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The Dakka Dakka Dungeon (D & D & D)

This game is to be more or less an all-out dungeon hack.

The basic premise is - anyone is potentially in this dungeon. I'll set a narrative, let you know roughly where the 'action' is, and you just explain your character's actions.
Keep your actions from being too 'complete'...
-
"I leap at the ogre's back, plunge my serrated dagger into the side of its neck, and rip out its throat."
-
...and instead just explain what you're trying to do.

After a certain number of people have declared actions, I'll return with a narrative of what happens. If anyone goes for anything too stupid or overpowered, I'll just pour misfortune into the mix. Treachery is by no means frowned upon - it's a symptom of all who choose to bear arms - but will probably have similar consequences.

Start your post with the following brief introduction, as well as anything else that is necessary to explain your envisioned avatar:
Name: Arctik the Maniacal
Class/Type: Human Fighter with Longword and Shield
Notes: Has a three-foot handlebar moustache (on either side).

Then, proceed to explain your actions. Refer to yourself in either first or third person - it makes no difference, but third person is probably more fun in this media:

"Arctik the Maniacal turns to the shadowed figures around him, and lifts a flickering torch..."

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Most had forgotton why Dakka-Dakka was built, but many things lurked in the catacombs beneath it. Trolls stalked the shadows, leaping out without warning, and were expected around every corner. Fell necromancers hauled the remains of long forgotton explorers into animation, and forged realms within the endless darkness. Horrible eye-tyrants wielded terrible sorcery, inflicting their perverted ideals of justice on the lesser creatures, and expanding the influence of the Queen Beholder - the all-seeing Administrator.

The last fight, against an onslaught of giant robots that fired potted meat, was a terrible massacre. Ever the first to flee, Arctik the Maniacal wheezed, and looked up at the rest of the party that had managed to keep up.
They could still hear blood-curdling screams of "Aaargh! It's... porktastic!" in the distance, but the uncountable mob of robots were apparently only programmed to attack one room.

The remains of the expedition were now standing in a paved, brick-walled passageway ten feet across. Far down the corridor behind them was the terrible ambush. Twenty feet ahead, the passageway forked - a stair that curved upward, and another that descended into deeper shadow. The corridor was dimly lit by the party's torches and the occasional enchanted britestone worked into the ceiling ahead.




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So anyone who wants to play, introduce your avatar and vote for where to venture next. We'll be all democratic and stuff, elves only get half a vote, etc. And... don't kill each other yet. There'll be plenty of things to do that for you. Try to keep your actions biref but interesting, and I will too. Converse between narrative IN CHARACTER, and make another thread if you want to discuss anything metagame.

Name: Arctik the Maniacal
Class/Type: Human Fighter with Longsword and Shield
Notes: Has a three-foot handlebar moustache (on either side).

Arctik the Maniacal coughs, "Let's go... upstairs. Anyone else?"

Name:Wizweaz
Class:Human Wizard with raging cough
Notes:BAD stat-rolling, probably should've been a Merchant

*cough*"Five of our guys down and you want to keep going?"*cough*"Fine, only because I don't wanna stay here myself. If we run into too much trouble...I'm using this teleport scroll to get back to the city though!"*hack cough cough*

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...


"Ah Ha! So the game is afoot!" exclaimed Galahash, striking a heroic pose with hands on hip. Pointing his protruding
chin up the stairs, he proclaims "Following our destiny up can only lead to our fame and fortune! er.. though there
are probably REALLY cool monsters to battle down in those dark corriders... hmmm..."

Galahash's face contorted in confusion and doubt, and his mumbling was barely audible, "up er down, up er down...
well, the leader is probably up the stairs... and there could be a maiden in distress... oohh,yeah... but dark dungeons
make for better stories for the bards to tell... confound it, why can't the leaders just wait in the dungeons with the
awesome monsters, so we don't have to choose one over the other..."

