Imperial Guard, Lord Marshal _, born of Terra, is posted with his fleet in the Ultima Segmentum to slow the Tau expansion.
A long time spent fighting and learning the ways of the Tau doesn't go unnoticed and he is soon trained and indoctrinated as an Inquisitor of the Ordo Xenos.
Now, Inquisitor Marshal _, his unparalleled knowledge of the species turns to intrigue and quickly spirals into obsession.
During a short term at home on Terra he spends time with an old friend who is serving a period as Inquisitorial Representative. The friend finds his behavior concerning but as a final act of friendship and due to a sense of loyalty he simply arranges for him to meet with The Speaker for the Chartist Captains. The Speaker seems wary of engaging in conversation but offers a Warrant of Trade before dismissing him.
There are only two personal conditions of the Warrant issued. Firstly, the boundaries of his jurisdiction are Tau airspace and the surrounding areas. Secondly, he must aid in policing the Underhives of the Segmentum Solar. The latter condition is soon embraced by the Marshal as a perfect method of training his recruits.
_ slowly integrates himself with the Tau and begins recruiting individuals to work in all parts of his fleet and armed forces. To ensure their is no animosity between species he commands there be at least two Tau recruits in each unit that are sent to the Underhives.
His interest in Tau technology eventually leads him to upgrade most of his Imperial Sanctioned tech.

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The individuals sent to the Underhive receive, arguably, the best training in the galaxy although they don't all come out alive, if at all. They go in as individuals but those that come out come out as a unit with a bond that cannot be broken. Not only do they have to contend with and purge unruly gangs and outlaws but their Tau companions put the entire unit in the firing line of any other policing force they encounter. If they make it out they are prepared for anything. To add to their problems, they are only issued with Imperial weaponry and low level Tau tech, this includes a flight suit which doubles as armour. This isn't due to a lack of Tau resources or the risk of losing expensive weaponry but simply that it would make it far too easy for them. Each unit is expected to complete a few random objectives, often delivered to them while they are already in the Hives, and most importantly they have to try and survive until they have served their full time. Anyone who manages to exit early will be turned away on return to the fleet or, often, simply killed for disobedience.

A merchant ship digests into a reclamation pool along with the half dissected corpse of a, sub-species Ymgarl, Genestealer. A capillary tower pumps the biomass high into the atmosphere where a small Hive Ship waits to absorb it. It doesn't take long for the Hive Mind to sense the error, the Hive Ship breaks free of the tower, spraying the vile fluid into the planets orbit, but it's too late. As a single entity, the tide that is but one tendril of Jormungandr alter their course with silent determination. The lone Hive Ship and the few smaller ships that accompany it have no hope of making contact with the fleet again. This unerring fact drives them back to the forsaken planet to gorge on it's forbidden fruit. Bloated and without guidance the tiny fleet find a new trajectory, hoping one day to put themselves in the path of Jormungandr and be embraced by the Hive Mind once again. In the deafening void of space the bio-fleet enter a peaceful slumber and carve their way through the endless night.

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His eyes flash, searching the darkness. "The shadows walk among us!"
"Daemons prowl through dreams." Agony tears across his face. "Nae, through nightmares!"
"Mourn! Mourn your own deaths for He hath forsaken us!" He twists and writhes as terror grips his very soul. "...the shadows."
"Fight! said they. Where are they now?! Vanished, absent! Taken!" His voice breaks and strains.
Clawing at his face, "Haahahahaha! Morrow will not come! Darkness will be our final embrace!"
"Your final embrace." A shadow crosses his face as he looks down.
Looking straight into the camera he raises a laspistol to his pale, sweat drenched temple. And squeezes.

That, gentlemen, is. ...was Planetary Governor _ _ broadcasting to an entire solar system four days after the last of his family, friends and confidants had disappeared. Fifty-seven days before there was any reported Tyranid activity on the planet... It is now day ninety-five and we are twelve days too late to recover anyone alive.
Study the holo-tablets you have been given, know them better than you know your soul and you might see one of these beasts before it kills you.

