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Alright, I'm suffering from the fact that I have accumulated hundreds of jokes in my brain over the years.

And I'm more than happy to share them. The issue is, they are all "Dad Jokes."

When I start to tell one, my audience looks either afraid or has the same facial expression of someone who is looking for an excuse to leave, but can't come up with anything believable in such a small window of time.

So, dear Dakka-ites, I need some new material that I can say over a gaming table that won't illicit groans but is still decent enough taste that I won't get the evil eye from the Counter Crones.

I was walking through the graveyard yesterday, and I saw a man just getting up from beside a headstone. Morning, I said. No, I was just having a poo, he said.

I went to the Doctor, and he told me I’m a hypochondriac. Oh no, not that as well I said.

I asked in a bookshop if they had any books on Turtles. Hardback, they said. Yes, with tiny little heads I replied.

Did you hear about the midget that talks to spirits and recently escaped from prison? He's a small medium at large.

“A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good."

And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”

And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.”

― Norm Macdonald