a dark shadowy figure

wielding a potato gun

on a holy mission

to destroy your mother

before she sings again.

Way on back in

the slum called Texas

where the cattle roam

in the deep caves,

where the inbred hillbillies

only speak in hushed

Imperial Gothic and worship

Ann Coulter's Adam's apple

like as if it

was a stone head

of a Moai statue

on some freakin' island.

Today Paul Manafort will

have forced prison sex

unless he can escape

by disguising himself as

a broken toaster oven

and sold as scrap.

What would you do

for a Klondike Bar?

While shaving grandma's back

with a sharp chainsaw,

in the barn like

whole generations of Kardashians

, one must remember to

use kerosene to prepare

a warm welcome for

subhuman talentless instagram celebrities

who dared to enter

the Walmart sporting goods

in search of a

set of bicycle seatbelts.

Joe Rogan and your

high school guidance counselor

hid all the bodies

in Tom Segura's mom's

fantasy bondage love dungeon

by painting them pink.

The gods of Chaos

formed a metal band

called Bolt Thrower and

rocked so loud that

Games Workshop started making

anything they could possibly

Sell to the United

States legions of headbangers

before they caught on

and defiled those who

would kiss the glove.

Six sided dice are

approved by Stan Lee

for use in all

competitive hot dog eating

and weightlifting Magic tournaments

when they are required.

California wildfires raging across

Trading organs for miniatures

may have smoke damage

and not make sense

but there it is

the longest sentence ever.

In the future, there

will be flatulence medication

to combat those afflicted

by evil space fumes

like those around Uranus.

Jamal Kashoggi was last

seen writing about Trump

and his 40K army

Compared to Hillary Clinton's

Grot Rebels and Squig

Hoppers. He noted that

his Manly Man Marines

were painted hot pink

and hotly debated online

because of possible ties

to Stormy Daniels and

to secret eldar kitbashes

done late at night

while drinking buckets of

that tasty Steel Reserve

we know so well.

Mickey's malt liquor and

MD 20/20 make a

good mix for driving

your rider lawn mower

through the car wash

in Albuquerque while listening

for your mom calling

her latest boy toy

a spiritual growth instructor.

Bagwan Shree Rajneesh and

Keith Richards live-in nurse

really knew how to

jam on the accordion

at karaoke nights down

by the Ganjes river.

Meanwhile, on Vigilus the

Supreme Commandant had just

made love to a

Ork bred Genestealer Warrior

because she came on

to the planet with

with those faraway eyes.

Planetary obliteration isn't really

a viable option considering

You'd need a permit.

Interesting fact, Games Workshop

accidentally sued itself over

violating Asimov's copyrights on

space marine jockstraps and

various shoulder pad insignia.

Malifaux players are being

eaten by savage ducks

with big gnarly teeth

and winning card flips

but terrible dice rolls

causing many player suicides

According to jack chick.

With a new year

comes a new type

of table top gaming

played using bananas to

lure your opponent into

The dungeon of darkness

where they may encounter

Donald trumps biggest enemys

or wall-building wizards

But he does not

Have the brains to

Drink salty hot water

while making up excuses.

Suddenly, Rouboute Guilleman said

One plus one equals

two Craftworld porta potties

filled to the brim

with great smelling flowers

Because eldar don't sh-t.

so i went off

of my meds again

after getting bored with

not having any hallucinations

For Nearly an hour.

Then I turned on

to some groovy mushrooms

with Joe Rogan and

watched Wrath of Khan

backwards while cranking Zeppelin

on a vintage gramophone

that laughed at us.

Meanwhile, on Holy Terra

a gathering of interplanetary

Creatures with large eyes

and other odd appendages

Greeted us with frowns

from ten thousand lips.

Speaking of lips, the

Creatures did'nt have any

outer lips, but their

Political Contributions were a

bulging, plump, juicy, overstuffed

cookbook called To Serve

Humans.
The point is

lost throughout eons of

the Age of Strife.

You too can have

fresh fries in minutes

if your willing to

pay 26 installments of

$9.95 to Acme Gadgets

and 10 cents extra

for shipping and handling.

Jervis Johnson was recently

badly sexually harassed by

rabid GW fan girls

in roller skates because

game designers are slow

to catch on to

growing trends in the

world outside their hovels

without the proper motivation.

Speaking of motivation, Covington

was voted most inbred

ever to remember his

racist uncle as having

been there when he

shot the sheriff of

a native american town.

Meanwhile back in Arkansas

it was so cold

that your mom decided

to make a snowman

out of her own

dandruff, but it didn't

take long to realise

there were cockroaches and

other vermin to be

eaten in the local

place where everybody goes

to receive the blessings

of the almighty goat

boy who likes to

chew up the furniture.

I prefer Czech pilsners

to any drinkable brew

because it's cheaper than

stuff anyone else likes.

The Las Vegas Open

Was the liveliest event

ever in recorded history

Until the fire started

beneath the seventh fairway

which melted all the

news cameras and equipment

and stranded all the

pretty ladies in shorts

who only wanted to

get Tiger's autograph on

a Vegas marriage license.

What in tarnation is

sensitivity training for orks

and why do we

feel the need to

scream WAAAAUGH! every time

we have bowel movements

while standing over a

dead Warmachine Hordes player

and his nerdy pals.

Now that's just disgusting .

A bird in hand

will eventually crap there

,that's how Mafia works.

The Necronomicon was written

in a time when

screwing dead people was

not frowned upon, but

exalted as a virtue

for those who could

wave their arms while

watching them fall apart.

Noise marines favorite music

is the sound of

painfully loud heavy metal

in the key of

In the key of

every Deadmau5 song while

chainsaws roar in the

deadly nightmare mosh pits

where garbage cans are

used as armor and

winds of limbo roar.

Deep fried twinkies and

slabs of fresh bacon

are given to vegans

while they are asleep

and dreaming of organic

bamboo unicycles and shampoo.

some fish can see

what happens when snacks

from the dollar store

get confiscated by the

other fish, who suddenly

control all internet forums

in an orgy of

fishlike aquatic malevolent destruction

with life-like hair.

Those playing this game

should never even consider

telling anyone about it

, because some things are

better left hidden like

the skeletons in my

wife's special china cupboard.

Wives across the world

will never consent to

a national adultery day

so take advantage of

your girlfriends instead I

just may visit yours

For just a cup

of sugar lumps and

a good crossword puzzle.

There was no doubt

that Slayer's final tour

will really be the

place where juggalos die

but are still happy.

In the near future

the Humongous will rule

over the whole mankind.

But until then, we