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Well boys and girls we're now entering the sacred season of Kwanzaa which, as is our tradition here in Dakka Land means it's time to gather around the flamer for a reading of The Night Before 986996.M41

This is an ancient artifact plucked from the Great Usenet Archeological Dig of 1998 and has comforted many a wargamer in the cold nights of winter.

Enjoy!


The Night Before 986996.M41

by Patrick Marstall (MarstallP@bah.com)

'Twas the night before 986996.M41, and all through the station
All there was clear, there was no abomination.

My helmet was set on the desk to my right,
On the chance that I was to need it that night.

The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds,
All the tanks too were safe, secure in the sheds.

Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall,
Assured me that the bastion never would fall.

When out in the yard there arose such discord
I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword.

Away to the window, I ran to take aim
As the marines around me all did the same.

My bionic eye turned the night into day
Allowed me to see, and to seek out my prey.

When what did my loyalist ocular show,
But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow.

The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.

The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.

I gestured for other to shoot without pause,
For I was now certain this was Santa Claus.

"Fire Marines! Fire Guardsmen! Fire Ogryn and Ratlings!
Fire bolters! Fire lasguns! Fire mortars and gatlings!"

"You in the courtyard and you men on the walls!
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"

But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,
Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw!

And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof.

Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,
As down the chimney shaft it came with a bound.

I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle,
Bloated and fat, like a deamon of Nurgle.

Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -
Charged into battle with my brave space marines.

As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,
He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift.

Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,
As they arced through the air at me and my troops.

The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,
Our morale was quite strong, we did not retreat.

But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.

For each box contained a chaotic present -
The marines (damn their souls), found them quite pleasant.

A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,
The Claus gave to all, and he checked off a list.

It moved through the station and left in its wake,
The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruitcake.

The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,
For to me it gave only a small pile of coal.

The station was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.

I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,
The target escaping, quite safe in his sled.

I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

A classic. Thanks KK.

I'll have to go looking for my hardcopy of "a night before Orkmas" sent to me around 93 maybe by a GW store manager.

Thanks Mike!

And yes, I did read aloud to my assembled miniatures.

Kid_Kyoto wrote:Thanks Mike!

And yes, I did read aloud to my assembled miniatures.

That was a great post Kid, thats for posting it for us newer dakkanaughts. =o]

An oldie but a goodie.

Ah, brings a warm festive glow to my heart

MeanGreenStompa wrote:An oldie but a goodie.

One of my fav's but you should of put his friend up with him, it's not like a Space Marine to go on a pub crawl without a mate for back up eh?

EDIT; woops forgot space santa =o]

Thats awesome. Consider me subscribed.

Excellent KK, I don't know where you get your ideas from

The Night Before blahblahblah is not mine alas, but this one is...

Since the time lost days of the Great Crusade the Legions and Chapters of the Imperial Space Marine Crops have marched into battle singing this ancient hymn said to predate even the founding of the Imperium

Battlehymn of the Adeptus Astres

(Sung to the tune of... oh just guess )

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Xenos we can slay!

HEY!

Flying through the stars
In our armoured Battle Barge
Listen to the Sarge
His sword is rather large!
Hack! Hack! Hack!
Orks are big and mean!
Space Elfs weak but clean!
Necrons are a machine!
Assaults makes fishmen scream!

HEY!

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Xenos we can slay!

HEY!

I love the christmas marines, would like them. I have the space santa though.

Even better (although I had to google "oh what fun it is to ride" based on google's suggestions to figure out the tune . I must not be in the holiday spirit!)

Hah, the captain got coal. Great re-post, Mr. Kyoto! I shall treasure this one for millennia to come!

(To the tune of 'All I want for Christmas is you')

I don't want a lot this Codex, there are just some things I need.
And I don't care about the Necrons, or the fething Space Marines!
I want heros for my Kroot,
Updates for my Crisis Suit,
CC disallowed!
Oh! All I want this Codex... is Tau.

Yeah, Baybeee.
Dodo dodo dodo do-

I won't ask for much this Codex, I don't even need La'Kais.
Just say that you'll turn the table, so we can play our games long-ways.
I just want to hold you tight,
Right here in my line of sight,
Faces just like Trout...
Oh! All I want this Codex is Tau.

Dodo dodo dodo do-

I'm not asking much this Codex, and though you might disagree...
Santa-clause won't make me happy, with a Codex S.O.B.
Tell your troops to congregate,
Underneath my blast template,
Still they'll lose somehow
But, all I want this Codex is Tau.

Second verse!

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Daemons we can slay!

Khorne is red and yells!
Nurgle's green and smells!
Tzeentch's blue casts spells!
Slannesh's pink and uses gells!
Hump! Hump! Hump!
Chainswords whirr and slash!
Thunder Hammers smash!
Howling Griffons clash!
Rainbow Warriors smoke hash!

OH!

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Daemons we can slay!

Angron, the red-hued Primarch
had a very violent pose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it shows.

All of the other Primarchs
used to run from all the flames.
They never let poor Angron
join in any Primarch games.

Then one grimdark Christmas Eve
the Blood God came to say:
"Angron with your love to fight,
won't you guide my slaughter tonight?"

Then all the loyalists loathed him
as they shouted out with glee,
’Angron the red-hued Primarch,
you'll go down for heresy!’


So the first line isn't completely fluffy but it was the best I could do on short notice at 2:40am

FENRIS WINTER by SLAYED

Are you hanging up your Bolter on the Wall?
Can you hear the Blood Claws baying Call?
Can you ride like Canis Wolfborn?
Or tea bag Bjorn, while he's still asleep?
You better not get caught or your in deep!

So here, it is Fenris Winter,
Everyone is Quaffing Beer,
Look there's Luka's the Trickster
and he's looking rather Queer

Are you waiting for the Wolf King to arrive?
Are you sure you the Fang has room to spare inside?
Does your Rune priest always tell you the old saga's are the Best?
Then he's up and drunk and fighting with the rest!

So here it is, Fenris Winter,
Everyone is Quaffing Beer,
Look there's Luka's the Trickster
and he's looking rather really Queer

What will Logan Grimnar do
When he sees Luka's kissin' Ragnar?
Oh Oh, Oh No

Are you punching a long fang on the Wall?
Are you hoping that the snow will always fall?
Do you ride a hijacked Rhino?
And go out looking for some Prey?
Just be aware of Luka's because he's ......

So here, it is Fenris Winter,
Everyone is Quaffing Beer,
Look there's Luka's the Trickster
and he's looking rather Queer

Third verse!

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Traitors we can slay!

Death Guard smell very bad!
Night Lords are quite sad!
Word Bearers wage jihad!
Black Legion hates their dad!
Sob! Sob! Sob!
Emp's Children love their sex!
Thousand Sons cast their hex!
World Eaters chop your necks!
Cultists have no Codex!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Space Marines!
Space Marines!
Fighting every day!
Oh what fun it is to find
Some Traitors we can slay!

This is actually a lot harder than it looks folks; just you try turning Auld Lang Syne into something about Old One Eye

Avatar 720 wrote:This is actually a lot harder than it looks folks; just you try turning Auld Lang Syne into something about Old One Eye

Hrm...

Lest Old One Eye be forgot
And never given rules
Lest Old One Eye be forgot
And games of Old One Eye

For Old One Eye my dear
For Old One Eye

Let's roll a die for regen dear
And games of Old One Eye

Subbing this thread, good job dave man.