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I took an objective look at my work, and realized what I did. OH GOD WHY doesn't really explain the feeling that I have when reviewing some of the stuff I wrote.

I started a project about reforming the background:

http://www.sturmkrieg.us/Sturmkrieg:Community_portal#Making_the_Sturmkrieg_background_not_a_pile_of_gak

I'll be going over it, along with anyone who wants to edit or offer suggestions, and make it not a huge pile of gak. I'll post updates here as to how the project is moving along, and anyone who wants to give their feedback on it can post it here.

I realize that I created the Stardust Empire, except instead of every race in the galaxy living together, it was every civilization in history living together.

Here are some articles that can help. I didn't write any of them, give credit to the proper authro. Most of them are focused on fantasy, but Warhammer 40k is just grimdark fantasy that sometimes uses technology as a flimsy substitute for magic. Some of these will be less useful than others.

Cities, Part One

Cities, Part Two

Empires, Part One

Empires, Part Two

Natural and Political Borders

Legal Systems

Societies

Generic Writing Advice

Revolutions and Civil Wars

Building Worlds

Army Logistics

Author's Darlings

Pick a theme and run with it.

If your theme is a hodgepodge of cultural influences that span the globe, go for it, it's just easier when your theme is much simpler. So, retain what you like most about your empire and simplify simplify simplify. Then, when you have a base to lay a foundation upon, you can virtually build into anything you like (so long as you follow the 40k code if you want to garner the respect of the community.)

Otherwise, the sky's the limit.

LoneLictor wrote:Here are some articles that can help. I didn't write any of them, give credit to the proper authro. Most of them are focused on fantasy, but Warhammer 40k is just grimdark fantasy that sometimes uses technology as a flimsy substitute for magic. Some of these will be less useful than others.

Cities, Part One

Cities, Part Two

Empires, Part One

Empires, Part Two

Natural and Political Borders

Legal Systems

Societies

Generic Writing Advice

Revolutions and Civil Wars

Building Worlds

Army Logistics

Author's Darlings

Thanks a lot for posting this. It should help a lot.

DemetriDominov wrote:Pick a theme and run with it.

If your theme is a hodgepodge of cultural influences that span the globe, go for it, it's just easier when your theme is much simpler. So, retain what you like most about your empire and simplify simplify simplify. Then, when you have a base to lay a foundation upon, you can virtually build into anything you like (so long as you follow the 40k code if you want to garner the respect of the community.)

Otherwise, the sky's the limit.

I'm going to stick with the German-Russian theme, and not get more complicated than that. Some worlds will be different for diversity, but they'll still follow a general theme. For example, the world Freivehrkrieg has a lot of terrain based on the Scottish Highlands and has many nomadic tribes, but within that it will still contain elements of the greater Sturmkrieg Sector. Rotstein will be a lot more Russian and USSR based, but I'll make sure it's kept to a manageable level. It's supposed to be very different from Sturmkrieg, and until the fall of the Sturmkrieg Empire, was basically under occupation of it. I'll keep Rotstein a very clearly different place though. It's also mainly Dondrekhan's territory as far as writing is concerned. He's working on writing a lot of stuff on his computer at the moment and will publish it when he gets done with the part he's working on. I've had to tone him back on occsion, such as when he wanted to use the hammer and sickle.

The Imperial Aquilla is the unequivocal symbol of a strong Empire since ancient times - it's just been mutated a bit to fit a 40k universe. The symbol of a hammer and sickle, though ill advised, is a strong foundation of a certain ideology that may or may not be beneficial to your empire. As you have already done, by merging a red star with an iron cross, we see that the radical ideologies that claimed over 20 million lives in WWII have been stuffed into the same sector. It might be a good idea to explain how communism suddenly embraced fascism if your intention is to blend the two.

 DemetriDominov wrote:
The Imperial Aquilla is the unequivocal symbol of a strong Empire since ancient times - it's just been mutated a bit to fit a 40k universe. The symbol of a hammer and sickle, though ill advised, is a strong foundation of a certain ideology that may or may not be beneficial to your empire. As you have already done, by merging a red star with an iron cross, we see that the radical ideologies that claimed over 20 million lives in WWII have been stuffed into the same sector. It might be a good idea to explain how communism suddenly embraced fascism if your intention is to blend the two.

