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This thread is designed for new players who know little to nothing about 40k's background, and is a brief run-down of the races and their roles... if 40k was a dinner party and all the races were businessmen.

Each race is represented by a single person. This person embodies everything about the race.

The party itself is hosted by Imperium of Man, a formerly successful businessman who is slowly but surely having his expenses taken away by the other people at the party. He employs Space Marine as his bodyguard, and the two will actively help each other with all situations.

Chaos doesn't like Imperium and Imperium does not like Chaos. In fact, Chaos wasn't invited but just so happens to be the type of person that finds his way into everything people don't want him into. He is the main reason Imperium is losing control of his investments.

Eldar doesn't really trust people and has no interest in Imperium's investments, but will do anything to protect her own finances. She hates Chaos and will help Imperium against him if necessary.

Dark Eldar is Eldar's evil cousin. He doesn't so much work to steal people's investments, but will do so if the opportunity presents himself. Dark Eldar is a genius and everyone at the party keeps a close eye on him in case he starts hitting on their wives.

Tau isn't so much stealing Imperium's investments but trying to convert him to Tau's new religion. Imperium doesn't like this idea, as he is firmly entrenched in his own beliefs, and so the two often come into conflict.

It seems like Ork was always at the party. He's infamous around town for being the first to start the fights, and though he hasn't got the patience or intelligence for business he has developed a knack for being anywhere there is the slightest chance of a fight. It is rumoured that he is wanted by the FBI for multiple charges, including assault and armed robbery.

Nobody likes Necron. He is the geriatric that was sleeping upstairs and got woken up. Naturally, this has annoyed him, so he is trying to kick everyone out.

Tyranid is even more hated than Necron. She's the person that arrived late, uninvited, and ate all the food. To make matters worse, she's trying to take everyone's money and spend it on even more food; naturally, she is obese.


So, there you are, new players. With a bit of imagination, even the most complex things are simple .

I hope I got them right...

That was epic

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Well done. Very well done

LOL at eh fat woman being the Tyranids.

That was extremely amusing.

My sides hurt now, well done

Although my first thoughts when seing the threads name was "ok so there will be lots of cheese and wine" i was happily wrong.

I give +1 to that, good sir, +1!

That was very amusing, very spot on too if I may add. Good work.

Yay, something not so grim dark and interwebs serious that made me chuckle, good job!

You simplified five years reading into one post. Well done!

Well played good sir, well played.

Very nice. Gave me a good chuckle and spot on as well.

LMAO.

Pro, enjoy an exalt on this thread.

Nicely done.

Roflmao

You are a true genius! my friend, if only Dan Abbnet had a sense of humour......

MEGA THUMBS UP!!!!!

This was entertaining, well done

Humanity: The racist, cynical old man he hates minorities, immigrants, and strong independent women.
Dark Eldar: A former convicted felon who is really unhinged, he is the twin-brother of Eldar.
Eldar: Dark Eldar's twin brother, used to get in trouble with the law, but after seeing Dark Eldar get convicted and sent to prison he was scared straight, he is a stereotypical reborn christian, clean, well dressed, well mannered, always goes to church, and is secretly racist.
Orks: A stereotypical frat boy who also plays football. Took too many hits to the noggin and as a result talks and acts strange at times. Prone to overly violent behavior and starting fights for fun.
Tyranids: An obese gluttonous shut-in, who only comes to public gatherings to eat.

Buttons wrote:Humanity: The racist, cynical old man he hates minorities, immigrants, and strong independent women.
Dark Eldar: A former convicted felon who is really unhinged, he is the twin-brother of Eldar.
Eldar: Dark Eldar's twin brother, used to get in trouble with the law, but after seeing Dark Eldar get convicted and sent to prison he was scared straight, he is a stereotypical reborn christian, clean, well dressed, well mannered, always goes to church, and is secretly racist.
Orks: A stereotypical frat boy who also plays football. Took too many hits to the noggin and as a result talks and acts strange at times. Prone to overly violent behavior and starting fights for fun.
Tyranids: An obese gluttonous shut-in, who only comes to public gatherings to eat.

Not funny. Sorry...

Tadashi wrote:

Buttons wrote:Humanity: The racist, cynical old man he hates minorities, immigrants, and strong independent women.
Dark Eldar: A former convicted felon who is really unhinged, he is the twin-brother of Eldar.
Eldar: Dark Eldar's twin brother, used to get in trouble with the law, but after seeing Dark Eldar get convicted and sent to prison he was scared straight, he is a stereotypical reborn christian, clean, well dressed, well mannered, always goes to church, and is secretly racist.
Orks: A stereotypical frat boy who also plays football. Took too many hits to the noggin and as a result talks and acts strange at times. Prone to overly violent behavior and starting fights for fun.
Tyranids: An obese gluttonous shut-in, who only comes to public gatherings to eat.

