Sly Marbo
Sly Marbo (A.K.A Rip-Off of Rambo, The One-Man Army, Chuck Norris/Sylvester Stallone made grimdark) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time. He is so famous, so awesome, so fearsome and so ridiculously powerful that everybody (and I mean everybody; The Chaos Gods, The Emperor, the Primarchs, EVERYBODY) would cease to exist the moment they faced him.
Marbo in Game
Marbo is an elite unit choice for the Imperial Guard rather than an HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He costs the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10 man squad of Guardsmen with grenade launcher and power weapon). Marbo also carries a Demo charge around with him so when he's deployed onto the field from reserves, he drops a S8/AP2 pieplate of death that's designed to ruin some squad's day anywhere on the map, after that he pretty much plays out like a regular unit (except he is alone and far less effective than an entire unit of most things).
Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. All of his weapons are poisoned, he's pretty good at assault and shooting {although his shooting attack is somewhat short ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? SLY!"
Marbo in Novel
Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe its because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history, some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass, he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra the (highest military award in the imperium) so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.
Sly Marbo Facts
Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative and Paternity.
Abaddon stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo was still there.
Sly Marbo is Never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo.
In the movement phase, Sly Marbo stays stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbo-icus.
Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy Leman Russ is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
The Emperor isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
Sly Marbo has two speeds. Walk and Exterminatus.
The Emperor quit the crusade because Sly told him too.
Sly isn't the missing Primarch. He is the Entire Missing Legion!
Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
Sly Marbo can touch MC Hammer. And did. Violently.
Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Sly Marbo made Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt's spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed.
Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
Sly Marbo sleeps waits with a pillow under his gun.
Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp; the Tyranids are trying to get away.
It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back the emperor. Sadly, Marbo never has cried and never will.
Sly Marbo doesn't cry, his eyes just sweat.
People think that when Tyranids destroy worlds they strip all life from the planet, in all reality it's Sly Marbo deciding that planet sucks.
Same for Exterminatus
Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Sly Marbo. Not that he would find him even if he tried.
The Death Star didn't fire lasers, it fired Marbo's fist.
Grievous isn't wheezing because of a force attack, he just inhaled pure Sly Marbo particles and couldn't handle the awesome.
The Tyranids actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Chuck Norris. What they don't realise, however, is that Norris, in a classic pincer
maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
The Nightbringer doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
A Lictor bit Sly Marbo and after 2 weeks of pain and agony the Lictor died.
It's enough once Sly Marbo glances upon you to feel your ass was ripped in two.
A commissar once tried to execute Sly Marbo for morale. Morale was restored when Sly Marbo was done killing him.
Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are just addicted to Sly Marbo.
Techpriests aren't looking for STCs, they're looking for the sacred atoms of metal that came off Sly Marbo's junk that power them.
Most Vindicare assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
Sly Marbo defines heresy.
The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
Sly Marbo allows the Emperor to borrow his Golden Throne.
Should the Commissars not shoot traitors, Sly Marbo would awaken stop waiting.
Sly Marbo once twice conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum.
The Emperor didn't kill Horus, Sly Marbo did.
Did you hear that Failbaddon beat Sly Marbo? You haven't? Good, me neither.
Sly Marbo doesn't fear Nurgle's rot, Nurgle's rot fears Sly Marbo.
Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
Sly Marbo beat Papa smurf in arm wrestling using his little finger.
Fun fact!: Even the Angry Marines are scared of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him
with the slightest bit of anger.
A Bloodthirster once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since for
fear of being in the same plane of existence as Marbo.
Konrad Curze wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assasinotorium still has it's uses.
Vance Motherfucking Stubbs, Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken, and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. Creed doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers, just lying in wait.
When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
Sly Marbo stared into Slaanesh him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of Nurgle, it became disease free after he left.
Sly Marbo got into Tzeentch's forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds.
Khorne didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne once.
Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the Deceiver, the Deceiver never solved it.
Khaela Mensha Khaine only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
Horus is said to have killed Sanguinius because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with
Sly Marbo.
Sly Marbo could heal Roboute Guilliman and Lion El'Jonson. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
Lorgar is said to be on Sicarius communing with the Chaos Gods. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
Logan Grimnar once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo.
Dante's Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
Eldrad takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
Marbo once dueled an Eversor assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end
the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes.
Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
The Administratum once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent to deliver their counteroffer. The Administratum quickly lowered Catachan's tithe.
A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered and died the second after it bit Marbo.
Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks and makes them squeal like little girls when they see him.
Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game.....with just 3 moves.
