*EDIT*

My fun parody is on a blog that isn't around anymore, so edited out my "Day in the Life of a 40k Pro." *sigh*


*EDIT* And this Youtube Rap is for all the noobs out there that get owned: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL2HAwZ6fzM&feature=related


Also, if you have any questions that you'd like to address to a 40k professional, drop them in this thread and I'll return correspondence when time avails itself.

It was funny and was satire, but I know this won't end well.

Then we'll make fun of the people too stupid to get the joke.

Dashofpepper wrote:Then we'll make fun of the people too stupid to get the joke.

What if, hypothetically speaking, there was someone who got the joke but still thought it was asinine?

Just for the sake of discussion, of course.

I had written a long reply to the bat rep thread about this, but edited it away because I'm trying not to be negative.

I get what you're trying to do, Dash, but it falls flat a lot of the time.

If someone else brings up rankingshq, it would have been different, but it looks like AH'ing when you do it. Especially when you post it in the Bat Rep and then create a whole new thread for it.

Just saying. This is the kind of stuff that gets to people. You need to go back to basics and not sensationalizing (even in satire). It comes across wrong on the interwebs.

Well, hopefully that hypothetical person would realize that if they don't have anything useful to say, then there's no need to say anything.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

pretre wrote:

Just saying. This is the kind of stuff that gets to people. You need to go back to basics and not sensationalizing (even in satire). It comes across wrong on the interwebs.

See, now I get to make fun of you, right?

You're welcome not to share my sense of humor. It happens. I live life and have a fun time doing it, and if you haven't figured out by now.....I don't care if other people don't want to take part in the ride. I don't care what you think I should post on the internet, how I should play my games, what I should do with my time - everyone is different, approaches things a little differently, and takes pleasure in different things.

Celebrate our differences, don't try forcing conformity!

Dashofpepper wrote:Well, hopefully that hypothetical person would realize that if they don't have anything useful to say, then there's no need to say anything.

Useful is a subjective term.

Thankfully I enjoyed your link immensely. Up until the poop bit. You dont have to work blue, Dash. You're better than that.

Dashofpepper wrote:

You're welcome not to share my sense of humor. It happens. I live life and have a fun time doing it, and if you haven't figured out by now.....I don't care if other people don't want to take part in the ride. I don't care what you think I should post on the internet, how I should play my games, what I should do with my time - everyone is different, approaches things a little differently, and takes pleasure in different things.

Celebrate our differences, don't try forcing conformity!

Fair enough; do what you would like.

Just don't get butt-hurt or surprised when people take it poorly.

Words fail me

I was going to attack you for self-promotion and call you an elitist err... blank... but then I actually bothered to read the link.

Amusing, good sir... amusing... particularly liked the implication that you live in your mother's basement.

No nention of your special diet

Dash, you should get Sponsored! Get some Pepsi logos, Coke, Mobil 1, GW, (IP HAMMERED)!

chowderhead13 wrote:Dash, you should get Sponsored! Get some Pepsi logos, Coke, Mobil 1, GW, (IP HAMMERED)!

There is only one sponsor DoP would accept, and if you really knew him, you would know it already.

For those too lame to know:

Gwar! wrote:

chowderhead13 wrote:Dash, you should get Sponsored! Get some Pepsi logos, Coke, Mobil 1, GW, (IP HAMMERED)!

There is only one sponsor DoP would accept, and if you really knew him, you would know it already.

For those too lame to know:

Spoiler:

Alcoholics Anonymous

Fix'd.

pretre wrote:Just don't get butt-hurt or surprised when people take it poorly.

I assess the risk of Dash giving a gak as: Low

Anyway, I LOL'd. I like it when people mock the internet and those who think it matters. Sometimes I forget it doesn't matter, and stuff like tihs helps me remember.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

loki old fart wrote:No nention of your special diet

Fillet o' Fish!

lol

Yeah....anyone who can read this and take offense at something clearly funny is someone who's thought processes are so screwed up that I couldn't care less what they think anyway. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!!

And I *did* forget to add something about Captain Morgan in there. :( Although its not part of the daily training routine, only a tournament requirement.

Dashofpepper wrote:And I *did* forget to add something about Captain Morgan in there.