-- ]Hive Fleet Blackbird - Page 1: Documented sub-species[
-- ]All species are capable of advanced infiltration and tactics commonly associated with Lictors and Genestealers.[
-- ]Reports compiled from data streams concerning Solar System: 'Alpha Crucible' governed by Lord _ _ ]Deceased[ [
-- ]Hive Ship[ - ]There is evidence of a single Hive Ship, dubbed 'Blackbird.' It is most often accompanied by smaller bio-ships which have yet to be identified. Always appears suddenly and capable of bypassing defense systems, radar and psychic probing.[
-- ]Winged Hive Tyrant[ - ]Present from the earliest stages of infiltration, often seen in the nights sky. Does not take an active roll until the planet is assaulted. Assumed to be guiding and overseeing infiltration and disruption. The sub-species is widely known as '_.' ]Would you like to read 'Article: Hive Fleets' now?[ [
-- ]Lictor[ - ]Reports suggest that every member of this sub species is as great a threat as the fabled 'Deathleaper'. ]Would you like to read 'Article: Deathleaper' now?[ [
-- ]Warriors[ - ]Diverse beasts who can infiltrate early and become dormant or be delivered, during the assault, in Mycetic Spores. ]Skip to 'Mycetic Spores' now?[ [
-- ]Genestealers[ - ]Possibly of the well known sub-species 'Ymgarl,' ]Would you like to read 'Article: Ymgarl' now?[ more information required.[
-- ]Mycetic Spores[ - ]Capable of bypassing defense systems, radar and psychic probing just like 'Blackbird.' ]Skip to 'Hive Ship' now?[ [
-- ]There is evidence for many other sub-species but the data is inconclusive or classified. ]Enter passcode now? ---- [ [

[What i wrote for: "The Béziers Crusade: 'Kill them all. For He knoweth them that are His.'" Just copying it in, in case it comes in useful later.]

Spoiler:

"The Béziers Crusade: 'Kill them all. For He knoweth them that are His'"
Gaia
The Inquisitorial Béziers Crusade concerns a small ternary system named Gaia on the northern spiral arm of the galaxy. The seventeen planets orbiting in the system are populated by Imperial citizens. The smallest planet, a now desolate rock also named Gaia, is entirely covered in giant hive cities that stretch far above the toxic clouds. The largest planet in the star system, Kanban, has a similar acrid, dead environment to Gaia's. Kanban is an industrial planet full of factories the size of countries and trillions of lives that know only the drudgery of work. The other notable body in orbit of the stars called, The Three Sisters, is a man made planet. Akin to a space hulk, Damocles allows the ternary system's defence to remain mobilised and prepared. The incredible populace of these three planetary bodies means that the fourteen other planets are solely tasked with providing for the star system but still many items must be sourced from nearby Imperial systems.

Lost Souls
The defence of Gaia consists of a small Space Marine Chapter called The Lost Souls, or, Pandora's Lost Souls and a small territorial fleet of part time Imperial Guardsmen who fight alongside the Marines. The Chapter is led by Chapter Master Pandora and Captain Titan using Damocles as a base of operations.

Stearne
During a basic reconnaissance mission to Gaia's outskirts Chapter Master Pandora received word of an Imperial message that he was to personally collect back on Damocles. Sensing that he should not delay, Pandora had his cruiser rerouted and was soon in holographic conference with an Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor named Stearne. Inquisitor Stearne was extremely aggressive and scathing in his attitude to Pandora and he had every right. Stearne had received word from multiple Rogue Traders that they would know longer enter The Three Sister Star System due to strong rumours of underhive heresy on planet Gaia. The Inquisitor was on his way to investigate and ordered Pandora to meet him personally and escort him to Damocles. The Chapter Master, ashamed and embarrassed, made arrangements for a large contingent of the fleet to move out but ordered his Head Chaplain, Ammal, to take some Marines and investigate the rumours.