The issue there is that it isn't literally Communism or Fascism. Sternkampf isn't Marxist because they encourage the growth of religion. That said, if they seem Communist, people might fill in the blanks that they are not religious, and so it would be good to make that point more obvious. I would be against having a 40k political system follow real life too closely. The first problem is that it would seem like advocacy of that system. The second is that it would be silly to have Marxist Communism develop in an empire on the other side of the galaxy many thousands of years in the future. The issues would be extremely different then from what they are now. It just might seem like too much of an intrusion, and wouldn't be as creative.

I think something like a red flag with a yellow gear and skull would be better than a hammer and sickle. Dark Mechanicum red would be best. It's the same colors as the USSR, but it's also the same imagery as the Imperium and Mechanuicum, and so it feels more like a reference to the USSR that could actually happen in 40k.

Alright, some questions for you to think about.

1) What's its relationship with the Mechanicum? Why doesn't it follow the emotionless and fanatical doctrines of the Mechanicum?

2) What's the story behind the yellow gear and skull? After all, the hammer and sickle represents the workers of the Soviet Union. The stripes and stars represent the original colonies and states that followed them of the United States. The red cross on a white background represents the crusaders of England. Every nation's flag signified something. Why would the Sturmkrieg's flag symbolize death in the military? Wouldn't that be demoralizing?

3) Why is it communist? The Mechanicum and the Imperium are both opposed to this. Though the government is totalitarian, it still allows private industries to flourish. Wouldn't that hurt the Sturmkrieg empire's standing?

4) Why is the Sturmkrieg empire an empire? Why isn't it just another cluster of imperial planets?

5) Its an empire, so that means it conquers new territory. How does it feed the war effort? How does the populace feel being subjugated to one war after another and being forced to fund a highly aggressive army? Does Sturmkrieg have to institute drafts?

6) The Imperium around it is in a state of decline. How much has this affected the Sturmkrieg Empire? What contact do they even maintain with the Imperium?

I just made this flag, which I might change in response to suggestions by Lone Licter

 LoneLictor wrote:
Alright, some questions for you to think about.

1) What's its relationship with the Mechanicum? Why doesn't it follow the emotionless and fanatical doctrines of the Mechanicum?

2) What's the story behind the yellow gear and skull? After all, the hammer and sickle represents the workers of the Soviet Union. The stripes and stars represent the original colonies and states that followed them of the United States. The red cross on a white background represents the crusaders of England. Every nation's flag signified something. Why would the Sturmkrieg's flag symbolize death in the military? Wouldn't that be demoralizing?

3) Why is it communist? The Mechanicum and the Imperium are both opposed to this. Though the government is totalitarian, it still allows private industries to flourish. Wouldn't that hurt the Sturmkrieg empire's standing?

4) Why is the Sturmkrieg empire an empire? Why isn't it just another cluster of imperial planets?

5) Its an empire, so that means it conquers new territory. How does it feed the war effort? How does the populace feel being subjugated to one war after another and being forced to fund a highly aggressive army? Does Sturmkrieg have to institute drafts?

6) The Imperium around it is in a state of decline. How much has this affected the Sturmkrieg Empire? What contact do they even maintain with the Imperium?

1) I was planning to have the post revolutionary leaders of the Sturmkrieg Sector be fanatically dedicated to developing technology as part of their devotion to the machine god. They would develop a belief in the machine god before the arrival of the Mechanicum. I was also thinking about having their devotion to the machine god be different from that of the rest of the Mechanicum, which would pose a serious problem and would require them to hide improvements to technology, or simply ignore the defects they see in the war materials they export because the rest of the Mechanicum views it as perfect. I might drop that though if there's too little chance that it would work or it makes it seem like all they do is use new technology like the Tau. I'd plan for them to still use weapons that are thousands of years old like the rest of the Imperium, and occasionally they'd come up with a new weapon, but it would be in the style of the Imperium, not extremely non-dark stuff like jetpack jumpsuits or anything like that.

http://www.sturmkrieg.us/Religion_in_Sturmkrieg

2) That is going to be important. Red would be the machine god, the gear would be factories and technology, but I'd need to replace the skull or come up with some really good story for it that seems natural. I was thinking that it would be a symbol of humanity, since the Imperium uses skulls in a lot of stuff.

3) Good point. They wouldn't really be Communist. I was planning to have them turn totalitarian, but in a way where it seems like they're making everyone equal. In the beginning of the revolution the leaders would say that everyone would be equal and the sector would be democratic, but in the end it would become far more authoritarian and any representative body would have very little power or could be easily vetoed by a single ruler. There could still be private companies, since I don't imagine Sternkampf as being particularly economically Communist (I don't really think they'd be Communist all all, except vaguely resembling the USSR in a reasonably moderated way). Of course, I need to make this clear and explain that it works that way.

