
DS:90-S+G+++M++B-IPw40k03+D+A++/fWD-R++T(T)DM+ Warmachine MKIII record 39W/0D/6L
2014/03/19 13:17:54
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/03/19 13:25:40
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
How many Grots does it take to paint a battlewagon?
Depends how hard you throw them
A Guardsman walks into a bar, fails his armour save and is removed as a casualty.
How many Daemonettes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, but it has to be a really big light bulb.
Spoiler:
Spoiler:
And of course, there's my sig \/
Ailaros wrote: You know what really bugs me? When my opponent, before they show up at the FLGS smears themselves in peanut butter and then makes blood sacrifices to Ashterai by slitting the throat of three male chickens and then smears the spatter pattern into the peanut butter to engrave sacred symbols into their chest and upper arms.
I have a peanut allergy. It's really inconsiderate.
"Long ago in a distant land, I, M'kar, the shape-shifting Master of Chaos, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Grey Knight warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in space and flung him into the Warp, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to real-space, and undo the evil that is Chaos!"
0004/04/19 14:12:38
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
An Imperial Guard Commisar is standing by the side of the road saying "29! 29! 29!" An Orc walks up and asks him, "Why you keep sayin 29?" The Commisar looks at the Orc and says "Go over there and look and you shall see why." The Orc goes to where the Commisar was pointing and looks around. "I sees nuthin 'umie..." Suddenly, a Leman Russ tank runs the Orc over, smearing it over thirty yards. The Commisar begins saying, "30! 30! 30!"
The original R€4P€RK1NG
2014/03/19 14:19:01
Subject: Re:Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
How many Adeptus Astartes do you need to change a light bulb?
An entire Chapter. One to hold the light bulb and 999 to turn the Battle barge around it
Why was Abaddon the Despoiler's office so messy?
He just got a new Defiler.
Iranna.
Sound cannons
Sticks and stones may break my bones but - HOLLY GAK!
A Slanneshi Cultist aspiring to be a Noise Marine approaches the Champion of his hold. "Maaaaster~" The cultist called out. The bubblegum pink and black clad Noise Marine turned -slowly- meeting the gaze of the much smaller mortal."You must have sex with a Sister of Battle! By defiling their purity you've pleased Slannesh!" The cultist beamed as he was rather handsome, or so he was told, but it was apparent women were not into daemonic tentacles.
The Cultist in the late hours of the morning sneaked into a Imperial Chapel. A Sister of Battle bowed to an altar. Repenting for her past sins of devouring far too many sweats, Blasphemy! Well the cultist stalked the repenting woman... Now was the moment to strike he grabbed her. And as he ripped off her power armor she yelled. "Please! At least let me have my virginity!" The Cultist was not a evil man he at-least let her have that. After the primal passion, he beamed once more. "Terrific! I will become a Noise Marine now!" The Sister of Battle laughed, the sound of bells. "They said if I dressed up as a Sister of Battle i'd become a Noise Marine." -He- said with a grin.
It's not a matter of the glass being half full or half empty, it's a matter of who the feth has been drinking my mountain dew?
Khorne, Slaanesh, Tzeentch and Nurgle are sitting together at a bar. After a few drinks Khorne turns to the others and says:
“You know, I think I might be the angriest being in the universe. I should apply for the Guinness Book of World Records.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” replies Tzeentch, “I too might apply as I am clearly the most devious being in the universe!”
“Me too,” says Slaanesh, “I’m obviously the most perverse being in the universe.”
“And I’m probably the most repulsive being in the universe,” adds Nurgle.
And so they agree on it and the following day head off to be judged for the Guinness Book of World Records.
Khorne finishs up first and greets the crowd gathered outside with a triumpant roar.
“It’s true! I truly am the angriest being in the universe!”
Tzeentch follows soon after, smirking callously.
“As was predicted, I am undoubtably the most devious being in the universe.”
A few hours later Slaanesh strolls proudly towards them snickering.
“I was right. I am the most perverse being in the universe!”
The three wait for Nurgle to return and after a time he finally emerges with a foul expression on his face.