Not funny. Sorry...

I disagree. Accurate too.

You, sir have just made this day awesome and hilarious with your post.

Here, enjoy an exalt.

SO Dark Eldar is Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark?

Greatest thing I have read in a long time. My hat is off to you sir.

Haha, Necron is an old geezer. Good stuff man.

Dragoon65 wrote:SO Dark Eldar is Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark?

No, because the post implies there might be a way to stop Dark Eldar from getting with your wife. No one stops Tony Stark. In fact, I suspect my wife might be cheating on me with him this very second.

P.S. I'm exalting the crap out of this thread.

I very nearly cried with laughter. You have the best sense of humour I have seen in someone for a long time.
Enjoy as many fething exalts as I can make.

I Love You

Which is apparently only one. :(

Buttons wrote:Humanity: The racist, cynical old man he hates minorities, immigrants, and strong independent women.
Dark Eldar: A former convicted felon who is really unhinged, he is the twin-brother of Eldar.
Eldar: Dark Eldar's twin brother, used to get in trouble with the law, but after seeing Dark Eldar get convicted and sent to prison he was scared straight, he is a stereotypical reborn christian, clean, well dressed, well mannered, always goes to church, and is secretly racist.
Orks: A stereotypical frat boy who also plays football. Took too many hits to the noggin and as a result talks and acts strange at times. Prone to overly violent behavior and starting fights for fun.
Tyranids: An obese gluttonous shut-in, who only comes to public gatherings to eat.

yeah not as funny as this one sorry

This might be slightly relevant, everybody deserves to see it:

HH as a bar fight

The Emperor, owner of a bar downtown declares his grand opening after evicting the previous owners and buys a round for everyone and leaves the place in the capable hands of his manager Horus.

Horus is pissed at the new format and wants a dance club instead of a pub and decides to make it happen.

His bouncers, Mortarion, Angron, and Fulgrim (who likes to dance) all agree this is the right course to take the bar.

The Emperor’s most loyal customer, Magnus, files a complaint about this via text message but cell phones are not allowed in the bar. The Emperor tells Horus to get the doorman, Leman Russ to escort Magnus out.

Horus instead instructs Russ to throw him out. Russ instead smashes a bar stool over his head and then drags him out the back door.

Fulgrim takes over as DJ and starts playing some Lady Gaga. Everyone gets down.

Rogal Dorn, working the coat check isn’t too pleased at what’s happening and sends some of the guys to deal with this.

Corax and Vulkan start arguments with Angron and Mortarion. Ferrus Manus has words with Fulgrim about the music. A dance off ensues with Fulgrim knocking Ferrus out cold with a sucker punch.

The three talk tough as their buddies Alpharius, Lorgar, Konrad Curze and Perterabo show up to back them up.

Just as the argument heats up, the new guys smash beer bottles over Vulkan and Corax and have them thrown out of the bar.

Dorn seeing he is outnumbered locks himself in the coat check and gets on the phone to call his friends. While Perturabo and Angron try to smash the door down, Sanguinius and Khan show up for the fight. Gulliman is enjoying a 7-up at a bar across town but says he’s sober enough to drive over. Meanwhile Lion El Johnson can’t get past the line up because he's too busy fighting with his girlfriend.

While Khan revs his harley outside to scare everyone, Sanguinius tries to take on Horus who bitch slaps him to the ground. With all the noise and racket going on, the Emperor gets off the net (where he’s been trying to block spammers all night) and comes downstairs to sort the mess out. Dorn comes out of the coat check mouthing off at everyone.

Horus and the Emperor beat each other up until Horus passes out. Just then El’Johnson sneaks in with fake I.D. and Gulliman finally shows up with most of his Facebook friends (He has over 100 000). Russ shows up but is too drunk to fight.

Angron, Fulgrim et. al grab Horus’ limp body and make a run for the dance club down the street, vowing revenge. Alpharius stays behind in a washroom stall with a trench coat and sunglasses to beat up unsuspecting patrons.

Gulliman and Dorn put the Emperor in his lazyboy upstairs hoping he’ll wake up sooner or later. Gulliman takes temporary management of the bar and institutes a smoking ban and can’t serve to minors anymore rule. He also creates a more standard menu consisting of only meat products. Eldar, Orks and Tau are still banned.