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I figured like it would be good to get my characters to be more than names before I went on, but don't worry, more action will be coming soon enough.

Well I think that is the one area that fan fiction is really good for: exposition. In a commercial book they need action, action, action, to keep the reader happy, supposedly, but that doesn't leave much room to really dig into things and see how they work. Anyway, good stuff so far, look forward to reading more!!

As we went, more and more buildings were around us, and I could tell we would soon be enveloped into the city itself. I didn't have much experience being inside cities, and what little I did know I was not in favor of. Walking through mass presses of bodies, and no quick ways out. Such places were not made for Kroot. If anything wanted to, it could come out from nowhere and catch us unawares. Anything could have a vantage point to watch us, and to make traps ahead of us in this oncoming maze of buildings, to make sure we were never heard from again.

I pushed these thoughts out of my mind, they had no place here. They would only help bring unnecessary stress and paranoia, which I had already suffered enough of in the last few days.

Hasmar walked on, apparently unburdened by the worries that plagued me. I glanced over to Manadict, who seemed deep in thought as we walked, but he kept glancing towards the windows of the buildings we passed.

"It seems like we have arrived. We must use what sunlight we have, and see if we can find any signs of Corpter." Manadict said, although he never kept his eyes off of the latest building he saw. A flicker of movement caught my eye, but when I turned to face that direction nothing stirred. Reassured that it was my mind playing tricks, I continued to walk with the group, grudgingly admiring the unique beauty a city had. It was nothing to the likes of any kroot settlement, where one could wander in peace, but we didn't build such things that reached into the sky and blocked the heavens from view.

Once more I thought I caught something in my peripheral vision, and when I made to turn head to look Manadict whispered "Don't turn your head. There's something there, and if you try to look at it whatever is following us will realize we know it's there. Keep walking normally, and good eye for catching our shadow." I didn't even nod, but faced forwards and resisted the urge to draw my rifle. Anticipation ran through me, and I hoped Manadict had a plan in mind to deal with our new companion.

"I say we shall split up to explore these upcoming alleys. Vireak, Hasmar, Faertin, you're with me. Rithisak, take your group to the right with the medic and these two lads." Manadict gestured to two men that both wielded shotguns, and they nodded their understanding, but didn't look happy with being sent to go with Rithisak. "The rest of you, keep going straight and stand guard at the square ahead. We will meet up after we make sure these side paths are clear." Manadict's voice brooked no argument, and each assigned group began to diverge from each other.

Manadict led us past several tall spire shaped buildings before taking us down an empty alley. The rest of the groups moved into position, and Manadict had us hunker down behind a pile of trash between two buildings. Hasmar tried to say something, but Manadict quickly hushed him.

It looked like he was listening for something, so I closed my eyes and strained my ears for any trace if a foreign noise. I could hear a faint scraping noise, almost like claws grinding against stone. A sharp hiss like breathing accompanied the scrapes, and both sounds began to grow in strength.

I opened my eyes and was not sure if I should say anything, for fear of scaring off what was coming. The scraping stopped for a moment, and was replaced with a low growl. Heart racing, I slowly pulled my rifle out. Manadict's eyes snapped back at the small amount of noise I made before returning back to ahead of us.

It was then the creature that had been stalking us walked into our line of sight, revealing itself in all of its tainted and terrible glory.

Ooh, interesting! Look forward to the next instalment.

I believe the line goes... "clever girl" only I hope Vireak doesn't get mauled by a veloca-spawn-raptor.

LOL, I'm not spoiling anything, but this isn't a highlight in Vireak's life, I'll tell you that much.

Glorious! Que the Space T rex with lazors figthing warp spawned raptors

The creature stopped right in front of us, staring us down. The beast had milky white eyes which offset its black body. The thing bared its fangs, revealing a set of teeth that were coated in grime and had flesh between them. Manadict stood up to his full height, holding his staff diagonally across his body.

Spikes ran along the beast, ending down at its short tail. It swayed back and forth, as if deciding what to do, but I felt like this had gone on for long enough. I took aim, and sent a shot flying into its gaping maw. The beast staggered back, before letting loose a roar and charged, heading straight for Manadict.