Counsel
On arrival at planet Gaia, Chaplain Ammal docked his shuttle and boarded the highest spire of the Hive City Béziers. With him he brought; four Marines from his personal guard; a Scout Sergeant called Gabe, who was a close friend; and all four Scouts under Gabe's command. The group were escorted to a large chamber where many of the highest ranking dignitaries of the planet had assembled. Before Ammal and Gabe entered the chamber they gave orders for the Marines to take up guard duty around the room and for the Scouts to infiltrate the nearby populace and dig for information. As Ammal entered the room, around fifty dignitaries fell into silence and turned their gazes onto the two newcomers. The next day was wasted mainly on bureaucracy and paperwork with many heated discussions flaring up. By the time all the necessary decisions were reached and the correct paperwork signed, Pandora and Stearne had almost arrived at Gaia. With the meeting adjourned for the time being there was just enough time for Ammal and Gabe to meet with the Scouts who had sourced information from the civilians. Where the counsel of dignitaries had only been aware of Stearne's report and some rumours of heretical beliefs in the underhive; the four Scouts were able to source many names of possible ringleaders and found that the heresy was contained to approximately the three-hundred-and-thirty lowest levels of the underhive. The most important piece of information acquired was that the ringleaders may have preparations underway to summon a demon!

Waiting
Well rested and ready for whatever the enemies of the Imperium had to throw at them, Stearne, Pandora, Ammal, Gabe and now Titan met in the large chamber that had been used the previous day. It didn't take long to outline an action plan and after a few hours the room fell into silence. Stearne sat alone looking thoughtful and troubled as the huge Chapter Master paced aggressively up and down the main walkway muttering loudly. He bore the look of a man embarrassed, furious and willing to prove himself. Gabe felt out of place in this room of high ranking men and it showed. He sat on a chair in a corner of the room near a door. If Ammal hadn't requested he be included in the logistical planning and execution personally then he would have excused himself. The Chaplain knelt in the middle of the room facing a large Imperial Eagle on the wall, deep in prayer or contemplation. The newcomer, the great Captain Titan, was a vision of supreme majesty. He attentively stood near Pandora but he was much larger, in fact, he was much larger than most Space Marines, and more graceful too. His pose was one of a soldier under inspection yet he seemed to be the only one unaffected by the tension in the room. Pandora's muttering finally got the better of the Inquisitor and he slammed his fist on the table. The already uncomfortable Gabe jumped from his seat to attention, Pandora stopped dead and the playful grin that had been on Titan's face dropped. Ammal opened his eyes slowly but did not flinch. It was time.

Logistics
Ammal's valued counsel with his superiors had granted the Scout Sergeant a very large amount of responsibility in the Crusade. Gabe was given control of all the Scouts(49) in the chapter, the local Imperial Guardsmen(3000) that could get there in time, the local law enforcement(1600) as well as Stearne's Adeptus Arbites(63) and Imperial Assassins(2). His mission was to go ahead of the other troops and use mobility, numbers and local knowledge to herd and contain the populace. With the vast number of sharpshooters under his control, Gabe was also charged with the task of eliminating all known and unknown ringleaders. The logistics of this plan were extremely complex but this is where Gabe excelled, that and marksmanship.
The part of the plan Ammal was to conduct was much simpler but carried just as much importance if not more. Ammal was charged with the lives of every Lost Soul Chaplain(13) and every preacher Stearne(4) and the Imperial Guard(25) could muster. On top of this, the Head Chaplain, was aided by the Inquisitor's Sisters of Battle(87) for support. With a total of 42 Spiritual Leaders, Ammal's mission was to preach The Emperor's word to the herded civilians face to face and via a comm link. The comm link was networked to the Hive Announcement Speakers all over the underhive, many of which were still working. The link allowed Ammal to constantly fill the underhive with the amplified sound of his booming voice. This mission had great importance, there were five-hundred levels of underhive which had been condemned meaning around three-million lives to be destroyed. Every life that could be saved would be another life in service to The Emperor.
Pandora, Titan and Stearne each took 200 of the 600 Lost Soul Space Marines. Each of the three leaders would lead the forces separately but to the same ends. The Marine's duty was simply to remove the condemned populace using a large repertoire of tactics including the tactical bombing of large areas and, of course, brute force.

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[What i wrote for: "Possession is nine-tenths of the Law." Just copying it in, in case it comes in useful later.]

