The Renegade Enforcer tore at the Imperial Guard, accompanied by his Renegade command squad. He roared, swinging his Power Sword into a Storm trooper, who was easily decapitated. Pulling out his Plasma Pistol, he prepared to fire. Suddenly...

....he was overrun by a squadron of baneblades and scraped aside by a following Russ with a 'dozer blade. The last thing through his mind was a steel track cleat.

...But he suprisingly survived, due to massive injury, and kept on fighting. He rushed up to a Chapter Master. Suddenly....

The Chapter Master casually backhands the Enforcer out of his way.

....The Enforcer summoned a Bloodthirster, and charged against the enemy. Then....

Suddenly, Grey Knights! Thousands of them!

The Enforcer wimped out, and ran away in terror. Suddenly, the Enforcer was torn open, and out came a terror, something destructive. An enormous Chaos Pony!

Which exploded, only to reveal hundreds of thousands of Imperial Baneblades!

The baneblades exploded, revealing that they were in fact CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS.

And out of those CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS came smaller CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS!

Really screwed now, the Enforcer (Who's name shall be Harold) had no idea what to do. He prayed to Tzeentch, who sent down a huge ray beam, destroying many CRASSIUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS. He then sent down a Silver Tower.

But as it turns out, the Silver Tower was just another, larger CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT!

Which was hijacked by Harold! He happily drove it around, smiling. (He did not take his medication), and smushed many Imperials.

Then another CRASSUS ARMORED ASSUALT TRANSPORT appeared unloading hundreds of guardsmen, into a army of civilians cultists.

Harold stuck both thumbs up high into the air, causing him to lose control of his CAAT. He jumped out right as it exploded, firing his Bolt Pistol at the enemy.

Then Drop pods smashed to the ground, the hatches opened and hundreds of Black Templars pored out like a black tide slaying the traitor forces...

Suddenly, all of the Black Templars morphed into CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS!

Then a swarm of orks burst from the ground.

But as it turns out, they were fleeing from a pack of CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS!

and the CRASSUS ARMORED ASSUALT TRANSPORTS killed the orks and made CRASSUS ARMORED ASSUALT TRANSPORT babies with the ork spores

Suddenly a ball of cheese spawned kaldor draigo. The paladin grandmaster of red leicster

An enormous CAAT trudged forwards, revealing Care bears to be driving it!

The battlefield was an endless maze of Space Corridors and Industrial Towers, with a huge Flying Tricycle banner.(or was it Litko, I have to check)

Which caused the bloodthirst Care bears to hunt around for a victim. Suddenly....

More CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS appeared on the battlefield!

The Care bears quickly handcuffed Coolyo294, no longer enabling him to send in more CAATs.

But suddenly, CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS numbering in the thousands come to break him out!

But, Tzeentch changed the ways of time, no longer letting any CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS to come out, anywhere.

But the power of so many CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS was too much for Tzeentch, and they continued to materialize on the battlefield.

Suddenly, Harold morphed into a huge CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT, and wrecked havoc.

Creed looked over the battlefield as his CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS were doing his work, and he chomped on his cigar in a victorious way.

But his cigar morphed into a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT and crushed his head with a rum-dipped aroma.

Then all the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT exploded.

Only to reform moments later.

Then hundreds more appear in orbit.

But suddenly, they all stopped. Their crews disembarked and looked upwards, staring at a strange light in the sky. It looked like......

ORBITAL STRIKE CRUSHED ALL UNDER IT!!!

As the rising sun shone through the smoking ruins of the planet surface, a single living blade of grass poked through the rubble.......

To which an inquisitor responded by issuing Exterminatus, because to survive that, the blade of grass was clearly tainted by chaos

And that Exterminatus consisted of millions of CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS crushing the planet under their bulk.

But then another Exterminatus came down. Suddenly..

This one also consisted of CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS!

And then. Someone randomly checked Forgeworld, which came out with a MEGA AWESOME....

PRAETOR ARMOURED ASSAULT LAUNCHER, which proceeded to bombard everything!

Next, it started to rain.

With Necrons...

And Drop pods, With Hormagants and Firewarriors.

And a reaver titan.....

And melta bombs, which blew the reaver titan to shreds..