Before it could get in range Hasmar leapt forwards, cutting it off from Manadict and slashing at it with his blades. The beast ignored his attack and battered him aside, making Hasmar fly into a wall. I couldn't take another shot at it for fear of hitting Manadict on accident, but he held his own; swinging his staff with precise movements, each one capable of bringing down a man. The monster reared on its hind legs and slashed at Manadict. He dodged the blow, knowing he couldn't block it. While the beast was vulnerable, he used the blade on the bottom of the staff to slice into its thigh. The monstrosity turned towards Manadict, and I quickly fired another shot into it while it was distracted. The shot hit home in its throat, making a dark purple blood drip out.

Faertin fired several shots into its hide, but the monster shook off the attack and kept paying attention to Manadict. The beast lunged at Manadict, and this time he leapt forwards, landing atop of the creature. He repeatedly stabbed downwards, each thrust rewarded with a howl and a spray of ichor. I fired a third time, catching it in one of its eyes.

The being let loose a long and feral howl as blood filled its eye socket, and it tried shaking off Manadict. Eventually in its staggering it collided into a wall with enough force for Manadict to lose his balance. He fell onto the ground, and before he could react the monster had one paw on his staff, and the other on his chest.

Before it could get any further, I lunged at it myself, desperate to buy Manadict time. My axe caught it in the ribs, making it turn towards me with a growl. My next swing was an overhead one into its head, but it moved out of the way faster than I thought capable.

My blade swung through empty air, and I felt myself tumble forwards, and felt certain I was about to me slain. The beast did swing a large paw at me, and scraped my entire back. I let out a scream of pain as I felt hot blood gush out of me, and I turned to face the beast.

I didn't turn fast enough, because the thing pounced on top of me, pinning me to the ground. My head smacked into the cobbled road beneath me, and I was in a daze. The thing let out a roar and I winced at the noise, and felt its flex its leg, making its paw dig further into my back. I heard Faertin yelling behind me, no doubt having ran out of ammo by this point. For some unknown reason, the beast hadn't killed me yet, and I felt the weight above me lighten, and I guessed Manadict had barreled into the beast.

I managed to roll out from under the monster, crawling away from it before it could do any more harm. I propped myself up against a wall, and watched with fading consciousness as Manadict dueled the thing once more. He swung hard and landed three blows into its blood coated face, before it swiped at him with its claws. He jumped out of its reach, and reversed his grip on the staff, pointing the blade at the brute. It roared at him before charging once more.

Manadict in turn charged, leveling the blade directly at the beast, and let loose a torrent of insults from his native language as his own war cry. The two collided, both were tidal waves that were unwilling to give ground. The blade pierced through its scaly hide, biting deep and slowing the monster and its charge. It wasn't enough to stop it entirely, as the beast twisted its head and fit Manadict's chest in its mouth, clamping down on the Shaper and making him let loose a cry of pain.

I was filled with despair at this sight, and with the little strength I had I aimed my battered rifle at the monster and fired one more time, but the beast simply bit harder, making Manadict go limp in its jaws. The beast began to shake him like a rag doll, no doubt intending to snap his neck, but there was nothing I could do but watch as it tried to finish off the very Kroot who had raised me since my tribe was destroyed. My consciousness had been ebbing away as the fight went on and my blood emptied onto the alley, but I saw one last beam of red flash through the beast before I finally stopped resisting the hovering darkness with the sight of my broken Shaper stuck in my mind.

Well it certainly seemed intent on Manadict although I can't help but feel that shooting it in the mouth might have been somewhat pre-emptive.

Well that was a bit bloody and unpleasnet! But I liked it!

Like I said, not a highlight in his life, or Manadict's for that matter. I almost felt bad for writing that, but not as bad as Manadict did. Too soon?

It's strange how you can get attached to fictional characters, very hard to hurt/kill them sometimes, ha!