Spoiler:

Possession is nine-tenths of the Law
Prologue - The Setting Of A Son
A tired sun sets over a golden field while a tormented galaxy rots around it. Oblivious to the cancers plaguing the stars, a boy of fourteen ambles through vast oceans of cor[1].
Allowing the sweet fragrance of the crop to fill his lungs he studies the glistening kernels brushing past his soil stained hands. Raising his gaze he lopes off toward an ancient tree atop a knoll of lush, emerald grass. He savours the feeling of the crisp stems biting at his bare shins and the soft, warm soil compacting between his toes. With ease and grace the boy bounds over the steep hillock, halting by the tree. His eyes widen as he absorbs the vibrant, red sky and the sun that crests the horizon. He seats himself against the tree in the cool shade of its leaves. On his private island amidst undulating tides, the boy gives in to his intoxicated senses and rests his weary eyes.

Chapter I - Blind-Sided
My jaw smarts, a lucky swing. The sickly stench of incense burns my nostrils and the droning chants of my Brothers and Fathers distorts my hearing. He breathes heavily, he steps no lighter, he tires. A cumbersome foot falls to my right, i block a clumsy hook from his, the fool. From my other side, a lighter step and a long fisted jab to my ribs, maybe i was wrong. I clutch my flank and stumble back, searing pain, probably a fracture.
I see him now, Brother Stearne, time to react; Silently i strafe his position, stalk my prey, he's loud, easy to locate. Ignore the pain or i'll compromise my position. The cold metal flooring numbs my feet and the treads press uncomfortably into my soles. He stumbles, swings, pants, he isn't even facing me, i crouch. I concentrate on his movements, he conceals them terribly.
Like a fela-thera[2] with a veenu[3] in its sights i prepare to pounce. Finally my moment presents itself; he drops his guard to clutch the tendons swelling in his neck, a weakness i caused with an early blow. I explode into action, my movements are quick, my blows precise. I drop on my prey from behind, an open handed blow to either side of his neck leaves him reeling. I duck and slide to my left, he turns one-hundred-and-eighty degrees and swings a fist hopelessly at my previous location. I bury my left fist in his ribs, winded, two clean breaks, he'll heal. I move again and before he can react i follow up my attack by sweeping his legs from behind. Catching him by his throat i lower him silently to the ground.
Silence. I stand tall and remove my blindfold.

Chapter II - Abbot Judge
Warm light from the ceremonial candles flooded my vision. Blinking hard i managed to refocus, the room was dimly lit and my Family were all present in their Ecclesiastical robes.
"Well done, my Son!" Came the genial voice of Abbot Judge, head of the Chapel, approaching from the gloom behind me. Placing a wrinkled hand on my shoulder, "Yet another victory! And a man nearly twice your age no less!" He scoffed.
"Yes, Abbot." I turned to face him, he was an old man, heavily wrinkled under his hood. I loomed over his frail body as he loomed over many of the Fathers.
"Aha! Modest to boot!" He throws a simple gesture and two people step from the shrouded crowd. Gathering up Stearne's unconscious body they silently exit through black curtains at the back of the Chapel. Despite their hooded, black robes, i knew these men. A physician, Father Meyer and the apothecary's aide Brother Pulfer. A delicate bell rang and the rest of the congregation began to exit through two smaller sets of curtains to the fore of the room. Only when the room had emptied did Judge speak again.
"What troubles you, boy?" He paced back and forth in front of me.
"Pardon, sir? I am without worry." Even i didn't believe that, it sounded so rehearsed. I suddenly felt quite naked in just my training shorts, he seemed to notice as he handed me my robes to put on.
"Here. Son, i have seen you grow from a baby. You have excelled in everything you turn your hand to, and yet, you show no joy. You rarely smile, you walk alone when you have the time, i have seen this behavior before."
"Really?" I was surprised, maybe he knew me better than i thought. Maybe others had felt this, this restlessness.
He smiled at me, "Of course! Who is she, Son?"
"Oh," Great, he had no idea what was wrong, "No one, can we talk about this another time, Abbot?" He'll forget with any luck.
"Ah, yes, i understand." He paused momentarily. "Your fighting is improving daily, child. You have clearly been practicing!" I hadn't. "But how is your academic learning? Is it still as strong? I can give you more time, after all your sitting your final exam almost four years early." He chuckled as he said this. He always seemed to take great amusement in my abilities.
"I am prepared, Abbot." The exams were far too easy.
"Good! Now off with you! Prayer time for you, my child!"
"Yes, Abbot."

