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As I'm in the process of restarting these guys I figured it was time that I posted this here on Dakka. I started these a couple of years back now...I think? But as I'm always getting PMs about their progress on other sites I occasionally cave in and do another update.
Currently I'm in the process of updating the command squad that got it all started and am now using the blood angels codex so to get the ball rolling for those that have never heard of them and have no idea what I'm talking about this is the long established back ground material that started all the insanity in the first place.





+++Chapter Cross-Reference - Cosmic Space Knights (of doom)+++
+++Inquisitorial Clearance - Oh...I don't know...let's say...erm...blue?+++
+++Current Chapter Base: Fortress monestry known as "The Frat House"+++
+++This Transmission is available from all good record stores+++


Origins

The exact founding of the Cosmic Space Knights (of doom) is...well to be honest your guess is as good as mine. There is great debate between the Masters of the chapter as to who their Progenitor Chapter is as well, initially they were thought to be successors of the Ultramarines but then someone pointed out that Space Wolves were a bit more flexible when it came to Codex organisation when it came to prayers and schedules and stuff. After a few too many serious drinking session that resulted in the destruction of the Chapter Master's personal Thunderhawk they decided to rethink things and agrred that they were infact Blood Angels successors.
The whole unquenchable rage thing and drinking blood wasn't really working out for them so they became Black Templars but after a few Crusades went rather badly for them they switched back to Ultramarines before finally settling on Dark Angels because they are all dark, brooding and mysterious which is pretty cool.



The Artificer Crisis
During the thirty eighth...or was it the thirty nineth...no wait...I'm pretty sure it was the thirty eighth millenium the Chapter faced it's greatest challenge to date. Due to the constant switching of Progenitor Chapters the Artificers were getting a bit fed up of having to repaint the Chapter's suits of power armour all the time. Together with the Serfs they formed the Union of Servitors and Chapter Serfs and promptly when on strike.
After lengthy negotiations with Supreme Grand Chapter Master Slab Benchpress it was agreed that they would only paint the shoulder pads of the armour in chapter colours, in return the Chapter Master agreed not to abandon them all on the nearest Tyranid infested world.


Homeworld
The Chapter is fleet based after their homeworld was tragically destroyed. Exact details are unknown but it is thought to have had something to do with a couple of bored Scouts playing "shoot the can off the Servitor's head" close to the Fortress Monstary's armoury at the time.



Chapter Colours
The armour of the Chapter has been unpainted since the Great Artificer Crisis with the exception of the shoulderpad insert and chest aquila which are painted red.



Organisation
The exact organisation of the Chapter depends on which Chapter that they have decided they are currently Successors of.

Battlecry
"Everyone, remember where we parked!"


Chapter Traits

Unknown Progenitors
The Chapter uses whatever is the latest Codex to be released and alters it's organistion to suit.

Shoddy Workmanship
Since losing their dental plan the servitors and chapter serfs have become slackers. Where once they took pride in their positon within the chapter they've come to realse that the Battle Brothers are overbearing, arrogant jerks and little attention is paid to the finer points of weapon and armour construction.
Any model may include moldlines on their armour or weapons at no additional cost.

And They Shall Have No Clue
The CSK(...od) are notoriously bad at organisation of any kind. Many battles have been won simply because they have overrun enemy positions thinking they were retreating to their own lines (Cross Reference: See Battlecry). Many times their have halted their route to bicker amongst themselves as to who had the Thunderhawk keys last and who's stupid idea was it to come here in the first plase?
The CSK(...od) benefit from the And They Shall Know No Fear special rules.

Chapter Organisation
Like many other more orthodox chapters the CSK(...od) are organised into ten companies of one hundred battle brothers.
Although this has only come about recently, well within the last couple of weeks actually since Supreme Grand Chapter Master Slab Benchpress took over and they became Dark Angels Successors. Before this time recruitment had been a little lax to say the least. The grueling and highly selective process of recruitment had long since been abandoned in favour of less dangerous initations like beer mat flipping and those who could fit their fist in their mouth.
Having abandoned the ways of the Codex because they thought they were Black Templar Successors the chapter ranks swelled to the point where things were seriously getting out of hand.
Fortunately two events in their history were to return the Chapter to the path of the codex. Firstly the creation of a Successor Chapter, the Screaming Weasels, succeeded in weeding out the more troublesome brothers and gave them their own Chapter.
Secondly not long after the third Armageddon War the destruction of the Chapter's homeworld pretty much wiped ninety percent of the remaining battle brothers. Although the then Supreme Grand Chapter Master Buff Bigsword mysteriously vanished and none of the members of the Servitors and Chapter Serfs Union or the entire first company were there when it was destroyed.
After much finger pointing, name calling and shoving the remaining brothers set about rebuilding the Chapter under the leadership of Supreme Grand Chapter Master Dirk Squarejaw.
Squarejaw, however, was recently replaced by Slab Benchpress who has begun to replenish their numbers using ancient and forbidden technology to create instant clones or "Shake and Bake Troopers" as they are more affectionately known by the original surviving Astartes.
The genestock for the clones comes from non other than legendary First Company Captain Maximus Vaan Damage.
Clone Astartes can be recognised by their physical resemblance to Vaan Damage and are designated with a single name.
For example; Brother Bulk Bicep is an original member fo the Chapter where as Brother Headshot is a clone.

Other examples of clone names:

Brother Soon-to-be-deceased

Brother Meatshield

Brother Bodybag

Brother Expendable

Clone Academy

The vast majority of chapters maintain a strict process for recruitment to ensure the purity of their future battle brothers. Initiates are selected at an early age, screened, augmented, screened again, subjected to hypno-conditioning and then must under go battle field training as Scouts before being able to take their place amongst their brothers as a full Astartes.
The CSK(...od) are unfortunately not one of the vast majority.

Since the introduction of the advanced and forbidden cloning device the CSK(...od) are rarely under strength, often being able to deploy on the battle field as an entire chapter.
Clones are created using the geneseed of the chapter's greatest living hero Maximus Vaan Damage, Captain of the first company and all round great guy.

