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There was a good old fashioned bit of outright naval stupidity on March 30th, which I thought was good for a laugh in what's a pretty bleak time right now.

This an absolutely, 100% original bit of outright theft by me, from a twitter account I stumbled across. I would re-write it in to something better fitting this format, but this guy is funnier than I am so I left it as is. Also I'm lazy. Anyhow...

"It often seems that the golden age of naval idiocy has disappeared forever. I'm therefore pleased to note that the Venezuelan patrol vessel Naiguatá has managed to recapture some of this spirit by fighting the dumbest action of the 21st century.

The trouble began when RCGS Resolute, a smallish cruise liner specialising in penguin-bothering, stopped to repair her engines in international waters. Outraged by this brazen act of maintenance, Naiguatá's captain seems to have decided to order Resolute to a Venezuelan port. This in itself is a bit weird, given the times we're in. Countries across the globe are trying to persuade cruise ships to dock elsewhere lest their plague-ridden hordes cause a major public health crisis.

Quite how the Naiguatá's captain thought his superiors would react to him merrily sailing into Puerto Moreno with his potentially infectious captive in tow remains a mystery. Resolute seems to have also thought this was a superbly dumb idea, so radioed head office for instructions. Naiguatá's captain appears to have taken this delay badly.

At this point it's worth reviewing both ships armaments. Seen here posing moodily in the manner of a teenager that has just discovered My Chemical Romance, Naiguatá had a 76mm main gun, a air/missile defence gun, two smaller machine guns and presumably also some small arms.


Resolute, on the other hand, is armed with nothing more deadly than a well-stocked library, Finnish sauna, and "a superb international wine list". Some of its passengers are believed to have had binoculars.


It's fair to say that Naiguatá's captain is not to a patient man. With Resolute still sitting there doing nothing he escalated straight past asking nicely and apparently opened fire. I'm presuming this wasn't with the 76mm main gun, but at this point who knows? Actual gunfire failing to achieve anything in the way of changing Resolute's heading, Naiguatá then decided to commence ramming it in an attempt to forceably change its direction. This was... unwise.

RCGS Resolute is designed to bounce off icebergs. You know, the sort of thing that opened Titanic up like a can opener. Naiguatá, on the other hand, was strictly designed to handle water in its liquid phase. Needless to say the ramming attempts ended up with twenty extremely pissed off Venezuelan sailors being fished out of the water after their patrol vessel sank underneath them. After an hour hanging around on standby in case it was required to help with the rescue effort, Resolute was left to buff out its battle damage.

So if next time you go on a cruise there's a silhouette of a patrol vessel marking a successful 'kill' on the bow, now you know why..."


The follow up to this is the Venezuelan president accused the captain of the cruise ship of piracy and terrorism. Exactly who they were terrorising or pirating by undertaking repairs in international waters is unclear. But a lot of things about Venezuela are unclear so I guess that's par for the course. Anyhow, its a good reminder for wargamers and extras in kung fu movies - when you have a gun and they don't close quarters are not your friend.

Hilarious. That cruise ship absolutely must get that kill mark

Perhaps those Venezuelan pirates should be declared Hostis Humani Generis?

Edit: altough if the Venezuelan captain can produce a Letter of Marque, that would make him a privateer?

There's a bit of a video of the event and some more details here

https://www.thedrive.com/the-war-zone/32893/video-emerges-of-venezuelan-navy-ship-firing-on-and-colliding-with-cruise-ship-before-sinking


Sounds like the cruise ship was apparently empty of passengers, however there were also accusations that it was carrying militants; though there's also counter claims that the patrol boat was trying to capture the cruiseliner.

It all sounds like rather a mess - though it is amusing to think of a small patrol boat trying to ram/push a cruiseliner. Or even of a cruiseliner suddenly trying to turn into an attack ship and ram the patrol boat (as accused by the other side). Esp since those liners tend to be pretty slow to turn or do anything compared to a military patrol boat.

I can understand the patrol boat captain firing on a ship that intelligence said to be full of militants, given the situation is pretty fraught in Venezuala right now.
I can also understand positioning yourself in front of a peaceful cruise liner to stop it, on the asumption that the civilian captain would not try to destroy a military ship.

Its the combination and order of events that I can't understand!

Venezuelan Captain "Ensign, engage lies to save face"!

I read about this after it happened and it is hilarious.

I'd also say there's also a serious side to it. The Venezuelan ship tried to force the Resolute into national waters (apparently by not appreciating mass and volume). Before the incident was even over, the Maduro government had released a report, accusing the CIA to sneaking operatives into the country aboard cruise ships. I.E. this was a rather hilariously foiled attempt by the Maduro government to invent an international incident and pretend the country isn't still in the midst of popular civil unrest.

That sounds like pure Drachinifel... and if it is, yes, he's a hoot on his YouTube channel too!

Extra plug for Drachinifel, his YouTube channel deserves every view it can get. Don't think it was him this time around though, he tends to avoid anything more contemporary than the Falklands War.