4) Sorry. I was ambiguous there. The Sturmkrieg Empire collapses and is annexed into the Mechanicum as the Sturmkrieg Sector. Once it becomes a sector, it becomes a cluster of Imperial planets as it becomes less centralized and all of the worlds from Rotstein (like 40) are given there independence from Sturmkrieg rule. The Imperium still classifies them as part of the same sector though.

5) I was thinking that at some point long ago, the Sturmkrieg Empire would have worked to acquire new territory, including the conquest of Rotstein, but for the few millennia leading up to the revolution, it would be in slow decline. I'll work on the other parts of the question. I'm thinking that the Sector would have required military service for everyone, though the majority of army groups would not be sent away to combat, as that would be wasteful and too intensive. The remaining ones would guard the worlds they are on.

6) I'll think about this one. Dondrekhan once suggested that Sturmkrieg get stronger on the eastern fringe to compensate as the rest of the Imperium grows weaker, though he did also want to use the hammer and sickle and a model of Stalin, and argued why GW corporate would defend his decision to do that if a manager told him he couldn't. He has seemed to write fairly modest background though when creating the story for his Rotstein army. I was thinking that could be good, but it would have to be approached very carefully in order for it not to feel Mary Sue. It could possibly be with a partnership with the Volianvan Sector, where they work together to survive as the Imperium grows weaker. Sturmkrieg is also fairly far on the eastern fringe, so they might not be very aware. Or they might try even harder to stop the spread of Chaos followers with their local Inquisition ordo, which is a battle they would not be able to have much effect on across the entire galaxy.

For the contact they maintain with the Imperium, I was thinking fairly little because of the distance, except for the Volianvan Sector. That would also mean that both sectors would be on their own. Very large transport convoys might arrive to take away war materials on occasion, but that would be it except for Inquisitors from Sturmkrieg going to other parts of the galaxy.

@all
And another reason not to use literal German words everywhere: it will make it impossible to write the fluff in German without it sounding silly at the point in the future when I'll be able to write in German coherently. I don't think it will be that long actually. I'm thinking the translation of Scharzenkommando will be Scharsenkommando, because of the pronounciation.

Get rid of the Russian and German references. The universe already has such armies in the form of Krieg, the Steel Legion and Valhallan. The theme in Sturmkrieg and way it's made, seem to make it a mix of the Third Reich and Soviet Union. Two things that don't mix.

I'd suggest a restart of the entire idea, instead of trying to fix one that won't work.

 blood reaper wrote:
Get rid of the Russian and German references. The universe already has such armies in the form of Krieg, the Steel Legion and Valhallan. The theme in Sturmkrieg and way it's made, seem to make it a mix of the Third Reich and Soviet Union. Two things that don't mix.

I'd suggest a restart of the entire idea, instead of trying to fix one that won't work.

This sums it up.

 blood reaper wrote:
Get rid of the Russian and German references. The universe already has such armies in the form of Krieg, the Steel Legion and Valhallan. The theme in Sturmkrieg and way it's made, seem to make it a mix of the Third Reich and Soviet Union. Two things that don't mix.

I'd suggest a restart of the entire idea, instead of trying to fix one that won't work.

I think the way there would be to fix it so it doesn't seem like the Third Reich and the USSR. If it can't be done, than I'll do something completely different.

Taking all the references from WWII Russia or Germany would leave very little actual fluff.
Probably not a bad thing all told.

 purplefood wrote:
Taking all the references from WWII Russia or Germany would leave very little actual fluff.
Probably not a bad thing all told.

I think scaling it back considerably would be the best thing. I think one of the biggest problems is that there isn't any fluff other than those two themes, like you said.

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Taking all the references from WWII Russia or Germany would leave very little actual fluff.
Probably not a bad thing all told.

I think scaling it back considerably would be the best thing. I think one of the biggest problems is that there isn't any fluff other than those two themes, like you said.

If you actually used Russian or German culture outside of WW2 it might not be all that bad.

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Taking all the references from WWII Russia or Germany would leave very little actual fluff.
Probably not a bad thing all told.

I think scaling it back considerably would be the best thing. I think one of the biggest problems is that there isn't any fluff other than those two themes, like you said.

If you actually used Russian or German culture outside of WW2 it might not be all that bad.

That's what I was thinking too. Doing that might make it less overt. I think one of the problems with it coming off as Wehrmacht was the highly mechanized nature of it and seeming like a small highly trained army. Making it mechanized but extremely large less quality over quantity would help.