And then those shreds morphed into CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS!

Which were morphed into Chaos Titans!

And then back into CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS!

And then again into Chaos Titans. But, just then, The Emperor came out of his coma! He rushed into the battlefield, destroying all of the CAATS!

But as it turns out, the Emperor was nothing more then a giant CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT!

(with a special trim package and leather seats)

But, as it turns out, Coolyo284 was nothing but a CAAT!

The Hive-Tyrant grinned. While all of the cattle were occupied with their CAAT toys, the Nid invasion force had already infiltrated throughout the system, and awaited the order to attack.

But then, a Pre-Heresy Death Guard marine morphed out of the warp, killing everything in sight!

Too bad he never saw the 'Nids until he was out of ammo.
Not even Tau Armored Recon Deployment Suits could stop them now.

But, this Plague marine was not just a master of Plague. He took off his helmet, showing a deformed clown face. This could mean only one thing.....FITZZ! (Not FITZZ, just his avatar )

The nids waited behind a pile of wrecked CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT VEHICLES, and silently.....

But then a company of Ultramarines came out! Then...

they all soon turned out to be Alpha Legioniares in disguise joining forces with the nids to destroy the goto.

When the nids were done, there was nothing left to kill.

But then, a whole squad of Berzerkers came out....

CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS came thundering out of a Warp Portal like a herd of mechanical Buffalo!

Then, an Eldar Avatar came out! Suddenly...

It turns out he was just fleeing from more CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS!

But then, Chuck Norris came out! And swung his fist....

which was then deflected and Bruce lee killed him.

Which was fine until Warlord Ghazkull Thrakka's Waaugh! Showed up..........

But as it turned out, he was nothing more then a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT in disguise!

Which multiplied into more CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS....

until the whole universe was obliterated by the sheer awesomness of them!

And then the universe was reborn in 6 days in the image of the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT. And on the 7th day the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT rested, and saw it was good.

Until the monkeys arrived, challenging the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT in an epic duel...

Suddenly, a giant Howling Banshee came out, screaming. Suddenly...

The CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORT and the monkeys joined forces to fight the giant Spesse Elf. They fist-bumped afterwards

But then the monkey exploded!

And the CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS thought "Just as Planned".

But then the CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS exploded due to the sheer awesome of the dead monkeys!

But you cannot destroy a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT, and it reformed shortly after it exploded.

But, The CAATs allowed themselves to be destroyed.

So the CAAT.s were destroyed. But then came...

A mega awesome....

ZUUL, MOTHER , ZUUL!

Which bought a coca cola, using a Bat credit card...

He bought a some explosives to fry the coke. Cause everyone knows that...

frying a cola makes a awesome doomsday explosive, which can...

help him rule the World OF COURSE!!

But then came out the great...

Lord Nyan Cat!

And so the Lord Nyan cat saw the horror of the universe, so he...

Then, the Great Pumpkin rose from the pumpkin patch....

Only to be....

Smashed by a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT!

(The CAATS were destroyed)...

But you cannot destroy a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT!

Ok, only to have a dopey cartoon character come out! He then....

Was also smashed by a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT!

Which was suddenly obliterated by a Necron Monolith bursting from the ground. Thousands of Necrons poured out of it, each armed with Gauss weapons and programmed to rid the planet of CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORTS!

And then the necrons became CRASSUS ASSAULT ARMORED TRANSPORTS after realizing that their killing power will increase substantially.
So now you have CRASSUS ASSAULT ARMORED TRANSPORTS with living metal and gauss weaponry.

Then I came and called Exterminatus on the CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORT planet!

Then your mom burst into the room and said clean up this mess and get ready for dinner...

Then she mutated into a CAAT...

Which mutated into....

A cat!

Which was then....

Ridden into battle by Teh Empra

Who was then...

sneezing like mad, 'cuz he was allergic to cats.

So he cut his nose off...

Which was then...

mutated into an horrific...

Ork armed with DAKKADAKKA!

Which was then...

blown up by an enormous Doomsday cannon, then...

Horus charged in, and delivered a......

boquet of roses to.....

the great Speshh Emprah!

(who could no longer smell them)

so he threw them at hourus in a giant raging fireball when...