The process for cloning new brothers is relatively quick, an entire Tactical squad can be created in a mere matter of hours, an entire company can be completed in a day.
Clones are sent to Clone Academy shortly after being created and after an intense two week induction course are assigned a role within the chapter.
Although theoretically speaking a Clone could live for several centuries most rarely make it past the four week mark due to accidents and battlefield errors.
Anyone that makes it past five weeks is often considered a veteran.

The S.A.P.S

Most clones are assigned to the regular Tactical, Assault or Devastator squads. Those that demonstrate a degree of mechanical aptitude and can break into a Rhino using only a coat-hanger are assigned to the Techmarines, those that look good in black, like scarey skull masks and shouting alot are assigned to the Chaplains, those that look a bit wizardy, can do the freaky starey eye thing and can guess how many fingers the selector is holding up behind his back are sent to the Librarium.
The Scouts however are a different story altogether. Selected just after being created they receive advanced training and are taught the skills of field craft and survival.
Absolute masters of camoflage they are the chapter's silent death, an elite fighting force that occationally can actually complete a mission (or at least get really, really close to completing it without blowing themselves up).
They are the proud and the few, they are the best of the best, they are the Stealth Assault Patrols.

Special Rules

S.A.P.s
SAPs use the Scout stats and rules.

Masters of Disguise
The SAPs are trained to blend into any enviroment..that contains some form of small shrubs, trees or bushes.
Thanks to the Curse of the Absurd very few enemies will question what a small Privet hedge is doing on the bridge of their battle cruiser, figuring that is obviously supposed to be there and is clearly someone else's problem.
SAPs may Infiltrate if the mission allows it.







Automatically Appended Next Post:
Supreme Grand Chapter Master Slab Benchpress

Slab Benchpress is the current Supreme Grand Chapter Master and has been in charge of the chapter for the last two couple of years now after the previous Master "popped out to the store for some milk and smokes" and never returned.

The idea behind the model is that he's got far too much wargear and as he's swung the hammer he's trying not to topple over backwards.









Bruvva Grimtoof

Something about Bruvva Grimtoof isn't quite...well...right. Like so much of the Chapter's history little is known of his origins but he turned up claimiing to be a lost member of the Chapter. Coincidently it was just about the same time as the CSK(od) departed from Armageddon.
He had his own set of power armour (which was suspiciously like Brother Redshirt's armour before he went behind a large rock on his own to check for energy readings and was never seen again) so they figured his story checked out.

Bruvva Grimtoof is a proxy marine. These are the models that players use to "represent" a marine when they don't have enough models. Rather than just use an Ork model I decided to give him a crude form of power armour so that he can pass himself off as a marine.

Now I definately regret rushing this guy. Here is the original model as he is now. I'm going to go back and redo him from scratch and as one of my favourite models will be the first to be reworked.

The Scouring of Vengist IV

Orbital Administratium Station over Vengist IV



With Supreme Grand Chapter Master Benchpress on his way to Mars First Captain Maximus Vaan Damage was left in charge of the day to day running of the chapter. Vaan Damage a seasoned veteran of numerous wars, well a couple at least, had been informed of a xenos incursion on Vengist IV a small Agri-world on the northern rim of the galaxy.
Seeing the chance to bring glory to the Chapter he immediately set course for the source of the distress call. The campaign known as the Scouring of Vengist IV was set in motion and somewhere something in the warp giggled to itself.


The battle barge hung in high stationary orbit over Vengist IV like an ornate silver dagger poised to plunge deep into the heart of the planet.
There would be no time for pleasentries with the Imperial nobility of the ruling caste of the Agri-world below.
There would be no parades, no fanfares annoucing the arrival of the legendary Astartes, such was the urgencey of their mission that even debarking by Thunder Hawks or Drop Pods was out of the question.
They were Angels of Death, the Emperor's rightious fury and they would decend apon the planet below like angry gods of war. This was a surgical strike straight to the heart of the Governor's palace from where they would establish a beach head to eradicate their foe.

The Governor's office was illuminated by a blinding white light that chilled the air, permafrost formed instantly over the ancient bookcases that lined the walls of the stately room that the light had touched.
The Governor stared in frightened disbelief as the light faded to reveal a circle of metal giants, Terminators of the Adeptus Astartes, their stormbolters raised they began scanning the room as they established their surroundings.
The giants strode forwards, the servos of their magnificent armour whined, great foot falls echoed around the chamber as they stomped forth to establis a perimenter at each of the four doors leading from the office.
The Governor, a skilled and passionate orator who had lead the planetary senate in debate countless times and who's very words had stirred millions of Imperial citizens, was for the first time in his life truely lost for words.

At the center of the circle stood a lone Astarte, his armour although similar in hue to those of his comrades was suprisingly spartan. The emblem on his single shoulderpad seemed to depict a round yellow sun but it was hard to tell from a single glance in the poor light of the room.
The Astarte stood before him like a mighty collosus, a legend of old both terrifying and awe inspiring. He was truely humbled by the Captain's presence.

"Forgive me Governor but there is little time for introductions," The Captain said as the Governor desperately tried not to wilt under the intense power of the giant's ice cold gaze "we intercepted your distress call and embarked with all haste!"
The Governor trembled as he attempted to reply. He stopped before the words could utter forth from his lips, his brow furrowed in bemusement.

"Dis...distress call?" He stammered.

"Yes, we received a distress call bound for holy Terra telling of a Xenos incursion. Although we are few in number we came as soon as we could!"

"I'm sorry...a distress call you say?" The governor repeated himself just to make certain what he was hearing was correct.

"Yes, it was bound for Terra via Astromican relay omega beta six three nine"

The rather puzzled Govenor retreated to his desk before perching his reading glasses on the end of his nose and began scanning through historical data backlogs.
"Ah, here we are," he exclaimed "it appears my predecessor dispatched an Administrium Adeptus Bioligicus Request form to the Agri-cultural Magos concerning an influx of a previously unseen xenos life form here on Vengist." he continued rather pleased with himself "The transmission is several centuries old, I'm afraid there has been a bit of a misunderstanding my leige." He smiled as he looked up from the scanner.

"What kind of xenos?" The Captain enquired.