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Taking all the references from WWII Russia or Germany would leave very little actual fluff.
Probably not a bad thing all told.

I think scaling it back considerably would be the best thing. I think one of the biggest problems is that there isn't any fluff other than those two themes, like you said.

If you actually used Russian or German culture outside of WW2 it might not be all that bad.

That's what I was thinking too. Doing that might make it less overt. I think one of the problems with it coming off as Wehrmacht was the highly mechanized nature of it and seeming like a small highly trained army. Making it mechanized but extremely large less quality over quantity would help.

Or all the German names...
You could always base the army off of something else...
Maybe go with a Middle Eastern culture just to shake things up.

 LoneLictor wrote:
Here are some articles that can help. I didn't write any of them, give credit to the proper authro. Most of them are focused on fantasy, but Warhammer 40k is just grimdark fantasy that sometimes uses technology as a flimsy substitute for magic. Some of these will be less useful than others.

Cities, Part One

Cities, Part Two

Empires, Part One

Empires, Part Two

Natural and Political Borders

Legal Systems

Societies

Generic Writing Advice

Revolutions and Civil Wars

Building Worlds

Army Logistics

Author's Darlings

Just decided to exalt that post for all that good stuff there

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Taking all the references from WWII Russia or Germany would leave very little actual fluff.
Probably not a bad thing all told.

I think scaling it back considerably would be the best thing. I think one of the biggest problems is that there isn't any fluff other than those two themes, like you said.

If you actually used Russian or German culture outside of WW2 it might not be all that bad.

That's what I was thinking too. Doing that might make it less overt. I think one of the problems with it coming off as Wehrmacht was the highly mechanized nature of it and seeming like a small highly trained army. Making it mechanized but extremely large less quality over quantity would help.

Or all the German names...
You could always base the army off of something else...
Maybe go with a Middle Eastern culture just to shake things up.

I would actually like to do that. I was told once that doing different subthemes for specific worlds could be good as it would demonstrate diversity between worlds within the sector.

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Taking all the references from WWII Russia or Germany would leave very little actual fluff.
Probably not a bad thing all told.

I think scaling it back considerably would be the best thing. I think one of the biggest problems is that there isn't any fluff other than those two themes, like you said.

If you actually used Russian or German culture outside of WW2 it might not be all that bad.

That's what I was thinking too. Doing that might make it less overt. I think one of the problems with it coming off as Wehrmacht was the highly mechanized nature of it and seeming like a small highly trained army. Making it mechanized but extremely large less quality over quantity would help.

Or all the German names...
You could always base the army off of something else...
Maybe go with a Middle Eastern culture just to shake things up.

I would actually like to do that. I was told once that doing different subthemes for specific worlds could be good as it would demonstrate diversity between worlds within the sector.

Not entirely what I meant...
If you want diversity from a theme you have set i.e. Russian (Not just WW2 russia) then you'll need to come up with diversions from that culture taken from other cultures. Adding entirely new cultures is gonna be odd.

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 purplefood wrote:
Taking all the references from WWII Russia or Germany would leave very little actual fluff.
Probably not a bad thing all told.

I think scaling it back considerably would be the best thing. I think one of the biggest problems is that there isn't any fluff other than those two themes, like you said.

If you actually used Russian or German culture outside of WW2 it might not be all that bad.

That's what I was thinking too. Doing that might make it less overt. I think one of the problems with it coming off as Wehrmacht was the highly mechanized nature of it and seeming like a small highly trained army. Making it mechanized but extremely large less quality over quantity would help.

Or all the German names...
You could always base the army off of something else...
Maybe go with a Middle Eastern culture just to shake things up.

I would actually like to do that. I was told once that doing different subthemes for specific worlds could be good as it would demonstrate diversity between worlds within the sector.

Not entirely what I meant...
If you want diversity from a theme you have set i.e. Russian (Not just WW2 russia) then you'll need to come up with diversions from that culture taken from other cultures. Adding entirely new cultures is gonna be odd.

Yeah, I realized that. I'm mostly against that idea now of having world subcultures since it would get too complicated.

You don't need an entire thing about them.
A small section for each one and how they affect the main culture/government/whatever would work.

Here's a few of the changes I did:

Josef Stahl -> Yosef Komarov http://www.sturmkrieg.us/Yosef_Komarov

Freiwehrkrieg -> Frävehrkrieg http://www.sturmkrieg.us/Fr%C3%A4vehrkrieg – the ä is for pronounciation, if it looks German I can use ae

Making Aschknas a regular planet
http://www.sturmkrieg.us/index.php?title=Sturmkrieg_Sector&action=historysubmit&diff=7752&oldid=7751

The main problem with Sturmkrieg is that you can tell its authors are very strongly rooting for Sturmkrieg, and its going to win every conflict as a result.