The Koolaid man burst from the wall, screaming OH YEAH WRRRRYYYYY!

But the Stay-Puffed Marshmellow man suddenly stomped the pitcher into oblivion.

Then the Marshmallow man was blown up, by...

An exploding carnifex, then chuck norris burst in and...

was knocked unconscious by the intervention of The Epic Chaosdude!!!

Who was then killed by....

an evessor assassin that came through the cool aid mans hole

But then the Assassin was torn to shreds by a goth Dark Angels Company Master .

Who was, in turn, shot to bits by a lone Imperial Guardsman.

Who was then sat on by nurgle.

But Nurgle....

Had just came back from taco bells and...

He had to be...

...rushed to the nearest hospital for acute intestinal stress.
Fortunately, Khorne was happy to step in and tear the guardsman apart.

..But Slaanesh came in and.....

turned Khorne into a puppy, which he began to kick around until.....

Tzeentch turned the puppy into a headcrab, which began to headhump Slaanesh, much to his/her's....

...enjoyment. But then there was a blinding flash as....

Khorne transformed into Chuck Norris and proceeded to kick his fellow chaos gods asses.

then ynnead appeared and...

began to take it up the....

Next level of...

...apocalyptic slaughter and metaphoric humor.

Then a large Deathwing...

...crashed to the ground and exploded, sending up a fireball that could be seen for miles.

A warp gate caused...

And then....

Aw man, i just want to make a joke about lazer ponies...

A weird...

(quick, grab the next post)

...lazer Pony...

roundhouse kicked...

...like a whirlwind of destruction...

Which then caused....

...a tear in the very fabric of reality.

A larger lazer pony...

blew to pieces, which reformed as smaller lazer ponys.

How many ponies does it take to ....

Make a giant webway portal in Craftworld Ulthwe? Then a completely.....

...different pony walked into the bar and said.....

"Hey...."

"...did you see that huge..."

Looted Carnafex the orks have?

"why yes i do" said the penguin, what...

...a long face you have!
All the better to.....

polevault with

A Tzzentchi..

..said the pony.
Is there anyplace around here to get a...

good burger?

A Renegade Guard said..."

..that there were some burgers outside in his CRASSUS ASSAULT TRANSPORT

The Renegade Enforcer Bob, who survived went, and stole every last Cheeseburger...

...before the pony could get there.

then a pig...

vomited to the ground and...

exploded, causing...

an massive wave of nuclear vomit, that...

Mutated people of the land into orks

..with a bad attitude. Having no weapons, they gave each other atomic wedgies all afternoon until...

...one of them emerged victorious as the new warboss. He united them into a WAAAAGH, so to go forth and...

beat gazzkul ded

But there was a problem...

..because they had no weapons and didn't know where Ghazkull was.

Then they suddenly found..

...Ghazkull's pet Turkey...

Which was eaten by...

..all of the WAAUGH and a few indians who wondered by for their Thanksgiving dinner.
After dinner they watched...

A very special...

Bloodbowl game on TV and drank fungas brew.

Then they had desert which consisted of...

...any grots too slow to run away.
The next day the WAAUGH began to...

Hack away any...

..undersized boyz until only the biggest, baddest, meanest..

Nobz remained...

But, there was a very....

Small snotling...

Who had enough of this. He...

exploded, making no impact...

But five Nobs were killed. Then a Care Bear came out with an AK-47...

which fired bubbles. The Xenos was promptly...

Stunned for a moment. They then returned fire....

Kharn jumped out from a bush and punted the renegade enforcer into the air and yelled. "Now we go into overtime!"

and blew open the Care Bears head. Stuffing...

From Thanksgiving exploded! Then....

the marines succumbed to chaos...

And were hunted down by the Inquisition! A newbie...

gamer whinged...

About how the Inquisition stole his cheese puffs.

He was promptly...

Dealt with in the cruelest way possible.

He then proceeded to...

Shoot down any...

Harrier Fighter Jets...

That came from the dark...

Hole in the...

Warp! The Daemons came out too...

Though they soon...

Went to Mcdonalds just to get some chicken nuggets...

Because they were...

Fatties

And they had no...

..delusions of common sense.

Because Kharn.....

Joined forces with....