I wonder why? <Passes Dash the 16th bottle today>

Remember when you were so excited about building your DE army? It was infectious.

So Dash, you are technically at the top of the pile?

What do you do now?

I Lol'ed a few times well reading this.

Good Job!

WarOne wrote:So Dash, you are technically at the top of the pile?

What do you do now?

Now I'm going to write a book about how to be a 40k winner, publish it and cash in on my celebrity status!

Dashofpepper wrote:

WarOne wrote:So Dash, you are technically at the top of the pile?

What do you do now?

Now I'm going to write a book about how to be a 40k winner, publish it and cash in on my celebrity status!

Something along the lines of this:

Dash, I love your sensationalism. The fact that it does get to people is a solid sign you should keep it up.

Dashofpepper wrote:Captain Morgan

daedalus wrote:Dash, I love your sensationalism. The fact that it does get to people is a solid sign you should keep it up.

I enjoy sharing bits of my life from time to time. Usually the funny parts.

I mean, I wrote and sang (rapped) a fething parody of Vanilla Ice for 40k called Dice Dice Baby. The same people who didn't think that was funny don't and won't think this or anything else I do is funny. The joke is on them, because I'm laughing that they don't get it.

Monster Rain here for example - no laughs. I even started a diary about wanting his tomb spyders. I thought it was clever, he thought it was annoying. Different strokes for different folks.

Dashofpepper wrote:Yeah....anyone who can read this and take offense at something clearly funny is someone who's thought processes are so screwed up that I couldn't care less what they think anyway. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!!

And I *did* forget to add something about Captain Morgan in there. :( Although its not part of the daily training routine, only a tournament requirement.

You may be #1, but you're not "manly"
http://www.askmen.com/daily/photo_blog/infograph-how-manly-is-your-drink.html

Dashofpepper wrote:Monster Rain here for example - no laughs. I even started a diary about wanting his tomb spyders. I thought it was clever, he thought it was annoying. Different strokes for different folks.

It was clever, but it was not sensitive to his feelings. Some people can get offended very easily, and others merely shrug off the slings and arrows of every day life.

For instance, I am sure Dash has little problem with internet drama, as he obviously ignores most of it unless it damages his reputation in the context that he believes it insults him and is unfairly biased. If he didn't respond, every time he would go to play a game of 40k with unknown people who clearly know him, it would put him at a disadvantage in terms of having fun and getting people to have fun with him (if they intend to have fun while playing a game).

Dashofpepper wrote:

daedalus wrote:Dash, I love your sensationalism. The fact that it does get to people is a solid sign you should keep it up.

I enjoy sharing bits of my life from time to time. Usually the funny parts.

I mean, I wrote and sang (rapped) a fething parody of Vanilla Ice for 40k called Dice Dice Baby. The same people who didn't think that was funny don't and won't think this or anything else I do is funny. The joke is on them, because I'm laughing that they don't get it.

Monster Rain here for example - no laughs. I even started a diary about wanting his tomb spyders. I thought it was clever, he thought it was annoying. Different strokes for different folks.

Where is that all coming from?

I was nothing but polite. I wanted to keep my Spyders, dude. I'm pretty sure I was downright cordial.

To be honest, the only thing I don't get is your obsession with other peoples' opinion of you. I mean, positive or negative you can't get enough attention. I was done with this thread until you brought my name up, but that's my opinion of the whole thing.

Also, I'm pretty sure I said I liked your link, so calm down.

Zip Napalm wrote:
You may be #1, but you're not "manly"
http://www.askmen.com/daily/photo_blog/infograph-how-manly-is-your-drink.html

Ha! Single Malt FTW! When you're doing scotch and water you're not messing around, that's for sure. Shame they don't rate a vodka martini. I'd like to see where my drink of choice stands.

You were gunna eat gak and die from me, but then I saw the joke

Hat off to you good sir.

Monster Rain wrote:

Gwar! wrote:

chowderhead13 wrote:Dash, you should get Sponsored! Get some Pepsi logos, Coke, Mobil 1, GW, (IP HAMMERED)!

There is only one sponsor DoP would accept, and if you really knew him, you would know it already.

For those too lame to know:

Spoiler:

Trojan Condoms

Fix'd.