I asked Drach about it in the comments on his latest video, but haven't gotten an answer yet. Not surprising, he's likely dead asleep right now. Perhaps I'll get an answer tomorrow.

But phrases like "Outraged by this brazen act of maintenance" and "strictly designed to handle water in its liquid phase" are just so... Drach. As I read that post, halfway through the second paragraph I was hearing it in his voice. I'll genuinely be surprised if it's not him.

 Vulcan wrote:
That sounds like pure Drachinifel... and if it is, yes, he's a hoot on his YouTube channel too!

I've seen Drachinfel on youtube but this wasn't him.

This was some smaller account I hadn't heard of before. I can get the name if anyone is interested.

Hilarious. I mean, how could they even try to spin the Cruise ship as deliberately ramming them? Those things turn almost imperceptibly slow.

the Cruise liner should reply that the Venezuelan navy should sack the captain of the Cutter for gross incompetence as he failed to evade a ramming attempt from the slowest possible opponent.

 Grey Templar wrote:
Hilarious. I mean, how could they even try to spin the Cruise ship as deliberately ramming them? Those things turn almost imperceptibly slow.

the Cruise liner should reply that the Venezuelan navy should sack the captain of the Cutter for gross incompetence as he failed to evade a ramming attempt from the slowest possible opponent.

Yeah even if they go front of ship "change the course" they would have to realize even if cruiseship would want to stop or turn it doesn't turn on the spot,

Idea of claiming cruise ship deliberately ramming is laughable Then again if you need to hide hijack attempt no wonder your excuses are bad

 Grey Templar wrote:
Hilarious. I mean, how could they even try to spin the Cruise ship as deliberately ramming them? Those things turn almost imperceptibly slow.

the Cruise liner should reply that the Venezuelan navy should sack the captain of the Cutter for gross incompetence as he failed to evade a ramming attempt from the slowest possible opponent.

Cruise liner is a bit of a misnomer. It's an antarctic expedition vessel. So less this and more this. Still big, but a bit more maneuverable than a floating theme park.

Never mess around with a reinforce hull

 Laughing Man wrote:

 Grey Templar wrote:
Hilarious. I mean, how could they even try to spin the Cruise ship as deliberately ramming them? Those things turn almost imperceptibly slow.

the Cruise liner should reply that the Venezuelan navy should sack the captain of the Cutter for gross incompetence as he failed to evade a ramming attempt from the slowest possible opponent.

Cruise liner is a bit of a misnomer. It's an antarctic expedition vessel. So less this and more this. Still big, but a bit more maneuverable than a floating theme park.

Either way, that little cutter had no chance.

 Laughing Man wrote:

 Grey Templar wrote:
Hilarious. I mean, how could they even try to spin the Cruise ship as deliberately ramming them? Those things turn almost imperceptibly slow.

the Cruise liner should reply that the Venezuelan navy should sack the captain of the Cutter for gross incompetence as he failed to evade a ramming attempt from the slowest possible opponent.

Cruise liner is a bit of a misnomer. It's an antarctic expedition vessel. So less this and more this. Still big, but a bit more maneuverable than a floating theme park.

The Resolute is literally the ship in the picture in the OP though.

 LordofHats wrote:
I read about this after it happened and it is hilarious.

I'd also say there's also a serious side to it. The Venezuelan ship tried to force the Resolute into national waters (apparently by not appreciating mass and volume). Before the incident was even over, the Maduro government had released a report, accusing the CIA to sneaking operatives into the country aboard cruise ships. I.E. this was a rather hilariously foiled attempt by the Maduro government to invent an international incident and pretend the country isn't still in the midst of popular civil unrest.

It is in no way unreasonable for any socialist state to suspect covert hostile action from the USA at all times.

 lord_blackfang wrote:
It is in no way unreasonable for any socialist state to suspect covert hostile action from the USA at all times.

I don't see anywhere it was suggest it was.

There's a difference between harboring reasonable suspicions about the state of your security and this. The CIA is almost certainly active in Venezuela. I'd be utterly shocked if they weren't, and they're probably not pure paragons of anything whatever they're doing. That doesn't change what this was; an attempt to manufacture something for PR points, driven by denial that the US isn't responsible for every popular uprising on Earth, and hilariously foiled by incompetence.

This is classic Occam's Razor, people. Not piracy, or an underhanded attempt and espionage by a foreign government.

The Venezuelan captain had a Napoleon Complex, for whatever reason.

 AegisGrimm wrote:
This is classic Occam's Razor, people. Not piracy, or an underhanded attempt and espionage by a foreign government.

The Venezuelan captain had a Napoleon Complex, for whatever reason.

