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Hello, first time posting so I thought I would offer this as payment. Consider it a dumbed down version of the Horus Heresy. I had found something similar to this on WW1 so I figured the HH could have one too.

The Emperor, owner of a bar downtown declares his grand opening after evicting the previous owners and buys a round for everyone and leaves the place in the capable hands of his manager Horus.

Horus is pissed at the new format and wants a dance club instead of a pub and decides to make it happen.

His bouncers, Mortarion, Angron, and Fulgrim (who likes to dance) all agree this is the right course to take the bar.

The Emperor’s most loyal customer, Magnus, files a complaint about this via text message but cell phones are not allowed in the bar. The Emperor tells Horus to get the doorman, Leman Russ to escort Magnus out.

Horus instead instructs Russ to throw him out. Russ instead smashes a bar stool over his head and then drags him out the back door.

Fulgrim takes over as DJ and starts playing some Lady Gaga. Everyone gets down.

Rogal Dorn, working the coat check isn’t too pleased at what’s happening and sends some of the guys to deal with this.

Corax and Vulkan start arguments with Angron and Mortarion. Ferrus Manus has words with Fulgrim about the music. A dance off ensues with Fulgrim knocking Ferrus out cold with a sucker punch.

The three talk tough as their buddies Alpharius, Lorgar, Konrad Curze and Perterabo show up to back them up.

Just as the argument heats up, the new guys smash beer bottles over Vulkan and Corax and have them thrown out of the bar.

Dorn seeing he is outnumbered locks himself in the coat check and gets on the phone to call his friends. While Perturabo and Angron try to smash the door down, Sanguinius and Khan show up for the fight. Gulliman is enjoying a 7-up at a bar across town but says he’s sober enough to drive over. Meanwhile Lion El Johnson can’t get past the line up because he's too busy fighting with his girlfriend.

While Khan revs his harley outside to scare everyone, Sanguinius tries to take on Horus who bitch slaps him to the ground. With all the noise and racket going on, the Emperor gets off the net (where he’s been trying to block spammers all night) and comes downstairs to sort the mess out. Dorn comes out of the coat check mouthing off at everyone.

Horus and the Emperor beat each other up until Horus passes out. Just then El’Johnson sneaks in with fake I.D. and Gulliman finally shows up with most of his Facebook friends (He has over 100 000). Russ shows up but is too drunk to fight.

Angron, Fulgrim et. al grab Horus’ limp body and make a run for the dance club down the street, vowing revenge. Alpharius stays behind in a washroom stall with a trench coat and sunglasses to beat up unsuspecting patrons.

Gulliman and Dorn put the Emperor in his lazyboy upstairs hoping he’ll wake up sooner or later. Gulliman takes temporary management of the bar and institutes a smoking ban and can’t serve to minors anymore rule. He also creates a more standard menu consisting of only meat products. Eldar, Orks and Tau are still banned.

Surprisingly accurate, really, this how it would be if it was a bar brawl

Nice "guide"

Yeah, that was awesome!

Welcome to Dakka Dakka.

That might be the best first post.... EVER!

That, sir, is excellent.

It makes so many things clear... thanks Crantor!

Fulgrim WOULD play Gaga.

Well done, sir.

nice, but you forgot about logar....

Correct. Edited to add Lorgar and the fact that Alpharius never ran off to the other bar.

That is pretty creative. Although I'm too much of a square to be into the club scene, I thought it was funny!

Well done sir. A highly amusing read to be sure.

Epic, simply epic id love to see the WWI one!

The best Lyman Termed thing ever...

Awesome summary. I can only imagine what Dorn looks like sitting in that closet

Somebody needs to do the Horus Heresy as seen on facebook ala this.

That or as a cartoon like this and this.

I have a feeling you're going to fit right in .

I loled. A lot.

And I found the WW1 bar fight (Which is the original version, and so is sudo 40k related). I will post it in 3...2...1...0

World War 1 as a Bar Fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are stood together in the middle of the bar-room, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria's pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not
intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on
Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets
knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room
chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over, then walks over, waves a fist at Germany while Britain knocks it out, then pretends it
won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the
first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and
buy drinks for all their friends.

Crantor wrote: Meanwhile Lion El Johnson can’t get past the line up because he's too busy fighting with his girlfriend.

Best line of the whole thing .

This is awesome and made me lawl. =D

Stop it!

I nearly choked on my toasted cheese twice there.

Seriously funny guys.

This thread is full of win.

Great way to join.

This was pure gold. Thanks.

Welcome to Dakka.

Great first post, all of it was awesome (links as well). Welcome.

Personally my Noise Marines like to blast Kei$ha but Gaga will do just fine.

Also what about Lorgar corrupting Horus? I thought he technically started it all after getting told off by daddy.

Then there's Malcador who couldn't handle all that spam, but that's getting very detailed.

All in all great stuff, very funny!

I approve

Best first post ever made.

We should make this a sticky, or archive it, or something. Generations from now, people need to know how to make an epic first post.

THIS IS GOING TO BE LEGEN- WAIT FOR IT -DARY

Epic first post.

You have a lot to live up to now Crantor.

You have set your own bar extremely high. :-)

BTW it was a fantastic 650th post as well Happygrunt. :-)