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Made in au
Terminator with Assault Cannon






brisbane, australia

Hey guys, I had a thread on this chapter a while ago but it got a little crowded, anyway I'm trying to finalise the fluff of a chapter I've been working on for a while now,
Here it is, tell me what you think:



--++//BEGIN TRANSMISSION//++--- 

Name: hounds of loken.
Founding: Founding: after the istvaan III massacre, only a few Luna wolves remained alive, scattered throughout the planet's surface, and even then many of them were wounded, hence their not being discovered.
This band of survivors numbered 2 dozen or so astartes, and they made flight for terra in a world eaters ship abandoned by it's past-owners.
it was not for several  centuries  that the flaw showed itself, on the battle field of derviss VIII 
Gene-seed: Horus. -note: see "flaw" below.
Homeworld: Archerin betaris. 
Homeworld details: archerin betaris' surface is a barren wasteland, a mysterious virus having killed all things living well before the imperium arrived. But, many species of fauna and flora have developed in the cavernous tunnels below the surface, and this is where the Luna wolves make their home. 
Organization: unlike most chapters, the chaplains of the hounds of loken disperse among the chapter, acting as sergeants, comand squad veterans and even (in the case of the high-chaplain) a captain. An unusual number of terminator armour are found within the armouries of thehounds of loken. By the same leaf, very few bikes are there, leading to the belief of a trade between the hounds of loken and the White scars. Besides this, they primarily stick to the codex astartes (even though I will be using the chaos codex ) 
Combat doctrine: the hounds of loken display a unique love of close combat, but at the same time, will hold a gun line as rigourously as they will charge the enemy. 
Often times, the hounds of loken will utilise the flawed in a mannor similar to death company, for some of the more Sane among the flawed feel endless pain,
And are given an honourable death. 
Beliefs: the hounds of loken believe that the only way to honour the original luna wolves, those purged in the istvaan III incident, is to completely eliminate all remnants of the arch-traitors puppets. They primarily attack those who served in the suns of Horus as traitors, willing to invade a whole world to kill a single sons of Horus chaos  space marine. They also venerate garvial loken as the epitome of the astartes image.
Colours and heraldry: white with silver or black lining. Black wolf head, often against a crescent moon. 
Battlecry: for them! For the emperor! 

"From the arch-traitor, from Horace, we were created, and from Horus, the arch-traitor, come our foes. We are the avengers of our fore-fathers, the honourable dead that would not bow to Horace, to them, we owe our lives, for them, we will crush the arch-traitor's pawn, for them, for the emperor!" chapter master solace. 

Recruitment: The hounds of loken recruit from the hardened tribes of their world, whom construct huge underground cities of marble, and have three unusual trials.

Notable members of the hounds of loken: 
Chapter Master: Solace. 
Chief Librarian: +++error+++ 
Captain of the 1st company: torgaddon. Named for the ancient hero. 
Notable engagements: 
:current: 
The battle of mortalis:
Hive fleet kraken threatens the forsaken knights chapter planet, and thehounds of loken first, second and third companies rush to their aid, lead by solace himself. 
Relationship with the forsaken knights: 
The forsaken knights share a deep found bond with the hounds of loken, even lending forces on long term scales to each other, the chapter masters of the luna wolves and forsaken knights, solace and the shrouded lord respectively, are close friends. 

The mournival: solace keeps a council of: the high chaplain, chief librarian, first captain, and second captain, known as the mournival. They offer battle field and other advice.


The flaw: 
The hounds of loken gene seed is flawed.
Some space marines of the chapter slowly devolve into rambling monsters, mutant things of horrendous  appearance. Their like ness to chaos spawn could spell the doom of the chapter, and any brother afflicted is immediately placed in stasis, the current total being 142 afflicted, they are hidden at the core of the hounds of loken fortress, and are a closely guarded secret, solace has voweled to save his chapter from this affliction, but unlike the thousand sons, who were afflicted similarly, solace has set a line in the sand between what he will, and won't, do. 
The dark on the horizon: 
Known only to solace and his mournival, solace bears the first signs of the flaw. It seems he has hence forth held it back by pure force of will, but even that is failing. Unless a cure can be found soon, he will almost certainly fall... 
+++ END TRANSMISSION+++ 

*Insert witty and/or interesting statement here* 
   
Made in au
Terminator with Assault Cannon






brisbane, australia

I may as well bump this once.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Anything?

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/02/20 11:24:12


*Insert witty and/or interesting statement here* 
   
Made in gb
Masculine Male Wych




Newcastle Upon Tyne

I like it keep up the good work. You can check out my, probably terrible to you fluff here: http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/581039.page" target="_new" rel="nofollow"> http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/581039.page

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/02/20 22:03:44



Flames of war- USSR and UAR
x wing- customs= imperial rampant destroyer and tie geist and tie phantom.
proper models= x wing 5 the fighters 2 interceptors 2 bombers rebel transport y wing 3 b wings and tantive IV 
   
Made in gb
Regular Dakkanaut





Whilst I like the concept of a loyal Luna Wolves force fighting on to redeem themselves I have a few small criticisms.

Now I'm not a writer so I can only commend you on your creativity and I don't want this in any way to hurt your feelings. But please proof read your own work before posting it. I don't mean in terms of grammar etc. (as i'm not great with those) but in 1 sentence you write

"From the arch-traitor, from Horace, we were created, and from Horus, the arch-traitor, come our foes. We are the avengers of our fore-fathers, the honourable dead that would not bow to Horace, to them, we owe our lives, for them, we will crush the arch-traitor's pawn, for them, for the emperor!"

You spell Horus wrong (one of the entire universes major characters), then you spell it correctly, then wrong again. It's such a simple thing but I think it makes a huge difference in terms of confidence in your own work. The only other I can say is capital letters for Emperor and your chapter master "Solace" it just helps the characters to stand out. Keep it up though I look forward to reading more.

   
 
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