The Governor tapped into key board and a single ray of light rose from the desk surface before blossoming into an image approximately eight inches high of an alien lifeform.

"THRONE!" The Captain exclaimed in horror "How big are these unholy terrors!"
The Governor paused before answering.

"Erm, it's a life sized image...they're called Ptera-Squirrels. They are quite cute actually, they feed mostly on insects that threaten our crops. My children keep one as a pet, they're perfectly harmless unless..."

"Unless?" The Governor's choice of words had peaked the Captain's interest.

"Well, unless they are threatened by natural predators in which case later generations will under go metamorphosis into vicious blood drinking carnivores...but that takes...well, decades."

"And where are these xenos located?"

"Well," The Governor continued "several kilometres to the north of the city beyond the valley known as the Hot Gates, about a million or so but they're mostly harmless." He smiled.

"SERGEANT!" The Captain bellowed "Contact the Battle Barge, I want all Thunder Hawks prepared for combat drop within the hour!"

"C...combat drop?" The Governor laughed nervously "Is that really neccessary?"

The Captain rested his knuckles on the table as he drew himself down to eye level with the Governor.

"Do you know what is written in the Holy Codex Astartes concerning foul Xenos?" He snarled as the table began to creak and strain under his enormous weight. The Governor stared blankly. "It is written...that the man who...no wait...never allow the...no wait a minute..." His eyes glazed over for a moment as he stared blankly ahead mumbling under his breath to himself "Well, it says Xenos are bad and must be destroyed!" he growled as he slammed his fist into the table splintering it's ornate laminate surface.
Standing upright he turned to walk away.

"What is it you are saying, you're going to attack the ptera-squirrels?" The Governor asked, not quite liking where this conversation was leading.

"We will bombard them from orbit, civillian collateral damage shouldn't be more than oh, sixty or seventy percent at most!" the Captain remarked casually.

"SIXTY OR SEVENTY PERCENT!" The Govennor screamed in disbelief.

"Hmm, perhaps you are right these could prove a worthy opponent for the Chapter a land based assault would only amount to a casulaty rate of five to one in our favour!"

"NO!" The Governor's face was turning a bright scarlet "I will NOT sanction this action, I will launch a protest with the Administratium!"

Maximus froze in midstep. The Administratium, feth! That could lead to an Inquisitional enquiry and then the Cosmic Space Knights (of doom) might be made to explain for losing those damn STC templates.

"I strictly forbid you to land an army on Vengist soil!"

"Very well," Maximus retorted "I shall do as you request but just one thing..."

"Yes my leige?" The Govenror replied.

"The journey has been long and ardous, might I ask that my personal guard of three hundred and I be allowed to stretch our legs here on your beautiful planet?"

"Of course, I shall provide you with a personal escort..."

"That will not be neccessary Governor!" Maximus interrupted politely "I thought my men might want to go for a brisk walk, say several kilometeres north of the city, to say...oh I don't know...the Hot Gates?"
With that he turned smiling to himself, his Terminators falling in behind him as he left the Govenor alone in his office and prepared for war.





Send in the Clones

Although the Supreme Grand Chapter Master's mission had succeeded in distracting the suspicions of the Adeptus Mechanicus he returned to find that Captain Vaan Damage had gone off on a campaign taking fully one third of the new clone Astartes with him to battle the Ptera-Squirrel invasion forces.
To make matters worse no news had been received of their progress since they made planet fall two days earlier. Fearing the worst he immediately mobilised the remainder of the chapter and set course for Vengist IV to support the heroic First Captain's men in their hour of need.


Even through the external grill and advanced breathing filters of his MkVII helm Brother-Sergeant Meatshield's augmented senses could pick out the individual scents of his surroundings. He could indentify his power armoured brothers by their individual musks. He could taste the faint metallic taint that hung in the air produced by the distant sprawling factories of Vengist City, carried by the prevailing winds.
He could distinguish the individual sounds of the forest mapping his surroundings in his mind's eye despite the suit's sophisticated augers and auspexes. More importantly he could sense his enemy.
Meatshield silently raised a clenched fist signalling for his squad to halt. Each brother tensed as they immediately scanned the forest for signs of xenos activity, each brother watching the back of the man next to him.
There had been no word from Captain Maximus Vaan Damage and his brave 300 since they had left for the Hot Gates.
Supreme Grand Chapter Master Benchpress had ordered the newly created clone tactical squads to begin sweeping the forests north of the city to locate them at their last known position.
The Techs had a theory that there may well be a type of Ptera-Squirrel they hadn't encountered before, an intelligent leader caste, a Brain-Squirrel that must be eliminated at all costs.
Sure, the Ptera-Squirrels hadn't mounted any form of offensive to suggest such a creature existed or displayed any form of activity other than scampering around the trees chasing each other's tails playfully.
But it was only a matter of time before they got organised and the war would begin in earnest.

The attack was sudden and unexpected. The attacker dropped from the trees above gliding on thin membranes that streched between it's limbs to land squarely on the face plate of Brother Deadmeat.
It clung to his visor briefly, staring him in the face curiously before scampering across his head and over his pack.
Unable to draw a bead on his assailant with his Plasma Cannon Deadmeat let out a squeal of anguish.
As one the squad turned and fired, the forest floor lit up with the blinding flash and roar of mass-reactive bolter shells impacting against Brother Deadmeat's armour. Then there was silence.

As the smoke cleared the squad advanced on the fallen form of their brother.
"Brother Deadmeat?... really sorry about that, are you ok?" Brother Token enquired sheepishly as he knelt next to his prone comrade and gentley prodded the marine with his index finger.
Deadmeat sat bolt up right. "YOU SHOT ME...YOU SHOT ME YOU FETHING JERKS!" He screamed almost hysterically. His armour was pitted, blackened and scarred by the bolt shells, great pits of ceramite had been torn into the suit. "THAT REALLY HURT...YOU...YOU DUMB JERKS!"

"Yeah...erm...well, sorry!" Token cringed "There was this xenos and it was sort of on your face..."

Brother-Sergeant Meatshield's raised his bolter "Anyone else hear that?" He interupted.

"Hear what?" Token said as he stood adopting a combat stance.