More Fix'd.


EDIT: BTW Dash - always wondered... is that your cat in your avatar?

Hey dash



Only 1495.95 twelve easy payments of GT battle-box winnings

Made me lol being meta and meta all the time.

pretre wrote:

Dashofpepper wrote:

You're welcome not to share my sense of humor. It happens. I live life and have a fun time doing it, and if you haven't figured out by now.....I don't care if other people don't want to take part in the ride. I don't care what you think I should post on the internet, how I should play my games, what I should do with my time - everyone is different, approaches things a little differently, and takes pleasure in different things.

Celebrate our differences, don't try forcing conformity!

Fair enough; do what you would like.

Just don't get butt-hurt or surprised when people take it poorly.

Sounds like someone is already butt-hurt :p

I like it lots META!

pretre wrote:

Dashofpepper wrote:

You're welcome not to share my sense of humor. It happens. I live life and have a fun time doing it, and if you haven't figured out by now.....I don't care if other people don't want to take part in the ride. I don't care what you think I should post on the internet, how I should play my games, what I should do with my time - everyone is different, approaches things a little differently, and takes pleasure in different things.

Celebrate our differences, don't try forcing conformity!

Fair enough; do what you would like.

Just don't get butt-hurt or surprised when people take it poorly.

Sarcasm doesn't work well on the internet. Besides, why do I have an image of Stelek actually doing that?

Frazzled wrote:Besides, why do I have an image of Stelek actually doing that?

Because you have lived though everything that ever was, is and will be, oh Mighty Frazzled Lord of Untime?

What in the hell is that hornblaster?

Dashofpepper wrote:What in the hell is that hornblaster?

it's the weapon of choice for the criminal monster, Gagi:

Now, I did lol greatly, but there is one thing in this thread that scares me.

I had no idea there were actual rankings for 40k. And I can probably guess where I place .

It tickled me once or twice. The sarcasm was very evident so im not sure how it could be misconstrued as though you genuinely thought this.

I saw the thread, and a : | hit me in the face. Then I looked down and saw Dash's name under it and my face became : D

Dashofpepper wrote:What in the hell is that hornblaster?

Seconded.

::waves a case of Capt. Morgan:: Up for a wee game? We all know you want it.....lol...

LordWynne wrote:::waves a case of Capt. Morgan:: Up for a wee game? We all know you want it.....lol...

I'm Dashofpepper on Skype; download it if you don't have it.

You can catch me on Skype when I'm training so that I can practice my META skills on you.

Oh bottom, now saying 'META' is going to be my new thing. .

Little lord Fauntleroy wrote:Oh bottom, now saying 'META' is going to be my new thing. .

I actually stole inspiration from "Pure Pwnage" - FPS Doug and Jeremy are arguing about RTS vs FPS, and Jeremy is talking about his macro skills. He'll walk by an ATM and start punching keys to practice his micro skills. micromanagement, being able to control everything....you gotta own noobs with Macro skills.

Here's FPS Doug from Pure Pwnage with the world famous BOOM, HEADSHOT! clip.

Here's Jeremy singing The Noob Song which I'd like to dedicate to all of you like, noobs out there getting owned.

This is Jeremy talking about how pro gamers need to watch Command and Conquer replays Pure Pwnage Episode One Check the 6:10 mark, that's where he's talking about his micro skills. Heh. META!

Dude... That post is so full of win that you made me sprain my META.

I am SO not worthy.

Eric

but how can Dash be #1 when I am #1!!!
I forsee a battle coming soon to a Theater near you... or maybe vassal.

So I keep getting a lot of questions and more e-mails and stuff, and thought I would share a very good question from a pro 40k aspirant:

The Hod wrote:

@Dash

Can I hire you to play in my games then?

Sure man sure, I get like tons of requests from people to fill in for their important league games, and I usually get paid a retainer fee to attend the last round of a tournament so that the top players can have a bidding war to get me to play their last game for them. Sometimes I do like semi pro-bono work and only charge half price to be an in-game tactical consultant or to loan my META skills to whoever hired me, but I don’t want to get in the habit of hooking up people too much or people will start expecting my advice for free.

What's so bad about turbolasers? Forge World likes them, why don't you?

