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In honour of Britain's Sweariest, most 5-weekly Grin mag Viz, it's high time Dakkadakka had it's own repository of life changing Top Tips! Here are a few (shamelessly pinched from the Viz Website) to start the ball rolling...

THINKING of waterfalls and fountains is well known to help one urinate. Similarly, thinking of landslides and lorries unloading soil can help even the most constipated person clear their bowels.

GIVE SPIDERS the nailbiting experience of a real life indiana Jones adventure by tipping them down a cardboard tube whilst slowly closing the lower end with a playing card. For added excitement roll a Ferrero rocher down the tube and hhave a friend insert cocktail sticks through the side at regular intervals

MOTORISTS. When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice quickly, and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's been caught.

DOG OWNERS. Don't waste money on a lead. Simply walk your dog backwards holding its tail.

MURDERERS. Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

There, tone not only set, but also suitably lowered!

Mr Mystery wrote:

MURDERERS. Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

That one rang a bell. This one time I completed two master disc assembly projects the same day. One of them was for Mondadori in Italy, and the other was for Netscape in California. I sent them both by DHL. You can guess the rest.