"That whirling hissing sound," he cocked his head slightly as if listening intently "I can taste something unnatural in the air, something tainted, something industrial."

"All I can taste is fething blood" Deadmeat muttered as he wrenched his battered helmet free and spat several teeth into the palm of his hand.

Meatshield's mind raced back to his intensive one week training course at Clone Acadamy several weeks previously. Being two weeks old and the eldest most experienced clone member of the squad Meatshield had been assigned as Sergeant.
But what was it he wasn't seeing here, what was it that whirled, hissed and produced chemical odours.

"Oh Throne..." He grimaced as he looked at Brother Deadmeat's Plasma pack, coolant gases venting from a ruptured hose.

"What?" Deadmeat said he rubbed his head smiling a toothless grin.

"Plasma reactor meltdown..."

"Oh...feth..." Deadmeat sighed.

The immediate forest was consumed by a brilliant blue ball of light. Trees and foliage were vapourised as the super heated gases of the Plasma Cannon erupted in critical mass. Then there was only darkness.

Being the furthest from Deadmeat's position when the reactor blew the Brother-Sergeant had been thrown clear of the explosion's epicenter to land deep into the forest.
As he lay on his side he became aware of the faintest sensation of a breeze blowing against his face through the shattered lenses of his visor.
Although he had no idea of how badly he'd been injured, his pounding head was a clear sign that he was still alive.
As his vison began to clear he saw it.
The Ptera-Squirrel approached in small bounding hops to stop right next to his face. Meatshield stared into it's two twinkling evil little eyes, his hearts pounding as it wrinkled it's tiny nose as if to sniff his visor.
Try as he might he couldn't move his arm to reach his bolt pistol sidearm.
It moved it's furry little face closer, then stopped.
Stood on it's two back leg's, it's tiny ears erect, it twiched it's head as it sniffed the air repeatedly.
The deafening crack of two trees spliting apart behind echoed across the forest as the large ceramite and admantium foot of Brother Hulk's dreadnought came crashing down squashing the xeno flat.
"Feth you, alien scum!" Meatshield laughed as he painfully rolled onto his front before using the venerable dreadnought's greave to haul himself to his feet.
There was little time for celebrations however.

"BROTHER-SERGEANT," Brother Hulk's voice boomed out over his external vox speakers "I'M READING MULTIPLE LIFE SIGNS ALL AROUND OUR POSITION, WE ARE SURROUNDED!"

"Throne!" Meatshield snarled unholstering his bolt pistol with fumbling fingers "It's a trap, we are truely undone!"


Automatically Appended Next Post:
This next guy was made before the changes were made to the codex and Auspexs could still be used.


The Rules Lawyer

Due to the other zealous and rather destructive nature of the Astartes members of the Chapter it was decided by the Union of Chapter Serfs and Servitors (UCSS) that it was in the best interests of the Chapter as a whole if they were regulated somewhat.
Numerous incidents involving massive destruction of private property and the untimely deaths of UCSS members were slowly bankrupting the chapter as compensation claims soared.
The Rules Lawyer is a Health and Safety Representative of the UCSS and is attached to either command squads or individual squads. By consulting the the holy tomb known as the Big Black Book it is their role to point out to the Astartes dangerous areas that may result in personal injury.
Rules Lawyers are required to wear bright yellow armour so that they may be seen at all times after several members were mysteriously run over by Land Raiders, knocked off cliffs or accidently shot in the back of the head at point blank range whilst sleeping then jettisoned out an airlock.
Needless to say Rules Lawyers aren't very popular with the Clones and their careers are often tragically short.

Special Rules

Risk Assessment (Note: This rule no-longer applies as Auspex no-longer exist but I left it in here as it makes me laugh)
The Rules Lawyer performs risk assessments of all surrounding terrain before the battle indicating areas that may result in a member of the chapter poking his eye out or otherwise injuring himself.
On the plus side they have been known to accidently flush out a squad of enemy infiltrators whilst laying down high visability hazard tape around dangerous ruins or holes.
Rules Lawyers count as an Auspex.

Safety Lecture
In the melee of hand to hand combat it is easy to forget just how dangerous close combat weapons really are.
Sharp edges can needlessly cause injury and unsterilised weapons can cause nasty blood infections.
During hand to hand combat the Rules Lawyer will lecture the enemy on the merits of health and safety pointing out that they really shouldn't be running with those power weapons and that six foot long talon could easily have someone's eye out if they are not careful.
Rules Lawyers count as a Combat Shield.

Wargear
Rules Lawyers can be taken by anyone who has access to the armoury. They cannot be targeted as they are wargear and are removed when the character dies. A Rules Lawyer costs 10/5pts.

I love brother Grimtoof, so much so i want to make him

I love your army, they're pretty comical, and have a great execution.

Love the scout hidden in the bush. it made me chuckle.

Thanks mate.

These next guys came about from people asking if they could make their own CSK (...od) armies. Rather than go in depth into chapter organisation, all the personalities and complicated details on what you can and can't include I came up with the following easier option...



"GIVE ME ONE HUNDRED SPACE MARINES, FAILING THAT GIVE ME ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND SCREAMING WEASELS..."
Anon: Siege of Mudball III


+++Chapter Cross-Reference - The Screaming Weasels+++
+++Inquisitorial Clearance - What number am I thinking of?+++
+++Current Chapter Base: Classified...well...maybe not so much classified as sort of misplaced...I'm sure I wrote it down here somewhere...+++
+++This Transmission is based on a true story that my room mate Dave told me+++


Origins

During the time before the time of the complete destruction of their homeworld the Cosmic Space Knights (of doom) had decided that they were in fact Successors of the Black Templars.
Many of the Chapter's historians point out that this was due to trace elements in the sixth zygote that strongly suggested genetic markers that may have originated from the Primarch Rogal Dorn.
Other more liberal thinkers point out that this is just rubbish made up by the then Supreme Grand Chapter Master Stubble Largepecks to justify him getting his hands on a sporty new Land Raider Crusader.
Such liberal thinkers have long since found themselves assigned to be UCSS Rules Lawyers and accidently repeatedly run over by a Land Raider Crusader before being accidently shot in the back of the head whilst sleeping and dumped out an airlock.
Due to the relaxed recruiting standards at this time the CSK(od) Chapter ranks grew to an unimaginable and to be frank unmanageble size.
Such barbaric recruiting practices such as the trial of the thousand dagger cuts had long since been replaced by more entertaining trials such as the holy trial of fitting your fist into your mouth or the blessed trial of beer mat flipping.
After much debate and consultation of the chapter's most sacred artifact, the Emperor's Magic Eightball, it was finally decided that the Chapter should sire a number of Successors. The first of which would be the Screaming Weasels.