I can see Dash Landraider and/or Razorback surfing on a tide of META to win 3 tournaments at once.

Hey Dash, can I borrow a bucket of your META, I'll give it back...

Today's question for a Pro comes from earlier in this thread:

Q: Don't you make time for video games like Dawn of War?


A: This kind of fits into working on my META skills. I had previously mentioned dual-boxing multiple Vassal games. Sometimes I also take a laptop with me to a store and play Vassal while playing a real game too, and when I can't get multiple Vassal games going on, I'll tend to play Dawn of War at the same time that I'm dual-boxing another computer for a Vassal game. The META in an RTS is totally different than the META skills you need playing Vassal, and you have to have MICRO skills to play an RTS too, meaning that you literally have to jump to a higher tier of gaming professionalism I like to call "super pro."

I'm not the king of Dawn of War or anything because there are total noobs and hackers and stuff in video games, and while I generally pwn the noobs I only have a 97% win ratio because sometimes I'll be doing a quick set of flashcard drills or working on my META on the other computer and some noob will totally catch me when I'm not paying attention. In general though, aside from using video games to help stimulate mental acuity, I'd have to stress that they won't help you become a pro 40k gamer because Relic totally doesn't even get that your units are only supposed to move 6" per turn and stuff.

Glad to help, bring some more questions!

Or should I say, I METAed.

wow... Im lost for words. how about getting a reall jobb?

Anshal wrote:wow... Im lost for words. how about getting a reall jobb?

See, I already answered this question. Here it is again:


When I graduate from school I’ll have to get a job as a PRO 40K GAMER, but until then, I’m just practicing my META skills and keeping them honed for real life when I'll need really good META. Its tough being a champion, and a winning mindset can't afford distractions like jobs that don't further my professional abilities or career.

A lot of people are afraid to take the leap from amateur to pro because they're worried that they won't be able to find sponsors, or make ends meet but they simply don't have a grasp on the big picture. Those same META skills that keep me a the top of my 40k skills translate into IRL META skills. I could totally walk into any business and have a pretty instant grasp of their META and get hired for any job that I want except that I've got to stay focused on what really counts - staying at the top of what I'm the best at: Owning noobs at 40k.

I'm going to be a pornstar when I grow up.

Dashofpepper wrote:Those same META skills that keep me a the top of my 40k skills translate into IRL META skills. I could totally walk into any business and have a pretty instant grasp of their META and get hired for any job that I want except that I've got to stay focused on what really counts - staying at the top of what I'm the best at: Owning noobs at 40k.

I'm so META-envious right now, but I can't help but admire your dedication.

This is all quite a bit of foolishness. At first it bothered me, then I read it but I still thought it was a bad move. Then I listened to Sabre A Tribute again and all was well. Hooraaay battlecruiser armor repair bonus!

Did you really dislike Titanicus? I don't remember many Turbolasers. More like glorious Vulcan Megabolters killing everything. Everything.

DarkHound wrote:This is all quite a bit of foolishness. At first it bothered me, then I read it but I still thought it was a bad move. Then I listened to Sabre A Tribute again and all was well. Hooraaay battlecruiser armor repair bonus!

Did you really dislike Titanicus? I don't remember many Turbolasers. More like glorious Vulcan Megabolters killing everything. Everything.

Actually, it was a Dominix vs. a Megathron.

Do you play Eve?

Huh, could'a sworn you said Brutix vs Raven. Yes I do, on and off inbetween WoW expansions and expeditions back to Runescape.

I'm going to pick up a Myrmidon today. The Vexor is a sweet ride, but she's getting a little old and I've had the skill to fly bigger things for a while now.

Correction: you are now #2 but still not bad.

Well, there are more than one pro players out there!

Alex has more converting time built into his personal schedule, allowing him to accomplish feats like this:

Nice. Very Funny!

I choose cake!

What do you mean youre out of cake? You werent expecting so many people to choose cake?

That model is the awesome....not as full of META as you though Dash!

love it

but why the Titanicus hate Titans do indeed use Turbolasers. Double barreled Turbolasers in fact. just look around forgeworld.


@nosferatu1001: BTW the Cake is a lie and so is the Pie. im a poet and i know it

Grey Templar wrote:love it

but why the Titanicus hate Titans do indeed use Turbolasers. Double barreled Turbolasers in fact. just look around forgeworld.