Nonsense! I have had some great times portratig the death of characthers, but yes. I do see your point thougth

"Good, you hev avoken. I vas hopeen you vould avake. There vas so much blood, I could not see if I could get to you in time. I hev bandaged your back, but do not to move much, it is still fragile." The voice had an accent to it, but I could still make out what he was saying. Then the memories flooded back in one painful moment, and sadness took over me and my throat welled up as I remembered what happened to Manadict.

"Your friend... I am sorry. The thing had bit deep, and punctured vitals. I tried to save him, but... I couldn't. I am truly sorry." My mind went blank as his words ringed in my ears. Manadict was dead. A Kroot so full of wisdom and kindness taken away. Without fully paying attention, I sat up again, and growled at the strange man as he came into view to try to keep my laying down.

He was garbed in gray flak armor that was covered in dark desert robes. "Where is his body?" My voice brooked no argument.

He simply stepped back shaking his head before he gestured to the right. I turned and staggered to where he was gesturing. I saw Manadict's body mostly covered by a cloth, and his face looked relaxed, almost as if he had lost a few years of age. If it wasn't for the paleness of his skin one could think he was sleeping. I sank to my knees as I saw this, barely registering Hasmar kneeling next to the body. How could one so wise and seemingly endless in life and kindness die? It seemed like an impossibility. Not one day ago he had been joking and guiding us. Now he lay dead on a forgotten street in an abandoned city on a planet that didn't care about him.

I felt a whimper choke through me, and knew there was a hole inside of me nothing could fill. I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see Rithisak standing next to me, his own group close behind.

"He fought well. We didn't get to you in time to help him. When we did arrive he was already like this and the monster slain. The man who healed you was already working on patching you two up, there was nothing we could do. I am sorry. If there was something we could have done, we would have done it."

I nodded to his words, but they did nothing to help. "Who killed the beast? Who avenged Manadict?"

"Thet was me, Monsieur Both, is it? I took the shot thet killed the daemon." The man said.

"Then I am in your debt. At the very least his killer is slain, but now the enemy owes me blood. And I will not leave without being payed." My words are barely anything more than a croak, but I meant each and every one of them.

"It is as little as I could do, but am happy to be of service. You hev not gotten my name yet, but it is Chesko. You and I work for a mutual employer. Inquisitor Corpter, no? I know where his army is, and it is not too far. I am a scout, as you say. They sent me among others to look ahead and see what lies there. But before we go there we must stay here for now to let you heal."

I don't respond to his words, instead I just sat there in mourning, whispering quiet words of Manadict's language. Words of resting in piece and of comfort

"Do you know what he said? He said that life and death are of one cycle, merely different parts of a great journey. He also mentioned if he were to fall, that we should not grieve, because he is simply continuing his journey, and we may meet again once it is our time to move on as well." At first I didn't realize I talked, but felt that the words brought comfort.

"Vireak. Before he left us, he spoke to us his last words. More stubborn than a Krootox, when he wanted to be. He wanted us to tell you that he never regretted saving you from your planet. In fact, it was the start of one of the happiest parts of his life." Hasmar spoke softly, while not breaking his fervent gaze from Manadict.

Once again I choke down a sob, and go back to muttering in his language. By the Kroot Hawks of Pech, I swore I would kill the leader of this rebellion. They would realize their true enemy wasn't of humanity's Imperium, but of an alien, a savage to most. I was certain that the others would come with, but I would walk the road alone, if I have to.

 Gogsnik wrote:
It's strange how you can get attached to fictional characters, very hard to hurt/kill them sometimes, ha!

I killed almost all of my chraracters! And Smirking experienced plenty on hurt! Loved every bit of it. That's where the real story happens.
Kill'em all I say. More room for the V-man to shine! More grub too, Yum yum, Kroot chow!

I think about ways the character can be useful living or dead. Which way advances the story more? In this case, I toyed with letting Manadict live, albeit in a weakened state. Realistically, Manadict more than likely couldn't have taken such a beating and lived longer than a day without proper help, and his death fuels Vireak, and gives the mercenary work here more reason to do than just a paycheck.