The Great Founding of The Screaming Weasels

The Chapter Council debated for many months as to the nature of their first true successors. What form of combat would they specialise in? Who would be worthy of leading them, forging them in battle untill the day when their name rang out across the very stars themselves carried by word of their great exploits? What aspects of war should be concidered when divining their heraldry and chapter icon, would they strike from the heavens above like the eagle or would they tear into their enemy mercilessly like the Lion?
These and many other questions that should have been concidered were thrown out the window after some of the brothers managed to vapourise the west wing of the monestry along with the Supreme Grand Chapter Master's newly constructed Land Raider Crusader during a drunken game of pin the melta bomb on the donkey. The trouble makers had to go!

And so the chapter council announced a great feast to be held on the planet of Spitball Prime in honour of the new founding. Word was spread throughout the chapter that the party would be held in shifts, the first one thousand would decend to the planet via drop pod and begin the celebrations to be later joined by successive waves of their brethren who had to remain behind to do some important stuff that the first wave clearly wouldn't be interested in.
The truth, however, was slightly more sinister. The first wave had been selected by the council from the the more...how shall we say?.."special" battle brothers. Those that had truely excelled at ineptitude, those brothers that found themselves out of their depth in a car park puddle, the ones that had been forced to wear mittens to stop them from hurting themselves.
Once the brothers had disembarked from the battle barges via drop pod heading for planetside the fleet left orbit and headed for the warp.



The Dropsite Masquerade

After making planet fall it was several hours before the betrayal became apparent and several hours more before one of the brothers found a note pinned to a single keg of beer:






And so the Screaming Weasels were formed, however, fate was to yet deal a cruel blow to the CSK(od). The destruction of their homeworld resulted in near total annihilation of the CSK(od) with over ninety percent of their chapter wiped out ensuring that no further successors would be created.



Chapter Icon

The Screaming Weasels traditon states that each brother is reponsible for maintaining his own armour, this includes painting his own squad markings and chapter icon onto the shoulder pads.
This has led to some degree of rivalry between brothers that can paint and those that can't. For example Brother Grissel Bigthumbs was woefully unskilled when it came to painting and resorted to using a crude stamp made from a potato dipped in white paint.
Brother Davinci Vangoff, however, was a master of the paint brush and spent hundreds of hours perfecting what can only be described as a "work of genius that made all those who gazed apon it weep tears of joy".
Brother Vangoff's tragic death was a great loss to the chapter and the circumstances of his demise still remain a mystery to this day. He was found dead in his quarters, stuffed in a locker having forcibly choked to death on several large potatoes dipped in white paint.

Chapter Colours

Brother Hans Slamdunk; Second Company



Veteran Sergeant Chuck Bigchest; Second Company




Automatically Appended Next Post:
The Legacy of Brother Davinci Vangoff

Since the creation of their new Fortress-Monastery on Spitball II (formerly the Treehouse-Monastery) Brother Vangoff had been an exceptionally gifted pioneer of technology. After the creation of their chapter the battle brothers realised that they basically had the armour they were wearing and a keg of beer with which to work with. It is written that the heavens parted and a glorious ray of light sent by the Emperor himself guided the brother Vangoff to a hidden temple now know as the "Grand Repository of Knowledge and Stuff."
The truth is somewhat different, after a blazing arguement with Brother Bigthumbs, Vangoff stormed off into the desert only to fall down an abandoned mineshaft. When he came to he discovered that he had discovered a complete and intact STC system.
From here he created everything the chapter needed, always careful to ensure that he and he alone knew the correct codes to imput to create what was needed.
It was a golden era that came to an abrupt end with his untimely and mysterious death. The Techmarines laboured long and hard to try to get the machine that Vangoff claimed to have created to work. But no-matter how hard they tryed they couldn't get it right. It seemed that the secrets of the "Artificiers Creation Machine Engine" would be forever lost.
That was untill one of Vangoff's assistants stumbled across his secret journal that told of clues hidden throughout the Fortress-Monastery that would unlock the code of the great A.C.M.E.
After half and hour the techmarines gave up looking having realised that Vangoff was far too clever for his own good and now produce things by wildly stabbing at the keypad and hoping for the best. Whatever comes out the other end is claimed to be what the Techmarine intended to create in the first place.

The Legendary Plate Armour of Doom

It is said that before his untimely death Vangoff had begun work on upgrading the armour of the chapter and that he had created seven suits of power armour so wonderous that their very beauty would turn blows aside. This is probably a bit of an exaggeration and it's far more likely got something to do with the sophisiticated repulsor fields housed with the armour itself.
To date only one suit has been found and is traditionally worn by the Supreme Grand Chapter Master.


Chapter Organisation

The Screaming Weasels are divided into ten standard companies as laid down in the codex numbering one to ten. The First being the veteran company and the tenth being the Scout company.

Battlecry

"Not in the Face!"

Chapter Traits

Cut and Paste
Being a Successor of the CSK(od) the Chapter follows the example of their Progenitors for guidance in matters of organisation.
However, the Screaming Weasels have long since decided that all the aggrovation caused by organisational changes really aren't worth the effort.
Therefore some of the CSK(od) rules apply to the Screaming Weasels but in true codex style they are simply cut and paste with the term "CSK(od) being replaced by "The Screaming Weasels."
See And They Shall Have no Clue for an example.