“How did it go, Nurgle?” ask the three.
“Who the hell is Justin Beiber?!” he cries.
*Insert witty and/or interesting statement here*
2014/03/19 14:21:52
Subject: Re:Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".
On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"
"OK."
*Insert witty and/or interesting statement here*
2014/03/19 14:35:30
Subject: Re:Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
And here I was hoping we'd get to the second page before the black and white space marine appeared.
Ailaros wrote: You know what really bugs me? When my opponent, before they show up at the FLGS smears themselves in peanut butter and then makes blood sacrifices to Ashterai by slitting the throat of three male chickens and then smears the spatter pattern into the peanut butter to engrave sacred symbols into their chest and upper arms.
I have a peanut allergy. It's really inconsiderate.
"Long ago in a distant land, I, M'kar, the shape-shifting Master of Chaos, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Grey Knight warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in space and flung him into the Warp, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to real-space, and undo the evil that is Chaos!"
2014/03/19 14:50:41
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
Brother Varuvos: Well Brother Galan, I'm going to Ultramar with you. You know Marneus Calgar, the Ultramarine's chapter master, gave me a job as an instructor for as long as you're on in the army. Galan: Look Brother Varuvos, if you're an instructor, you must know all the Astartes. Varuvos: I certainly do. Galan: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's in the army. Varuvos: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these Astartes now-a-days very peculiar names. Galan: You mean funny names? Varuvos: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean Galan: His brother Daffy. Varuvos: Daffy Dean Galan: And their French cousin. Varuvos: French? Galan: Goofè. Varuvos: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have in the force, Who's the First Captain, What's the Chaplain, I Don't Know is the Chief Librarian... Galan: That's what I want to find out. Varuvos: I say Who's the First Captain, What's the Chaplain, I Don't Know's the Chief Libraian. Galan: Are you an instructor? Varuvos: Yes. Galan: You gonna be the in charge of Munitions too? Varuvos: Yes. Galan: And you don't know the fellows' names? Varuvos: Well I should. Galan: Well then who's the First Captain? Varuvos: Yes. Galan: I mean the fellow's name. Varuvos: Who. Galan: The captain. Varuvos: Who. Galan: The guy who leads the first company Varuvos: Who. Galan: The guy just... Varuvos: Who is the First Captain! Galan: I'm asking YOU who's the First Captain. Varuvos: That's the man's name. Galan: That's who's name? Varuvos: Yes. Galan: Well go ahead and tell me. Varuvos: That's it. Galan: That's who? Varuvos: Yes. PAUSE Galan: Look, you gotta a First Captain? Varuvos: Certainly. Galan: Who's leading the first company? Varuvos: That's right. Galan: When you issue ammo to the captain every month, who gets the ammo? Varuvos: Every bullet of it. Galan: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name in charge of first company. Varuvos: Who. Galan: The guy that gets... Varuvos: That's it. Galan: Who gets the ammo... Varuvos: He does, every bullet. Sometimes his serf comes down and collects it. Galan: Who's serf? Varuvos: Yes. PAUSE Varuvos: What's wrong with that? Galan: Look, all I wanna know is when you check out weapons to the First Captain, how does he sign his name? Varuvos: Who. Galan: The guy. Varuvos: Who. Galan: How does he sign... Varuvos: That's how he signs it. Galan: Who? Varuvos: Yes. PAUSE Galan: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name in charge of first company. Varuvos: No. What is a Chaplain. Galan: I'm not asking you who's a Chaplain. Varuvos: Who's a Captain. Galan: One officer at a time! Varuvos: Well, don't change the soldiers around. Galan: I'm not changing nobody! Varuvos: Take it easy, buddy. Galan: I'm only asking you, who's the guy in charge