Chapter III - Solar Flair
After prayer i went for a shower. I turned the temperature up to its maximum and let it cleanse my very soul. I often used this ritual when i was restless, the steam envelops me, allowing me to clear my head. I suggested it to Brother Stearne and he laughed, he said it would scald the skin right off of a man, i just laughed politely. Knowing that the second sun has yet to set i relax and allow my mind to wander.
I visualize Graia, my beautiful home, slowly revolving on a black backdrop. I see thirty-one orbiting moons, i follow the largest, a black rock, my namesake. Law. I trace it until it wraps its orbit around Graia, then i allow myself to cross the void. The endless void is pockmarked by countless specks of light, each one is another Sun according to the Fathers. I come across our own Suns, The Three Sisters. Mens[4], Cor[5] and Nima[6]. They dance around each other for what seems an eternity.
Unusually, the hot water starts to run out so, grabbing my towel from over the door, i exit the shower cubicle and get dressed quickly in my ceremonial robes. As i walk through the Chapel on my way back to the Dormitory i notice it's eerily empty, no praying Fathers, no lit candles. I lower my hood to use the face scanner that unlock the huge oak doors at the entrance. The red glow momentarily warms the cold, vast entrance hall and with a satisfying click, beeeep, the door unlocks. Upon opening the door i am startled to find that it is already dark, i take a step back, i must have been daydreaming for hours. I close the heavy door behind me and it clicks shut again. The cobblestones shine by the light of the many moons as they pass underneath my feet. A mysterious beast lets out a long howl from the cor fields.
I hang a left a couple of streets from the Chapel to cut down my journey time, a habit of mine. The small alleyway is always pitch black at this time. No light could penetrate it. No matter, i knew exactly where to step to avoid anything that could trip me up. To my surprise, light flooded the area, the old, stone walls flickered a fierce, fiery red. My eyes smart and then, before me, there are the figures of four men.
"Who are you!"
"Your late." Came a rough voice. Others laugh.
As my eyes acclimatise, i realise i have seen these men around town before. The man in front, holding a match, probably the speaker, he is very familiar to me.
"Whwhat?!"
"Get'm."
Something slammed into the back of my calves. Sweeping the legs from under me. Someone must have been hiding at the entrance to the alley. I watched from underneath, somehow, as my body fell, arms flailing, slow motion, like the planets earlier. I hit the ground, no pain, and then my body fell through me, pain shot up my spine. And now i was seeing myself fall again, a third time, slower. This third, translucent me, steadily filled with blinding white light. Just as i hit the ground again, the light exploded from me, filling my vision.

Chapter IV -


Glossary/Footnotes
[1]Cor(lowercase c) - A cultivated crop, similar to wheat, that serves as a mass produced staple food source.
[2]Fela-thera - A large stealthy plains predator similar to a panther. The most notable difference is the presence of a sharp predatory beak
[3]Veenu - A small herbivorous creature similar to a horse or deer. After its size the main visual difference is a long vertical beak.
[4]Mens - A small new star orbiting Nima[6].
[5]Cor(uppercase C) - A small dying star in an elliptical orbit around the two other stars in the tertiary system.
[6]Nima - A large dying star at the centre of the tertiary system.

Planet, _, was brought under control by Rogal Dorn and his Imperial Fists during the Great Crusade, M31. When Dorn and his legion landed on _'s surface, with Phalanx hanging in the sky above them, they were praised as gods. Crowds gathered to cheer and praise the Angels of Death. During a parade to celebrate _'s integration with the Imperium; grown men wept; mother's held out their babies for the marines to touch; the lame cried out to be healed; even the poor offered the clothes from their backs in submission to the one, true Emperor.
One Marine, unaware of of his latent skill as an Empath, stopped beside a hysterical mother attempting to force her crying baby on him. He took the boy in one arm wrapping his loin cloth over it, and with that he turned and continued on the parade route. The mother wept tears of hysterical joy, not because she had lost her only son but because he had been favoured by the gods. She was quickly absorbed by the crowd that ebbed and flowed, each individual trying to make their own offerings.

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_ participated in defending the Imperium with Dorn and the Imperial Fists during the Horus Heresy.