Kaldor Draigo is actually Marbo is disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
Sly Marbo is the reason the Emprah is on the Golden Throne.
Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as his own melee weapon.
Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into Ollanius Pius.
Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
Sly Marbo sleeps waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
Sly Marbo can kick a Bolter Bitch to the balls. CAN, but he wont...
The Crimson Fists got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with Pedro Kantor.
Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
The Salamanders hold that Vulkan will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
Marbo once ate a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. He thought it was bland.
Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. They say a Chaos God looked back at him. Sly then went into the Eye of Terror to beat it senseless for looking at him funny.
Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?
"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"
Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox
Sly Marbo is the GOD DAMN BATMAN!
Sly Marbo will never, ever say "GO! Get to the Chopper" that's the kind of thing a neckbeard says.
Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
Sly Marbo refused to be hidden in plain sight by CREED. He called Creed "A cheap mans Copperfield".
Indrick Boreale once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo…No one knows what happened to it.
Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
Marbo can murder with his eyeballs.
Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In it's natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
Sly Marbo does not and never has owned a machete. That's just his arm hair.
Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
When the emperor was finally re-awoken, he rose and said, "I am the god emperor of mankind. Who dared to wake m- Oh...It is you my master."
Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a Carnifex. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
Sly Marbo stole the Blood Raven's home planet.
Creed played chess with Tzeentch and won. Sly Marbo played chess with Chaos Undivided and it ended in a draw, but the four gods were so scared that they refused to play when Marbo asked for a rematch.
Sly Marbo's internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there.
Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy Stirring Coals with his Penis to kill you.
Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
The poisons on Marbo's rounds and knife is actually made from his sweat and it's the only poison that even Nurgle daemons cannot resist
Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi Daemonettes at will, he beheads them afterwards.
After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating
Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat
The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion.
Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down for something more useful.
When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its eyes to the left.
Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire.
Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
Sly Marbo is allowed to talk about Fight Club
Sly Marbo once snuck up on Lucius the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. As Marbo allowed himself a satisfied smirk, Lucius immediately attempted to possess his body. What he saw inside Sly Marbo's mind drove Lucius irredeemably insane.
Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with Erebus, and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain away. Unimpressed, Sly Marbo ripped off Erebus's arm and crippled him with it.
During the Battle of Calth Roboute Guilliman ripped out Kor Phaeron's heart. Upon reading this at the schola, Sly Marbo traveled back in time to the Horus Heresy, where he ripped out Kor Phaeron's spine and beat Guilliman senseless with it.
Huron Blackheart once lead the Red Corsairs in a raid on Catachan. Sly Marbo proceeded to raid the Maelstrom of everything in it. And by everything, we mean including the planets.
Darnath Lysander once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and skull.
Sly Marbo once hugged Typhus. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body. It would have killed him if Sly Marbo didn't beat Typhus to death with his own Manreaper first.
The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a Necron tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power nap wait. By the end of the day the entire star system was devoid of all life.
The Gellar field around Sly Marbo’s ship isn’t generated by the ship to keep the people on board safe from the warp. It’s generated by the warp to keep the demons safe from Sly Marbo.
The Emperor might be able to walk on water but sly Marbo can swim through land
Why did the Necrons really go into stasis? They all dug their own graves when they heard sly Marbo was coming.
The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in Canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
The Outsider would actually really like to come back to our galaxy, except he knows Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
When the Space Marines are in trouble the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo arrives.
Roboute Guilliman weeps every day in his stasis field for deep down he knows that he will never be Sly Marbo
Contrary to popular belief Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that sly Marbo doesn’t know what he looks like, and Doombreed intends to keep it that way.
Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
Nemesis Dreadknights are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
Sly Marbo controls all of Games Workshop's prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
Sly Marbo is the one person Alpharius never confuses. EVER.
He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
Sly Marbo takes on gene-stealers in close combat for fun.
Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No commissar would dare execute him for this. (well, with possibly one exception....)
The Dark Eldar didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
Marbo only ever eats slow-roasted Carnifexes (over an open fire, with a sprinkling of Catachan Bloodvenom Juice)
Sly Marbo doesn't do pushups. He pushes the planet down.
What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? TRICK QUESTION - Sly Marbo doesn't bleed!
Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, Gabriel Seth's chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those 100 missing Baneblades. It's still too soft for him.
Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
Sly Marbo can fold a bowling ball in half.
Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic.
Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
Marbo once challenged Lord General Castor to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
Emperor is actually Sly Marbo in disguise.
Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines primarch.
Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the helstorm cannon on Kronus.