Evil, resulting in the cult of Kharnevil, which attracted many followers who dressed as....

Penguins wearing top hats...

With Big ass carrots.......

and they like to shove carrots into...

suitcases made of...

...spider egg sacks and squirrel nests.

The squirrels attacked the Penguins....

With a Warlord titan with..........

exploding lolcatz that...

Your Sister Ate and she

set fire to using...

A pear! The pear...

..was a nice one at that. Not that pear, your sister's.

The PDF tried to respond and were killed to a man.

When the dust cleared and the sound of battle died away, there was a stir in the pile of mangled debris. An arm poked to the surface. An arm that belonged to......

This guy.

He extracted himself from the wreckage and looked around.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PDF?!

He lamented.
Poking through the wreckage, all he could see...

A ton of Hobgoblins!

Riding on Wolves!
With spears!
And Guns!

And a giant pink....

Marshmallow carrying the head...

...of Lehman Russ.

But, a Chaos Dwarf Daemonsmith hijacked...

...the entire thread and enslaved it to his evil will. The narrative was forced to embellish the black ziggurat while..

a daemonette danced the macarena for him

Soon after a massive explosion...

The Chaos Dwarf was sent....

...to find more slaves again, to replace the ones that were killed in the explosion. The last forge had been made from finecast, and had turned out to be full of tiny holes.

Which poured with...

lava which...

Turned into wine.

Then the sky opened and Jesus came to the world, turning the wine into water.

Shakespeare then ran through a wall, and killed Jesus with one blow.

But Jesus promptly regenerated, and blasted the bard with holy fire.

but shortly thereafter ANGRY MARINES began to...

...riot in the closet. They had been bought long ago and still had not been painted. Some were not even assembled. They were angry and were not going to take it anymore.

so they began to...

..break out of their Battle of Macragge box, while some helped assemble the others. Still more looked for paint and brushes while the scouts kept an eye out for the cat.

the cat came upon them

...And proceeded to throw up all over...

...the rug, which gave them a badly needed cover save.

the cover save gave them the opprotunity to capture the cat and use it as a...

Mobile battle fort.

they then broke out of the room and proceded to...

Declare war on the orks who were in a box on the other side of the...

farmyard, in the pigpen with a big fortress of doom...

The orks yelled WAHHHH and shot a mega lazor at the cat

The Cat, in turn, revealed it's special weapons...

that backfired and killed the cat

But the cat had served its purpose and got the marines into strike range.

with their new landbattleship, littany of littany's littany

...which bombed the Ork's box - fortress with Littany kitty litter until they were all humanely suffocated.
Now- Where to find the Marine's lazy owner?

in the barn working on his truck

..is where the scouts reported his last position.

Then a huge...

...mother noticed the toy soldiers all over the floor and binned them.

But they all climbed out of the bin and used a Banana skin as a drop-pod to exit the bin.....

"We are needed to find der owner" said the sargent, who recived a head injury apon exiting the bin. "look, overd der it's a...

titanic motherasaurus rex!

The scouts prepared to do battle with the beast.

it grabbed a broom and started to smash them to peices...

But out of the bin exited a WARLORD CLASS TITAN!!!!!!

..but it didn't need to attack because, at that moment, the telephone rang and the mothersaurus was instantly distracted.
Picking up the stragglers, the marines made their escape.

Then the Dad came out!

But he was oblivious to all but his newspaper and coffee.
Meanwhile the marines from the closet had finished assembling a drop pod and a Thunderhawk.

And then a huge Nurgle infested....

...sister stalked into the room.

Her looming victory was short lived, however, as mighty thundering shattered the windows of the building. A massive foot stepped next to the broken windows causing a huge earthquake. Its stair-toes were deploying thousands upon thousands of Skitarii to the back yard. The Imperator Titan had arrived...

The End.




(kidding)


... and opened fire on all of them.

, just in time for the holidays.

because a 30 foot tall santa claus death robot appeared...

And gave everyone...

..a good reason to go run and hide.
He was armored in steel from his guns to his head.
And he had a bad smell, like something was dead.
With a bloody red paintjob, all blotchy and splattery,
And eyes that would glow, (if you put in the batteries).

With this threat the angry marines...