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171
help me make this better
The 171 was created in the late 41st century on the campaign of the planet helstor.
The planet helstor is a planet named after its massive meteor storms which the imperial guard like to call hellstorms which brings us the name of the regiment the one seven one hellstorms.
The hellstorms use cadian military equipment and tanks so that they are classified as cadian shock troops.
On the planet helstor there wasnt much other living things than humans left after the war (since the animals and plants dont have gas masks and armour to protect themselves from the acid rains and toxics) but some animals like a helstorian predator called dragonthorope were strong enough to withstand the acid and toxic air. The dragonthorope is a 3meter long and 2,6meters tall. The dragonthorope is used to live in tight situations and has a 5mm thick armour almost as protective as adamantium the dragonthorope can rip a human apart in seconds and is the reason of many guardsmen losses on the planet. Most of the humans have mutated during their short lives on helstor. the mutants look and act normal but they have the ability to breathe toxic air so that they do not require gas masks.in helstor The air is so poisonous that if a non mutated breathes it for 10seconds he will faint and if a non mutated breathes it for a minute he will die. The hellstorm regiments are trained to shoot in paranormal conditions which makes them excellent in firefights. The hellstorms are masters of tank warfare thats why they have billions and billions of leman russ battle Tanks,       
Vanquishers, punishers, executioners and demolishers. They also use many variations of hellhounds. The 171 regiments have been battling the ordo malleus for very long since the inquisition  does not tolerate mutants in the imperium

Proper english is good,use it.Also the enter button is your friend.

In all honesty my good sir, you need to do your basic 40k background research better.

For one, the Ordo Malleus is the branch of the Inquisition that deals with daemons, not mutants. I would think the Ordo Hereticus would claim that responsibility. Of course, the Inquisition is not t he 3 major Ordo's. There are many many more that GW doesn't talk about cause their overshadowed by the 3 big ones.

Furthermore, I think you mean 41st millenium 41st century would be......26,000 years before the founding of the Imperium itself, and far before the establishment of the Imperial Guard.

Beyond basic background problems, and the grammar and English problems inherent, I would say that the idea is good. However, I would think that they wouldn't be classified as Cadian Shock Troops just because they use Cadian equipment. The fluff you've had seems to make them far more useful as specialists in tank warfare in hostile environments. Cadians are used as generalist troops, and your fluff has created troops that are far more specialized. Remember, Cadia is basically modern day Earth (except with the whole Eye of Terror and Imperial Fortress World thing). Troops from there are best fighting in that generic environment.

Edit: And shouldn't this be in 40k Background, or 40k General Discussion, not in the campaign section?

Background better? Check out fantasyflightgames books. Just buying one will make you view the world differently. Not like Star Wars better, but fluff-wise writing worth it.

And do fluff exercises yourself about people you know. See if what people do around you tell you about yourself. Or maybe more importantly, what it tells you about them.

Let us clean up the text and give you some fluff paragraphs to work from. My 40k history is light, but hopefully others can throw some input in to flesh it out:

The abhumans of Helstor II are lucky; lucky in the way that a cockroach is stepped on but still alive. With a dying sun destroying their planet and the Ordo Hereticus directing Imperial forces to exterminate them, the remaining denizens of Helstor II consider themselves very fortunate indeed to still be alive.

Before the star Helstor started flickering like a wild candle dancing in a ragged breeze back, Hellstor II was a world of beauty. With its sister plaent Hellstor I, these twin planets were abundant in rich soil, temperate climate, and ardent support of the Emperor. Each cycle, millions of citizens from the twin planets would join the Hellstorm Regiments, which numbered in the hundreds, and would join other infamous Imperial Gaurd units such as the Cadians (whom they shared an affinity for and adopted the wargear of) in defense of the Imperium. Hailed as an example of Imperial administration comparable to the domain of Ultramar, Hellstorians were thrilled to become host to a new Chapter of Space Marines known as the Ardent Flamekeepers after the last founding. At its height, the Hellstor system boasted a population of over 30 billion and was fast on its way to becoming a shining jewel of Imperial might.

Then the Hellstor star started to die.

At first, it flickered. This caused severe climate changes to both planets as Hellstor II became barely habitable. Billions died as the pleas for aid of the Imperial Governor were lost in the Administratum on Holy Terra. Once proud supporters of the Emperor began to turn on one another as foodstuffs became scarce. The Ardent Flamekeepers did their best to preserve peace as food riots erupted, but strained as they were in duties on multiple warfronts, the skeleton force of Space Marines was barely able to contain the revolt.

When the solar storms from Hellstor erupted, Hellstor I caught the brunt of the damage. Entire oceans of water and cities of men boiled away in an instant. The atmosphere was stripped from the planet, and all the inhabitants, including the fortress monestary of the Ardent Flamekeepers were incinerated or vaporized by cosmic radiation. Hellstor I became a husk world, dead in everything but the devestation that was wrought. Hellstor II itself barely survived the resultant ruination. The atmosphere became choked with the radiation pollutants of the Hellstor star. Sulfuric rain pelted the unwary masses, and millions more died as their bodies were rotted away by the poisonous and acidic gases that started choking the valleys and cities. All seemed lost as the decimated Space Marines and the thinly stretched Helstor regiments huddled with the masses in the hive cities to await the final deathknell of their doomed existence.