Finally, drawing his sword in a dramatic, heroic fashion, that could only be learned while practicing looking at a mirror,
Galahash declares, "If we intend to defeat this foul evil reign, we need to cut the head off of the beast! uh.. I mean
the leader! So, who's with me as we charge up these stairs? errr... or would you rather go down in the dungeons...
'cause I'm cool with that if more of you want to go that way...."

name : Jin the (ex)-Lurker
class : thief with dagger
notes: would be better at lurking in the shadows if it weren't for the loss of his dark cloak....and his blinding, rhinestone-encrusted tunic.

"IGNORE ME!"

"...."

"Heads we go up, tails we go down?"

I'll advance the narrative once or twice a day (probably just the once actually). Anyone who doesn't get a chance to act will just 'drift' along in the narrative.
Anyone else who wants to join in is welcome - you might still be coming up from behind, or you might just pop in as a random lost adventurer exploring the ruin.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The party discussed their options. This level had been nothing but elaborate mechanical death-traps and ambush after bloody ambush. At least four of them had survived the gauntlet.

Arctik the Maniacal whimperingly suggested 'upstairs,' where one would expect lesser challenges than in the deeper dark.

Wizweaz the Wizard wheezed and waved a damp scroll, complaining as usual, and contributing little.

Galahash struck a number of poses as he discussed the merits of either path. Torn between the two, his facade of leadership faded fast, and he began to mumble and trail off...

The party turned as their hapless rogue companion trudged up from behind, devoid of his usual cloak, and displaying the stone-encrusted tunic he had 'stolen' from the corpse of Lord Eldric - the dead fool who had led them into this forsaken place.

"IGNORE ME!" Jin shouted irately, and pulled a coin from his pocket. He spun it into the air, and snatched it into his palm.
"Heads," he announced, and the party looked to the ascending passage.

Arctik the Maniacal sighed in relief and hefted his shield, and the party ventured onward...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Name: Arctik the Maniacal
Class/Type: Human Fighter with Longword and Shield
Notes: Has a three-foot handlebar moustache (on either side).

Arctik the Maniacal advances first up the stairway. He holds his shield up and ready, and a torch in his right hand, ready to discard it and draw his sword if necessary.

The stairway is wide enough for two to advance abreast.

Name:Wizweaz
Class:Human Wizard with raging cough
Notes:BAD stat-rolling, probably should've been a Merchant

Wizweaz activates a spell of light so that 1) the party will be able to see where they're going hopefully to avoid any traps and 2) so he can open his "other" spellbook...the one with the pages cut out so that he can hide his bourbon flask inside.

"What the hell was it that *cough!* that damned Eldric was looking for in this deathtrap anyway? *wheeze* I didnt even get paid yet and that bastard has the nerve to go and die on us!*ah-huh! hack, cough!*

Name: Arctik the Maniacal
Class/Type: Human Fighter with Longword and Shield
Notes: Has a three-foot handlebar moustache (on either side).

"Weren't you there in the tavern?" Arctik murmurs back to Wizweaz; "The Dakka-Dakka was a great temple of knowledge and secrets, he said! Whatever we most desired to find, we would find here if nowhere else!"

The moustachiod warrior solemnly pulls away his open-faced helmet, revealing a perfectly bald head.
"I must find a way to restore myself... to regain.. what was lost..."
He runs his fingers through an unwieldy moustache for a moment, then replaces his helmet and trudges on.

Name:Wizweaz
Class:Human Wizard with raging cough
Notes:BAD stat-rolling, probably should've been a Merchant

*wheeze*"Now I KNOW I got some out of the wrong barrel in that tavern!" choked Wizweaz. "No way is there going to be a bottomless barrel of Altdorf Red Ale with 12 18 year old voluptuous serving wenches *hack!* willing to bed me for the rest of my days chained to it! Where's that damned teleport scroll?"*cough!*

Name: Grabthar
Class: Cleric with Warhammer & Chainmail

Trying to wait for Arctik & Wizweaz at the top of the stairs, idly swinging his hammer.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


The curved stairway, after turning through 720 degrees and a few metres of elevation, opened into a long, wide hall. It was ten metres wide, and extended as far as the eye could see. The ceiling was high and arched, and large sheets of spider's web filled the shadowed wooden supports.