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The time of the Great Scouring saw _ don black armour, like his Primarch, in mourning of his fallen brothers. During the standard but vicious cleansing of a planet from Chaos taint, _ and nineteen of his brothers were tasked to check that a ruined and abandoned Imperial fortress was in fact completely unoccupied as it appeared to be. A simple task for the masters of siege warfare. The group split into two reconnaissance groups of five marines, Beta and Gamma, and one commanding group of ten, Alpha, of which _ was part of.
Beta Unit, with flamer specialists, goes to the below ground areas of the fortress but loses radio contact early on.
Gamma Unit are assault specialists, they use jump packs to search the fortress from above. They clarify that the ruins appear unoccupied from above and that the higher areas of the bastion are empty or destroyed. The Sergeant, leading Alpha, orders them to relocate to where they will be better used to eradicate the traitors.
Alpha unit find evidence that the traitors had been held up here but preliminary bombardments had killed them all, bodies are found scattered all over the building, some heavily mutilated by the artillery, others just mutated by Chaos. Satisfied that the building is unoccupied, they head below ground to rejoin with Beta Unit so the squad can relocate to a more useful position.
They have trouble locating Beta and still aren't getting a reply via comms. The interior below ground has been much further tainted by the traitors, vile ruins are found all over he place. They come across a room where one member of Beta Squad is crouched down in the corner of the room. He looks terrified and maddened, most disconcerting in a Marine. They approach him and he lashes out with his combat knife stabbing one marine in the jugular. Another lets loose a couple of bolt shells, killing the maddened marine. After tending to their injured brother but loosing him they push on through the fortress, much more carefully now. One at a time they find the other four Marines dead and often mutilated.
The Sergeant makes the call that they should leave and call for backup although the threat is unknown. A couple of Marines mysteriously disappear at different times leaving the group at only seven strong from twenty. They eventually near an exit but are cut off by a daemon from the warp. A fight ensues, the daemon is playing with them at best. After dispatching or grounding the marines the daemon turns its attention to _ who is getting to his feet again. They engage in close combat, again the daemon is playing with him. It disarms him, uses its warp powers to lift him from the ground and, without causing damage, plunges it's translucent arm through his power armour and chest. It grips his first heart, the one he was born with and slowly applies pressure, it takes time to enjoy his pain. Though his secondary heart taking over the pain is excruciating, through the haze of warp energy and searing agony, _ becomes aware that time around him and the beast has all but stopped. His brother Marines lie dead or are getting very slowly to their feet. His heart about to burst, he looks the foul beast squarely in the eyes and against all odds forces a single powerful beat of his heart. And another, the daemon is enraged by the act of defiance and drops him to the floor, it places a huge taloned foot on his chest pinning him in place. It bends down to stare into his eyes. Time is still creeping forward around them, two marines are almost on their feet. _ struggles to prise the beasts foot from his chest. In it's right hand the daemon materialises a large blade. At that moment the Sergeant pulls the trigger of his boltgun and lets loose a single shell from the barrel. Sensing this, the beast turns and parries the shell with the side of the blade, suddenly time around them reverts to normal speed. The Sergeant lets loose a few more rounds which hit the daemon, it charges him, and although he puts up a valiant fight with his chainsword it eventually removes his head in one broad swing of its foul blade. The third Marine counter charged but is thrown callously to one side as the daemon strides back toward _. Meanwhile _ had managed to get to his feet and regain some composure, he had managed to grab the Chaplains Crozius Arcanum and now brandished it in defiance. The beast accelerated, blade held high, ready to kill _. Just as the creature brought the blade down and was about to run into _. He raised the Crozius, said a prayer, and with all his might struck it between the eyes. Showered in warp energy he was fired across the room and hit the floor unconscious.
When the other surviving marine brought him round he informed _ that he had dragged him outside and apothecaries were on their way. The Marine soberly praised him for banishing the foul daemon back to the warp but he quickly lost consciousness again.
...

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Over many Millenia the Illuminati have hidden Ammal in many Chapters and Retinues under many guises. Ammal has been made Chaplain and also and an Inquisitor of the Ordo Malleus in recent times. Most recently the Illuminati, with a mind for him to do their bidding, have given him his own ship and a small contingency of Marines and vehicles. Among the many gifts he has received he has an new ornate suit of power armour and two matching Crozius Arcanum's with blades protruding from the bottom of the shaft.
The training he has received has allowed him to harness the potent psychic ability that he is now showing and assumed to have been latent.
Ammal experiences a lot of inner turmoil. He is living well beyond his years and his strength and psychic abilities are continually growing. He is distraught as he doesn't know whether his psychic abilities were latent and the extensive juvenats are keeping him alive or whether the daemon never left him.