of first company? Varuvos: That's right. Galan: Ok. Varuvos: All right. PAUSE Galan: What's the guy's name in charge of first company? Varuvos: No. What is a Chaplain. Galan: I'm not asking you who's a Chaplain. Varuvos: Who's a Captain. Galan: I don't know. Varuvos: He's the Chief Librarian, we're not talking about him. Galan: Now how did I get to the librarius? Varuvos: Why you mentioned his name. Galan: If I mentioned the Chief Librarian's name, who did I say was a psyker? Varuvos: No. Who's a Captain. Galan: What's a Captain? Varuvos: What's a Chaplain. Galan: I don't know. Varuvos: He's the Chief Librarian. Galan: There I go, back to the librarius! PAUSE Galan: Would you just stay on the librarius and don't go off it. Varuvos: All right, what do you want to know? Galan: Now who's the Chief Librarian? Varuvos: Why do you insist on putting Who in the librarius? Galan: What am I putting in the librarius. Varuvos: No. What is a Chaplain. Galan: You don't want who as a Chaplain? Varuvos: Who is a Captain. Galan: I don't know. Varuvos & Galan Together: Chief Librarian! PAUSE Galan: Look, you gotta Techmarine? Varuvos: Sure. Galan: The Techmarine's name? Varuvos: Why. Galan: I just thought I'd ask you. Varuvos: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya. Galan: Then tell me who's the Techmarine. Varuvos: Who's a Captain. Galan: I'm not... stay out of the command! I want to know what's the guy's name from the Mechanicum? Varuvos: No, What is a Chaplain. Galan: I'm not asking you who's a Chaplain. Varuvos: Who's a Captain! Galan: I don't know. Varuvos & Galan Together: Chief Librarian! PAUSE Galan: The Techmarine's name? Varuvos: Why. Galan: Because! Varuvos: Oh, he's a Sergeant. PAUSE Galan: Look, You gotta Dreadnought in this army? Varuvos: Sure. Galan: The Dreadnought's name? Varuvos: Tomorrow. Galan: You don't want to tell me today? Varuvos: I'm telling you now. Galan: Then go ahead. Varuvos: Tomorrow! Galan: What time? Varuvos: What time what? Galan: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's a Dreadnought? Varuvos: Now listen. Who is not a Dreadnought. Galan: I'll break your arm, you say who's a Captain! I want to know what's the Dreadnought's name? Varuvos: What's a Chaplain. Galan: I don't know. Varuvos & Galan Together: Chief Librarian! PAUSE Galan: Gotta an Apothecary? Varuvos: Certainly. Galan: The Apothecary's name? Varuvos: Today. Galan: Today, and tomorrow's a Dreadnought. Varuvos: Now you've got it. Galan: All we got is a couple of days in the army. PAUSE Galan: You know I'm an Apothecary too. Varuvos: So they tell me. Galan: Let's say we get the army together to fight the Swarmlord. We can't wait for tomorrow to attack so the captain starts taking damage for us. I see he is getting pretty banged up, so being a good soldier, I whip out my Narthecium and I use it on who? Varuvos: Now that's the first thing you've said right. Galan: I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE Varuvos: That's all you have to do. Galan: Is to heal the Captain. Varuvos: Yes! Galan: Now who's healed? Varuvos: Naturally. PAUSE Galan: Look, if I heal the Captain, somebody's gotta be better. Now who is it? Varuvos: Naturally. Galan: Who? Varuvos: Naturally. Galan: Naturally? Varuvos: Naturally. Galan: So I grab my Narthecium and I heal Naturally. Varuvos: No you don't, you heal Who. Galan: Naturally. Varuvos: That's different. Galan: That's what I said. Varuvos: You're not saying it... Galan: I heal Naturally. Varuvos: You heal Who. Galan: Naturally. Varuvos: That's it. Galan: That's what I said! Varuvos: You ask me. Galan: I heal who? Varuvos: Naturally. Galan: Now you ask me. Varuvos: You heal Who? Galan: Naturally. Varuvos: That's it. Galan: Same as you! Same as YOU! I heal who. The Swarmlord is very strong, however, and whoever is the Captain gets killed. The Swarmlord starts going after What and I Don't Know buffs Tomorrow who runs over to help. Meanwhile, Old One Eye goes after Because. Why? I don't know! He's the Chief Librarian and I don't give a feth! Varuvos: What? Galan: I said I don't give a feth! Varuvos: Oh, that's our Veteran Sergeant.