Twin rows of wooden pews, in various stages of decomposition, filled the hall, but the far-end was out of sight. There was something odd about the light in the chamber... it was as though, twenty metres or so away, the hall became suddenly dark. There was no way of knowing how far the great hall stretched.

Waiting at the top of the stairs, a familiar man in clerical garb stood clad in chainmail, and held a large hammer. On the right-hand wall from the stairway was a set of double oaken doors, carved and polished still, and held firmly shut with a thick wooden beam.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Name: Arctik the Maniacal
Class/Type: Human Fighter with Longword and Shield
Notes: Has a three-foot handlebar moustache (on either side).

"Brother Grabthar... how did you get here? Were you with the party?" Arctik the Maniacal inquires calmly; "I know you were at the tavern last night, but I didn't see you leave. You were still consecrating that barrel of Evermead..."

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

"Aha! Brother Grabthar!" Galahash shoulders his way past the cleric and strikes a heroic pose. "I... er... We had just decided to rid the upper levels of these dungeons of the foul evil afoot."

Reaching to touch the clerics hammer, he tosses his long blond locks and mumbles "That's a really big hammer, there... bet you do a lot more damage than this humble Holy Avenger +2...
you want to lead us on?"

Name: Martiln the Daring
Class: Swashbuckler Extraordinaire
Notes: Dashing, handsome, and noble (at least in his own opinion). Dresses extravagantly and likes to yell things such as "Haha!" and "Take that you rouge!" when fighting.

Catching up from the ambush Martilin spots something on the ground....

"Fancy that, a scroll!" he whispers to himself as he tucks it away.

"So my fellow adventurers, what perilous predicament have we come across now?"

Name: Grabthar
Class: Cleric with Warhammer & Chainmail

Decides to 'knock' on the door with the Hammer.

Also, tries to clout Galahash on the back of the head and yell 'speak up!'

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

"Yes, well... errmmm.... I think it's unlocked." grumbles Galahash as he tries the door...

Events:

Party is now in A Shadowed Hall. A stairway descends to the south and a barred oaken double-door is to the east. The north end of the hall is shrouded in unnatural darkness.

Galahash fails to touch Grabthar's hammer (critically failed to hit roll) and breaks a fingernail.

Martiln/Martilin picks up a Wizweaz's Teleport Scroll. Open [I]NVENTORY to view item.

Grabthar attacks east doors; hits, no damage (damage resistance 5)

Grabthar attempts to 'clout' Galahash; hits, 3 hp damage.

Grabthar attemps to yell "Speak up!"; fails DC; Grabthar yells "Pea cup!"

Galahash attempts to open 'I think its unlocked' east doors. No lock detected. Door still does not open.

Galahash grumbles, passes DC+10, still no one listens


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



The group conversed as new fellows arrived. Greetings were traded, as were friendly blows.

Galahash mumbled something about the ornate oaken doors, and strode confidently toward them. He pushed and pulled on the wrought-iron handlles, but to no avail. Something was holding them fast...

A sound like a large wooden object dragging along a hard floor was heard from the dark end of the hall. Nothing could be seen beyond the wall of shadow, but the sound echoed up and down the stone chamber. As the noise faded, a faint shuffling sound was audible in the quiet that followed...



^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

" can't someone shine a torch or cast a spell down there?" Galahash starts to whine, holding his hand with the
broken fingernail gently cupped in the other hand...

Name:Wizweaz
Class:Human Wizard with raging cough
Notes:BAD stat-rolling, probably should've been a Merchant

"I could always fling a fireball down there, that would lighten things up a bit!"*cough*

Wizweaz then goes to dig out the material component for the spell, finally noticing his teleport scroll out of place in his bag. "Oh, there it is." he thinks to himself "...but where is that cursed scroll of zoophilia? I hope I didnt leave it lying around for some fool to pick up."

Name: Arctik the Maniacal
Class/Type: Human Fighter with Longword and Shield
Notes: Has a three-foot handlebar moustache (on either side).

"If there's something there, we'll need to secure an exit. We can't very well go back down there."