@nosferatu1001: BTW the Cake is a lie and so is the Pie. im a poet and i know it

Because turbolasers belong on STAR DESTROYERS! A Titan can have Laser Cannons, Particle Projection Cannons (PPCs anyone?), Laser Batteries, Laser Doohickeys, Laser Whatchamacallits, or Laser whatever you want. But fething turbolasers are for STAR DESTROYERS!!!

Really? Really? Turbo-lasers have been around as long as there have been Titans, and the turbo-lasers mounted on Star Destroyers aren't much larger than the ones found on Reavers and Warlords. I think you're being foolish.

What?!
GW borrowed names and ideas from someplace else?
That just can't be.

DarkHound wrote:Really? Really? Turbo-lasers have been around as long as there have been Titans, and the turbo-lasers mounted on Star Destroyers aren't much larger than the ones found on Reavers and Warlords. I think you're being foolish.

No, he's being META, you're just not META enough to understand his META. Noob.

Blast, you've got me there... I'll have to eat more Fish Fo'lays and fap to Sisters of Battle.


As a side note, your GIF makes my browser lag when I type Terminus. It is cool; speed typing lets me take it apart frame by frame.

The cake is NOT a lie, i've seen it! Maybe Black Mesa?

But theyre not turbolaser destructors now, are they! Clearly more powerful because of the word Destructor! added on the end

WarOne wrote:So Dash, you are technically at the top of the pile?

What do you do now?

He's going to Disneyworld!

After all, he lives in Flordia...

Actually, I'm not going to Disneyworld, but my wife is in a couple of weeks while I go to a tournament.

In response to the question, "What will you do now?" I offer this insight into the skills of a professional gamer:

Working on my META skills are definitely what helped me get ahead; if I had to rate META skills, its like my META is so far ahead of everyone elses' META that while everyone was catching up to 5th edition META, I was zooming through sixth edition, and now my META is so advanced that its gone full circle around to first edition and is about to hit third edition. Which is why I now play Necrons. Seriously. Sitting here right now getting ready to assemble some wraiths. My META skills are so advanced that I'm going to LAP everyone elses' understanding of META soon.

Dash will now decide the meta.

New meta is that Crons are cool and Mech is sooooo last year

WHAT!.... Is yer name?

Who wants to know?

Today's question for a Pro 40k player comes from an e-mail from a fan...


Q: Dear Dashofpepper: Is there a Professional 40k Gamer Club or anything? Do you guys share tips and strategies?


A: Yes, there is a club for the 40k professionals. However, its a secret club, and membership is be closely monitored invitation only. We have a secure server that hosts our forums and everything is encrypted while access is closely monitored. Can you imagine if all our our super-META skills made it out into the general populace? Its been an amazingly difficult routine and hard training to get to where I am, and I know that the other professionals work just as hard to get as good as they are. While we *do* share some tips and strategies with each other, everyone has their own unique take; their own "zen" that distinguishes them individually. These individual secrets get passed on master to apprentice when a professional exits the hobby, which is how another professional enters the 40k scene and quickly rises to prominence.

One day I will take on an apprentice, much like my former master did for me.

Once I had mastered his skills, tactics and osmosed all of his META, I tied him up, taped his eyelids open and forced him to read a CS Goto novel aloud to new 40k players. He chose suicide instead.

Dashofpepper wrote:One day I will take on an apprentice, much like my former master did for me.

Once I had mastered his skills, tactics and osmosed all of his META, I tied him up, taped his eyelids open and forced him to read a CS Goto novel aloud to new 40k players. He chose suicide instead.

Given the choice between reading about Slaanesh Worshiping Fat Farseer perverts and Terminators with BFF Karskin surfing into battle together on a Razorback that then transforms into a Land Raider or stabbing myself in the eyes with a spoon until the grey matter leaked out... I would have to pick the latter.

I laughed at this. Very hard.

Not sure if want...

Three pages so far, and the haters have not managed to get the thread closed.

Dash, your META is truly inspirational, as I give it sole credit for this feat.

MagickalMemories wrote:Three pages so far, and the haters have not managed to get the thread closed.