And They Shall Have No Clue

The Screaming Weasels are notoriously bad at organisation of any kind. Many battles have been won simply because they have overrun enemy positions thinking they were retreating to their own lines Many times they have halted their retreat (Cross Reference: See Tactical Withdrawal) to bicker amongst themselves as to who had the Thunderhawk keys last and who's stupid idea was it to come here in the first plase?
The Screaming Weasels benefit from the And They Shall Know No Fear special rules.


The Legendary Armour of Vangoff

It is said that who ever wears this armour will be destined for greatness or at the very least look pretty darn cool. The armour is currently worn by Supreme Grand Chapter Master Lars Bigmuscles.

Special Rules

The armour is treated as Artificier Armour and incorporates an Iron Halo. As it is extremely rare only one suit may be taken in an army.

Recruitment Poster




Automatically Appended Next Post:
Maximus Vaan Damage

Maximus rose quickly through the ranks of the CSK(...od) distinguishing himself in battle on countless occations. His exploits are a thing of legend and he could always be found in the fiercest fighting often dragging a wounded comrade to safety or remaining behind to hold off hordes of fearsome xenos single handly.
As the Chapter's greatest hero he was selected to become the genetic template for the newly created Clone army. It was after this time that something about him seemed somewhat...well...different.
In the past he had lead his troops personally into battle, his strategies were bold and daring, his intellect being able to match any of the the great heros of the Astartes. But now he has adopted a much more cautious approach to warfare, deploying wave after wave of troops, often sacrificing hundreds of his men before even setting foot on a battlefield.
It is widely believed amongst the Serfs and Servitors that Maximus was in fact killed by one of his clones who then took his place, but any who voice such opinions have found themselves assigned to the Rules Lawyers and suffered mysterious deaths not long afterwards.

Since his appointment to Captain of the first company Maximus has lead the Astartes of the CSK(od) to victory on nearly one occasion. The first company of the CSK(od) is unique amongst the Chapters of the Imperium being that it is made up of his personal guard of three hundred Astartes, a core of loyal battle brothers that he would heroically and selflessly sacrifice in order to get pretty darn close to completing an objective.
During the most recent conflict Vaan Damage fearlessly lead his personal Clone guard to the planet surface of Vengist IV to battle the terrible Petra-Squirrels. After several minutes he was urgently recalled to the battle barge to be fitted with his new golden artificier armour to mark the begining of the campaign. However his personal guard fought on valiantly in the name of the Imperium whilst suffering horrenedous casualites at the hands of the tiny terrors.
Although adored by his men the Chapter Serfs and Servitors think he's a bit of a jerk.





Personal Heraldy incorporating the Crux Terminatus


Captain Vaan Damage and Supreme Grand Chapter Master Slab Benchpress.



Automatically Appended Next Post:
The Curse of the Absurd
Although his career was otherwise unremarkable Senior Adept Henar Machovik had been honoured by his assignment to the creation of a new chapter designated The Carnage Knights.
Although he was a humble man in most respects deep within his soul he harboured a longing, a dark seed of ambition and pride that whispered to him that he should be recognised for his life time of dedication and hard work.

His assignment was to prove more difficult than expected. The Gene-seed had developed unexpected flaws that had lead to radical destabilisation within the zygote structure. No-matter how he tryed he could not rememedy the problem and soon he began to overhear whispered conversations whenever he entered a room, conversations that threatened to become allegations of incompetence that would tarnish his career. He was becoming desperate.

On his homeworld of Felnir Prime there was an ancient legend of a god of whom it was said to know his true name was to know madness.
To the people of Felnir he was known as Loki'lk the Trickster God and the fables told of how he would offer all a man could desire but at a great personal cost to the summoner. The stories never ended well but Malchovik knew he was running out of time so he envoked the god in an ancient and forbidden ritual in a moment of desperation.
Loki'k appeared to Malchovik and agreed that he would help the Adept to reverse the degredation in the gene-seed. As his wish was granted Machovik paniced and destroyed the circle of summoning that bound the trickster god to the material universe. Their bargin broken Loki'lk damned the adept and the gene-seed of the Carnage Knights as he was drawn back into the warp with the Curse of the Absurd.
Loki'lk was a minor god of the warp. His power depended on the laughter of man, the absurd and the ironic to fuel his very existance.
During the dark times of the Age of Strife his power grew weak. The terrible acts and suffering that occured since this time like the Horus Heresy, the numerous Black Crusades for example, had sapped his strength and he now faced oblivion.
Machovik had unwittedly saved him, his brief venture into the material universe had allowed him to tamper with the laws of reality.
The Curse of the Absurd would warp the very nature of the material universe around those that bore it. The real would become the surreal, the absurd would become the norm, life around those that bore the curse would become a parody and with each act of insanity Loki'lk would slowly grow more powerful.
Unknown to the Chapter the Carnage Knights would become his crusading army of the absurd and ridiculus known as The Cosmic Space Knights (of doom).
Machovik realised his folly but before he could warn the others he slipped on a banana skin and was flattened by a grand piano.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
The Techmarines

Way back in the days of when the CSK(od) thought that they were Space Wolves successors the Techmarines of got seriously into the spirit of things, they loved making oversized axes, being allowed to keep wolves as pets and being concidered all mysterious and magicky by the rest of the chapter, Chapter Serfs were treated as equals, it was a great time to be a Techmarine. But most of all they loved the beer!

Some might say that they loved it a little too much and as time passed they gradually spent more time drinking and playing drunken games like pin the servo-arm on the servitor than actually fixing stuff.
Ancient cerimonies and millenia of rituals were replaced with excuses like "if it starts playing up just give it a kick" or "it's supposed to look like that." The Techmarines began to realise that they had no idea how most of the Chapter's equipment actually worked and they were in serious trouble. Their problems grew with the destruction of the chapter homeworld and soon it looked as if all would be lost.

It could have been fate but quite by chance a Techmarine explorator team stumbled across a group of surviving squats whilst searching a local Tavern for lost and ancient technology in an attempt to save the chapter.
It became evident that the Squat race had been destroyed in some great disaster and in return for having somewhere to crash between violent drinking sessions they agreed to come work for the Techmarines as long as they didn't bring up the rather embaressing subject of Squat Biker Guilds, a matter that they were a bit sensitive about.