Arctik puts down his shield, sheathes his sword, and grips the heavy bar on the door...

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...


"We can't go back? Why? Did the bartender find out about his daughter already?... Ohh well, let me help you with the door"
Flexing bulging shoulders and bending his legs in proper form, Galahash gets a good grip on the bar, but doesn't apply any
pressure as he continues to mumble, "Should be able to slide this right up, just need to apply pressure in the proper direction
with a little leverage... kind of slippery, but the wood is really rough... better wear gauntlets to avoid slivers..."

Name: Alfred McStabstab
Class/Type: Tiefling Rogue in blackened Chainmail with Shortsword
Notes: great salesman despite the smell of brimstone, laughing quietly yet maniacally whenever in shadow.

(From the shadows of the Northern Hallway) "Hehehehehe - Uh! 'Allo!"

Name: Sir Charles the Misplaced
Class/Type: Human Kinetic Wizard...
Notes: Thinks he's is the greatest wizard of all time and the king of the Ch'tok pygmy tribe. Only knows spells that teleport or move things.. but cant ever seem to get his targeting right.. also suffer from bad ADD!

(A glowing portal appears in front of the party: out falls Sir Charles)
*adjusts his tiny crown
"Ahh crap, this isn't the Isle of Jongo Bongo!.. oh look people!"

Name: Arctik the Maniacal
Class/Type: Human Fighter with Longword and Shield
Notes: Has a three-foot handlebar moustache (on either side).

Arctik attempts to lift the bar, but is distracted by the magical arrival of a becrowned midget.

"Alright Galahash, let's get this bloody door open, shall we? There's some bizarre gak going down here."

Events:

Wizweaz prepares a spell of Fireball

Sir Charles the Misplaced arrives via Teleport. Dex check ok, crown sustains two points of damage. 'Crown' is now a '+1 Bent Crown of Immunity to Minor Falls'.

Alfred McStabStab appears in the dark end of the hall.

Alfred is clobbered by several cold, damp and smelly things. Visibility 0%

Attacker A - attacks Alfred, misses
Attacker B - attacks Alfred, hit, 5pts bludgeoning damage
Attacker C - attacks Alfred, critical miss

Arctik attempts Str check to lift bar. 50% chance that Galahash actually helps; pass. STR+5>DC.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As Galahash began to whine once more, Wizweaz weaved a spell of conflagration, and an odd laughter emanated from the shadow. A muffled, moaning noise and a few distinct 'thuds' soon followed.

Arctik the Maniacal did not like the sound of this and heaved on the bar. At that very moment, a man in a crown appeared and fell from a point in mid-air. Galahash eventually aided the effort, and the beam was lifted, carried aside, and placed down.

The double doors swung upon on their own weight, revealing several metres of bare corridor, that branched off in a T-junction.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Name: Grabthar
Class: Cleric with Warhammer & Chainmail

Yelling "Right, you lot deal with the freaky midgets, I'm heading through" Grabthar legs it through the doorway, and attempts to heal Galahash's fingernail.

Name: Martiln the Daring
Class: Swashbuckler Extraordinaire
Notes: Dashing, handsome, and noble (at least in his own opinion). Dresses extravagantly and likes to yell things such as "Haha!" and "Take that you rouge!" when fighting.

Martiln draws his sword and yells into the darkness "Show yourself knave!"

Name: Alfred McStabstab
Class/Type: Tiefling Rogue in blackened Chainmail with Shortsword
Notes: great salesman despite the smell of brimstone, laughing quietly yet maniacally whenever in shadow.

Alfred flails relentlessly with his sword in hand at the darkness while using the suave voice he hears as a guide out.

Name: Sir Charles the Misplaced
Class/Type: Human Kinetic Wizard...
Notes: Thinks he's is the greatest wizard of all time and the king of the Ch'tok pygmy tribe. Only knows spells that teleport or move things.. but cant ever seem to get his targeting right.. also suffer from bad ADD!


*Prepares to cast magic missiles into the darkness!*
Mutters; "It could be a miniature T-Rex!! ..my people hate those.."