As the battles on the charred continents of Armageddon continue to rage, so too do the already uncountable number of combatants on both sides continues to increase. For the Orks, this means that every day, dozens more “Rok” transport vessels break through Armageddon’s atmospheric reaches and land (open to speculation as to whether these vessels actually “land” or not. What an Ork would call a landing, the Imperial Guard would call a catastrophic crash) on the planet’s surface.
These Roks bear within their tunnelled-out interiors hordes and hordes of Greenskins, every Ork Boy and Gretchen alike brimming with anticipation to greet the Imperial Guard on Armageddon with warm Shoota bullets, and to welcome the occasional Space Marine with open Powa Klaws.
However, due to the unpredictable, and far too often, disastrous, nature of these crude transports, it is not uncommon for an Ork Warboss expecting immediate reinforcements to charge into battle only to be informed that half his warband aboard a Rok transport has disappeared, rarely to be seen again. Some of the more common causes of such disappearances include the Greenskin transport having plummeted into a treacherous ocean full of dangerous marine life thanks to the few Grots piloting the ship feeling like they needed a swim. Another cause is due to the transport "landing" on the ground only for the Orks inside to pile out, Choppas raised, to realise that they were on the wrong planet. These are just two of the abundant causes for the deaths and disappearances of Orks even before they join the fight.
One of such (in Imperial opinion) comedic mishaps, is such the case for a Rok transport vessel captained by an Ork Warboss known as Zapzork Krakka, known later by his title ‘ArdBrainz. ‘ArdBrainz acquired his unique callsign during a brief but fierce conflict he led against the "puny panzee Eldar". Due for Armageddon, Zapzork's warband lost interest in the distant fighting, longing for a more local conflict, and never arrived on the infamous war-ravaged planet. On the long journey from the Ork Empire of Calversnik, far in the galactic west, to the conflicts on Armageddon, the Ork boyz of Zapzork’s warband aboard their Rok cruiser were growing restless. Even the Warboss himself, who is not known for his patience as alike most Orkoids, grew more and more impatient, itching to get killin’, with the slow progress of the makeshift space vessel. After some time adrift in space, the rudimentary scanners on the ship picked up readings of an Eldar base on the moon of an Imperially classified deathworld. This drew the attention of the relatively (to other larger Warbosses) small Warboss, as well as the rest of his warband.
Without so much as even a second thought, Zapzork had ordered his Greenskin hordes to descend upon the moon, and the Boyz launched their Dakka Jets and Bommas with ecstatic enthusiasm, filled to the brim with as many Orks as they could carry. It is largely suspected amongst the Ork warband today that more Orks died during the frenzied descent upon the planetoid than in the ensuing battle itself, most of which due to sneaky Gretchen sabotaging the parachutes of their Ork masters that had previously mistreated them.
Being met with heavy Eldar resistance, the Orks bathed in the barbaric heat of battle. The challenge and strength that the Eldar warriors exhibited made it even more satisfying when an Ork’s Slugga round painted the wall behind the unlucky Avenger with splatters of Eldar blood, or when the helmets of the Eldar warriors crumpled under the extreme strength of an Ork foot’s stomp.
Despite their vast tactical and technological advantage, the Eldar stood little chance against the sheer numbers of the green tides they faced, and were soon pushed back to a single Webway gate in the heart of the fortress. By the end of the onslaught, all that remained of the Eldar forces (the rest having died or retreated through the Webway) was a single Farseer, who wielded an elegant blade, the likes of which attracted the attention of the much larger (than herself) Warboss.
The Farseer issued a final challenge out of pure hatred for the barbaric Greenskins, of which the Warboss accepted with a pleased grin. The ensuing duel lasted no less than half a Terran hour. Just as the Boyz surrounding the fight were about to walk off in boredom (many wanted to jump in and fight the Eldar themselves, but all knew that to interfere with the duel would mean instant death either at the tip of the Eldar’s mystical blade, or in the grip of the Warboss’ crushing Powa Klaw) the Farseer finally took a powerful and precise swing in an attempt to decapitate the large and powerful Ork. Barely ducking in time, the Webway-energy infused blade disintegrated the Warboss’ weapons and armour, as well as slicing the top half of the Ork’s skull off from the rest of his cranium.
Seeing no further way of defeating the Ork, who currently looked down at the top quarter of his head rolling about the ground, the Farseer made an attempt to flee into the remaining Webway gate. But Zapzork was not finished just yet. Possessing no other weapons, the Warboss pulled forth his very own brain from out the top of his skull and hurled it at the fleeing Eldar, striking her in the back and sending her to the floor. The Warboss subsequently went about beating the Farseer to death for her cowardice using his oddly robust brain, wielding it like a weapon in his fist. With the Farseer battered to a pile of bloodied flesh, the Warboss stumbled over to the closest Painboy, brain in his palms, who was more than eager to go about reattaching his boss' brain back to the inside of his skull.
Some Orks today believe that this very beating actually managed to “bash a whole lotta’ cunnin into da’ Warboss’ finkin’”, and many Imperium researchers are actually beginning to relate this event to the warboss having since developed tactically sound and precise strategies (for an Ork anyway). To this day, the rest of ‘ArdBrainz’s warband look forward to the day (with an almost spiritual belief) when their own skull would too, be cut open in the midst of battle, just like ‘ArdBrainz, and they too would be given the honour and privilege of killing an enemy with their own brain.
For this very reason, ‘ArdBrainz has instructed his warband on some (Imperially regarded pointless) intellectual training, which he believes will assist to strengthen the tissues of their brains to help with killing enemies. He still teaches to his Boyz to this day:
“Da’ best wayz to get ya’ brain good n’ smashy is ta’ fink of all da’ best wayz ta’ kill stuff.”
Zapzork ’ArdBrainz Krakka