A miracle arrived in the form of an apparent Imperial vangaurd heralded by the Magos Biologis Ferin Invericus. With his technological assistance, he claimed to be able to adapt the surviving humans of Hellstor II to not only resist the climate changes, but to thrive in them as well. The remaining Space Marines, the de facto rulers of the planet since the original Imperial Governor and Chapter Master had died in Hellstor I's death, reluctantly agreed, and provided at Invericus's assistance their gene seed in order to help adapt the survivng populace.

After a cycle of experimental genetic work wherein millions more of the citizenry died to famine, disease, and poison, and countless others were tested, dissected, and warped by Invericus, the Magos Biologis finally unveiled the fruits of his work: an injected serum that reconstituted the respiratory track and epidermal resistance of the victim to poisonous gases, much like the enhanced superhuman qualities of a regular Space Marine.

Quickly spreading his miracle cure to the thankful, remaining masses, Invericus left the Hellstor system, with none the wiser that the entire populace had become victims of a disguised Fabius Bile, the Chaos Space Marine known for his vile and contemptable mutation experiments on mankind.

Within less than a cycle, Fabius' work came to fruition. Segments of the populace started going mad, crazily attacking anything that moved. Hellstor regiments quickly put down those that were stricken, but the mutations became worse. Hordes of monsters began roaming the streets as people with weak constitutions failed to adapt to the mutating serum they were previously administered. Worse, Fabius had also began experiments on the local fauna that survived in the stunted wilds of Hellstor II. Packs of thickly armored bipedal lizards known as dragonthoropes began joined the mutated abominations as they roamed freely dealing carnage to those who were unprotected. Survivors quickly filled the streets in anger and protest, as they now rightly concluded that their savior had also turned them into monsters.

And at the worst time, the Imperium finally answered the calls of distress in the form of a true Magos Biologis and a regiment of Imperial Gaurds carrying supplies and munitions to the beleaguered people of Hellstor II.

What they found was a fractured populace that now united in hatred of the Imperium. The remaining Ardent Flamekeepers, who had now turned bitter and furious at their own weakness and plight of the people they were sworn to protect, led the remaining Hellstor regiments in a massacre of the Imerpial representative and most of his retinue. The few gaurds who survived the onslaught boarded their ships and fled the system, intent on reported the uprising of a heretical Space Marine chapter and a renegade populace.

The army and people of Hellstor II were exhausted and moribund. In reflection, they realized their culpability in being duped by Fabius Bile and their actions against Imperial officials. Slowly, they also awakened to the realization that they were also not fullly human anymore. The Imperium would consider them second-class abhumans at best, and heretical mutants at worst.

But any hope of salvation was quickly dashed as the Imperium quickly responded to the supposed uprising on Hellstor by sending a Mission of Adepta Sororitas and ten Imperial regiments supporting the Ordo Hereticus to eradicate and cleanse the populace.

In preparation of their arrival, the Ardent Flamekeepers consolidated the Hellstor army into the largest remaining regiment of veteran soliders still active on the planet, the Hellstor 171st. A battle-hardened core of warriors, their greatest asset was the vast quantity of tanks and transports that made them efficient heavy support elements of any battle they joined. With their experience coupled with the last remaining reserves, Hellstor II bitterly hunkered down for a war in which they knew extermination would be the result if they lost. The battlelines became drawn as the Imperial Navy dropships unloaded their militant cargo upon the scarred world and prepared to face the deviant Ardent Flamekeepers and their heretical support army.

As a final and brutal reminder of the event that caused their current situation, the Hellstor star erupted one last time in a searing seizure of energy in the form of a gigantic solar flare. While too far away for Hellstor Ii to be affected, Hellstor I was engulfed by the gigantic explosion and subsequently torn apart.

The flaming debris of the planet scattered across the star system, pelting Hellstor II in an apocalyptic wave of meteors that eradicated large swaths of both the Ordo Hereticus and to a lesser extent the more apocalypse-experienced Hellstor 171st regiment.

In joking defiance to the event, the Hellstorians fittingly renamed their planet Hellstorm and subsequently called their sole surviving regiment the Hellstorm 171st. Further, they also saw one sole benefit of the new meteoric conditions of their planet; the forces they faced were now reduced to a third of their original size, and the Imperial Navy that supported them was virtually eliminated in the first wave of planetary chunks that immolated and destroyed their best and largest space crafts.

But the Adepta Sororitas was hardly defeated. Rallying their surviving soldiers, they then began the Battle of Hellstorm against the Ardent Flamekeepers and the Hellstorm 171st on a battlefield that knew the blood of billions, choked the life out of the unprepared with poisonous gases, and felt the rhythmic beat of asteroids that incessantly drummed the once proud planet.

Grambo wrote:Proper english is good,use it.Also the enter button is your friend.

Give him a break, his flag and location say he's from Finland

I think I gave him a pretty solid background piece which he could alter as he chooses...

Wow! your story is much better than mine.
(Note proper english lol)

thats a great back story, but i dont think they would have billions of tanks, even 50 regiments is only 30,00 tanks.

I did mention vast number of tanks, leaving the actual number vague.

Well, guard tanks are vast anyway.

Take 2

Yeah thats true!

NIceness!


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Good story

Haha marine on the toilet reading White Dwarf