The Chapter soon had their vehicles up and running but their attempts to re-train the Techmarines in the lost arts of technology was proving less than successful. It was the brainchild of Thor Thorgrinson, a rather brilliant but foul tempered Squat Engineer that was to prove the saviour of the Chapter. Not only did he manage to cobble together the ancient and forbidden cloning machine but he also invented the Techmarine's Buddy Harness or TBH (he was good with machines but not so hot at naming them...).
The TBH is a servo harness that has a built in Machine Spirit that does most of the hard work for the techmarines and aids them in their work. The Techmarine just pretends to know what he's doing reciting passages from the Techmarine's Bumper Book of Techno-Babble and the harness does all the work.

WIP Techmarine and Servitors

Here are the first shots of my WIP Techmarine, my favourite organisation within the CSK(od) Chapter. The idea is that the Techmarine can't figure out how to turn on the Auspex and the Buddy harness is giving him pointers whilst he consults the user manual.
I came across the squats whilst hunting for parts and the idea of them being part of the chapter as counts as Servitors struck me as being too good an idea to pass up. :lol:
I've still got more arms to add and cameras and stuff for the Buddy Harness yet though.








Automatically Appended Next Post:
The Greatest Disaster Since the Last Greatest Disaster!

Seeing as all the STC templates for their vehicles had been destroyed along with ninety percent of the Chapter itself they knew that should the Adeptus Mechanicus find out then they was bound to get in trouble.
It was decided that they would have to start from scratch creating vehicles of their own design that might pass for the originals from a distance...if you sort of squinted at them...through thick fog...well, maybe if you closed one eye completely and it was extremely dark or you were blind drunk.
So while the Supreme Grand Chapter Master set about stalling the Magos of the Adeptus Mechanicus the rest of the Chapter set about creating new vehicles assisted by the Servitors and Chapter Serfs Union (who mysteriously never lost anyone in the destruction of their homeworld).


Automatically Appended Next Post:
One last post for now...

One of the dreaded enemies of the CSK(...od) have always been the Pan'Zee craft world. To commemorate the one time they came really close to beating them the chapter master ordered this this banner be made in honour of the heroic actions of the first company.

Oh Man, that banner is SICK! love it, truly well done.

Haha, brilliant army

I love the ork space marine

Pissed off. Really. Nice. Lol.

This is some genius work. Keep it up. The character names and 'Ork Marine' made me chuckle.

Damn that's funny!

LOL, awsome x over 9000!

Subscribed.

That is all.

Oh god this made me really giggle. Man.. all of this.. Its just awesome. Lawyers and all. I lold so hard

This is amazing. You sir win all the Internetz.

That banner has left me speechless....

lol

These are.... brilliant if not a little worrying!

Cheers guys.

This chapter has been a constant thorn in the side of my sanity for years!

When I read through it again I often laugh my self which is a little worrying.

I've managed to make some progress with the new version of Bruvva Grimtoof today so will get some shots up later.

In the meantime this next bit is one of my favourite bits of background material to keep things ticking over. I did start a model of this but want to restart it from scratch because I was never really that happy with it.

The Fortress (...of doom)

Senior tech-serf Oswald hurried through the warren of trenchs to the Imperial Guard command bunker keeping as low as humanly possible as shells exploded around him showering him with mud and dirt.
The bunker lighting flickered and shook as the occasional direct hit was scored by the enemy rebel guardmen siege weapons.

"Well? Where is it?" Captain Vaan Damage asked impatiently as he sat in his ornate command throne in the centre of the bunker.

Oswald began to feel more than a little uncomfortable could feel the eyes of everyone in the bunker turning to him expectantly.

"There...well..."

"SPIT IT OUT MAN!" Vaan Damage bellowed as his patiance wore thin. An explosion tore into the roof of the bunker sending beams and debris crashing down as though his words were spoken with the power to bring down worlds around them. As the dust settled Oswald could see the arm of one of Vaan Damage's aids poking through the rubble.

"Never mind him, he'll be alright once he's had the rest of the afternoon off." Vaan Damage dismissed the injured aid casually "where is it? My men are bravely getting slaughtered out there!"

"It says it's not coming," Oswald blurted out "it says you upset it!"

Vaan Damage groaned as he ran the palm of his hand the length of his face.

"Brother Boombox, patch me through to the Fortress!" He barked to the Astarte sat at the comms panel.

"Yes my lord" the marine answered dutifuly as the comms system flickered into life.

"Fortress! this is Captain Vaan Damage I am ordering you to advance on my position and provide fire support immediately!"

The room was silent except for the dull crump of shells exploding out side and the hiss of static of from the open comms line.

"+++NO+++" The metallic voice replied as the static was interupted.

"Advance immediately!" Vaan Damage ordered

"+++DON'T WANT TO+++"

"As Captain of the first company I order you to advance!" The Captain barked, his knuckles whitening as he began to crush the arms of the command throne as he tightened his grip in impatience.

"+++NO+++CAN'T MAKE ME+++" The voice sulked.

"ADVANCE NOW!!!" The bunker shook with another direct hit, Oswald screamed rather girlishly and cowered in the corner of the room.

"+++DON'T WANT TO+++"

"What's is the matter Fortress?" Vaan Damage sighed.

There was silence.

"+++YOU SHOUTED AT ME+++"

"No I never!"

"+++YES YOU DID+++"

"I did no such thing!"

"+++YOU DID TECH-SERF OSWALD HEARD YOU+++"

Vaan Damage turned his gaze on the cowering Tech-Serf and muttered to himself under his breath.

"You see those men out there?"

"+++WHAT THE SILVER ARMOURED MEN?+++" The disembodied voice enquired.

"No...those are OUR men..."

"+++OH SO I CAN'T SQUISH THEM THEN?+++"

"No..." The captain continued as he tried to ignore the last comment "the other men, the bad men."

"+++YES+++"

"They're ones that told me to shout at you!"

The Fortress paused in thought.

"+++CAN I SQUISH THEM?+++"

"Yes, go squish the bad men!" Vaan Damage sighed as he cradled his head in his hands.

"+++ORDER ACKNOWLEDGED+++TARGET SIGHTED AND ENGAGING+++"

The Captain slumped back in his chair, it was going to be a very long day.