Another problem is the lack of detail. The stuff on the wiki feels very dry and bland. I understand this is a wiki, and not a fanfic, but even then it needs some detail. That makes it pop. Think of details in real history; Hitler's mustache, Josef Stalin proclaiming himself the 'Man of Iron', that sort of thing.

 LoneLictor wrote:
The main problem with Sturmkrieg is that you can tell its authors are very strongly rooting for Sturmkrieg, and its going to win every conflict as a result.

Another problem is the lack of detail. The stuff on the wiki feels very dry and bland. I understand this is a wiki, and not a fanfic, but even then it needs some detail. That makes it pop. Think of details in real history; Hitler's mustache, Josef Stalin proclaiming himself the 'Man of Iron', that sort of thing.

Thanks

Yeah, I realized that there's not a lot that scales it back. It's not an intentional thing; I think that simply not having written about defeats really causes a lot of the problem. There are plenty of good defeats I could write about, possibly with the Eldar.

I've noticed that there seems to be a lot of blandness with a lot of the stuff that is written there, not just the Sturmkrieg background. I'll work on that, because it is a serious problem when it comes to attracting readers. I think it comes from the fact that the articles just describe things. One of the suggestions I've given to other writers is to write stories and than use articles to add detail to things that are mentioned in the story. Of course, with better writing and keeping in mind what you suggest, the articles could still be be an engaging way of telling the story,

@all

I'm thinking about changing Frävehrkrieg to Fraevehrkrieg, at least for the article title because of the funny URL it creates.

Here's more information on the revolution that leads to joining the Mechanicum. Hopefully this will make sense.

http://www.sturmkrieg.us/Sternkampf_Revolution

Should I completely start this one over?

http://www.sturmkrieg.us/Sturmkrieg_Sektor_Anthem

Probably

Axe both of them.

Regarding the Sternkampf Revolution, why would the Mechanicum help? Seriously, why? They don't conquer areas. The Imperium does. The Mechanicum hasn't been an empire for 10,000 years, why it would magically start being one again just for your special little region?

Basically, you just summarized the Russian Revolution and threw in 40k stuff.

Regarding the Sturmkrieg Sector Anthem, do you know German? If not, then you do not know German. This means that writing songs in German, if you want to be taken seriously, is a bad idea.

 LoneLictor wrote:
Axe both of them.

Regarding the Sternkampf Revolution, why would the Mechanicum help? Seriously, why? They don't conquer areas. The Imperium does. The Mechanicum hasn't been an empire for 10,000 years, why it would magically start being one again just for your special little region?

Basically, you just summarized the Russian Revolution and threw in 40k stuff.

Regarding the Sturmkrieg Sector Anthem, do you know German? If not, then you do not know German. This means that writing songs in German, if you want to be taken seriously, is a bad idea.

The song is literally in German, which is dumb.

If the Imperium organized it, would it be better? Is it actually like the Russian Revolution in events?

I say drop the revolutions at all. It's not the IOM's MO. They doesn't have any patience to wait for that. And you want the revolutions to go from down and up. That won't work either and leave too much damage. The only ones that makes those kind of revolutions are the Redemtionists and Genestealers. And neither is a kosher matter for the IOM.

Military coups can work, but you can't really have the revolutions as the IOM doesn't work that way.

 Beaviz81 wrote:
I say drop the revolutions at all. It's not the IOM's MO. They doesn't have any patience to wait for that. And you want the revolutions to go from down and up. That won't work either and leave too much damage. The only ones that makes those kind of revolutions are the Redemtionists and Genestealers. And neither is a kosher matter for the IOM.

Military coups can work, but you can't really have the revolutions as the IOM doesn't work that way.

I think a military coup could work. The Imperium doesn't have to support the revolution, but it could be in the background for the coup. Either way, the Sturmkrieg Empire would be abolished.

A military coup is a more likely solution. Heck you might even keep the name. And it's more fitting with the general setting, plus the IOM is a pragmatical beast. They would be happy to let the military surrender to them after they have crushed their own dissidents.

Also I think you should look at the junker-aristocracy as the leaders of Sturmkrieg. And base the culture of that of the German Empire. You can have the revolutions as something Redemtionists or Genestealers are doing.