Once again I regret to say I haven't been able to work on my story for some time, and am trying to sort this out, among other things I have to do. Some serious issues have happened irl and they are finally getting sorted out.

Finally got chance to give this a full read through (embarrassingly took most of the afternoon due to me being groggy). It's lovely, you should be proud.

I like the idea of the Kroot, I didn't know anything about them before reading this, and you've painted their culture really well.

Thanks for the feedback, the Kroot are a race that is really interesting to me, and I don't think they get enough love.

Having looked at them, i think they're definitely one of the more interesting Xeno races in 40k compared to the others.
And I think you handled the death really well. It's gonna be interesting to see how everyone copes without the leader figure.

It's weird, I absolutely hated writing character death, I also hated writing a scene where someone hadn't died, I knew they hadn't died, the reader knows they hadn't died, but the character I was writing for didn't. Riddle me that.

I have mixed feelings about Manadict's death. I feel like he had more to his life than what I portrayed, and I never even planned on killing him off until I got to the battle scene that ended him. I have plans for how the group will move on from his death, and to be expected it won't all be pretty. I just hope my bits of improvising don't hurt Vireak and the group too much.

And I also have no way to answer that dilemma you've mentioned, all I can really say is its very interesting

There's nothing to stop you writing flashbacks.

I mean I may be biased, but I find the death of a character means you don't have to stop writing for them.

We moved our camp a few days after the incident. Chesko said it was to let us heal, whether he meant physically or mentally I'm not sure. The more I saw of the city the less I liked it. It didn't help that when we set up camps in the night that we heard howls in the distance, the sounds of feral beasts looking for a meal.

The howls were also the only other sign of life, but Chesko reassured us that Corpter's force wasn't far.

"It is a few more hours, my feathery comrades and humans alike. Then things can go in the right direction, eh?"

"And then what? More front line fighting and watching us die?" I didn't mean to have so much venom in my voice, but I had been through a lot in those days, so I wasn't too surprised.

"You volunteered for this, Monsieur Both, now look on the bright side, when we get there, there will be less things wanting to kill us, no?" Came Chesko's reply.

"I guess that's a good thing." I grudgingly admit.

"Come on, Monsieur. Be happy for once, your leader Manadict wouldn't have wanted you to be upset over him. Not for this long, if what your friends have said about him is anything to go by. The Shaper spent his last moments lying down, speaking of a happy life, and you should remember that." Chesko said.

I didn't want to fight with him, the group of us already had been through enough, but I had an urge to punch him in the head for talking like he knew what Manadict wanted, even if he was right.

"Cheer up, once we get to Inquisitor Corpter, there might be something else to lighten the mood, eh? Nothing too serious, don't worry. Maybe a bit of amasec, no?"

The thought of alchohol certainly cheered Faertin up a bit, and I relented that I needed something to take my mind off things. "That is better Vireak, if I may call you that. And, for what it is worth, we are within reach of vox communication of the main camp, so maybe we can hitch a ride, no?"

No need to be sorry for it, it was a good read and I always enjoy your work! Well done and keep it comming

I liked this one. it gives us some more insight into our main fella, and that's no bad thing.

I think Chesko is missing half a sentence, perhaps? "...friends have said about him." ends rather abruptly.

Yeah, I was trying to tie that into the first part, but it doesn't really work after looking at it. Thanks for the feedback

When we will have more? My inner heretic demands more Xeno action!!

Soon enough, don't you worry. As a side note, I don't forsee too much combat in the relative future, but people don't seem to mind that much. On the bright side, it let's me get my charactera straight and keeps Hasmar from getting hurt

Well that works well enough too, gotta love characther building

 2BlackJack1 wrote:
Yeah, I was trying to tie that into the first part, but it doesn't really work after looking at it. Thanks for the feedback

Oh it wasn't a criticism of the style, I just thought you'd perhaps missed "was true" off the end because I couldn't work out what the sentence meant.

And character building is always a good thing. Let's start a movement.
40K Writers Against Bolter Porn.

Though I feel like your kroot combat is a lot more interesting than Space Marines because there's an element of uncertainty rather than being a tiny metal god.