The Old WIP Version





The original idea was that it was basically an over the top gothic land raider that was pretty much a castle on tracks. It kind of worked but like I say I was never that happy with it to be honest.
The new version will use parts from the bastion kits combined with bane blade parts to create something completely mad and worthy of the chapter.

giggle giggle

Best Space Marine fluff EVER!

Hmm... a touch of TSOALR?

Bizzarre and wonderful

Looking forward to it

LOL that is so awsome, love it all, i was in tears in places from laughing so much.
the ork and rules lawyers are great.
I had a serious facepalm momment at the hot gates part. but so funny!

Keep up the good work

awesome thread, i love the fluff behind this

Cheers guys!

Commissar Agro: Yeah 300 was definitely a major influence on these guys with all the over the top macho stuff. The difference being that the Spartans won battles where as these guys are usually runners up. I think the key to making these guys work is that they take themselves so seriously where as they are quite mad.

Flinty: Yeah there are some comparisons between these guys and the Emperor's Pointy Sticks but it's something that I do try my best to avoid because it'd be a bit of an insult to the EPS in my mind.

The way to look at these guys is that you have the four major powers of chaos with the blood god, god of pleasure and pain, god of change and god of decay then you have Loki'lk.
Loki'lk is one of the very minor gods, a god of laughter and the absurd, who was on the verge of starvation because of the age of strife. With very little laughter to draw power on he was on the brink of oblivion until the pact with Machovik began to restore him.

Technically speaking anyone that laughs at this army log is fuelling his power and should report to the Inquisition immediately.

The advantage of using the blood angles is that I can use the Mephiston rules to create a major daemon of the absurd to join them in battle as well.

The other good thing is that I can say they are a spoof army for fun games or say that they are a proper chaos army for campaigns and stuff.

Prelude to War

In the darkest depths of the Vengist system the fleet assembled. Colossal Astartes battle barges, from which ornate and ancient spires that reached out from from their decks as though to stab the very heart of the stars themselves, majestically performed their final vector adjustments as they assumed battle formation.
Around them gathered the smaller vessels of the fleet. Strike Cruisers, the teeth of the attack that would tear the throats from their enemies, were alive with activity as their crews prepared the flight decks and powered up the vessels' formidable weapons batteries.
Each in turn themselves flanked by a small flotilla of support vessels and frigates that would provide protection should enemy fighter craft breach their formidable defences as the mighty Thunder Hawks disembarked to deploy the mighty warriors of the Chapter straight to the heart of their enemies.
Brother-Sergeant Hack Buzz saw could not help but feel pride swell in his twin hearts. Even a hardened combat veteran of the first war for Vengist IV could not help but be moved by such an awe inspiring spectacle as he took a moment to look out of the observation portal of the Strike Cruiser Planet Squisher before turning to address his men assembled on the flight deck.

"TODAY BROTHERS WE GO TO WAR!" He bellowed to the mass of genetically enhanced warriors that stood at attention before him, each clutching their Foe-fether pattern bolters across their chests.
This in itself was a sight to behold as they stood rank and file before their Thunder Hawk gun ships. A full company of the Emperor's finest weapon of retribution clad in full metallic plate armour, their faces hidden by the visors of their helmets he almost pitied their enemies.
A single disciplined roar drowned all other sound on the flight deck in response to his battle cry.

"Once again we have returned to Vengist IV my brothers, where three hundred of our brave battle brothers sacrificed themselves in the face of Xeno oppression" He continued as he walked along the first rank of the motionless Astartes.

"Once again we prepare to smite the foes of the Imperium but this time they face not one company but the full might of..."

Brother-Sergeant stopped in his tracks and slowly took one step backwards as he turned to face Brother Scrounger.

"What is that Brother Scrounger?" He remarked as he stared into the face of the Astarte.

"What's what Brother-Sergeant?" Scrounger enquired innocently.

"Your battle helmet, what's wrong with it?" He scowled at the unflinching warrior.

"This is artificer armour Brother-Sergeant. It's an MK II Crusade pattern battle helmet!" He grinned proudly to himself.

Brother-Sergeant Hacksaw took a moment to compose himself.

"Then why does it say rations across the front?" He enquired softly.

"It's an ancient High Gothic battle inscription from the time of the Great Crusade Brother-Sergeant!" He grinned "It means to ration the fury of the Emperor's finest amongst your foes; it's actually quite philosophical I think."

"It's a rations can isn't Brother Scrounger!" He sighed heavily.

"I don't understand Brother-Sergeant?" Scrounger replied innocently "This is an ancient and treasured relic of our great Chapter, an honoured and glorious reminder of heroes of old that I proudly wear into battle!"

"It's a ration can that you've drilled eye holes in so you can see where you're going isn't it, you haven't even got eye lenses in it"

Scrounger's head slumped forwards slightly like a child that had been caught red handed stealing cookies from the jar as he stared awkwardly at his feet.

"Yes Brother-Sergeant...but...but...Brother Bullet shield took my issue helmet because he lost his..."

"No I didn't you jerk!" A voice screamed out from the rear ranks of the assembled Astartes.

"Yes you did, Brother Body bag saw you take it!" Scrounger yelled as he turned around to face his brothers shaking his fist in anger "He told me you took it from my foot locker whilst I was asleep!"

“Body bag…you lying jerk, you were the one that took it!” Bullet shield protested, a commotion broke out in the rear ranks as the two warriors childishly began shoving each other.

“No I never!”

“BROTHERS!” Brother-Sergeant Hacksaw bellowed “Save your anger for the enemy, now get to your Thunder Hawks for now we go to war!”

“EVERYONE REMEMBER WHERE WE PARKED!” The company replied before turning to embark the mighty birds of war and prepared to take the fight to the enemy.

Honour would be restored and the fallen would be avenged.

Wow this is really some awesome fluff and models!

Somebody please report me to the inquisition.
I love it, a rations can for a helmet, pure win!

Hahahaha... thanks for the chuckles! Can't wait to see that CastleRaider in some action shots.

Very bizare in a really good way, keep it up mate

Hilarious