LostSoulCasey'sLaw wrote:Yeh no problem, man. I've read your message but i'll have to get back to you on it tomorrow, i've been working on an Nomad list and i need to sleep soon. I'll pm you back in the morning, though, thanks for giving me some feedback.

As the thread title suggests, these are very rough drafts. I don't buy into all that first draft, second draft nonsense. It's great for kids learning the craft in school but it's unlikely to get you much further than that. I try and get the feeling down in it's basic form the first time i write, every pass after that is a honing process. Sometimes i'll take a hundred passes on one word but only one pass on a whole paragraph. Minus the 2 items i copied in, everything in the OP has been done in the first splurge and 3 large passes. I keep details of the passes in the second post. Anyway i digress, i'll pm you in the morning.

Cameron Baum wrote:Try Lord Marshal Gaius Aurelis Castrus for the IG man. Has a ring to it.

Cameron Baum wrote:What was the first big battle for him? How did that battle go? Did it shape him at all? If so, how?
What causes his obsession? When does it happen? Is it quick, or a gradual affair?

Cameron Baum wrote:[b]Hivefleet Blackbird:[/b]
Naff name. Use something more appropriate like Wendigo, or better yet, Scylla. Since the first three big invasions were named after marine horrors, it fits the pattern.

Cameron Baum wrote:And I'm not certain as to what is happening here. Is this a break-away fleet from a larger group, or a separate invasion altogether? When does it appear? Where? What tactics is it using? How big a threat is it at the moment?
Don't forget that the Tyrannids were inspired by the film Alien. In the fourth film, they show the development of tactics; killing on of their own to create an escape route, and creating traps, using guns as bait. What if the Tyrannids get inventive like that, also?

Cameron Baum wrote:There is some interesting stuff, but is disjointed. When that happens, look at the parts, and think of them as dots. Then ask what lines are going between the dots, and which dots are connected to each other.

Cameron Baum wrote:If you are attacking the whole piece, then it is monumentally screwed up. Start again.

LostSoulCasey'sLaw wrote:

Cameron Baum wrote:If you are attacking the whole piece, then it is monumentally screwed up. Start again.

Well, i just said i wasn't attacking the whole piece and there is no need for you to be an arse about it, if you don't like it then ship out, sonny Jim. I was polite enough when looking over your work, show a little respect.

Cameron Baum wrote:

LostSoulCasey'sLaw wrote:

Cameron Baum wrote:If you are attacking the whole piece, then it is monumentally screwed up. Start again.

Well, i just said i wasn't attacking the whole piece and there is no need for you to be an arse about it, if you don't like it then ship out, sonny Jim. I was polite enough when looking over your work, show a little respect.

I was referring to the need to attack the first draft in general. Not your stuff... I was referring to the second thread of conversation that is following in here. I certainly was not attacking your stuff. Yes, there are a lot of gaps, but you have a basic framework, an idea. I can't see anything fundamentally wrong with it, just a lot of stuff blank. Writing is a lot like giving accounts of people/situations in your head. When it flows right, it progresses from point to point to point. Writing is about characters, and how they react and deal with events that happen.

You also took a single part of the post, and missed out the rest of it. I apologise, because I had not made it clear I was talking about first drafts in general. As for textbook... I don't get what you were talking about there.

Again, apologies for any unintended offense given.

LostSoulCasey'sLaw wrote:I don't feel the need to attack the whole piece every time i make alterations.

Cameron Baum wrote:Yes, there are a lot of gaps, but you have a basic framework, an idea.

Cameron Baum wrote:As for textbook... I don't get what you were talking about there.

Cutthroatcure wrote:I personally like the name of your hive fleet, and I can see the idea behind it.

IRL the Blackbird is a stealth nuke bomber that the Americans used to run covert ops under the radar.

I also like how you used a sort of document form to write your fluff...Touche!