Guess the Resolute was his Waterloo

Here's an extremely detailed article giving some history of the company operating the expedition cruise vessel:
https://www.cryopolitics.com/2020/04/09/the-strange-saga-of-rcgs-resolute/

I'm not sure how related all that is to this incident, or if there is some bias in the Hong Kong based author, but man that was a lot of information . Another article referenced in that one:
https://blog.halifaxshippingnews.ca/2020/03/update-on-rcgs-resolute-it-has-now-sunk-a-naval-vessel.html#comments

From all this info, some possible explanations for the incident seem to be:

- Venezuala and Portugal are having a bit of a spat over a Portuguese airliner (that flew the venezualan opposition president) being barred from operating in the country, and subsequent financial retaliation by Portugal. So, it's possible trying to detain this ship (which sails under a Portuguese flag) was a tit-for-tat by Venezuela.

- Given the poor financial state of its parent company, it's also possible that the expedition cruise ship was acting oddly for a vessel of that type (such as sailing without a destination) and that the action of the naval vessel was spurred only by this, and completely unrelated to the Portugal-Venezuala international relations issues above.

Who knows, but it's all pretty intriguing to say the least!

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1250043928973389825.html


..this cannot be true surely ?



all things considered guessing he'd rather have just had a watch and/or some vouchers.

 reds8n wrote:
https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1250043928973389825.html

..this cannot be true surely ?

True - the story has been going around for the last few days - The Register & The Guardian, for examples.

Oh boy. That classifies for sure as flight of a lifetime. Too bad unwanted from get-go!

Well at least he has quite a tale to tell to grandchildren...who probably don't believe a word.

Hold on why is a warship from a tropical country anywhere near a cruise liner specialising in antarctic cruises? Cruise liners dont stray far from their tour itinery locale and rely on air travel to get tourisrts to and from home port.

 Orlanth wrote:
Hold on why is a warship from a tropical country anywhere near a cruise liner specialising in antarctic cruises? Cruise liners dont stray far from their tour itinery locale and rely on air travel to get tourisrts to and from home port.

The Drive wrote:The Resolute was sailing from Buenos Aires, Argentina to Willemstad at the time and was officially carrying no passengers.

The ship had been in Buenos Aires since November 2019 after it was blocked from leaving due to an apparent legal dispute over unpaid debts between One Ocean Expeditions, a Canadian cruise operator, and another company. As noted, the Germany-based Columbia Cruise Services was operating the ship at the time of the incident off Venezuela.

Resolute is also flagged in Portugal, where authorities are in the midst of their own dispute with the Venezuelan government, which is tied to that country's serious ongoing internal political crisis.

 AegisGrimm wrote:
The Venezuelan captain had a Napoleon Complex, for whatever reason.

To quote James Bond in the movie Dr. No:
"Our asylums are full of people who think they're Napoleon. Or God."

 ZergSmasher wrote:

 AegisGrimm wrote:
The Venezuelan captain had a Napoleon Complex, for whatever reason.

To quote James Bond in the movie Dr. No:
"Our asylums are full of people who think they're Napoleon. Or God."

There is napoleon complex and then there is stupid.
I am about as far removed from boats or the sea as can be, but why one would ram something way bigger with something NOT BUILD FOR RAMMING, is beyond me quite literally.

I rate this as going hiking naked in the winter during a snowstorm in the higher alps. Utterly stupid and suicidal.

 reds8n wrote:
https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1250043928973389825.html


..this cannot be true surely ?

Spoiler:

French aviation investigators have shed new light on the pensioner given a surprise flight in a Rafale-B fighter jet as a retirement present. He was flung out at 2,500ft after grabbing the ejector seat handle to "steady himself". As you would.
The unidentified 64-year-old panicked during the flight a year ago. By accidentally triggering the ejector seat he shot out at high speed, losing his helmet, which was not fastened properly, before landing in a field close to the German border.
The report concluded that it was sheer luck the pilot had not also been ejected, which would have meant curtains for the £70m fighter jet. The pensioner testified that he had ‘never expressed a desire to take part in a flight like this, and especially not in a Rafale’.
But his colleagues at the defence contractor where he worked wanted to surprise him with this unusual retirement present. The "surprise" meant he could not briefed until the last minute and was said to be somewhat stressed during it, finding the ejector seat bit baffling.
The pensioner had never flown in a military aircraft. But his colleagues urged him to go ahead, sticking a camera on his helmet. The French Air Force also encouraged him to go, saying he was "considered a VIP".
The plane "climbed at 47 degrees". A commercial passenger climbs at around 10 to 15 degrees. It was during the climb that the pensioner looked for anything to steady himself -- and pulled the ejector handle.
The pilot should have been ejected too. The Rafele-B’s command ejection system is meant to fire both seats at once. But he wasn't and stayed in control of the jet despite the loss of his oxygen mask, rear seat and canopy.
The pilot managed to land. The pensioner’s parachute worked. He sustained only minor injuries. The official report says French Airforce and Defence Ministry should review their procedures for allowing civilians on military flights. Obviously a bureaucratic over-reaction.

all things considered guessing he'd rather have just had a watch and/or some vouchers.

So is there a word for a malfunction that causes a plane not to crash?