This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2014/03/19 14:59:56
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/03/19 15:29:39
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
the shrouded lord wrote: There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".
On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"
"OK."
feth you.
"We are the Red Sorcerers of Prospero, damned in the eyes of our fellows, and this is to be how our story ends, in betrayal and bloodshed. No...you may find it nobler to suffer your fate, but I will take arms against it." -Ahzek Ahriman
1250 Points of The Prodigal Sons
2014/03/19 16:21:20
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
Sgt. Vanden - OOC Hey, that was your doing. I didn't choose to fly in the "Dongerprise'.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
I have no clue how Dakka's moderation work. I expect it involves throwing a lot of d100 and looking at many random tables.
FudgeDumper - It could be that you are just so uncomfortable with the idea of your chapters primarch having his way with a docile tyranid spore cyst, that you must deny they have any feelings at all.
2014/03/20 08:06:39
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
A Guardsman got separated from his platoon in the aftermath of a battle on the deserts of Pheor and wandered through that blasted hellscape for three days. On the verge of collapse, he was found and rescued by a Space Marine, who brought him back to the chapter's Fortress Monastery for treatment.
When the young Guardsman regained consciousness, he saw an Apothecary standing over him and asked what had happened. The Apothecary told him that he had been wandering the deserts for three days before he was rescued from the brink of death by a Battle Brother.
The Guardsman was eternally grateful and asked if there was anything he could do to repay the Chapter. The Apothecary considered his question for a moment, then suggested that the Monastery was always in need of someone to sweep the floors. The Guardsman accepted without a moment's thought.
His routine of sweeping the Fortress Monastery went on for a month until one day, he passed by a section that he was told he must never enter. He had never paid it any mind until this day when strange crashing noises began from the other side of the door. As usual, he ignored it, thinking that this was just a test of his devotion to the Emperor. However, the crashing noises continued until one day he could not restrain his curiosity any longer.
He asked the Apothecary what was behind that door, to which he responded, "I cannot tell you, for you are not of the Chapter."
"What would I have to do to become one of you?" the eager Guardsman asked.
The Apothecary considered for a moment, "well, you would need to pass all of the tests and rites of initiation, before undergoing the necessary surgeries..."
The young Guardsman had already vanished before the Apothecary had time to finish his sentence. Many years of hardship and gruelling trials passed while the necessary implants were added and eventually, the Guardsman was no longer a mere human but a Space Marine Scout. He then returned to the Apothecary, who was not surprised to see him.
"So, you are one of us now", he said, "do you still wish to know what lies beyond that door?"
Naturally, the young Scout did. He was led to the door by a Servitor who produced the keys and turned each of the ancient locks one by one. Slowly the door creaked open...
What happens next, I cannot tell you, for you are not of the Chapter.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Oh and This one, Note that these are NOT mine, although the first one is a 40k'ed version of one i've known for a while
One battle Jim the guardsman's unit is wiped out except him. Jim suffers an attack of common sense (or a failed leadership check; the details are fuzzy) and bolts for the nearest cover. Unfortunately he barrels headlong into a Chaos space marine holding a plasma pistol.
"Wait don't kill me yet", says Jim: "let me show you a trick." The Chaos space marine agrees and Jim promptly pulls out a cigar. He puts it into his mouth and uses his lasgun to light it.
"Pah! That's nothing. I can do that!" - says the Chaos space marine. So Jim hands him a cigar. The marine puts it into his mouth and then puts his plasma pistol to the cigar. He pulls the trigger and promptly blows his head off. Jim swaggers off back to base to have a well deserved cheeseburger.
And that is why Lasguns are badass
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/03/20 08:09:33
2014/03/20 09:28:42
Subject: Post All Of Your Bad (And Good) Jokes Here
Palladium Books think they have a large presence in the industry. When in reality their game lines are irrelevant. Oh yeah and they've teamed up with ND who are pros at making miniatures but the bad engineering for the robotech models says other wise.
BA 6000; 
1250
1500p
Innocentia Nihil Probat. 
Son of Dorn 
1250 Points of The Prodigal Sons 