Dash, your META is truly inspirational, as I give it sole credit for this feat.

Well, the haters showed up and I laughed at them. They didn't get my META skills.

DarkHound wrote:Blast, you've got me there... I'll have to eat more Fish Fo'lays and fap to Sisters of Battle.

As a side note, your GIF makes my browser lag when I type Terminus. It is cool; speed typing lets me take it apart frame by frame.

You say that like you haven't been fapping to Sisters of Battle this whole time, when everyone here knows the very idea is absurd.
Or is it the combination with Fish Fo'lays that triggers the transformation, or rather METAmorphosis, into a pro?

As for the gif, it shouldn't cause browser lag unless you're surfing the web on whatever crappy computer they force on you where you work.

HA now your ranked only 2nd...you scrub.

I know it's satire and not to be taken literal but I find myself asking this question...why should I care

Kurgash wrote:I know it's satire and not to be taken literal but I find myself asking this question...why should I care

Kurgash wrote:I know it's satire and not to be taken literal but I find myself asking this question...why should I care

That is a pretty good question.

To be fair, it could really be applied to the entire forum and probably most of the internet. It's actually a pretty huge concept. Why, indeed?

NeedsMoreDakka wrote:HA now your ranked only 2nd...you scrub.

You're the scrub. Dash is so META they actually started turning him away at tournaments, so he's had to assume an alias and wear a disguise. So now he's ranked 1 AND 2. His META is like fething super-sayian.

Terminus wrote:

NeedsMoreDakka wrote:HA now your ranked only 2nd...you scrub.

You're the scrub. Dash is so META they actually started turning him away at tournaments, so he's had to assume an alias and wear a disguise. So now he's ranked 1 AND 2. His META is like fething super-sayian.

Dash with floor length golden hair sneaking into a tournament with pink Orks under one arm and Necrons under the other.

if he takes his necrons no one will get suspicious.

maybe why he started them.


of course if he paints them pink...

Terminus wrote:You're the scrub. Dash is so META they actually started turning him away at tournaments, so he's had to assume an alias and wear a disguise. So now he's ranked 1 AND 2. His META is like fething super-sayian.

Oh god your right man dash is such a ALPHA MALE. Everyone making a fuss is just mad they are nothing but pathetic little beta males with thier laughable Meta lists.

Well, that's a long story.
After being waked up by my Familiar, breakfast will be served.
Then one of my Servitors brings all the fan post.
He reads it loud and slowly so that I can understand and follow.
Then I meet my Marine fellows and we talk about next steps in the RTT spiral.
In the afternoon I take a power nap and in the evening we are praying for the Emperor.

I loled. A lot. Bravo Dash!

I recently did a trade with Dash, over on Bartertown.
When the box with his stuff in it arrived, it practically burst open with all of the extra Meta inside.

Apparently, he has so much Meta surrounding him that it inundates every facet of his life.

Eric

Damn it Eric.. You got the META he was supposedly sending to me.. I wondered why his parcel was so light..

Aaaasrrrggghhh..

Hey Dash, you should probably take this thread out of your sig, because the relevant links in the OP are borken now.

Thanks; took it out. Not sure what happened to Bald and Screaming. :( It was a fun parody to write.

First I thought troll. Then I said LOL!

I tip my hat

NeedsMoreDakka wrote:

Terminus wrote:You're the scrub. Dash is so META they actually started turning him away at tournaments, so he's had to assume an alias and wear a disguise. So now he's ranked 1 AND 2. His META is like fething super-sayian.

Oh god your right man dash is such a ALPHA MALE. Everyone making a fuss is just mad they are nothing but pathetic little beta males with thier laughable Meta lists.

BE GENETICALLY SUPERIOR BABY!

So does Dash actually get paid to attend GTs? It's possible to be a professional gamer through sponsorships and the sort, but I have yet to see the 'Mountain Dew' marines hit table. It seems the best status achievable through Games Workshop hobbies is 'amateur'.

yeah, the only "Professional" 40k players are the ones who work for GW.


and to do that one has to cast aside all thought of making an all powerful list because the "New Codex" has to win in it's WD debute(IG vs DE. min sized Guard squads, on FOOT??? in Chimeras in one thing, but Footsloggin???)